If you were the bf, how would you feel?

[DEEZEDBRAH]

But, back to the main point. If you're her bf and she goes to lunch 1-on-1 with another guy - regardless of context, what goes through your mind?

Downgraded to booty call. #nextset!

 

[_sideways_]

Diseazed? Or deceazed? Brah

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

But, here's the key play:

A girl I talked about here in the forum that "left me for her boss" LOL did this exact same thing, when I thought things were going for the better and higher, she "dropped the bomb". I reacted a bit angrily, but after that, pretty cool overall, took her off all social media the next day and did not answer her calls. Nothing with anger or much resentment, just didn't feel like it.

She is now back calling me 3-4 times a day, sending me pics of herself, watching everything I post on Instagram through another profile cause hers is blocked LOL

If you don't feed their emotions much when they leave right at the point where things look perfect, they will come back almost for sure and then you won't want them anymore, which is the ultimate, unvoluntary (to a certain degree) revenge.

Save emotion for women and small children. Not worth the time nor the effort.

Biology is failing her. 35 is when many women hit early stages of metapause. This is the wall. It is called practice.

Too many guys upgrade a booty call or Netflix and chill to baby mamma.

Not doing it right!

Son, you got off free. No kids. You ain't stuck. Spin more plates. Be more aloof and nonchalant.

New girls turning 18/19/20/21 everyday.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I'd be kind of p*ssed if my gf was doing that, especially if he was single.

Any guy she's seeing for lunch can see me for lunch too - unless it's strictly work or he's taking his gf along with him or something. A 1-to-1 lunch/dinner date may be perfectly innocent but I'd still think it was taking liberties. I wouldn't do 1:1 dinner dates with girls if I was with someone, I'll put it that way.

I've had a weird situation like this myself. I've been out for dinner and lunch a few times with a girl who has a bf, she's even told me that they're "not in love", whatever that means. They've been together 6 or 7 years so it's perplexing. Occasionally she'll peck me on the cheek or get drunk and a bit handsy, but she's faithful to the guy.

Oddest thing is I haven't seen him hang out with her for about 4 years, even on her birthday he doesn't bother going out with her and they live together. WTF? I'd want to celebrate with my girl and have fun with her. I guess I just don't "get" their relationship.

She's always saying we should do a movie or whatever together, but I haven't bothered because why would I want to date a woman without the intimacy?

If I did movies and events with her I'd be taking her out for dates and giving her all my emotional effort and some lazy f*cker who doesn't even care about her is banging her and getting an LTR. No thanks.

 

[skinnyguy]

A true DJ wouldn’t care if his “gf” went on a date with another guy. A true DJ would have 10 other women lined up to be exclusive with him.

Those of you who would be pissed have a scarcity mindset.

 

[CBear]

A true DJ wouldn’t care if his “gf” went on a date with another guy. A true DJ would have 10 other women lined up to be exclusive with him.

Those of you who would be pissed have a scarcity mindset.

100% true.

I totally understand why a guy would get upset. Girls and guys can very rarely (if at all) be actual friends and it takes a LONG time to develop that friendship. If a girl and guy are "friends", there's usually attraction involved, many times the guy being attracted to the girl and just waiting to hit the jackpot.

That being said, if one is truly confident in himself, he'd have an idgaf attitude about this. In the end, if she were to do anything, he'd end it that instant and go back to spinning plates. Her loss.

 

[Roober]

Had a similar situation happen today. Have a girl I've known since high school still hits me up about once a month to catch up over drinks or something. We had a thing right after high school. No sex, but hung out for 3-4 months, then I just ghosted her for 10 years until I ran into her randomly. She is married and has a one year old too. Interesting...

Today, she invited me to happy hour but I have my boys. I was like just "stop by" and she was like, "ok what's your address"?

Good thing I have my boys because I may make some bad choices, lol...

 

[ohrein]

A true DJ wouldn’t care if his “gf” went on a date with another guy. A true DJ would have 10 other women lined up to be exclusive with him.

Those of you who would be pissed have a scarcity mindset.

100% true.

I totally understand why a guy would get upset. Girls and guys can very rarely (if at all) be actual friends and it takes a LONG time to develop that friendship. If a girl and guy are "friends", there's usually attraction involved, many times the guy being attracted to the girl and just waiting to hit the jackpot.

That being said, if one is truly confident in himself, he'd have an idgaf attitude about this. In the end, if she were to do anything, he'd end it that instant and go back to spinning plates. Her loss.

These are the best answers. If a woman wants another guy, your attitude should be go for it, have a nice life. If she starts going on dates with guys that are "friends", you start going on dates with some girls that are "friends". One way or another the problem will solve itself.

 

[ohrein]

I agree with you but the practicality of doing this is hard. The X factor women have in the game is their inhuman ability to shut off even after a long period of time when the guy has emotionally bonded with her. And women always seem to pull this move when everything else would indicate otherwise, I.e. ops example just signed a lease with bf.

That's the risk you take to play the game. The other options are MGTOW, escorts or stick to plates.

 

[_sideways_]

A true DJ wouldn’t care if his “gf” went on a date with another guy. A true DJ would have 10 other women lined up to be exclusive with him.

Those of you who would be pissed have a scarcity mindset.

Some dudes or DJs want to have respect in their lives tho. Treat all women like slurs thats all you get.
Next and next but next and teach right from wrong too.

 

[TBG]

A girl I know thinks it's okay to do this.

We dated for a few months but she ended up choosing someone else. She made a whole deal out of still wanting to be "freinds" and still being able to hang out occasionally. Told her no thanks and went on my merry way.

Still get texts off her asking to hang out 1 on 1, mostly when her boyfriend is away for work though. I don't think she'd cheat on him but it's still shady behaviour imo and no doubt something her boyfriend isn't aware off.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Interesting replies. Whenever I think something is cut and dry with dating, I learn it never, ever is. If the roles were switched and I was the bf in this case, I would not be thrilled if I found out she went to lunch 1-on-1 with a single, male coworker. But I wouldn't overreact or get angry. At the end of the day, she's coming home to me. All I need to do is make a mental note - if the same "friend from work" keeps being mentioned, then it's time to talk. The last thing anyone wants is to feel betrayed. Then again, I've never been in a serious long-term relationship, so what do I know?!

Reading through the thread, however, I feel a little regretful that I didn't treat this lunch as a date! But I really try not to pursue taken women - it's almost never worth it in the end.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

A HB I met work work and I hear about a new restaurant opening up in our town. We both express an interest in trying it out, so we set up a time and go. It ended up being just the two of us. Which I bring up because, as you see in the title, she is in a relationship (I've never met the bf). It's not a secret, they've been dating for two years and just signed a lease for an apartment.

She and I had a good time, but nothing "happened" - most of the meal was us making sense of the life and career crossroads she and I are in. Our bosses are about to offer me a deal to move across the country for work in a couple months (more money, but I also just settled in this location and like where I am), while she has a year to decide between making that same move or staying with her bf. She likes the newer location, but would probably end the relationship if she went (bf isn't moving).

But, back to the main point. If you're her bf and she goes to lunch 1-on-1 with another guy - regardless of context, what goes through your mind?

This is simply inappropriate. She should be thinking of how her long-term boyfriend would feel if he heard that she was out to lunch with another male.. alone.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Some boyfriend won't care as long as she extracts money or favor from the guy .

 

[BeExcellent]

Some of y'all need to relax. Honestly. You cannot control what anyone else thinks nor can you control what they do.

Many roles in the workplace require one on one socialization. Especially in sales or travel intensive positions.

I'm often consulting with colleague(s) on various client projects. Often the co worker is male and the client expects us to share a rental car to save money. Guess what that means? That we have to eat together because we ride together. I can't demand a seperate car because my significant other is insecure. The client already has travel/hotel/food for two individuals...they save lots of money in expenses this way over a year by requiring sharing a vehicle.

That's only one example but either the person you are dating or in relationship with is worthy of your trust...or they aren't. You'll only make yourself miserable trying to dictate workplace interactions like this.

You have to look at the individual in question and their professional obligations.

But people can lie & cheat anywhere so trying to control someone else is futile. People have to control themselves.

 

[greatsnake]

I wouldn't really care if she told me where she was going. But If she doesn't tell me and I find out, it's over.

 

[Billtx49]

If I trusted her and it’s explained as a business associate lunch, I’m going to be like, meh… My interior radar would go up a degree or two anyway though…

 

[highSpeed]

Some of y'all need to relax. Honestly. You cannot control what anyone else thinks nor can you control what they do.

Many roles in the workplace require one on one socialization. Especially in sales or travel intensive positions.

I'm often consulting with colleague(s) on various client projects. Often the co worker is male and the client expects us to share a rental car to save money. Guess what that means? That we have to eat together because we ride together. I can't demand a seperate car because my significant other is insecure. The client already has travel/hotel/food for two individuals...they save lots of money in expenses this way over a year by requiring sharing a vehicle.

That's only one example but either the person you are dating or in relationship with is worthy of your trust...or they aren't. You'll only make yourself miserable trying to dictate workplace interactions like this.

You have to look at the individual in question and their professional obligations.

But people can lie & cheat anywhere so trying to control someone else is futile. People have to control themselves.

If this is a regular thing, attraction will definitely occur at some point or another. Now we can debate whether or not it's usually the guy developing attraction for the woman or vice versa but attraction will definitely develop at some point given enough time. Is this a one time work thing or is this a once a week thing? Is this a voluntary, non-work required function or is this required by work? A work function is one thing and quite honestly, involves at least a few people, not usually one on one. A personal function of hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, including alcohol or the possibility of alcohol on a regular basis is inevitably going to lead to some type of attraction at some point. Imagine you've had rough patch with your boyfriend, you're meeting this other guy on a regular basis where the atmosphere is light, fun, breezy, perhaps even somewhat romantic (fancy restaurant, intimate bar setting) and includes alcohol. Sounds like the recipe for a drunken one night stand right?

I know, I know, relax, chill, blah, blah, blah. It is almost always the guy who gives up more to be in a relationship than the girl. Finances, circle of friends, whatever. A guy in a relationship hanging out with his circle of friends on a regular basis? He's a man child who needs to grow up. A woman in a relationship hanging out with her friends, guy and girl? She's letting off steam, she needs this, blah, blah, blah.

 

[BeExcellent]

If this is a regular thing, attraction will definitely occur at some point or another. Now we can debate whether or not it's usually the guy developing attraction for the woman or vice versa but attraction will definitely develop at some point given enough time. Is this a one time work thing or is this a once a week thing? Is this a voluntary, non-work required function or is this required by work? A work function is one thing and quite honestly, involves at least a few people, not usually one on one. A personal function of hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, including alcohol or the possibility of alcohol on a regular basis is inevitably going to lead to some type of attraction at some point. Imagine you've had rough patch with your boyfriend, you're meeting this other guy on a regular basis where the atmosphere is light, fun, breezy, perhaps even somewhat romantic (fancy restaurant, intimate bar setting) and includes alcohol. Sounds like the recipe for a drunken one night stand right?

I know, I know, relax, chill, blah, blah, blah. It is almost always the guy who gives up more to be in a relationship than the girl. Finances, circle of friends, whatever. A guy in a relationship hanging out with his circle of friends on a regular basis? He's a man child who needs to grow up. A woman in a relationship hanging out with her friends, guy and girl? She's letting off steam, she needs this, blah, blah, blah.

I'm talking about work functions and work related meals (meals while traveling for business) for example. In my career there may be routine travel by a team (usually 2) colleagues. The trips are periodic but regular.

On one project my co worker was married to his wife (who he married when they were teens) and I was married to my ex. We worked together shared rental car, took meals together for a week each month for 2 years. No attraction happened. We liked each other, got along well, are both attractive...but were both 100% into our spouses...so it was an amicable professional relationship.

Could there have been "tomfoolery"? Sure...but there wasn't.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If this is a regular thing, attraction will definitely occur at some point or another. Now we can debate whether or not it's usually the guy developing attraction for the woman or vice versa but attraction will definitely develop at some point given enough time. Is this a one time work thing or is this a once a week thing? Is this a voluntary, non-work required function or is this required by work? A work function is one thing and quite honestly, involves at least a few people, not usually one on one. A personal function of hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, including alcohol or the possibility of alcohol on a regular basis is inevitably going to lead to some type of attraction at some point. Imagine you've had rough patch with your boyfriend, you're meeting this other guy on a regular basis where the atmosphere is light, fun, breezy, perhaps even somewhat romantic (fancy restaurant, intimate bar setting) and includes alcohol. Sounds like the recipe for a drunken one night stand right?

I know, I know, relax, chill, blah, blah, blah. It is almost always the guy who gives up more to be in a relationship than the girl. Finances, circle of friends, whatever. A guy in a relationship hanging out with his circle of friends on a regular basis? He's a man child who needs to grow up. A woman in a relationship hanging out with her friends, guy and girl? She's letting off steam, she needs this, blah, blah, blah.

Being with her man shouldn't represent "steam" . But in many it does... They are working full time to CUCK and control men.