Texting than disappeared?

[R.U.G.]

Hahah why flow control.. Where did the ‘control’ come from?
I’m 29. How come?

Don’t laugh or joke; you mean just over text right?

And flow control.. that’s smart. Hah

No jokes period. I makes you look like you are trying to earn or win her praise and affection. You just talk about her and listen. That is all. LISTEN. Trust when I say, I've been there too. We all have. You learn from experience. You are not a dancing clown, don't act like one on a date. Act like yourself, but confident; not c0cky. Seem interested in what she's saying, even though it's probably boring as hell. That is all you have to do. Less talk and text, more listening.

 

[flowtheory]

No jokes period. I makes you look like you are trying to earn or win her praise and affection. You just talk about her and listen. That is all. LISTEN. Trust when I say, I've been there too. We all have. You learn from experience. You are not a dancing clown, don't act like one on a date. Act like yourself, but confident; not c0cky. Seem interested in what she's saying, even though it's probably boring as hell. That is all you have to do. Less talk and text, more listening.

Interesting. Aren’t we suppose to make them laugh and feel good? Just listening and talking seems boring, no?

Thought we were supposed to enjoy women just for fun and a good time.

 

[guru1000]

So let’s oretend I go to cafe at 6pm for a first date and she no shows. It’s now 6:15pm. Would you call/text? Or just leave?

Also.. who’s flow control? Haha

The idea of not confirming a date and just showing up is ridiculous and screams "try hard" to be somebody you are not, as you are concerned about how you appear rather than wasting YOUR own time.

The IDGAF--the true outcome independent--do whatever they want, which includes not wasting their own time going to a place to meet a girl who they never met before based on a date set days ago.

When you set the date, be specific with day and time. On the day of, if you don't hear from her first, shoot her a text, "We'll meet at XYZ at XX PM," thus specifying the place.

Not rocket science gentlemen.

 

[flowtheory]

The idea of not confirming a date and just showing up is ridiculous and screams "try hard" to be somebody you are not, as you are concerned about how you appear rather than wasting YOUR own time.

The IDGAF--the true outcome independent--do whatever they want, which includes not wasting their own time going to a place to meet a girl who they never met before based on a date set days ago.

When you set the date, be specific with day and time. On the day of, if you don't hear from her first, shoot her a text, "We'll meet at XYZ at XX PM," thus specifying the place.

Not rocket science gentlemen.

Wait.. now you’re saying confirm the date before the date?

 

[guru1000]

Wait.. now you’re saying confirm the date before the date?

Whenever you question an act, study the motive.

Are you confirming out of neediness (which is possible for some)—or—out of the most efficient use of your two most valuable assets, time and attention?

 

[R.U.G.]

Going to have to disagree with the guru. You confirming with her is seeking validation and approval. A no no. It shows that you are unsure of yourself and her. Never a good sign. If she's interested in you enough, she will confirm. Me setting the date, time and place is my confirmation. Nothing else is needed from your part. Here's an idea. Try both out and field report back after a couple of dates each.

 

[R.U.G.]

Interesting. Aren’t we suppose to make them laugh and feel good? Just listening and talking seems boring, no?

Thought we were supposed to enjoy women just for fun and a good time.

Are you a clown? If not, then no. You are supposed to "interested" in what they are saying. You interact with what she says and does. Also work with touching and kino. I've found a good way is to read up on palmistry. It gives you the ability to touch her hands and arms. When I've done this, the women were amazed and I didn't know what I was doing. I just asked lead in questions and moved from there. You can get the basics down from The little book of palmistry on Amazon and watch a few Youtube videos. Trust when I say it works.

 

[flowtheory]

Are you a clown? If not, then no. You are supposed to "interested" in what they are saying. You interact with what she says and does. Also work with touching and kino. I've found a good way is to read up on palmistry. It gives you the ability to touch her hands and arms. When I've done this, the women were amazed and I didn't know what I was doing. I just asked lead in questions and moved from there. You can get the basics down from The little book of palmistry on Amazon and watch a few Youtube videos. Trust when I say it works.

That’s not a bad Idea. Palms are interesting too.

I thought the whole point of a date was to have fun. I would figure the less smiles the less attraction. Even Pooks lesson thirteen it says “Charm is treating women like little girls.”. treat them like we did back in the playground days which was very jokingly and with excitement and fun. If we’re just sitting back listening to them, asking questions, touching often, that doesn’t seem very charming or fun. I would think someone who is making them laugh or smile will get further then the guy who is being interested in them.

 

[flowtheory]

Whenever you question an act, study the motive.

Are you confirming out of neediness (which is possible for some)—or—out of the most efficient use of your two most valuable assets, time and attention?

Well when I confirm it is never out of neediness. It was just confirming to confirm the time so we’re on the same page. Like I would do with a friend.

I’ve had a few times over the last years when I’ve confirmed and they have said “oh; can we reschedule?” Or “can we make it later?” So had I never done that, I could have been potentially stood up; which is just a waste of time.
I don’t think by me confirming a woman out there is thinking “oh what a wimpy guy; he’s confirming. I’ll be able to walk all over him and his wimpy frame. Desperate loser”

I can see both sides of the argument here though. And I’ve also heard from some women friends who don’t know what’s going on the day of the date and they will text me and be like ‘should I call? Is it happening?? He hasn’t messaged yet’. Which can be seen as ‘well then she will text and show her interest. As that means her interest is high.’ But to me, a woman who has options and values her time will appreciate the confirmation more than anything, which will allow her to relax, rather than be out of sorts.

 

[guru1000]

You confirming with her is seeking validation and approval. A no no. It shows that you are unsure of yourself and her. Never a good sign

Your thinking or worrying about how confirming a date appears to her at the day of your date is seeking validation and approval and shows that you are unsure of yourself.

Men and women with significant options know how this game works. You or she may have a handful of dates scheduled, some will rain-check, others will naturally drop off, and a couple you may meet. It's entirely normal within the sphere of men and women with a plethora of options to confirm a date. I can made a date today for tomorrow, and then tomorrow decide otherwise or even forget (see story below), and if I don't reach out to her and she to me, then the date is not on.

Although some women will reach out to you to confirm, some women in NYC (especially Eastern European types) are more traditional-minded and expect the guy to lead, so if you don't confirm and she doesn't confirm for this reason, then you have no date. Seems jejune and entirely inefficient.

What's worse (as I saw proposed in this thread) is showing up to a date (getting ready, and driving there) without confirming and she doesn't show because no one confirmed. This happened to me once, where neither her or I confirmed, and the girl actually showed up to the date, LOL. She texted me from the place, "I'm here." I literally forgot about her and didn't even know who she was until I scrolled our text conversation. I'm not kidding.

Though, as you are progressing, you must have structure (rules), irregardless of how efficient that structure is. At the epitome of "game," you surrender structure for fluidity and do what serves you best.

The only exception to the above is when you are 2x -10x scheduling for one night, and your best option texts you to confirm, and you have no desire to meet the others and so you let them drop off. However, even here, if you want to most efficiently raincheck the others to keep them in your pipeline, you should initiate the rain-check.

 

[Dash Riprock]

The idea of not confirming a date and just showing up is ridiculous and screams "try hard" to be somebody you are not, as you are concerned about how you appear rather than wasting YOUR own time.

The IDGAF--the true outcome independent--do whatever they want, which includes not wasting their own time going to a place to meet a girl who they never met before based on a date set days ago.

When you set the date, be specific with day and time. On the day of, if you don't hear from her first, shoot her a text, "We'll meet at XYZ at XX PM," thus specifying the place.

Not rocket science gentlemen.

Agreed.

I used to the be the "just show up and don't confirm guy" and got stood up a couple times. I texted or called them while I was at the venue maybe 15 minutes in and got immediate responses. Both said, "Well I didn't hear from you so I figured we weren't meeting." Others will confirm with you. If I'm confirming, I'll send a quick text usually the morning of as a statement not a question: "Hey, looking forward to meeting up at X later. Ciao."

There is nothing needy about confirming a meeting or date. It's what adults do.

 

[Dash Riprock]

That’s not a bad Idea. Palms are interesting too.

I thought the whole point of a date was to have fun. I would figure the less smiles the less attraction. Even Pooks lesson thirteen it says “Charm is treating women like little girls.”. treat them like we did back in the playground days which was very jokingly and with excitement and fun. If we’re just sitting back listening to them, asking questions, touching often, that doesn’t seem very charming or fun. I would think someone who is making them laugh or smile will get further then the guy who is being interested in them.

Those who say don't use some humor or playful teasing don't know how to use it. I will always err on the side of being too fun and outgoing vs.being too boring and predictable. 95% of all guys are boring as s*hit. I use a fair amount of ****y and funny and playful teasing throughout date and even in some text messages. I was out with a HB8 on Wednesday night.

Some examples:

She's on a cleanse and ordered a cold water, hot water, and a tea. When the waitress came to bring all the drinks, I said "Bring my friend a bedpan too so she won't have to walk to the bathroom every 5 minutes." Both thought is was hilarious. Just playful teasing. We played pool and I asked what she wanted to play for as "I'm quite good so I know I'm assured victory." She said something lame and I said, "No, better idea. The loser has to give the winner a nice massage." Then, throughout the game, which I won, I kept teasing her about how good it was going to feel. She even gave me a small sample massage while we were playing. She asked if I had a nickname for her yet. I said yes but haven't told her yet. Her name is Belle so I called her Hell's Belle, after the AC/DC song, a few times which she thought was funny. I also mixed in some serious talk about my business, her business, family, etc., but wouldn't let things get too stale. At one point she asked if I had any kids. I said "Not that I'm aware of, but if I see an all-star shortstop resembling me playing major league baseball, I may get suspicious." She actually hit me with a few zingers too which I really liked. We had a great time and I escalated with a kiss she'll never forget in my car when I was driving to drop her off at her car.

Remember, you can do a lot of things wrong on a date, but the absolute kiss of death is being the B-O-R-I-N-G GUY.

Good luck.

 

[flowtheory]

Lol.. so exactly what I originally thought

 

[R.U.G.]

Your thinking or worrying about how confirming a date appears to her at the day of your date is seeking validation and approval and shows that you are unsure of yourself.

I assure you, I am not. It's something I do not do and have never done. I've never shown up and a woman has not been there. However, if this works for you, continue on. Your way or my way or anyone else's way is not necessarily right or wrong. It's just what works for them.

 

[R.U.G.]

Those who say don't use some humor or playful teasing don't know how to use it. I will always err on the side of being too fun and outgoing vs.being too boring and predictable. 95% of all guys are boring as s*hit. I use a fair amount of ****y and funny and playful teasing throughout date and even in some text messages. I was out with a HB8 on Wednesday night.

Some examples:

She's on a cleanse and ordered a cold water, hot water, and a tea. When the waitress came to bring all the drinks, I said "Bring my friend a bedpan too so she won't have to walk to the bathroom every 5 minutes." Both thought is was hilarious. Just playful teasing. We played pool and I asked what she wanted to play for as "I'm quite good so I know I'm assured victory." She said something lame and I said, "No, better idea. The loser has to give the winner a nice massage." Then, throughout the game, which I won, I kept teasing her about how good it was going to feel. She even gave me a small sample massage while we were playing. She asked if I had a nickname for her yet. I said yes but haven't told her yet. Her name is Belle so I called her Hell's Belle, after the AC/DC song, a few times which she thought was funny. I also mixed in some serious talk about my business, her business, family, etc., but wouldn't let things get too stale. At one point she asked if I had any kids. I said "Not that I'm aware of, but if I see an all-star shortstop resembling me playing major league baseball, I may get suspicious." She actually hit me with a few zingers too which I really liked. We had a great time and I escalated with a kiss she'll never forget in my car when I was driving to drop her off at her car.

Remember, you can do a lot of things wrong on a date, but the absolute kiss of death is being the B-O-R-I-N-G GUY.

Good luck.

Yes, but telling jokes isn't a good option either. Just because one person seems to like it, doesn't mean another person will. That can also be the kiss of death and a good way for her to dry up downstairs. Just saying..

 

[Dash Riprock]

Yes, but telling jokes isn't a good option either. Just because one person seems to like it, doesn't mean another person will. That can also be the kiss of death and a good way for her to dry up downstairs. Just saying..

I agree that's true with some women. The ones that are very shy or reserved may not appreciate it at first. It's a known fact women do generally like exciting, fun, charming (and you cannot be charming being a bore), outgoing men. But, like any good speaker or salesperson, you do need to read your audience and temper appropriately.

The key is to be different and fun and above all, have some panache. Go with that and you'll win 80-90% of the time.

 

[guru1000]

Yes, but telling jokes isn't a good option either. Just because one person seems to like it, doesn't mean another person will. That can also be the kiss of death and a good way for her to dry up downstairs. Just saying..

The way I look at it is if she is not having fun while in the company of my extremely witty self, then I'm not having fun, and thus she is the wrong girl for me.

I do meet girls where her emotion/social intelligence is not quite there, and they don't get me fully. I don't desire to see them again. A girl needs to prove she can "hang" to keep my interest. Hence, just another reason to double- and triple-book with time slots.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I prefer to confirm, not only for the reasons stated above by others, but because women are notorious for running late, especially on first dates when they are making a first impression and they end up completely lost in their bathroom mirrors. I want to know what their actual ETA is, not an agreed upon time that was made 3 days ago. I want to know what they are wearing or where they are in the venue so I can pick them out of a crowd and walk straight up to them, rather than sit there 20 minutes early looking around wondering if she's there yet, showing up 20 minutes late wandering around looking for her, etc. I do this with everyone I am meeting up with somewhere: friends, family, dates, etc.

She can hit you up. You're making excuses for the woman.

Women need to measure up. I don't confirm dates ever. If she wants to confirm, she will contact me before the date. Most of the time, this is exactly what happens. A woman who won't be where she says she will be is either irresponsible, low integrity, or never intended on going out with me to begin with. No amount of "confirmation" on my part will change that. In fact, I strongly argue that confirming makes you less likely to get the date. As explained above, you give her another chance to officially back out. I dare women to break the date. I won't help them do it.

For those who worry about being stood up, you're doing it wrong. If a date is a large inconvenience, you need to be double and triple booking your first dates (this entire debate is a non-issue after you've been out with a chick more than once). Best believe women are doing this to you.

 

[flowtheory]

She can hit you up. You're making excuses for the woman.

Women need to measure up. I don't confirm dates ever. If she wants to confirm, she will contact me before the date. Most of the time, this is exactly what happens. A woman who won't be where she says she will be is either irresponsible, low integrity, or never intended on going out with me to begin with. No amount of "confirmation" on my part will change that. In fact, I strongly argue that confirming makes you less likely to get the date. As explained above, you give her another chance to officially back out. I dare women to break the date. I won't help them do it.

For those who worry about being stood up, you're doing it wrong. If a date is a large inconvenience, you need to be double and triple booking your first dates (this entire debate is a non-issue after you've been out with a chick more than once). Best believe women are doing this to you.

I’d say most women are conditioned to have the guy confirm the date. And if a man doesn’t confirm the date, he’s essentially not leading, in their mind. And she ends up confused. And for her as a woman whether she’s hot or not, it’s not a big deal for her to confirm or simply flake because of the vast amounts of options she has.

I can agree with many points you've made. However it all seems like it has to be very idyllic circumstances to have the woman dancing for the mans attention and it does add potential complications. I think women want to be lead at the end of the day, and confirming is doing exactly that, to a degree. And it lessens the confusion all around. Where is the issue with that? Why make a mountain out of a mole hill in regards to confirming?

If a woman is going to flake or be a head case, she’s going to do that with date confirmation or not. Confirming a date won’t break your image in her mind or deflate ones own self-image. And if it does; there’s so many more things wrong within that.

To me, whether I receive a confirmation or give just shows due diligence and clear communication and nothing else.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I’d say most women are conditioned to have the guy confirm the date. And if a man doesn’t confirm the date, he’s essentially not leading, in their mind. And she ends up confused. And for her as a woman whether she’s hot or not, it’s not a big deal for her to confirm or simply flake because of the vast amounts of options she has.

Confusion is good. Confusion is what makes women intrigued. They don't operate logically my friend.

I can agree with many points you've made. However it all seems like it has to be very idyllic circumstances to have the woman dancing for the mans attention and it does add potential complications. I think women want to be lead at the end of the day, and confirming is doing exactly that, to a degree. And it lessens the confusion all around. Where is the issue with that? Why make a mountain out of a mole hill in regards to confirming?

You already led by making the date. It's not leading to "re-confirm" what you said. If anything, it's the opposite. Men do what they say. That's the number one leadership quality people look for in a man. "Is he a man of his word?"

If a woman is going to flake or be a head case, she’s going to do that with date confirmation or not. Confirming a date won’t break your image in her mind or deflate ones own self-image. And if it does; there’s so many more things wrong within that.

Actually it does. You gave her an out. Why are you reconfirming what you already said you will do?

Picture this analogy. You break up with a woman and tell her you are done. Then after you don't hear from her, do you send another text to say, "I'm confirming we are done. We are done right?" There is no need for a man to ever re-affirm his own words. If you feel the need to, you aren't in your masculine. Women can sense this like a shark smells blood.

To me, whether I receive a confirmation or give just shows due diligence and clear communication and nothing else.

This whole discussion is about you initiating a text to re-confirm a date. There is nothing wrong with women reaching out to you. In fact, when you stay silent between setting the date and showing up, 90% of the dates that actually happen will have her sending you the "are we still on?" text. My only point was, you should get in the habit of doing exactly what you planned on doing regardless of if a woman shows up or not. Texting her to confirm your own date is weak. There's no other way to put it.