Getting Canceled On - But Why??

[Smartone84]

Hey guys. Back here with two stories of two different plates that went sour after what were great first dates and want to get opinions from some DJ's out there. This is bothering me a bit only bc in recent times I have improved GREATLY in my game and have confidence higher than ever before so when these things happened that I'm about to explain, it doesn't upset me at all of course, but instead just really makes me scratch my head a bit. I will try and include all the most important details possible.

GIRL #1:
Very nice first date for drinks in NYC. The only semi afc move I could recall was during the date I reveal that I waited 2 hours for her before she arrived. (I got off work 3 hours before she did and it wouldn't make sense for me to go home which wouldn't have worked out time wise.) I told her I walked around the city and did some things. Didn't come off as a bad thing when I brought it up. Post date text saying she had a really nice time tonight and thanks again. Good sign! A few days later I reach back out and the convo is going very well with long answers from her. Conversation completely normal. Around the 10pm mark I ask her for a second date and suddenly she stops responding. Legit RIGHT in the middle of the convo. Wow. In the morning she says sorry she "fell asleep" (interesting) but yeah my idea for a second date is nice but this week is "very busy" for her how about next week? I say sure. She THEN says "Maybe Tuesday?". I say "Tuesday would work". At that point something just felt fishy and I figured I was on the back burner so I didn't reach out again/chase until SIX days later which was Monday when I asked her if she was still on for tomorrow. She confirms for the date but sounds completely non enthusiastic. She cancels the date the next morning saying she has to work late. HOWEVER, she asks to reschedule for Thursday! Interesting again. I tell her Thurs I'm busy but can do Sunday. She says "That should work". Ummm, ok. No enthusiasm again, no nothing. That was it. Sunday morning comes and she cancels AGAIN saying she had to go out of town and won't be back in time. Here's the best part... AGAIN she counters and says "Can we do tomorrow after work instead?". I respond cold saying i'm busy after work and we'll just shoot for another time. No response from her, never heard from her again. So wtf? Is setting dates and canceling them the new way of getting out of dealing with a guy?

GIRL #2:
Even better first date over drinks on a Tuesday. Texts me the next morning saying how she had a great time and hopes i have a good day. Thursday i reach out and ask for a casual second date for some wine that Friday. This quick second date invite isn't like me, but I felt we had THAT good of a time on our first date. She says she has plans but "Maybe next week". She then texts me asking about something else casual. Ok. I don't reach out again until Monday where I ask how her weekend was and the convo is nice. I didn't want to bring up a second date again so quick after getting rejected a few days prior. I wait until Tuesday and ask her out. She responds three hours later saying "Sure does Thursday work?". I say its fine and ask if 6:30 is good. Her response is "6:30 works.". Something just felt a little off and I didn't sense any excitement in her and there was no more convo after that. The next day comes and there is no communication all day. Well Thursday comes, I text her at 12pm saying i'm looking forward to later and to text me when she's on her way. She responds saying she took off work bc she has a "migraine" and is really sorry but she can't go but maybe we can reschedule for next week. I tell her no problem let me know. That was it. No other words from her.
So again, wtf??

 

[AttackFormation]

You're one of many options, women who want you in particular to fvck them will help you do it. You don't know if "we" had a great date, you just know that you did. Don't worry about things you can't reasonably control.

Those are my 3 truths for you.

 

[wifehunter]

So sorry, I love to give you some advice, but I'm washing my hair.

 

[Smartone84]

You don't know if "we" had a great date, you just know that you did.

I'm pretty sure that 95% of the time when a girl texts after the date saying how she had a great time and says thank you it means they had a good time. In addition to that, at 33 and after being out with MANY girls over the years, I can tell you its pretty easy to read whether or not the other person had a good time. Now that being said, your point about them having other options is probably the case. They liked me, but not enough to make me a priority. They have a #1 or even #2 above me, and maybe didn't feel up to entertaining another date with me when the time came. Still kind of sh-tty though for them to go out of their way to confirm the dates only to cancel though. Immature move for two girls who are in their early 30's

 

[guru1000]

When you're in scarcity, it's like a bad cologne. ALL women can sniff you out and join the evade bandwagon.

Time to change your cologne. Once one jumps aboard, and you build some confidence and momentum, they seemly ALL do.

 

[AttackFormation]

I'm pretty sure that 95% of the time when a girl texts after the date saying how she had a great time and says thank you it means they had a good time. In addition to that, at 33 and after being out with MANY girls over the years, I can tell you its pretty easy to read whether or not the other person had a good time. Now that being said, your point about them having other options is probably the case. They liked me, but not enough to make me a priority. They have a #1 or even #2 above me, and maybe didn't feel up to entertaining another date with me when the time came. Still kind of sh-tty though for them to go out of their way to confirm the dates only to cancel though. Immature move for two girls who are in their early 30's

Who cares what they say? if their time wasn't good enough to meet you again, then did they effectively have a good time? do their actions match their words? Being #2 in the dating game is just being the first loser. The only "good time" there is is them making you their priority.

 

[Smartone84]

When you're in scarcity, it's like a bad cologne. ALL women can sniff you out and join the evade bandwagon.

Time to change your cologne. Once one jumps aboard, and you build some confidence and momentum, they seemly ALL do.

This is true but you're implying that I give off some loser/super available type of vibe, and I can assure you I don't.

Who cares what they say? if their time wasn't good enough to meet you again, then did they effectively have a good time? do their actions match their words? Being #2 in the dating game is just being the first loser. The only "good time" there is is them making you their priority.

I agree, it's just hard not to feel like a failure when you've been sharpening up your game so much and you can't even score a second date after what absolutely appeared to be two good or at the very least decent first ones.

 

[wifehunter]

This is true but you're implying that I give off some loser/super available type of vibe, and I can assure you I don't.



I agree, it's just hard not to feel like a failure when you've been sharpening up your game so much and you can't even score a second date after what absolutely appeared to be two good or at the very least decent first ones.

How many dates do you need? She obviously only needs a few. Maybe you should let her know, up front?

You seem needy/high maintenance.

 

[Smartone84]

How many dates do you need? She obviously only needs a few. Maybe you should let her know, up front?

Say what?

 

[wifehunter]

Say what?

it's text, you just have to read it again, silly!!!

 

[Smartone84]

My bad rut of getting canceled on for seemingly no reason continues. Today it happened with an HB8.

Backstory: Went back and forth on Match.com for a good few messages. Asked her out on there straight up. Suddenly the conversation ended. No response. I leave my number for her a few days later incase she changed her mind. Next. Two weeks later I suddenly get this text.



The second I saw the "Online dating can be overwhelming" comment I knew I was dealing with an odd duck/phony, but I decided I would give her a shot.

She also messages me on MATCH as well trying to get my attention. Wow.

I respond an hour later and it seems as if her real IL shows through. Suddenly there is no long response, excitement or emoji's. I just had a very weird feeling about it. Then, as seen the morning of the date, flake city.



Just WHAT is it with women today? This girl is 34, mind you.
I truly believe we are living in a culture today where there is this new breed of girls who *think* they want something serious, but when it comes down to it, really don't. Perfect evidence is shown in these texts as I described. She's all gung-ho trying to get my attention about a date, then the second it gets down to business with the confirmation, you can sense something odd. No more enthusiasm.

After she flaked with her "Bad cold" cringeworthy excuse, I wrote back saying "That's fine, np. Let me know" to which received no response.

 

[MrWood]

this age range is looking for LTR. If you are a bad boy you get laid... if you are a naughty but good guy... they see you as potential LTR, slvt defense goes up

This age range requires a different game... boys.

 

[Smartone84]

I have no idea what you mean by what you just said

 

[Clamslammer]

Who knows and who cares why she cancelled...maybe her goat died, when she asked you can we reschedule you should have asked her "sure, what day works for you" and then set the date again. If she cancels again who cares. Most of these girls on online dating will act like so many men want them because they get asked out online thus her being overwhelmed, I bet you in real life no one asks them out.

You have to realize most girls are not confident and really insecure and get nervous meeting someone new one on one. Your job is to get her on the date. If you guys are going to do online dating you will have to deal with this behavior, thats why you need to ask women out in person it is a lot easier.

 

[greatsnake]

Don't overthink it and move on.
You saved yourself time and money.

 

[Smartone84]

Most of these girls on online dating will act like so many men want them because they get asked out online thus her being overwhelmed, I bet you in real life no one asks them out.

You have to realize most girls are not confident and really insecure and get nervous meeting someone new one on one. Your job is to get her on the date. If you guys are going to do online dating you will have to deal with this behavior, thats why you need to ask women out in person it is a lot easier

Well put, and I agree completely about the whole dynamic difference between online and in person. That being said, it’s still just in such bad taste and immaturity to flake in the way some of these girls do today with online dating.

 

[Red Legg]

You need to learn how to filter for high interest...stop stressing over low interest women..or your hair will turn gray.Red Legg's suggestion is you need to read Anti-Dump.(Stop being a needy clown)

 

[Clamslammer]

Well put, and I agree completely about the whole dynamic difference between online and in person. That being said, it’s still just in such bad taste and immaturity to flake in the way some of these girls do today with online dating.

Hey look at it this way at least she contacted you and canceled the date instead of flaking, she has enough character to do that. You can't expect a girl to drop everything she is doing because you asked her on a date nor should you drop everything because some girl reached out to you. She actually gave you a counter but you are so up in your head on strategy you did not see it. Your whole mind set with women should be date and f*** all the other crap like relationships, saying I love you, I want to marry you,etc... you leave that up to her. I could already tell you do not think of yourself as a catch...you need to get to that point. Girls will come to you easily then.

 

[Smartone84]

You can't expect a girl to drop everything she is doing because you asked her on a date nor should you drop everything because some girl reached out to you. She actually gave you a counter but you are so up in your head on strategy you did not see it. Your whole mind set with women should be date and f*** all the other crap like relationships, saying I love you, I want to marry you,etc... you leave that up to her. I could already tell you do not think of yourself as a catch...you need to get to that point. Girls will come to you easily then.

Lol hey pal who just joined yesterday... You don't have the first clue about me. I do know I'm a catch. Very well aware. Have come a long way. Have endless things to offer a woman. This thread is simply a discussion, not me whining and wondering why I might not be "good enough". Continuing on, the subject girl here gave me no real counter at all as you state she did, and even after I wrote to her saying "No problem, let me know" she never wrote a single thing afterwards (did you read that part? Maybe not). That's a flake girl. "Bad cold"? Come on. I think we used that excuse at 14. Not 34.

Also not sure what you mean by people shouldn't drop everything for a date. Where's the logic in that statement? When one party makes plans with another party that's it. You're implying that after that it's "well if I wanna go I'll go". Doesn't work that way. You are expected to commit unless something comes up.

 

[Clamslammer]

Was not trying to offend you, I was just trying to help you get into the mind set of not caring what these girls do or don't do with you. There is no way to even try to figure out what is going on in her flakey little mind...most likely nothing. You can thank social media for the behavior these girls have these days and guys to allowing it. Seems like you did the right thing and just left it open and the ball in her court. These types of women are not worth your time and are everywhere...if she reaches out try and set a date one last time but at a bar one block from your house so you do not need to put any effort into it. Tell her to hit you up when she gets there and thats only when you leave your house to go there. She is not worth your time and effort to plan a real date, she only deserves 1 drink and then an invitation back to your place for more "drinks" if she up to your standards.