How to deal with a co-worker giving you mixed signals?

Kevin85

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First of all, I know I'm not a 'Don Juan' and I undoubtedly made a lot of mistakes but I'm here to learn to hear what you guys can tell me.

So for months I really like a woman at work, I know you shouldn't date someone at work but yeah... **** happens sometimes. We do not work in the same shifts so I only really see her 15-20 minutes a day. She gives me mixed signals which is the reason why I did not ask her out sooner.

On a good day she basically does most things a girl does when she flirts; smiling at me, looking at me from a distance, talk to me, laughing at my jokes, touching me, flick her hair when she walks by while looking at me etc. She told me things like that she needed a massage and that she did not had sex for a while or even making a joke about giving me a BJ under the desk, things like that.

I'm well aware that because I like her I could see things differently and perhaps she's a natural flirt (Attention *****) but I did not really see her doing it on others.

Anyways, some time ago we had a company dinner and I thought this would be a good chance for me to get to know her better. Once I sat in the restaurant she was late and called me to ask if I could help her find a parking spot. While in the car we had a pretty good time , she laughed at my jokes , touched my thigh and told me we could instead go home to cook together. I agreed but then we found a parking spot and went to the restaurant. Dinner went fine and afterwards we relocated her car again to go to a pub, because it was cold outside I just put my arm around her which I don't think she did not like.

Anyways while we are in the pub it was really crowded and she wanted to go home but insisted me to stay with our other co-workers, so I stayed.

Because I thought things went pretty well overall I asked her out when I saw her at work and she laughed a bit shyly and said yes.

Untill now everything is pretty ok but I made some mistakes. Because she's Polish , she would go to her family for the holidays and I would not see her for like 2,5 weeks. Because of this I did not make a definite date but Just asked her to get a drink after she comes back.

Still, not really a big deal because I'm not in a hurry and I'm seeing someone else at the moment too. However, since she's been there she only messaged me a few times and mostly short answers. I'm not bombarding her with messages, I do not massage her every day but my last question was something like "So what did Santa gave you?" because she sent me a photo of her with the christmas tree a day before. She waited like 14 hours to message me again and just says "Nothing special" (not the first time she did this).

If you haven't been bored reading through all this **** yet I just want to know how to deal with a woman that gives you mixed signals. How do I know if she just wants attention? More importantly, how do I deal with her the next time I see her at work? Do I just ask her out again and act like nothing happened?

I still would like to date her and to see if I could turn this thing around.
 

051AV

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You don't sh*t where you eat, doesn't matter how attractive the coworker is never get involved with one unless you don't care about your job as it WILL turn ugly on you, women always win when it comes to human resources claims at work. Keep your fvcking **** in your pants and go find somebody out side of work if you like your job and plan on keeping it.
 

Reykhel

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Like you said, it's the holidays and she's spending them with her family. Whatsapp messaging will take a back seat. You will take a back seat and slip into insignificance.

It's not mixed messages. It is what it is: spending Christmas with her family and friends.

Quit messaging her and forget about her during the festive season. Let her message you if she wants. And if she doesn't....No big deal...it's Christmas. You go enjoy it too...

She said yes to a drink when she comes back after the holidays. Be patient and relax.
 

jaymbrs

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This chick sounds like someone you should not be taking seriously for dating. She's already making jokes about blowing you at your desk and you guys haven't even gone out yet. Just f*ck the broad and move it along.
As for her sending mixed signals, it's very likely she's banging other guys. Seriously dude, stop trying to make her LTR material. She's not.
 

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Kevin85

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You don't sh*t where you eat, doesn't matter how attractive the coworker is never get involved with one unless you don't care about your job as it WILL turn ugly on you, women always win when it comes to human resources claims at work. Keep your fvcking **** in your pants and go find somebody out side of work if you like your job and plan on keeping it.
Yeah I expected someone would come up with this sentence:) To be honest not planning on staying there very long but yes you are right.
 

Kevin85

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This chick sounds like someone you should not be taking seriously for dating. She's already making jokes about blowing you at your desk and you guys haven't even gone out yet. Just f*ck the broad and move it along.
As for her sending mixed signals, it's very likely she's banging other guys. Seriously dude, stop trying to make her LTR material. She's not.
Maybe it looks like I want her long term but I already know she is not LTR material, just want to have some fun with her. Perhaps she sees me that way aswell. It's just hard for me to determine whether she's just playing on really down to hang out.
 

Kevin85

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Like you said, it's the holidays and she's spending them with her family. Whatsapp messaging will take a back seat. You will take a back seat and slip into insignificance.

It's not mixed messages. It is what it is: spending Christmas with her family and friends.

Quit messaging her and forget about her during the festive season. Let her message you if she wants. And if she doesn't....No big deal...it's Christmas. You go enjoy it too...

She said yes to a drink when she comes back after the holidays. Be patient and relax.
Yeah that's all I can do anyways, wasn't planning on sending her another message. I will just ask her to go do something together when I see her again. If she rejects me that's fine but women usually are not that straight forward.
 

jaymbrs

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Maybe it looks like I want her long term but I already know she is not LTR material, just want to have some fun with her. Perhaps she sees me that way aswell. It's just hard for me to determine whether she's just playing on really down to hang out.
Well if that was the case, you needed to have capitalized on it when she made sexual jokes with you. You’re unnecessarily asking her out on a date which is something she probably doesn’t want anyway. Wait it out until after the holidays, then reach out to her again about wanting to get drinks with her, then escalate.
 
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