Dealing with an Issue with LTR

[exhausted]

Your self should be already be respected with or without her.

If you need to dump her to gain self respect then you never had self respect to begin with.

Men with genuine self respect need not prove anything to anyone including themselves.

However, that stated, if you had no self respect to begin with, then as Midnight stated earlier, walking away is a good place to start. When you become more seasoned in the game, you smile at moments like this thinking about what your old self (with “self respect”) would have done, chuckle, and instead invite her and your new plate over for a 3-some.

Keeping a chit girl around who was sneaking with another man is NOT having self respect.

You are only as good as the company you keep.

Essy fix. Dump the cvnt. Bamg her sister or friend. Find other women.

 

[guru1000]

Keeping a chit girl around who was sneaking with another man is NOT having self respect.

You are only as good as the company you keep.

Essy fix. Dump the cvnt. Bamg her sister or friend. Find other women.

Subject for another thread. No evidence of her being with another man. But either way, I would still chuckle, and exploit the situation.

And no one can take away your self-respect. Only you can, and it has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do, but rather how your actions align with your perspective.

Adjust your perspective to serve you. Your perspective does not serve you if you are acting out of pain or anger.

 

[Awken]

Thank you for all the replies! I have been busy the past few days but can provide some more background information.

This guy is one of her first "friends" she made at college. A bit more snooping shows that he previously tried organising a one on one movie date at his place with a bottle of wine which she agreed to but then stopped replying so it didn't end up happening.

I was hanging out a couple of days ago after this post and another message popped up in front of me and I brought up how a message came up last week about a free house and just asked to her to elaborate on it. She then tells me that he is just trying to organise a drinks night with a bunch of college people (a complete lie) and that I have nothing to worry about. I then bring up how from what I saw it seemed more like a one on one date.

She then goes full defence mode and says how I have no trust and says I should just leave her house if I'm going to accuse her. I say okay ans begin to leave and then her mood instantly changes and she begins cuddling up to me saying stuff how I am the only guy she needs and promises it was in a group setting and not one on one and that she wants me to stay.

Thanks again for all the advice. I have been reading and it is all really thought provoking. Especially the debate between Guru, Be and String.

 

[guru1000]

OP, now you have the facts. She set up a date with a “friend” for a bottle of wine at his house ... alone.

You have three choices here:

1) Do nothing;
2) Walk away;
3) Demote and spin her.

I recommend you don’t entertain Option 1, but I have a hunch you will. Let us know how this relation works out for you.

 

[Asasione]

Dump and run. Peace of mind and quality liesure time is more valuable than any other alternative

Experience on these forums would tell you he's highly unlikely to do that even though he should either dump her or relegate her to a plate. Now I can confidently say she's a manipulative liar and isn't worth the hassle.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yes given the additional information I concur that she isn't being transparent about an old lover. That is cause for concern.

Withdraw attention accordingly.

 

[vivek59234]

predictable.

re-read my posts on your situation. everything is there clear as day. from her flipping the frame of you being the crazy jealous bf to lying to your face and telling you what you want to hear. shes not sorry. shes sorry she got found out.

this girl failed the LTR material test (she cant be trusted) but most importantly you failed yourself.

remember gentlemen, ACTIONS not words. her sneaking around and setting up dates behind your back and then lying about it, IS the message she is sending you. you just have to WANT to see it for what it is. there is no mixed messages with women. their behavior will always speak for her intent loud and clear.

any self respecting man wants to protect whats his from another competitor, but one must also ask themselves if what they have is worth protecting?

a girl thats in head over heels lust for your masculine presence in her life is concerned with nothing else. this girls desire for you has been compromised. now you must ask yourself, if shes worth the effort. only you can answer that.

again, you let yourself down by awarding this woman with exclusivity without meriting it. now you must reevaluate yourself and what caused you to slip up.

there is way too much comfort and not enough sexual tension/anxiety in this relationship. this is why you keep women in limbo as long as possible. they must be AWARE and have a healthy anxiety of losing you to other women within the context of an ambigous relationship status. this is why we keep telling you to SPIN PLATES. this woman has made it clear that SHE is the one thats being competed for and not you. SPIN PLATES

if you had options you can put this girlie back on the bench for future consideration and let another girl take the catwalk

but i get the feeling you dont have options and arent gonna be hard nexting this girl so my advice is to up the aloof ass hole game. you should be making yourself super scarce for the time being, talking to other women, flirting in front of her. give her much less than she gives you. 1 text for every 2 of hers. shorter replies. harder negs. when you have the angry sex with her, ravage her. let her know through your actions that this is her current worth to you and shes on thin ice

"how I am the only guy she needs and promises"
with a semi serious, semi disinterested look on your face "i dont believe you"

if you really want to shift the balance back in your favor and you have the balls and ability to do it, "break up" with her (i need some time to process this) and bang another chick immediately. she will know and wont be able to call you out on it. pay attention to what she does during this soft next

You are the champ... Best answer ever...

 

[vivek59234]

what i meant was to go about ones business with the relationship but remaining aware, vigilant and detached until things eventually come to a head. either she finds out you are seeing other people or she keeps talking to other people or ends up cheating. everything will come full circle eventually. for someone like me, this is probably what i'd do until eventually communication and spending time becomes non existent. it will slowly fade until the relationshlt fizzles out of existence.

the problem is that in ANY scenario, when the cards are all out on the table, women will have the advantage and will spin the situation into whatever they have to in order to assauge their ego and make themselves the victim somehow.

you find out shes been seeing other ppl? - youve been snooping around and being a crazy jealous bf
you start seeing other ppl yourself? - 2 wrongs dont make a right, maybe she wouldnt have talked to other guys if you had been more xyz

women will NEVER be sorry for something they did (no matter what they say to you) unless they FEEL sorry for it of their own accord.

which is why men need to experience what it is like to walk away from a woman that is not good for them no matter how much it seems things can be "fixed"

I completely agree with you. They always lie and spin the plates. Whenever they are wrong they start blaming us and few emotional people like me will feel guilty. I now realise everythjng from your post that they have an emotional weapon to make guys go crazy. They flip cards in such a way that guys will feel like they are the only pathetic creatures on the planet. I was blaming myself for everything but after reading your post I again checked my history with her and found out that she was never emotionally attached with me. She wanted to use me and when her purpose was over, she dumped me.

 

[vivek59234]

Hey vivek the cool thing is now you KNOW and knowing is half the battle. I know its hard to grasp at this moment but man the fact that your here....your a blessed dude.

Thank you my friend. I am feeling much better after being here with you guys and trust me I am healing and improving myself day by day. I am really thankful to all of you who have helped me a lot in this difficult situation.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

@BeExcellent im pretty sure you said in another thread that a woman whos satisfied will NOT stray. Or entertain the idea.
h.

So us men have to be the complete Casanova these days and sexually satisfy all his woman's needs, or the woman will stray?? No hope for me then... unless I find a woman who isn't a sex maniac.

But I think this pressure on the man to fulfil his woman's 'needs' is a fool's errand. For a woman can be unhappy and think that somehow amazing sex is what is missing in her life... and if she's a sex addict, she will never be satisfied. Better to find a woman, who has it under control, and is capable of being content with the man she has... that is, find an educated women in the full meaning of the word.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Consider them all game-aware, mate.

In my philanderings, I've especially noticed that even the average woman has the skills of a seasoned pua.

Got to learn this sh*t just to have a punchers chance, really.

Oh, the irony... game is playing the women's game.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

All we all hypergamists these days [I notice that also puns with hyper game]?

What is hypergamy but a halfway house between monogamy and polygamy. I'd say polygamy is the way of the future.

 

[BeExcellent]

So us men have to be the complete Casanova these days and sexually satisfy all his woman's needs, or the woman will stray?? No hope for me then... unless I find a woman who isn't a sex maniac.

But I think this pressure on the man to fulfil his woman's 'needs' is a fool's errand. For a woman can be unhappy and think that somehow amazing sex is what is missing in her life... and if she's a sex addict, she will never be satisfied. Better to find a woman, who has it under control, and is capable of being content with the man she has... that is, find an educated women in the full meaning of the word.

Satisfaction to my way of thinking is more being happy and grateful for the person you are in relationship with. Contentedness as you point out.

What specific traits that encompasses depends on what the individuals in the relationship most value. If both peoples needs and desires are being met then things should be fine.

Then one just needs to avoid becoming complacent and taking the relation for granted, whether that means making the effort to stay fit, making the effort to please the partner etc. And that goes for both people.