Stay married or get divorced....?

[Jediknight888]

So maybe the people on here can help me out. I've been married for 6 years. My wife literally changed the day we got married. No sex on our wedding night. Honeymoon was uneventful and the marriage has been a lot of fighting and her pushing me away. After 4 years of working my butt off to save it I finally decided enough was enough and moved out. I dated a little bit and realized a lot of women are crazier than my wife.

After being gone for about 4 months my wife started coming around and we started dating again. Things went really well and I moved home. Now a almost 2 years later I've moved out again. I started dating someone else. She came on to me very aggressively and we started making changes in our lives to date and see how things go. As soon as I got into my own place she said she never wanted anything exclusive, i told her to F**** off as a result and now I'm stuck wondering if all women are just completely bat sh*t crazy and I'd be better off keeping 1/2 my stuff and not splitting up my kids or if I'd be happier just being single and dating bat sh#t crazy b*tches forever. My wife again has started busting her a** to take me on extravagant dates, have sex more etc... Otherwise this would be a difficult decision.

 

[Billtx49]

Wifey has sensed unknown female competion and fear of an upcoming loss of your attention, that’s all it is. Do what makes you happy.
If it was a bad marriage then judge it as such.

 

[GT40]

Wifey is worried your done and out.
Also scared you’ll not come back. I think you should divorce honestly. Is this really going to get better? Are you going to settle ?

Ps. Women are as crazy as you allow them to be. How about Alpha up and take charge. Run the show. Not her.

 

[Jediknight888]

Wifey is worried your done and out.
Also scared you’ll not come back. I think you should divorce honestly. Is this really going to get better? Are you going to settle ?

Ps. Women are as crazy as you allow them to be. How about Alpha up and take charge. Run the show. Not her.

Obviously I have been the alpha... that's why I'm not living there. Alpha or not you can't force someone to change. Being an alpha may help get women it doesn't mean it solves all problems.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Don't know about your financial situation, but would this work:

Keep a separate place. Don't talk to your wife about just keep it. If your wife misbehaves, leave and let her beg you to come back. When you're at your own place, do whatever you want.

You'll have to TEACH your wife through your behavior that she has to work CONSISTENTLY to keep you.

No idea how this works with your finances/kids/etc.

But figure that most women you date (if you're thinking about being single) will be like the one's you've experienced. Divorce your wife only if it makes sense financially/kids/etc. Not so you can "be free" to date sane women.

That is why they made up the expression, "out of the frying pan and into the fire."

 

[highSpeed]

Don't know about your financial situation, but would this work:

Keep a separate place. Don't talk to your wife about just keep it. If your wife misbehaves, leave and let her beg you to come back. When you're at your own place, do whatever you want.

You'll have to TEACH your wife through your behavior that she has to work CONSISTENTLY to keep you.

No idea how this works with your finances/kids/etc.

But figure that most women you date (if you're thinking about being single) will be like the one's you've experienced. Divorce your wife only if it makes sense financially/kids/etc. Not so you can "be free" to date sane women.

That is why they made up the expression, "out of the frying pan and into the fire."

Many men on here, myself included, who have this very same issue going on. It is not you and you are not alone. One bad decision begets a number of other worse compromises. I compromise to keep my finances in tact. That is worse. I compromise so I don't have to become a part time dad. That is worse.

Do you have a choice? Probably not and that is why the decision is so difficult. You're choosing. What's more important? My sanity or my kids and finances. What's more important? My sexual freedom or the stability of my bank account. What's more important? The peace that comes with coming home and not having to argue with someone and have the finger of blame constantly pointed at your or a regular relationship with your kids.

Unfortunately, that decision is not going to get very easy, at least not until she's turned complete shrew and wishes to bounce you out. Think she may be interested in someone else? You're probably going to have a complete shrew soon. Think she's trolling the waters of social media to find someone else? You're probably going to have a complete shrew soon.

If you have a firm contract, maybe waiting it out is not for you. You at least have some control. Don't have a firm contract? You're probably going to have to take it up the chute at some point. Prepare mentally (easier said than done).

 

[exhausted]

Obviously I have been the alpha... that's why I'm not living there. Alpha or not you can't force someone to change. Being an alpha may help get women it doesn't mean it solves all problems.

Agreed. All it did for me is cause problems with the spoiled princess who cant take not controlling everything.

No.sex on the honeymoon was her trying to control things.. **** that.

And yes they are all crazy

 

[GT40]

Jediknight888 if you were so Alpha with this woman we would be having this conversation. You did the right thing leaving. But to even considering taking her back for a millisecond is quite Beta.

 

[Desdinova]

My biggest question in this situation is: What do YOU want? Do you want to fvck multiple women including your wife, or do you want to get her the fvck out of your life?

 

[XFORCE]

I dated a little bit and realized a lot of women are crazier than my wife.

VERY VERY TRUE.

And if I may ask a question... Did your wife give any indication of this crazy behavior (red flags) before your wedding? I know I've been completely blind to all the red flags of my exGFs until it was too late...

 

[exhausted]

All of these bitches are ****hing crazy.

Alls they do is cause problems.

 

[Dave Harmon]

So maybe the people on here can help me out. I've been married for 6 years. My wife literally changed the day we got married. No sex on our wedding night. Honeymoon was uneventful and the marriage has been a lot of fighting and her pushing me away. After 4 years of working my butt off to save it I finally decided enough was enough and moved out. I dated a little bit and realized a lot of women are crazier than my wife.

After being gone for about 4 months my wife started coming around and we started dating again. Things went really well and I moved home. Now a almost 2 years later I've moved out again. I started dating someone else. She came on to me very aggressively and we started making changes in our lives to date and see how things go. As soon as I got into my own place she said she never wanted anything exclusive, i told her to F**** off as a result and now I'm stuck wondering if all women are just completely bat sh*t crazy and I'd be better off keeping 1/2 my stuff and not splitting up my kids or if I'd be happier just being single and dating bat sh#t crazy b*tches forever. My wife again has started busting her a** to take me on extravagant dates, have sex more etc... Otherwise this would be a difficult decision.

how many kids do you have?
is she the one taking care of them full time?
does she have an 8-hour regular job?
how about chores at home?

just want to know before i give you my honest opinion since I've been married for 20 years with 5 kids, and yeah, sex is truly awesome now more than ever - though we did have a very rough start like yours, looking at your best interest of course

and oh, do you love this woman?

 

[Dave Harmon]

All of these bitches are ****hing crazy.

Alls they do is cause problems.

it takes two to tango, mate.

 

[exhausted]

it takes two to tango, mate.

Not always my friend.
Not always..
some people have personality disorders..

My oldest sister is wonderfully fantastic. So fun and charismatic. Wonderful loving heart. yet she is bipolar. And no matter what will always be emotionally unstable.. she will be the first to tell you she has ruined MANY relationships, a marriage due to her inability to keep a stable home..she is just too.much stress.to.endure. the change in moods at the drop of a hat and screaming and flipping was rough growing up with, let alone to be married to. I feel bad for her.. as her heart is good.


So yes ONE can truly ruin things on their own.

 

[Dave Harmon]

Not always my friend.
Not always..
some people have personality disorders..

My oldest sister is wonderfully fantastic. So fun and charismatic. Wonderful loving heart. yet she is bipolar. And no matter what will always be emotionally unstable.. she will be the first to tell you she has ruined MANY relationships, a marriage due to her inability to keep a stable home..she is just too.much stress.to.endure. the change in moods at the drop of a hat and screaming and flipping was rough growing up with, let alone to be married to. I feel bad for her.. as her heart is good.


So yes ONE can truly ruin things on their own.

I'm sorry about that, exhausted. In a way, I think, we are all battling these "monsters" within - different levels, some more extreme. What I meant by it takes two to tango is that when both are mentally stable, then, they must have done something to contribute to the destruction of their relationship. One cannot be blamed for all.

Moving on,

If your sister has a personality disorder, then, she must not be held accountable. She requires help. If a man loves her that much, that man will find all ways to help her. Look at you, you love her, no matter what.

My aunt is bipolar and has been married for 53 years with the same man. It can be done.

I hope im not intruding, is she getting the professional help she needs?

 

[exhausted]

I'm sorry about that, exhausted. In a way, I think, we are all battling these "monsters" within - different levels, some more extreme. What I meant by it takes two to tango is that when both are mentally stable, then, they must have done something to contribute to the destruction of their relationship. One cannot be blamed for all.

Moving on,

If your sister has a personality disorder, then, she must not be held accountable. She requires help. If a man loves her that much, that man will find all ways to help her. Look at you, you love her, no matter what.

My aunt is bipolar and has been married for 53 years with the same man. It can be done.

I hope im not intruding, is she getting the professional help she needs?

Agreed.

No intrusion.. she takes meds now that help her more than years back but still has some issues.
Is your aunt on meds or what has she done to improve ?

I stayed with my ex looong overdue because she has a mood disorder (manic/depressive/bipolar) and i related to how my sister could not help hers either and like i said has a wonderful heart.
My ex refused meds amd refused to try to improve so i had to bail after 3 years.. shes the reason i am here.
Its rough.. like u said we all have monsters or issues, but are we willing to work to be better?

 

[MrAddiction]

she must not be held accountable. She requires help. If a man loves her that much, that man will find all ways to help her. Look at you, you love her, no matter what

Not comparable. He is her brother. He does not have to Live with her. Exhausted I know your Story with your X well enough that I know you agree with me the only way to deal with Cluster Bs is to run. No way trying to Save them and No way trying to get them medicated or whatever capt'n'saveahoeing.
Run Run Run - is the only way to deal.

 

[Reykhel]

If a man loves her that much, that man will find all ways to help her.

FVCK THAT

 

[exhausted]

Not comparable. He is her brother. He does not have to Live with her. Exhausted I know your Story with your X well enough that I know you agree with me the only way to deal with Cluster Bs is to run. No way trying to Save them and No way trying to get them medicated or whatever capt'n'saveahoeing.
Run Run Run - is the only way to deal.

Agreed.
Like i said my sister a heart of gold yet emotionally unstable.

 

[TrulyLost]

So I've been with my husband for almost 3 yrs now and married for 10months. We're basically like roommates now with nointerest in intamcy or even emotional connection for that matter. We went thru abreak up thinking we should just be friends only to realize that we wanted more thanfriendship. During the break up I explored my options sexually ( he says in his mind we were still together and that he remainedfaithful) and while my expectations were surpassed I still wanted to be with myhusband. We got back together and hewanted a tell all...so I told him everything hewanted to know..every little detail he asked for I gave. ( does that make me insensitive,stupid, or both? I didn't want to lie to him. Bigmistake right?!) Fast forward to being married....everything has changed he won't work or even attempt to keep a job. He's always throwing up the past in face when he wants sex and I'm not available or even inthe mood for it. I handle everything financially and feel like he's purposely sabotaging our relationship because of his own insecurities, but what if it's really me doing the damage to our relationship? How do I fix this? He says that I can't, so if it can't be fixed what do I? It's clear that he's miserably unhappy but refuses to end the marriage because he doesn't believe in divorce. Any suggestions?