No contact plan for getting ex girlfriend back after trust issues ended long-term relationship

[TheCountofMonteCristo]

My 4 year relationship ended the other night and I’m trying to get a plan in motion for hopefully getting her back. I’m aware that it might not even be possible, but I have to try once and for all. It ended because she didn’t trust me and vice versa. She caught me on a dating app, the relationship went on the rocks, I started to chase her (which I never do) and got insecure because I thought she was seeing another guy so began reading her messages. She found out and ended it.

I sent an initial text the night of the breakup saying of ‘I’m sorry, I care about you, let’s talk tomorrow, etc.’ and she agreed but I knew her mind was made up. I spoke to her the next day as she was preparing to move out, and told her that I accepted her decision and would not beg or plead. I said that I was also going to end it also because I’ve got ongoing issues in my life which I need to fix like the insecurity and self-esteem, and trying to grow my circle of friends which are currently zero as they have moved and I focused more on the relationship (another failed move), I also want to grow my business, and in an uncomfortable position in my current job. My view is that once I do this then perhaps I can become that driven alpha male once again, perhaps it will help get her back, perhaps it will help get other girls. I told her at the time that we should have a break of no contact for at least 2-3 weeks, and reconvene as friends to see how we feel. She agreed that that would be good, as we are being civil, but warned me to expect us to get back together. She said she was 99% sure that wouldn’t happen, but conceded anything could happen but highly unlikely, I said I understood, but emotions are high during a breakup and she said she felt ok, and relieved more than anything. Which was not positive to hear. She referenced the potential meet-up several times that night, as in it wasn't the last time I'd see her, but its hard to know if she will stick to it.

She still has some things to pick up from the apartment, and told her I would prefer she did it when I was here and drop off the keys. She also owes me a considerable amount of money. So I don’t want to text but may be forced to (ONE LAST TIME) if she doesn’t come around when I’m at home. I'm tempted to just leave a note beside her things, which will detail the money that is owed.

Anyhow, I’m doing a no contact, which I told her I was doing. Because we both need space. I’ve read conflicting stories of when the best no contact times are. Some say 7 days, some say 3 weeks, some say 4 weeks, and some say 2 months. I’m also aware that she is ultimately relieved to have ended it (I can only hope that she soon starts to miss me). I know that girls that are ultimately bored/annoyed of their boyfriends and are relived to be free are tougher to get back than other types of breakups. I’m tempted to make it run longer so she starts to think ‘’I wonder why he wasn’t text/or called?’’, And I’m obviously hoping she contacts me first. There was love there at one point, she even admitted to looking for wedding rings in the summer, but obviously times and behaviours change. She said the first 3 years were really good. She also said if I wanted to talk about anything important she was there (which I'm not doing right now).

So I’m trying to pick up the pieces, and plan ahead for what I need to do. I know I need to move on and this is essentially not need her anymore, before I can be ready to communicate with her again. I’ve read that documenting this change on social media can be a good move, but it has to be subtle in showing your new value and having fun without her.


Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Assuming she doesn’t message me. Is it ok for me to contact to ask how things are going and propose a coffee meet? (assuming I’m in a good place)

And do you think she will want to meet up based on what I said and the process I’m going to follow or was she just being polite?

 

[Serenity]

Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Indefinitely, you've lost. You reek of desperation, it would be far better for you to forget about it and move on.

 

[sosousage]

I think if woman breaks up because of needy boyfriend, then nocontact ONLY works if she has no girlfriends or males/potential new boyfriends to spend time with. all she has to do is to go club twice and make out with some guys and she will forget about you. Sorry but I suggest you to forget about her too

 

[MrJack]

My 4 year relationship ended the other night and I’m trying to get a plan in motion for hopefully getting her back. I’m aware that it might not even be possible, but I have to try once and for all. It ended because she didn’t trust me and vice versa. She caught me on a dating app, the relationship went on the rocks, I started to chase her (which I never do) and got insecure because I thought she was seeing another guy so began reading her messages. She found out and ended it.

I sent an initial text the night of the breakup saying of ‘I’m sorry, I care about you, let’s talk tomorrow, etc.’ and she agreed but I knew her mind was made up. I spoke to her the next day as she was preparing to move out, and told her that I accepted her decision and would not beg or plead. I said that I was also going to end it also because I’ve got ongoing issues in my life which I need to fix like the insecurity and self-esteem, and trying to grow my circle of friends which are currently zero as they have moved and I focused more on the relationship (another failed move), I also want to grow my business, and in an uncomfortable position in my current job. My view is that once I do this then perhaps I can become that driven alpha male once again, perhaps it will help get her back, perhaps it will help get other girls. I told her at the time that we should have a break of no contact for at least 2-3 weeks, and reconvene as friends to see how we feel. She agreed that that would be good, as we are being civil, but warned me to expect us to get back together. She said she was 99% sure that wouldn’t happen, but conceded anything could happen but highly unlikely, I said I understood, but emotions are high during a breakup and she said she felt ok, and relieved more than anything. Which was not positive to hear. She referenced the potential meet-up several times that night, as in it wasn't the last time I'd see her, but its hard to know if she will stick to it.

She still has some things to pick up from the apartment, and told her I would prefer she did it when I was here and drop off the keys. She also owes me a considerable amount of money. So I don’t want to text but may be forced to (ONE LAST TIME) if she doesn’t come around when I’m at home. I'm tempted to just leave a note beside her things, which will detail the money that is owed.

Anyhow, I’m doing a no contact, which I told her I was doing. Because we both need space. I’ve read conflicting stories of when the best no contact times are. Some say 7 days, some say 3 weeks, some say 4 weeks, and some say 2 months. I’m also aware that she is ultimately relieved to have ended it (I can only hope that she soon starts to miss me). I know that girls that are ultimately bored/annoyed of their boyfriends and are relived to be free are tougher to get back than other types of breakups. I’m tempted to make it run longer so she starts to think ‘’I wonder why he wasn’t text/or called?’’, And I’m obviously hoping she contacts me first. There was love there at one point, she even admitted to looking for wedding rings in the summer, but obviously times and behaviours change. She said the first 3 years were really good. She also said if I wanted to talk about anything important she was there (which I'm not doing right now).

So I’m trying to pick up the pieces, and plan ahead for what I need to do. I know I need to move on and this is essentially not need her anymore, before I can be ready to communicate with her again. I’ve read that documenting this change on social media can be a good move, but it has to be subtle in showing your new value and having fun without her.


Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Assuming she doesn’t message me. Is it ok for me to contact to ask how things are going and propose a coffee meet? (assuming I’m in a good place)

And do you think she will want to meet up based on what I said and the process I’m going to follow or was she just being polite?

Looks like a fools errand to me but you never know since she did spend 4 years of her life with you.

Don't ever contact her unless she contacts you first but also don't count on it.

Right now this very second you need to rebuild yourself up. Stop thinking about her and stop hoping she's going to contact you each day,

Work on yourself and work on getting new girls to f*ck.

I've been in this situation before and the faster you can mentally recover the better. It's over and it's over for a reason/reasons.

Don't dwell it's just gonna hurt longer.

 

[dustmuffin]

Move on, it's over. You will just put yourself through pain trying to get her back. Learn from your mistakes. I know you feel broken, but in time you will be mended.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You can't go back. Find someone else.

 

[Thorninmyside]

4 years is a good run. Invest in yourself so that if you ever end up back with her, you'll be a better dude. Chances are, the improvement will help the next relationship but not this one. NC to win someone back is just a game, and there's no need for her to play if she's just gonna win what she already had before and didn't want.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

My 4 year relationship ended the other night and I’m trying to get a plan in motion for hopefully getting her back. I’m aware that it might not even be possible, but I have to try once and for all. It ended because she didn’t trust me and vice versa. She caught me on a dating app, the relationship went on the rocks, I started to chase her (which I never do) and got insecure because I thought she was seeing another guy so began reading her messages. She found out and ended it.

I sent an initial text the night of the breakup saying of ‘I’m sorry, I care about you, let’s talk tomorrow, etc.’ and she agreed but I knew her mind was made up. I spoke to her the next day as she was preparing to move out, and told her that I accepted her decision and would not beg or plead. I said that I was also going to end it also because I’ve got ongoing issues in my life which I need to fix like the insecurity and self-esteem, and trying to grow my circle of friends which are currently zero as they have moved and I focused more on the relationship (another failed move), I also want to grow my business, and in an uncomfortable position in my current job. My view is that once I do this then perhaps I can become that driven alpha male once again, perhaps it will help get her back, perhaps it will help get other girls. I told her at the time that we should have a break of no contact for at least 2-3 weeks, and reconvene as friends to see how we feel. She agreed that that would be good, as we are being civil, but warned me to expect us to get back together. She said she was 99% sure that wouldn’t happen, but conceded anything could happen but highly unlikely, I said I understood, but emotions are high during a breakup and she said she felt ok, and relieved more than anything. Which was not positive to hear. She referenced the potential meet-up several times that night, as in it wasn't the last time I'd see her, but its hard to know if she will stick to it.

She still has some things to pick up from the apartment, and told her I would prefer she did it when I was here and drop off the keys. She also owes me a considerable amount of money. So I don’t want to text but may be forced to (ONE LAST TIME) if she doesn’t come around when I’m at home. I'm tempted to just leave a note beside her things, which will detail the money that is owed.

Anyhow, I’m doing a no contact, which I told her I was doing. Because we both need space. I’ve read conflicting stories of when the best no contact times are. Some say 7 days, some say 3 weeks, some say 4 weeks, and some say 2 months. I’m also aware that she is ultimately relieved to have ended it (I can only hope that she soon starts to miss me). I know that girls that are ultimately bored/annoyed of their boyfriends and are relived to be free are tougher to get back than other types of breakups. I’m tempted to make it run longer so she starts to think ‘’I wonder why he wasn’t text/or called?’’, And I’m obviously hoping she contacts me first. There was love there at one point, she even admitted to looking for wedding rings in the summer, but obviously times and behaviours change. She said the first 3 years were really good. She also said if I wanted to talk about anything important she was there (which I'm not doing right now).

So I’m trying to pick up the pieces, and plan ahead for what I need to do. I know I need to move on and this is essentially not need her anymore, before I can be ready to communicate with her again. I’ve read that documenting this change on social media can be a good move, but it has to be subtle in showing your new value and having fun without her.


Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Assuming she doesn’t message me. Is it ok for me to contact to ask how things are going and propose a coffee meet? (assuming I’m in a good place)

And do you think she will want to meet up based on what I said and the process I’m going to follow or was she just being polite?

TheCountofMonteCristo, its sucks experiencing a breakup, it will get better with time and hard work from your self reflection from that relationship to grow

The idea of going no contact to win an Ex back does not work. (Take it from someone who has been down that dark road before after a long 4 year relationship too) I am a year and a couple months removed from the breakup

You have to properly understand how no contact works.(There is no set time frame for it) No contact is to prevents you from making a fool of yourself .and regain control of your self and emotions. Its meant to let you heal. emotional healing takes time.

It prevents
#begging to the Ex to stay in the relationship
#reaching out to the EX, by phone, text, social media and any type of electronic means
# cyber and physical stalking
# calling the EX friends and family
# Avoids you from settling or getting in the friend zone


"All Men Must Die" Games of Thrones
Our time is limited on this earth. Don't waste it chasing someone who does not value you. There are plenty of fishes in the ocean. Its time to cast your net whenever you are ready

 

[SOCOWBOY]

Move on, it's over. You will just put yourself through pain trying to get her back. Learn from your mistakes. I know you feel broken, but in time you will be mended.

Listen to this poster.

There is no going back. We must accept that it's over and deal with it.

Believe it or not it can be very rejuvenating. stay in the fvcking fight soldier

 

[Dash Riprock]

My 4 year relationship ended the other night and I’m trying to get a plan in motion for hopefully getting her back. I’m aware that it might not even be possible, but I have to try once and for all. It ended because she didn’t trust me and vice versa. She caught me on a dating app, the relationship went on the rocks, I started to chase her (which I never do) and got insecure because I thought she was seeing another guy so began reading her messages. She found out and ended it.

I sent an initial text the night of the breakup saying of ‘I’m sorry, I care about you, let’s talk tomorrow, etc.’ and she agreed but I knew her mind was made up. I spoke to her the next day as she was preparing to move out, and told her that I accepted her decision and would not beg or plead. I said that I was also going to end it also because I’ve got ongoing issues in my life which I need to fix like the insecurity and self-esteem, and trying to grow my circle of friends which are currently zero as they have moved and I focused more on the relationship (another failed move), I also want to grow my business, and in an uncomfortable position in my current job. My view is that once I do this then perhaps I can become that driven alpha male once again, perhaps it will help get her back, perhaps it will help get other girls. I told her at the time that we should have a break of no contact for at least 2-3 weeks, and reconvene as friends to see how we feel. She agreed that that would be good, as we are being civil, but warned me to expect us to get back together. She said she was 99% sure that wouldn’t happen, but conceded anything could happen but highly unlikely, I said I understood, but emotions are high during a breakup and she said she felt ok, and relieved more than anything. Which was not positive to hear. She referenced the potential meet-up several times that night, as in it wasn't the last time I'd see her, but its hard to know if she will stick to it.

She still has some things to pick up from the apartment, and told her I would prefer she did it when I was here and drop off the keys. She also owes me a considerable amount of money. So I don’t want to text but may be forced to (ONE LAST TIME) if she doesn’t come around when I’m at home. I'm tempted to just leave a note beside her things, which will detail the money that is owed.

Anyhow, I’m doing a no contact, which I told her I was doing. Because we both need space. I’ve read conflicting stories of when the best no contact times are. Some say 7 days, some say 3 weeks, some say 4 weeks, and some say 2 months. I’m also aware that she is ultimately relieved to have ended it (I can only hope that she soon starts to miss me). I know that girls that are ultimately bored/annoyed of their boyfriends and are relived to be free are tougher to get back than other types of breakups. I’m tempted to make it run longer so she starts to think ‘’I wonder why he wasn’t text/or called?’’, And I’m obviously hoping she contacts me first. There was love there at one point, she even admitted to looking for wedding rings in the summer, but obviously times and behaviours change. She said the first 3 years were really good. She also said if I wanted to talk about anything important she was there (which I'm not doing right now).

So I’m trying to pick up the pieces, and plan ahead for what I need to do. I know I need to move on and this is essentially not need her anymore, before I can be ready to communicate with her again. I’ve read that documenting this change on social media can be a good move, but it has to be subtle in showing your new value and having fun without her.


Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Assuming she doesn’t message me. Is it ok for me to contact to ask how things are going and propose a coffee meet? (assuming I’m in a good place)

And do you think she will want to meet up based on what I said and the process I’m going to follow or was she just being polite?

Hey Count,

Sorry to hear of your situation, bud, but we've all been there. 4 years is a hell of a long time to date someone. So be happy for the good times you two had. I'm sure love WAS there at one point. I think it still is with you two, but it's gone dormant. I'm fairly certain I know why you two broke up and it has do with the certainty--uncertainly dynamic (read my post on the subject in this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/women-prefer-this-to-sex.243251/) and maybe the fact you lost frame and became beta or AFC which can happen by default if you don't work on it all the time. Kind of a perfect storm for a woman to break up with you.

I'm going to disagree with most in this string as I think this can be saved or rekindled BUT you'll need to follow some directions to a T:

- No contact is a MUST and it does work. Of course nothing is ever 100% but it works most of the time provided you didn't go full-on beta/AFC in the months leading up to the break up and/or since the breakup which it doesn't appear you did, so good for you. A win. It was smart to communicate to your exgf that you are going NC so she knows you're now MGTOW (Google it) and don't need her. It is 100% mandatory you stick to NC no matter what for at least 3-4 months. This means if she reaches out via text, phone, social media whatever to "talk"--no reply, or you'll get dumped again shortly thereafter, 100%. Make yourself scare and unavailable. If she needs to pick up personal things, try to be as professional and business-like about it as possible and don't get drawn into any emotional conversations--period. This will be really hard, but it works. After 3-4 months, then and only then, if SHE reaches out, ok, but keep it very light, fun, short, and simple. No drawn out emotional conversations, trust me on this as it's a must and a really powerful tool. Again, she must do the reaching out after 3-4 months, no check-ins or other "I miss you" crap. Got it?

-Forget about the money she owes you. You'll never get it back. Plus, it's one more reason to stop communicating with her.

-Don't go out of your way to make her jealous. If you have mutual friends, fine, chit-chat but don't even ask about her. Talk about the things you're doing. Indirect jealousy is another thing though and can be powerful.

-Start dating. This can be hard because you'll be thinking about your ex while on these dates even if sex happens. I've been there. Still, consider it batting practice for future women. And if the ex hears you've out with other girls, competition and jealousy can be a powerful weapons when used indirectly.

-Really go to work on yourself. You talked about self esteem issues and a number of other things. Get to the gym, plan to bolster your business and career, and do an Hour of Power everyday. Check out videos by Tony Robbins, Corey Wayne, and Brian Tracy. Corey Wayne would be really good for you to listen to right now and he has an awesome YouTube channel.

-Accept the fact she may never come back. Often they do, but as mentioned, nothing is 100%.

Good luck.
Dash

 

[That_dude]

It's about you moving on with your life without her . To become a better man.. To meet new women.. No looking back. Cutting contact and holding your breath will get you nowhere most of the time. Most chicks have a 6th sense this type of desperate move While your home feeling sorry for yourself and hoping she comes back.. Her and Chad Thundercock are on there way to Poundtown
If she comes around when you've moved on and have your chit together.. You can then decide if you want the get involved with old news and old problems again. I wouldn't go thru anybody's private messages moving forward though. It's kind of fd up

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Like Dash mentioned

Pickup or listen to Tony Robbins (He is for real ) and Coach Corey Wayne (that man changed my life) and helped me with my breakup

before him (Corey Wayne) I was a weak Beta Man hanging with 97% of men who were not Don Juan

begging the EX to take me back lol
Sent her flowers to win her back Oh my ( Cyber slapping myself)
Needy and insecure
Showed up to places she was. Creepy stalker
Never Again will I be a Beta Man


Since she dumped you. She should be the one to reach-out to you. Anything else is uncivilized

Watch his Youtube video "7 Principles to Get An Ex Back

 

[Julian]

Its a wrap..shes sukking chad/jamals c0cks already. Move on

 

[cityboy989]

Some people are pretty hard pressed on here lol. Unlike most of the people in this thread, I think there's always a chance that time can change feelings and ignite curiosity. That's no guarantee though. Gotta sharpen your skills with other women and if it helps you get up in the morning by having the hope in the back of your head that she'll one day come around, then fine. Don't let it consume you though, because she obviously may not come back.

Even if you go full beta but go NC fairly quickly, I would venture to say they will eventually poke their head in again, at some point in the future. Unless they go off and get married or something drastic like that.

When I was 21 and didn't know better, I went full beta with a girl I casually knew. We had a close relationship (though not exclusive.) She inevitably dumped me and I had the dignity to walk away and not say a peep. A bit over 2 years later, guess who texted me..

 

[AJ84]

My 4 year relationship ended the other night and I’m trying to get a plan in motion for hopefully getting her back. I’m aware that it might not even be possible, but I have to try once and for all. It ended because she didn’t trust me and vice versa. She caught me on a dating app, the relationship went on the rocks, I started to chase her (which I never do) and got insecure because I thought she was seeing another guy so began reading her messages. She found out and ended it.

I sent an initial text the night of the breakup saying of ‘I’m sorry, I care about you, let’s talk tomorrow, etc.’ and she agreed but I knew her mind was made up. I spoke to her the next day as she was preparing to move out, and told her that I accepted her decision and would not beg or plead. I said that I was also going to end it also because I’ve got ongoing issues in my life which I need to fix like the insecurity and self-esteem, and trying to grow my circle of friends which are currently zero as they have moved and I focused more on the relationship (another failed move), I also want to grow my business, and in an uncomfortable position in my current job. My view is that once I do this then perhaps I can become that driven alpha male once again, perhaps it will help get her back, perhaps it will help get other girls. I told her at the time that we should have a break of no contact for at least 2-3 weeks, and reconvene as friends to see how we feel. She agreed that that would be good, as we are being civil, but warned me to expect us to get back together. She said she was 99% sure that wouldn’t happen, but conceded anything could happen but highly unlikely, I said I understood, but emotions are high during a breakup and she said she felt ok, and relieved more than anything. Which was not positive to hear. She referenced the potential meet-up several times that night, as in it wasn't the last time I'd see her, but its hard to know if she will stick to it.

She still has some things to pick up from the apartment, and told her I would prefer she did it when I was here and drop off the keys. She also owes me a considerable amount of money. So I don’t want to text but may be forced to (ONE LAST TIME) if she doesn’t come around when I’m at home. I'm tempted to just leave a note beside her things, which will detail the money that is owed.

Anyhow, I’m doing a no contact, which I told her I was doing. Because we both need space. I’ve read conflicting stories of when the best no contact times are. Some say 7 days, some say 3 weeks, some say 4 weeks, and some say 2 months. I’m also aware that she is ultimately relieved to have ended it (I can only hope that she soon starts to miss me). I know that girls that are ultimately bored/annoyed of their boyfriends and are relived to be free are tougher to get back than other types of breakups. I’m tempted to make it run longer so she starts to think ‘’I wonder why he wasn’t text/or called?’’, And I’m obviously hoping she contacts me first. There was love there at one point, she even admitted to looking for wedding rings in the summer, but obviously times and behaviours change. She said the first 3 years were really good. She also said if I wanted to talk about anything important she was there (which I'm not doing right now).

So I’m trying to pick up the pieces, and plan ahead for what I need to do. I know I need to move on and this is essentially not need her anymore, before I can be ready to communicate with her again. I’ve read that documenting this change on social media can be a good move, but it has to be subtle in showing your new value and having fun without her.


Can anyone advise the best no contact time for this situation?

Assuming she doesn’t message me. Is it ok for me to contact to ask how things are going and propose a coffee meet? (assuming I’m in a good place)

And do you think she will want to meet up based on what I said and the process I’m going to follow or was she just being polite?

She owes you a "considerable amount of money" and seems "relieved" that the relationship has ended.

And you're wondering how long you should avoid contact with her?

The ship has sailed.

Learn from this and do exactly what you said about building your business, working on your self esteem and social group. This is self improvement that will benefit you. Don't waste time worrying about what she's doing or thinking, or if there's a chance you can get back together, because I can bet (from what you posted about her) that's she's not thinking about that and she's not supporting you in reaching your goals is she? Put you first and work on yourself, it's the best investment you'll ever make

And don't lend anymore girlfriends considerable amounts of money, that's what banks and parents are for.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Its a wrap..shes sukking chad/jamals c0cks already. Move on

Don't be a D*ICK.

 

[Dash Riprock]

A bit over 2 years later, guess who texted me..

Wow. 2 years?! Did you start dating her again or at least have sex with her?

 

[skinnyguy]

She has frame and you don't. Next

 

[Julian]

Don't be a D*ICK.

Cry about it. Im being realistic here.

 

[cityboy989]

Wow. 2 years?! Did you start dating her again or at least have sex with her?

Yep I shagged her again. Kept it strictly FWB with her. Even though I was crazy for her and it hurt me badly when she initially dumped me, I always knew she wasn't relationship material. She had a traumatic life and she was essentially ADDICTED to drama. Definitely had some sorts of personality disorders. Cluster B probably. She had a young child (actually had ANOTHER child by another man in the time we werent speaking.) I think part of the reason it took her 2 years to hit me up again is because she was in a couple relationships after she pushed me aside. One of them was a LTR (the man she had her most recent kid with)