6 Months NC – Should I Unblock My Ex?

[bnbprodu]

Thanks for your insight man... I can relate to you.. right now I am getting lots of great sex.. from multiple woman..

But.. I miss the closeness and comfortable feeling and that connection I had with my ex.. Plus my ex was hot, and very successful.. So I feel like I will never find a chick better than her again..

Maybe it was just sheer luck and a fluke that I pulled her in the first place.. We all want what we can't have right..

All that being said, i miss her, but I am not in pain any longer.. In another 6 months time, I will more than likely be over her..

I need to accept and realise, that its better to be with a HB7 than a hotter woman who treats you bad.


Its just that she has reached out, that has stirred up my feelings.. Maybe she wants to try again?

But.. I feel its too damn risky.. better to keep moving on.

You're welcome.

Put yourself in the right mindset and disregard the idea that it was a fluke or that you won't ever find someone else like her. She wasn't special nor was she made of extraterrestrial qualities. She was a human being like you and me with her ups and downs, her flaws, her good qualities. But human overall; she pees, she poops, her breath stinks if she doesn't brush her teeth, her farts are as nasty as yours.

We're humans, we're humane.

SS advises to have your life together. That's the way. Women are a byproduct of your lifestyle. I can attest that since I had my pretty fair share of women in my homeland but now I am starting from scratch and don't have a social circle besides some co-workers and I need to re-build my life from zero. I'll get there though, it only takes time and dedication.

 

[Masculinity]

So it’s been 6 months solid NC since I changed my mobile number & blocked my ex from every platform.

I don’t know why, but the last few weeks I have started to miss her a lot more.

I want your opinion on how to proceed forward. Below I will outline as briefly as possible what went wrong.

It was a 2 year relationship & we lived together 4 months of it.

At my age 42, this was the hottest female I ever pulled, and the most successful one (yes she had her chit together)

The relationship was long distance, but not by loads (1 hour) drive each way. But we both worked full time, on my days off she would mostly be working, and on her days off I would be working, this made things difficult to meet up.

The only possible way we could meet, was if I swapped my working shifts around , in order to be off on the same day as her, as my job was more flexible.

I began to resent doing this, as I felt like I was making the bigger effort in the relationship.


Firstly The Things I Did Wrong

I gave her a relationship / commitment too soon, without her proving she was worth committing to. I should have made her earn it & I should have screened her much better.

Maybe I gave her too much of my time. It was usually once a week we met, pushing it twice, but I should have cancelled occasionally, just to keep her on her toes.

At the end of the relationship, she finished it with me & I tried talking to her to work things out (This Shifted The Balance Of Power Towards Her) I should have let her walk. She did get back with me, but then I dumped her few weeks down the line.


What Did She Do Wrong

Three months into the RS, a serious incident of disrespect against me, for which I immediately dumped her (on her birthday) two weeks of constant text messages from her, and I caved in & got back with her. (Big Mistake)

Everything was good for a while, we began to plan living together, she decided she would have her job transferred over nearer to me, so then we can rent a house & live together.

Then another two incidents of rudeness and disrespect, not as serious as before, but it definitely made me feel uneasy about her, I began to have doubts about moving to a new property with her, gut instinct did not feel right.

Christmas 2016, another serious incident of disrespect, she called me out in front of friends and her family, embarrassed me, when I bought this up with her, she TOTALLY blamed me, no apology, or acceptance of wrong doing at all.

By now she was living with me, A few weeks after Christmas she tells me, that she is leaving. She blamed ME for ruining Christmas, told me I had anger issues, because I got angry with her for embarrassing me in front of her family.

She packed her chit and transferred her job back to her home town. I didn’t bother stopping her, & showed her the fuking door.

3 weeks of NC and she calls me out of the blue. We both agree that we got along better, when we saw each other long distance, and moving in together was done too soon.

We get back together, couple of weeks in, she starts creating drama’s over little petty things, her behavior becomes somewhat chitty, mostly because of her own insecurities!

Eventually I call her up on the phone, and I tell her I’m not happy with her behaviour, she cuts me off the phone mid sentence, because she did not like being called out.

She didn’t turn up for our date that night either, and I didn't hear anything from her for 3 days.. I decided enough was enough & i'm not willing to put up with this crap any longer, so I dumped her.


Pure 100% NC ever since!

Here is my dilemma. I still have my old mobile sim card and I feel tempted to check it and unblock her.

So what’s stopping me?


01. I put the sim card back in and not a word from her? (I’m going to feel a little bad about that)


02. I put the sim card in & realize she has been trying to get back together with me, months ago? (Could end up feeling some possible regrets for missing out)


03. I put the sim card in and it’s nothing but breadcrumbs, and i’m exposed to more BS (old feelings resurfacing back)

I really can’t see any way back with this female.. We can never live together again.. She would never transfer her job over here to be with me again, and I do not trust her enough to give up everything, to move closer to be with her..

80% of me tells me, I need to keep moving on and forget this dead end relationship.. 20% is thinking.. What If? What If?

Long distant relationship, with no chance of ever properly being together, living together etc.. feels like I would be wasting my time with her!

No.

 

[Roober]

She treated you like crap and you still have her on a pedestal? I don't get how a woman who treats you like crap is even that great of a person.

Here is a fact. Its over!!!

She was in your life for a reason, for you to grow from it. If I had to guess, it would to identify your anger issues. When women resort to blatant overt communication, they are in serious Sally mode.

 

[soulforge]

She treated you like crap and you still have her on a pedestal? I don't get how a woman who treats you like crap is even that great of a person.

Here is a fact. Its over!!!

She was in your life for a reason, for you to grow from it. If I had to guess, it would to identify your anger issues. When women resort to blatant overt communication, they are in serious Sally mode.

Well she isn't a great person.. That is why I have remained 6 months NC

However my question was, when a woman reaches out after 6 months, is there possibility of change..

Again the chance and risk I would have to take, in order to find out what she wants, are too high.

So remaining NC seems the better option!

 

[wifehunter]

Well she isn't a great person.. That is why I have remained 6 months NC

However my question was, when a woman reaches out after 6 months, is there possibility of change..

Again the chance and risk I would have to take, in order to find out what she wants, are too high.

So remaining NC seems the better option!

Be skeptical. ...

Pretend a sleazy car salesman is trying to sell you car. Expect junk, but be pleasantly surprised if things are not junk.

 

[DreamAgain]

Well she isn't a great person.. That is why I have remained 6 months NC

However my question was, when a woman reaches out after 6 months, is there possibility of change..

Again the chance and risk I would have to take, in order to find out what she wants, are too high.

So remaining NC seems the better option!

The risk is high, but I would run a slightly contrary opinion now.

Obviously you are a bit stuck on this woman, it happens. Oneitis, with how bad it is when it hurts, also feels great when it doesn't, when it is mutual from the woman.

You only live once, so maybe better not to deal with the regret of going no contact forever, but just to contact her once.

If nothing changed, then you know you will have nothing to regret, and you move on like you have been doing.

 

[soulforge]

The risk is high, but I would run a slightly contrary opinion now.

Obviously you are a bit stuck on this woman, it happens. Oneitis, with how bad it is when it hurts, also feels great when it doesn't, when it is mutual from the woman.

You only live once, so maybe better not to deal with the regret of going no contact forever, but just to contact her once.

If nothing changed, then you know you will have nothing to regret, and you move on like you have been doing.

I hear what you are saying, but I cannot see how it could ever be a successful relationship.

Long distance.. no chance of living together again.. Always the risk of disrespect or her walking out..

just doesn't feel like a good long term investment.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Nah don't do it man.
I learned the hard way a week ago when in a weak moment I unblocked a BPD ex and sent her a "wanna grab a coffee?" She went crazy about me with some other chick in a photo and ghosted on me again.

They still hate you and will lash out on anything.

 

[DreamAgain]

I hear what you are saying, but I cannot see how it could ever be a successful relationship.

Long distance.. no chance of living together again.. Always the risk of disrespect or her walking out..

just doesn't feel like a good long term investment.

Well it would be more so just to get some closure, if you are still feeling regret over anything. It may help you to move on.

 

[Roober]

Well she isn't a great person.. That is why I have remained 6 months NC

However my question was, when a woman reaches out after 6 months, is there possibility of change..

Again the chance and risk I would have to take, in order to find out what she wants, are too high.

So remaining NC seems the better option!

Agreed! She disrespected you multiple times. What is the old saying? "Fool me once its on you, fool me twice, its on me". She has done it more than twice, so you must really be a glutton for punishment. I have seen you post about this woman for months.

Why are you still holding on?
Do you have regrets?

I may agree with @DreamAgain in unblocking so your not burning bridges. For example, I removed my ex from my life but didn't block her on anything. She could contact me (which she won't) if she wanted to. But I am also in a place to understand we were not a good fit and would have zero issues if she reached out.

You, on the other hand, are still not there... You need to work on your inner game more. You are using your current women to fill the void that she left, a void that won't ever be filled. This isn't a void from your ex. This void is something in your life that is missing. I can't tell you what, but you need to figure it out. Once you find it, you won't have these feelings for this woman any more.

What are you missing in your life? Which of your basic human needs did she fullfill that a) you aren't getting from other women, and b) more importantly, you can't find on your own?

 

[TheProspect]

Well it would be more so just to get some closure, if you are still feeling regret over anything. It may help you to move on.

The concept of closure is bullsh!t. Either you get over something or you don't, either way, it's a choice
in the long run. What you focus on becomes your reality. "Closure" is just a justifcation for remaining in uncomfortable feelings. The universe doesn't owe anyone closure nor an explanation.

All it takes is a combination of time and keeping busy. So @soulforge , keep busy, and over time the feelings of "regret"/"need for closure" will fade. You're on the right track.

 

[DreamAgain]

The concept of closure is bullsh!t. Either you get over something or you don't, either way, it's a choice
in the long run. What you focus on becomes your reality. "Closure" is just a justifcation for remaining in uncomfortable feelings. The universe doesn't owe anyone closure nor an explanation.

All it takes is a combination of time and keeping busy. So @soulforge , keep busy, and over time the feelings of "regret"/"need for closure" will fade. You're on the right track.

I generally agree. But subconsciously it isn't so easy as just choosing to do so, if you have lingering feelings or some form of oneitis.

That's why these doubts can still linger in a man's mind for a while, as in soulforge's case.

 

[TheProspect]

I generally agree. But subconsciously it isn't so easy as just choosing to do so, if you have lingering feelings or some form of oneitis.

That's why these doubts can still linger in a man's mind for a while, as in soulforge's case.

I recently got out of a multi-year relationship. Because the breakup is so acute my thoughts prominently feature my ex. I can sit there and contemplate "What if"s and play out scenarios in my head or I can choose to do something productive when those feelings/thoughts arise (Keep busy).

I'm not saying these thoughts and feelings won't enter your head. I'm saying you have a choice of how you respond to them. With awareness comes a choice. The moment you become aware that you are experiencing feelings and thoughts relating to your ex (or anything negative/self-sabotaging in general) you have a choice to either continue entertaining them or you have the choice to take action (productively, hopefully).

Making it a habit to keep active in a productive way (this obviously excludes partying, drinking, porn etc. which is for the most part counter-productive) gradually dissipates these feelings of "needing closure" and "Regret" because you choose to refocus your time and energy towards self-enhancement.

The fact that @soulforge has acknowledged that time and keeping busy has improved his state of mind over time supports what I am suggesting. The key is to avoid massive triggers such as talking to your ex, creeping her social media, and making decisions in your life which involve consideration of how she will react.

Never said it was easy, but it is a choice. Just like happiness, where you are in life, and your degree of success are all choices.

 

[soulforge]

Well it would be more so just to get some closure, if you are still feeling regret over anything. It may help you to move on.

The concept of closure is bullsh!t. Either you get over something or you don't, either way, it's a choice
in the long run. What you focus on becomes your reality. "Closure" is just a justifcation for remaining in uncomfortable feelings. The universe doesn't owe anyone closure nor an explanation.

All it takes is a combination of time and keeping busy. So @soulforge , keep busy, and over time the feelings of "regret"/"need for closure" will fade. You're on the right track.

To be honest, i am past the closure stage.. 6 months of NC has got me past the need for it..

I think my feelings have been stired due to her attempting to contact me.. It maybe nothing.. just pure bread crumbs!

Or maybe she wanted to reconcile.. However I just don't see any kind of way back with her..

We will not live together, marry, etc etc... It will be long distance all over again..

But most problematic is her history of showing disrespect..

I think this ALONE rules her out for another chance.. I would be taking a HUGE risk.

 

[MrOctober]

I've been feeling the same way OP. Reason I stopped by here. See... I've been NC since late last year. She hasn't.. HER last contact attempt was about 5 months ago. She tried a handful of times within that frame. No clue how it would go now.. she was just so disrespectful the last time I actually spoke a year ago without detail.

 

[soulforge]

I've been feeling the same way OP. Reason I stopped by here. See... I've been NC since late last year. She hasn't.. HER last contact attempt was about 5 months ago. She tried a handful of times within that frame. No clue how it would go now.. she was just so disrespectful the last time I actually spoke a year ago without detail.

I understand how you feel man.. You have that little tiny bit of hope, maybe she has changed, or realised she fuked up..

But seriously man.. Well researched statistics show, getting back with EX relationships rarely workout.

I guess for some people it can.. but with long distance relationships and with disrespect in the picture.. There negatives and risks are too high!

 

[Reykhel]

I want your opinion on how to proceed forward

Get your fvcking head together.

You are thinking like a codependent biatch.

Go out and buy yourself a decent single malt. Sip and contemplate the end. move forward and enjoy what's
left...

...only a fvcking ghost wallows in it's past.

 

[ApolloSunGod]

Yes throw her a crumb lol field report for the beta no hate hold your nuts up.. lol game is game

 

[Reykhel]

Well it would be more so just to get some closure,

Only women look for closure...

Men drink single malts and move the fvck on