6 Months NC – Should I Unblock My Ex?

[Glassguy]

Women never truly disappear from our lives.

My date last night and I broke up 2 months earlier. Last night she said "When I cut my hair I thought 'Oh no, Neil won't like this'". I said "When did you cut it?" and she said "Last month". I said "We hadn't spoken in a month as of then" and she said "I know, but I knew we would".

This mentality of banishing women we loved because they hurt our wittle feewings is getting old.

You simply don't initiate, but unless you have unlimited women you love on hand, don't ignore their messages.

"Yeah but I knew that we would".....aka "I knew I could come back whenever I wanted and you would just be here to accept that. Watch me do it again very soon...."

 

[Von]

Ask yourself: Why would you go back or reopen dialog to the person/woman who drove you here.... made you write 3 threads about her, than a thread about the market being ''hues''.... than you writing a thread to get back to her?

You need help

Here it is: The second time is never better in the scenario you wrote, if you go back you lose your frame, if you lose your frame she will disrespect you

Go get girls who like you for who you are

PS: Don't come back saying she's different... you'll lose all support

 

[Dash Riprock]

The only possible way it would ever work with her again would be if she can admit her mistakes in the relationship, as you have yours.

I actually have an ex who I just had this conversation with a couple weeks ago. She wants to get back together, at least for a good romping. She sent me some nudes on FB. Asked me if they still did anything for me. Started talking about missing me and our relationship. I flat out asked her "so what were your mistakes in our relationship?" She started ranting about mine. Wouldn't give me one mistake she made. I could have got a lay out of her but I'm not desperate so I declined even though she did look damn good.

GOOD FOR YOU. 99% of guys would have caved.

 

[Dash Riprock]

So it’s been 6 months solid NC since I changed my mobile number & blocked my ex from every platform.

I don’t know why, but the last few weeks I have started to miss her a lot more.

I want your opinion on how to proceed forward. Below I will outline as briefly as possible what went wrong.

It was a 2 year relationship & we lived together 4 months of it.

At my age 42, this was the hottest female I ever pulled, and the most successful one (yes she had her chit together)

The relationship was long distance, but not by loads (1 hour) drive each way. But we both worked full time, on my days off she would mostly be working, and on her days off I would be working, this made things difficult to meet up.

The only possible way we could meet, was if I swapped my working shifts around , in order to be off on the same day as her, as my job was more flexible.

I began to resent doing this, as I felt like I was making the bigger effort in the relationship.


Firstly The Things I Did Wrong

I gave her a relationship / commitment too soon, without her proving she was worth committing to. I should have made her earn it & I should have screened her much better.

Maybe I gave her too much of my time. It was usually once a week we met, pushing it twice, but I should have cancelled occasionally, just to keep her on her toes.

At the end of the relationship, she finished it with me & I tried talking to her to work things out (This Shifted The Balance Of Power Towards Her) I should have let her walk. She did get back with me, but then I dumped her few weeks down the line.


What Did She Do Wrong

Three months into the RS, a serious incident of disrespect against me, for which I immediately dumped her (on her birthday) two weeks of constant text messages from her, and I caved in & got back with her. (Big Mistake)

Everything was good for a while, we began to plan living together, she decided she would have her job transferred over nearer to me, so then we can rent a house & live together.

Then another two incidents of rudeness and disrespect, not as serious as before, but it definitely made me feel uneasy about her, I began to have doubts about moving to a new property with her, gut instinct did not feel right.

Christmas 2016, another serious incident of disrespect, she called me out in front of friends and her family, embarrassed me, when I bought this up with her, she TOTALLY blamed me, no apology, or acceptance of wrong doing at all.

By now she was living with me, A few weeks after Christmas she tells me, that she is leaving. She blamed ME for ruining Christmas, told me I had anger issues, because I got angry with her for embarrassing me in front of her family.

She packed her chit and transferred her job back to her home town. I didn’t bother stopping her, & showed her the fuking door.

3 weeks of NC and she calls me out of the blue. We both agree that we got along better, when we saw each other long distance, and moving in together was done too soon.

We get back together, couple of weeks in, she starts creating drama’s over little petty things, her behavior becomes somewhat chitty, mostly because of her own insecurities!

Eventually I call her up on the phone, and I tell her I’m not happy with her behaviour, she cuts me off the phone mid sentence, because she did not like being called out.

She didn’t turn up for our date that night either, and I didn't hear anything from her for 3 days.. I decided enough was enough & i'm not willing to put up with this crap any longer, so I dumped her.


Pure 100% NC ever since!

Here is my dilemma. I still have my old mobile sim card and I feel tempted to check it and unblock her.

So what’s stopping me?


01. I put the sim card back in and not a word from her? (I’m going to feel a little bad about that)


02. I put the sim card in & realize she has been trying to get back together with me, months ago? (Could end up feeling some possible regrets for missing out)


03. I put the sim card in and it’s nothing but breadcrumbs, and i’m exposed to more BS (old feelings resurfacing back)

I really can’t see any way back with this female.. We can never live together again.. She would never transfer her job over here to be with me again, and I do not trust her enough to give up everything, to move closer to be with her..

80% of me tells me, I need to keep moving on and forget this dead end relationship.. 20% is thinking.. What If? What If?

Long distant relationship, with no chance of ever properly being together, living together etc.. feels like I would be wasting my time with her!

DON'T DO IT. Is she wanted to reach out to you she would have via work phone number, your email (I assume she has), or an old fashioned letter in an envelope if she knows your home address. If none of this happened, she's moved on and so should you.

 

[soulforge]

DON'T DO IT. Is she wanted to reach out to you she would have via work phone number, your email (I assume she has), or an old fashioned letter in an envelope if she knows your home address. If none of this happened, she's moved on and so should you.

Well guys thank you for the reality check.. I guess i'm just having a little weak moment for her.

The dating pool is murky, hardly a quality woman in sight.

The reality is.. This woman has nothing to offer me in terms of a LTR.

I do not trust her anymore.. I would always be watching my back, incase she walks out again.

The next big disrespect, could come along at any moment.. Then I would have to dump her all over again!

She has PROVEN that she can be rude, disrespectful and not accept ANY responsibility at all.

We are long distance.. Living together is not a possibility any longer..

The relationship just wouldn't go anywhere!

If she ever came to me, admitting her faults and taking responsibility for the break up, then that would be a different matter..

Even though i changed my number, there are other means she could have tried to find me..

I managed 6 months NC without her and I am still here.. I suppose I can manage another 6 months too!

 

[AJ84]

Well guys thank you for the reality check.. I guess i'm just having a little weak moment for her.

The dating pool is murky, hardly a quality woman in sight.

The reality is.. This woman has nothing to offer me in terms of a LTR.

I do not trust her anymore.. I would always be watching my back, incase she walks out again.

The next big disrespect, could come along at any moment.. Then I would have to dump her all over again!

She has PROVEN that she can be rude, disrespectful and not accept ANY responsibility at all.

We are long distance.. Living together is not a possibility any longer..

The relationship just wouldn't go anywhere!

If she ever came to me, admitting her faults and taking responsibility for the break up, then that would be a different matter..

Even though i changed my number, there are other means she could have tried to find me..

I managed 6 months NC without her and I am still here.. I suppose I can manage another 6 months too!

Yes you can. Like you said the dating pool is murky (at the moment). If you were dating someone you liked right now you wouldn't even be thinking about her right?
Maybe this is a good time to get into something that interests you ( aside from women ). A good book, a hobby, even binge watching a good tv show, just something to stimulate your mind away from wondering about her.

 

[guru1000]

Soulforge, you're my age. And this ex you write about is over 50 yo. I date girls half this age. As should you. What in the world is wrong with you brother??

 

[soulforge]

Soulforge, you're my age. And this ex you write about is over 50 yo. I date girls half this age. As should you. What in the world is wrong with you brother??

Guru for me it's just about that connection man.. Have dated younger girls pretty much through out my dating life..

With this one, there was a connection I didn't really feel with others. And for her age she look really good..

However your point is valid, guys our age can pull in chicks 10 - 15 years younger quite easily.

In fact i'm over run with dates right now, been working on my cold approach game, and managed to pull two numbers out yesterday..

Got 4 dates confirmed for this weekend, just finished banging a hb8 this morning, although I probably won't see her again..

All is good in the world!

 

[guru1000]

Guru for me it's just about that connection man.. Have dated younger girls pretty much through out my dating life..

With this one, there was a connection I didn't really feel with others. And for her age she look really good..

However your point is valid, guys our age can pull in chicks 10 - 15 years younger quite easily.

In fact i'm over run with dates right now, been working on my cold approach game, and managed to pull two numbers out yesterday..

Got 4 dates confirmed for this weekend, just finished banging a hb8 this morning, although I probably won't see her again..

All is good in the world!

That's my man. Whenever you feel ambivalent toward your ex, understand your true value. You're a KING.

 

[soulforge]

UPDATE

I just wanted to share a new development, regarding my ex.

Yesterday I bumped into a friend of my ex, and she told me that my ex had tried ringing me a few times, but kept getting my answer machine.

This is because i changed my mobile number, after I dumped her.. I didn't really want to talk to my exe's friend about anything, so made my excuses and left (no news is good news)

However I must admit, it has stirred up my feelings for her again.

Mostly why did she call me? Breadcrumbs or did she wanted to reconcile?

I have had 6 months to think through about the relationship I had with her, and have drawn up some positives and negatives.

I would like your opinion on wether this relationship is truly dead? I have to be honest 85% of me deep inside already knows, the RISKS of letting her back into my life are too high.

Here are a list of reasons of what is stopping me from breaking NC with her.

01. There where atleast 4-5 instances of disrespect, and two of those rather serious.

02. It was long distance (1hour) and because of our working patterns, we could only meet maximum twice a week.

03. It took nearly 2 years for her to finally get a job transfer and to move in with me, but then she left me after I got angry with her for disrespecting me.

04. She left me and transferred her job back to her home town.

05. She would never transfer back to my home town again, and I am not willing to risk leaving my job, my home, to relocate to be with her.. She could leave me again at any minute over the slightest thing.

06. If she disrespected me again, I would be forced to dump her again.. Which puts me back to day one NC all over again.

07. I would always fear her walking out again, and this could effect my frame, and stop me from investing seriously in the relationship.

08. How long could I possibly carry on seeing her once or twice a week? Without the relationship developing into anything more than that.

09. She has more than likely slept with other dudes by now.

10. She used to hit the bars alot before I met her.. My concern is, one day she will revert back to the bar sloot life style again.

11. She does not accept responsibility for chitty behaviour, and has been known to defend it.. and finds it difficult to apologise.

I know guys, the negatives do not look good right?

I think her trying to contact me, has made me think maybe she has changed or realised her loss..

But damn it feels too risky to break NC and I feel the future with her would be very difficult indeed.

 

[sazc]

You deserve better from a partner, and you know it. Your ex isn't going to change.


I have an ex, a recent one. I think about him and the good times too, and how he was a good man, on many levels.

But I always think about the conversations where I identified specific behaviors he had towards me, and told him that I didn't want to be treated like that.

His reply was essentially that he was content in who he was and didn't see a problem with his behavior. He was basically telling me, if I stayed the behavior would continue.

I have more self respect for myself then to be treated poorly.

@soulforge Respect yourself

 

[sosousage]

Lmao my ex blocked me then unblocked then blocked again and now unblocked. funny thing is i didnt send her a single message. (first she autoblocked me after break up and then did the block/unblock chain lmao women)

 

[soulforge]

You deserve better from a partner, and you know it. Your ex isn't going to change.

Sazc I hear you.. Her friend stated, that she tried to call several times, and wanted to talk to me..

To me that seems like MORE than just breadcrumbs.

However, I really don't believe a person can truly change in a matter of 6 months.

The damage that has been done so far, seems like would be incredibly difficult to repair.

It would take just ONE incident of disrespect, and for her to deny any responsibility, then I would be back to square one again.

I feel conflicted, but my gut instinct and you peoples advice is stopping me from breaking NC

 

[soulforge]

Lmao my ex blocked me then unblocked then blocked again and now unblocked. funny thing is i didnt send her a single message. (first she autoblocked me after break up and then did the block/unblock chain lmao women)

She probably thought you would cave in, when she unblocked.. But you stuck to your guns

 

[sosousage]

She probably thought you would cave in, when she unblocked.. But you stuck to your guns

yeah. personally i blocked only my first girlffriend ever because that ***** would remind me about her (actually she just would say happy birthday and stuff but that pissed me off when i had feelings for her) and then afterwards i didnt block any of my exes because that shows weakness better to act calm, cool man wont block a slut he will ignore her or play it cool

 

[sazc]

Sazc I hear you.. Her friend stated, that she tried to call several times, and wanted to talk to me..

To me that seems like MORE than just breadcrumbs.

However, I really don't believe a person can truly change in a matter of 6 months.

The damage that has been done so far, seems like would be incredibly difficult to repair.

It would take just ONE incident of disrespect, and for her to deny any responsibility, then I would be back to square one again.

I feel conflicted, but my gut instinct and you peoples advice is stopping me from breaking NC

There way she constantly disrespected you, the manner in which she constantly disrespected you, doesn't deserve forgiveness to the point of you wasting time on her.

I think you should really look at that relationship as a "teaching" tool for yourself. Use that experience as a way of requiring more from females as you go forward.

Lastly, and I recall @El Payaso (I think) telling you this before, focus on yourself, continue to date, and give it a week or two, these feelings will pass.

 

[soulforge]

yeah. personally i blocked only my first girlffriend ever because that ***** would remind me about her (actually she just would say happy birthday and stuff but that pissed me off when i had feelings for her) and then afterwards i didnt block any of my exes because that shows weakness better to act calm, cool man wont block a slut he will ignore her or play it cool

I hear what you are saying.. I think the reason why I blocked was because, after the first break up, she called me and FELL for the breadcrumbs and got back together with her..

This time round I felt, I HAD to block, so I am not sucked in again.. and to heal quicker, instead of checking my phone all of the the time for her to text or call

 

[Dingo]

She is an ex for a reason...

Sarge on...

 

[bnbprodu]

@soulforge

Short answer: Don't do it. Don't. No.

Longer answer:

I can totally relate to your story because something very similar happened to me when I was living in Europe. My then-girlfriend and I lived 1 hour apart and we both had our life going on (working, studying, etc etc). The only thing that differs is that we didn't live together. Yes, she was the hottest girl I had pulled by then because she quite the full package: breath-taking curves, amazing in the sheets, and on career path full of rewards. I was 25 at that time and I was almost sure she was 'The One'.

However, let's move to the moral of the story. I dumped her because she started acting very weird after we were moving things very forward like planning to move together and eventually marry in the span of a couple of years. She tried to get me back for two weeks but I was unmovable. I didn't think twice to get back together with her. Until 6 months passed.

I stayed NC for those 6 months and was quite enjoying my renewed bachelorhood partying and meeting girls (scoring some of them in between). Then I began noticing that while having sex I was missing the kind of sex I used to have with her. Totally mind-blowing...not only mind by the way. So I was basically missing her bed-freak traits and couldn't find them in the girls I was bedding. That hit me hard and I started to long for her to the point that I truly believed her words when she told I was 'the love of her life'.

I was missing not her as a person but the Idea of Her. I was missing the rewarding feelings of feeling loved, desired by someone else. I wasn't missing her as a person at all.

So, the great beta of me put in his mind that I had to take her back. She was mine; my lover, my future wife - I even thought about moving to her town. I did everything to reach out to me. Found her number - that I had deleted - in on smartphone. All along at this point I was deeply fantasizing about our incredible love story. So, I decided to call her.

Me: Hi Jane (fake name), it's Bnbprodu I want to talk...
She hung up on me.

Notwithstanding, I thought she might have been too emotionally overwhelmed and couldn't talk. So I told myself 'OK, I'm gonna visit her at her workplace'.

I knew her break time so I showed up right on time for her to be free.

I bought her favorite chocolate candies, showed up and convo went more or less like this:

Me - Can we have a word together?
Her - Listen, Bnbprodu, don't bother me anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore.

'I don't have feelings for you anymore' said the girl who 6 months earlier told me I was her world, her everything and said she couldn't live without me.

From then on I went downhill and it took me 2 full years to recover, to not look at women as perpetrators of sorrow and sufferings.

Be wary, bro. Do what you think it's best for you but do it knowing the consequences you can face.

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge

Short answer: Don't do it. Don't. No.

Longer answer:

I can totally relate to your story because something very similar happened to me when I was living in Europe. My then-girlfriend and I lived 1 hour apart and we both had our life going on (working, studying, etc etc). The only thing that differs is that we didn't live together. Yes, she was the hottest girl I had pulled by then because she quite the full package: breath-taking curves, amazing in the sheets, and on career path full of rewards. I was 25 at that time and I was almost sure she was 'The One'.

However, let's move to the moral of the story. I dumped her because she started acting very weird after we were moving things very forward like planning to move together and eventually marry in the span of a couple of years. She tried to get me back for two weeks but I was unmovable. I didn't think twice to get back together with her. Until 6 months passed.

I stayed NC for those 6 months and was quite enjoying my renewed bachelorhood partying and meeting girls (scoring some of them in between). Then I began noticing that while having sex I was missing the kind of sex I used to have with her. Totally mind-blowing...not only mind by the way. So I was basically missing her bed-freak traits and couldn't find them in the girls I was bedding. That hit me hard and I started to long for her to the point that I truly believed her words when she told I was 'the love of her life'.

I was missing not her as a person but the Idea of Her. I was missing the rewarding feelings of feeling loved, desired by someone else. I wasn't missing her as a person at all.

So, the great beta of me put in his mind that I had to take her back. She was mine; my lover, my future wife - I even thought about moving to her town. I did everything to reach out to me. Found her number - that I had deleted - in on smartphone. All along at this point I was deeply fantasizing about our incredible love story. So, I decided to call her.

Me: Hi Jane (fake name), it's Bnbprodu I want to talk...
She hung up on me.

Notwithstanding, I thought she might have been too emotionally overwhelmed and couldn't talk. So I told myself 'OK, I'm gonna visit her at her workplace'.

I knew her break time so I showed up right on time for her to be free.

I bought her favorite chocolate candies, showed up and convo went more or less like this:

Me - Can we have a word together?
Her - Listen, Bnbprodu, don't bother me anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore.

'I don't have feelings for you anymore' said the girl who 6 months earlier told me I was her world, her everything and said she couldn't live without me.

From then on I went downhill and it took me 2 full years to recover, to not look at women as perpetrators of sorrow and sufferings.

Be wary, bro. Do what you think it's best for you but do it knowing the consequences you can face.

Thanks for your insight man... I can relate to you.. right now I am getting lots of great sex.. from multiple woman..

But.. I miss the closeness and comfortable feeling and that connection I had with my ex.. Plus my ex was hot, and very successful.. So I feel like I will never find a chick better than her again..

Maybe it was just sheer luck and a fluke that I pulled her in the first place.. We all want what we can't have right..

All that being said, i miss her, but I am not in pain any longer.. In another 6 months time, I will more than likely be over her..

I need to accept and realise, that its better to be with a HB7 than a hotter woman who treats you bad.


Its just that she has reached out, that has stirred up my feelings.. Maybe she wants to try again?

But.. I feel its too damn risky.. better to keep moving on.