Can a BPD make you feel like you are the narcissist?

[noBSgames]

lol, ya, this still has me in a "fog" as they say, because it is odd from her treating me as the king of all lands, to having issues with everything. She is getting tons of sympathy from all her friends about how she can do a million times better then me, how it is good that she left (she is saying she left, not the fact I kicked her out because she was literally about to drive me crazy) or the emotional abuse might have turned physical, those white nights swooping in asking if I need an ass kicking, you know, all the good stuff to stroke her ego. Isn't this called her "Supply" or something?

lol mine called me a virus and she was glad she got rid of me but then next thing later she comes back.. you have been warned lol.. let me guess you never met all of her friends or she has at least one she wont let you meet? Many of times I had to turn my phone on airplane mode because she just would not let me rest... I mean she got mad I was working 60 hours a week and she wanted me to spend time with her.. and she wanted me to share my money I made for the week with her.......

 

[exhausted]

So yours also gave, cleaned and cooked Exhausted? Mine did this very well, and she could bulldoze through cleaning when she wanted because of her ADHD. But later on in the relationship it would just happen every other week, and be really sloppy in between.

The victim mentality was very strong with this one. I thought it was weird as hell, but what ever, I drew my boundaries and let her in, protecting myself financially. But emotionally, it has me just ''WTF just happened? I wasn't ready for that". It has rethinking everything, especially my actions to see if I am a narcissist. Is this gas lighting? Now if has me thinking that if any person has boundaries and the enforce those boundaries, well, they can be considered a narcissist can't they, because of the self centeredness around sticking to what you believe is right?

The lack of empathy I really didn't see though, which is an odd one because I heard it's the key trait. But it's probably because I am no drama at all, so there was nothing to really empathize with, but it seemed like that was never a problem when it would happen though. I am definitely more of a stoic kind of guy, so I think I suffer more from lack of empathy. She had so much drama near the end of the relationship and a majority of the time all I could think was, "what the hell are you making such a big deal about?", but I would try to cater to her needs and be there for her, and sometimes I would just say, this is not an emergency. I just couldn't understand why everything was such a crisis with her, and maybe this is a bit narcissist?

The weird thing is that I really miss the good times with her more then any other girl I have been with. I mean, after sex she would lay me down in bed and rub my back, face, etc.. until I fell asleep. We are talking kingly kind of things here. She was super fun to hang out with, we laughed, joked, and really clicked with our weird sense of humor. She would go fishing, camping, etc... and still liked doing it. It seemed like she loved my kids as much as she loved hers and got along with them really good. So some of her traits were awesome. But the consistency, reliability, etc... was kind of hit or miss. At the end everything seemed hot and cold.. she would threaten to leave, then be ok. And I would do this too because it had me all confused and was sick of the up and down moments, gas lighting again?.

At first she was a nut bag she vieweda woman cooking and cleaning as a slave for men as she said her mom waited on her dad i said NO your mom is fulfilled by caring for your dad. Eventually she made me a plate of food every time i came over and started cooking once or twice a week and it became a running joke as she started doing things like this for me she had never done.
But it all stopped a yesr in even my family said she just wants me to take care of her.
She was very child like like a spoiled brat not a woman.
She wanted to even control my money, she has none is in debt but complained i didnt spend mine how SHE wanted. This terrified me that if we got married we would be broke in a damn year, and i have a good savings and put money away every check after doing whatever i want.
She is CONTROLLING to a disturbing level and jealous, envious and if i didnt do what she wanted whwn she wanted she would rage and flip and punish me. It was INSANE to be mad at someone who didnt get bossed around like a beitch.
She was also the victim in everything.

Yours seems to have some really good characteristics but red flags are there.

The narcissist has NO empathy and this is the #1 trait of a npd. They can say and treat you so cruellt u will be in shock. Absolute disbelief as they were your lover and best friend 5 seconds b4. It was terrifying.
I have been fighting for 30 years and yet i was scared of this girls raging and emotional abuse. No joke.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Jesus, so I just got done with a LTR with a Histrionic in which I was king for two years, and then it all went to hell quick after that. Just so much drama and fighting. By the way, I was not aware of Cluster B's so I got swept away by her treating me like a King. The thing is all the fights were about the boundaries that I had set up way early in the relationships and enforced, which were cool for the first two years, but the last year it was nothing but constant barrages trying to force herself through my boundaries. Every time I enforced my rules she would then accuse me of being a self centered ******* who cares about nothing but myself... and this actually started to get me thinking that I might be a self centered *******. Anyhow, the drama and the attacks on the boundaries got to be too much, and I just flipped out, lost my cool, we got into a super heated argument (I was not nice) and I kicked her out because it was too much. Now she is of course on a smear campaign all over social media talking about how I am the biggest, uncaring, narcisisstic ******* that has every walked this planet. Anyhow, did anyone else come out of the relationship and think the same thing I am thinking, about thinking that they just might be a little narcissistic too?

I know she was a Histrionic because her traits were....
1.) She was and is the victim to everything that has ever gone wrong in her life.
2.) Had horrible relationship with her family. Father and mother issues galore, her brother was the golden child, she was neglected etc...
3.) She threw it on me on the first date, but I overlooked that because this girl was about as fine as they come and I welcomed it.
4.) Super freak in bed, like anything went. Stuff that I didn't even want to do. Loved to be choked, and I mean like crazy hard. Told her I would never do that again. Domination to the extreme
5.) Typical facebook *****, cleavage shot, anything to fish for comliments.
6.) All of the men in her previous relationships were complete scum of the earch, narcisisstic *******. Matter of fact, she pretty much badmouthed everyone, even her friends..
7.) Highly emotional about everything, said she wears her heart on her sleeve.
8.) Every small anything was a crisis, almost like everything was in crisis mode.

List goes on and on, but all the serious ones did not show up for about two years.

Anyways, I know I completely messed up with this one, as all the flags were there, but I guess being king of this girls world had me overlooking it. Yes, I take the blame for all of it because I should have avoided it in the first place, but now I feel like I might be messed up because now I do feel like I am a narcissist and may have narcissistic traits which I originally thought were just enforcing my boundaries. People have said I am stubborn. Easiest thing I can say is I feel completely mindf*cked. I have also read that the reason a person might attract a narcisisst is because they might be messed up themselves.

Completely normal to feel that way after a relationship with a cluster b. You know you're dealing with one of these nut jobs when the very thing(s) they've loved about you for the first year are the things that they cannot stand about you afterwards.

 

[MrAddiction]

Your Cluster B cleaning for you does bot necessaryly mean her Talking care of you. OCD (obsessiv compulsiv disorder) is a often diagnosed comorbidity in Cluster Bs.

Mine cleaned like hell. She got up at 0700 every saturday to clean the house. That sounds nice. But it was her main thing to Do - nothing could get in that way. Come on, the House is clean, let us stay in bed together and then do something fun today! No! Not possilbe - I have to clean! That was just fcuked up behaviour. Then complained I would not be thankful for her cleaning the house. She did not pay rent, so fcuk she can at least clean the House.
After the breakup she complained, that it must have been nice to have had someone cleaning the House for free...

Do not give a **** about what they say after the breakup - hell do not even give a **** what they say while being together.
Nothing is never enough, they twist everything around, try to guiltshame you and make you look and feel like you are the narcisicst - but you are not! They are!

 

[MrAddiction]

when the very thing(s) they've loved about you for the first year are the things that they cannot stand about you afterwards.

Exactly. I Even was told that I would not have been her type!?! Sure and that she did realize only after the Short period of 7 years LTR....

 

[stovepipe]

Yes, Its fairly common. Lost count of how many stoires I've read where a man's BPD GF called him a Narc. They turn normal into crazy real quick.

 

[latinnova]

The narcissist has NO empathy and this is the #1 trait of a npd. They can say and treat you so cruellt u will be in shock. Absolute disbelief as they were your lover and best friend 5 seconds b4. It was terrifying.
I have been fighting for 30 years and yet i was scared of this girls raging and emotional abuse. No joke.

This is the part that kind of concerns me, is that she had so much drama in her life a majority of time I would be thinking "why is this such a big deal" and it was hard for me to understand and "empathize" with her because I know that those kind of things wouldn't bother me, being so trivial and wondering why she would let all the small things bring down her life so much. But I tried and I consoled her, but sometimes I would have to say "Why don't you try to worry only about the things in your life within your circle of control and let everything else go" and that never went well. So it has me thinking that maybe I am the one with the problem because I don't have much drama in my life, but I work my life so there is no drama. So when people are very emotional about everything I get bewildered. She did state at the beginning that she wears her heart on her sleeve.

Also, the first time we got in a fight was about laundry. When she moved in (she wasn't suppose to ever move in, but she got evicted from her apartment and she was basically living on the streets for a couple of days and made me feel like total crap, so I let her come and stay with me to get back on her feet) I set some boundaries. Simple rules, clean your own laundry, clean the dishes, and basically clean after yourself and she said that she would cook. O.K. sounds like a deal. Right at about 8 months I noticed the laundry start to pile out of the hamper and onto her dresser, was looking pretty nasty. So after about a week of that I asked her if she could start taking care of the laundry. Immediately she says to me "Do you not see how busy I am, I am here, there, everywhere. I don't have the time you think I have. Why don't you start throwing some of my laundry in with yours every time you do your own laundry?" Ummm... cause that wasn't part of the deal, and I was sticking to my guns. That pissed her off and that was the first heated argument we got into, and she started saying " you are so self centered, always thinking of yourself, why can't you be a real man and take care of your lady. You see that I am busy and I don't have much time... etc.. which got me to say "that wasn't part of the deal" then she raised her voice, I raised mine, and it got pretty heated. I really regret that I got like that. But that wasn't the only time. Sometimes I would find my self getting mad in an argument while she wasn't, because she kept trying to push my boundaries and I was just sick and annoyed with it. Now after I reflect on it I did things I wish I wouldn't have gotten angry, but jeez, there was always something every day, if it wasn't this it was that....

So it has me thinking that I could work on my empathy and my anger when in argument for future relationships. Thing is though, I never really find myself getting angry anywhere else. This whole redpill - so suave thing works, but all the actions we follow of bettering ourselves can be labelled by anyone who wants to, as narcissistic as hell since it revolves around us bettering ourselves, and getting rid of anything that will set us back. Guess there is never a win, win in anything in life. Pick you path and walk it.

 

[noBSgames]

Exactly. I Even was told that I would not have been her type!?! Sure and that she did realize only after the Short period of 7 years LTR....

Mine called me ugly so makes you think why did she get with me in the first place

 

[latinnova]

Your Cluster B cleaning for you does bot necessaryly mean her Talking care of you. OCD (obsessiv compulsiv disorder) is a often diagnosed comorbidity in Cluster Bs.

Mine cleaned like hell. She got up at 0700 every saturday to clean the house. That sounds nice. But it was her main thing to Do - nothing could get in that way. Come on, the House is clean, let us stay in bed together and then do something fun today! No! Not possilbe - I have to clean! That was just fcuked up behaviour. Then complained I would not be thankful for her cleaning the house. She did not pay rent, so fcuk she can at least clean the House.
After the breakup she complained, that it must have been nice to have had someone cleaning the House for free...

Do not give a **** about what they say after the breakup - hell do not even give a **** what they say while being together.
Nothing is never enough, they twist everything around, try to guiltshame you and make you look and feel like you are the narcisicst - but you are not! They are!

Yes, when mine did decide to clean it was like a mission in which no one could get in her way. She was hyperfocused on it and would clean better and faster then anything I have ever seen in my life. It was insane!!! But, then it would could for a while where she wouldn't do a thing, then all of a sudden it was super clean day again. I got the same thing you did. Once she got a job and I asked her to contribute to the utilities, she pulled all the strings "Don't you remember how much I clean, what I have done for you, the groceries I have gotten." and it kind of just threw me off, and I was like, ya you are right. My deal was simple, clean after yourself, and now that you have a job contribute to some of the bills. The whole contributing to the bills thing never happened though.

 

[exhausted]

Yeah this girl was like lets open up a joint banking account.. UHMM NO WAY! last vacation I spent like $800 between the room and car rental.. she still says I did not spend any money...

Goood God this is familiar.

Mine raged that i dont take her out or buy her chit when i swear to the LORD i just took her out the last 3 weekends in a row and sent her flowers for mothers day and she isnt even the mother of my kid!!!!!!!!!!
When i responded telling her that she just ignored it. They ignore facts in your response.

NO APPRECIATION.

Mine said she wanted to live together b4 getting married. Then when it came up i will not put our money tog unless we were married then all a sudden she changed her mind and wanted to get married.

S we talked about living together and she refused to pay more than 150$ for utilities and help w food.

She makes 27$ an hour but has lots of bills.

Instead of ever talking through situations she would just get mad and refused to talk or got mad and just got up snd walked out on me as i was talking, got in her car and drove 45 mins home.

WTF FRUCKING CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She complained we werent farther along after 3 years but is too dumb to see its her fault. I told her 100x u have to talk things out to move forward together.

Spoiled narcissistic mouthy brat.

 

[exhausted]

This is the part that kind of concerns me, is that she had so much drama in her life a majority of time I would be thinking "why is this such a big deal" and it was hard for me to understand and "empathize" with her because I know that those kind of things wouldn't bother me, being so trivial and wondering why she would let all the small things bring down her life so much. But I tried and I consoled her, but sometimes I would have to say "Why don't you try to worry only about the things in your life within your circle of control and let everything else go" and that never went well. So it has me thinking that maybe I am the one with the problem because I don't have much drama in my life, but I work my life so there is no drama. So when people are very emotional about everything I get bewildered. She did state at the beginning that she wears her heart on her sleeve.

Also, the first time we got in a fight was about laundry. When she moved in (she wasn't suppose to ever move in, but she got evicted from her apartment and she was basically living on the streets for a couple of days and made me feel like total crap, so I let her come and stay with me to get back on her feet) I set some boundaries. Simple rules, clean your own laundry, clean the dishes, and basically clean after yourself and she said that she would cook. O.K. sounds like a deal. Right at about 8 months I noticed the laundry start to pile out of the hamper and onto her dresser, was looking pretty nasty. So after about a week of that I asked her if she could start taking care of the laundry. Immediately she says to me "Do you not see how busy I am, I am here, there, everywhere. I don't have the time you think I have. Why don't you start throwing some of my laundry in with yours every time you do your own laundry?" Ummm... cause that wasn't part of the deal, and I was sticking to my guns. That pissed her off and that was the first heated argument we got into, and she started saying " you are so self centered, always thinking of yourself, why can't you be a real man and take care of your lady. You see that I am busy and I don't have much time... etc.. which got me to say "that wasn't part of the deal" then she raised her voice, I raised mine, and it got pretty heated. I really regret that I got like that. But that wasn't the only time. Sometimes I would find my self getting mad in an argument while she wasn't, because she kept trying to push my boundaries and I was just sick and annoyed with it. Now after I reflect on it I did things I wish I wouldn't have gotten angry, but jeez, there was always something every day, if it wasn't this it was that....

So it has me thinking that I could work on my empathy and my anger when in argument for future relationships. Thing is though, I never really find myself getting angry anywhere else. This whole redpill - so suave thing works, but all the actions we follow of bettering ourselves can be labelled by anyone who wants to, as narcissistic as hell since it revolves around us bettering ourselves, and getting rid of anything that will set us back. Guess there is never a win, win in anything in life. Pick you path and walk it.

Absolutely over dramatic about Every thing!!

I did the same thing i would be positive and steer her into not letting little things ruin her day and she would even get mad at me for trying to "help" and im suppose to just listen. I said ive done that its the same complaint everyday for 3 months about a co-worker taking too many smoke breaks at what point do u say F her, i have a good job and she is not my problem. But they dont work like this they make everything dramatic then put u down for causing problems. It's like they want to be unhappy about something all the time.

Insane.

That's what they do they make u feel its YOUR fault.

I dont get mad easily, takes a lot. Many times i just sat there why she went off like a psycho. Then that would make her more mad.

 

[MrAddiction]

I was sticking to my guns

Sticking to your Guns is the only way to survive with this girls. Problem for Most People is, they do mit know beforehand what their boundaries are or at least have non reqiuering their unique dreamgirl.
You must know before getting into an LTR - and that is for every Relationship not only with those Cluster Bs - what you are willing to put up with. If the line is drawn and she walks over, you can stick to your guns and Do what is necessary without any further thinking and without any emotions of the situation coming into your way.
It's like simple math. You Do this than that will Happen. Wether I like ist or not - I will Do this and Stick to my guns.
So: no Need or a Bad consciousness for sticking to your Guns.
If you Do not stick to your guns you will be run all over by These girls and the end result is even more suffering or death

 

[exhausted]

Yes, Its fairly common. Lost count of how many stoires I've read where a man's BPD GF called him a Narc. They turn normal into crazy real quick.

I was called selfish. Like wtf?????
Because out of 1200 things asked of me i said no to 1 of those.

 

[latinnova]

Sticking to your Guns is the only way to survive with this girls. Problem for Most People is, they do mit know beforehand what their boundaries are or at least have non reqiuering their unique dreamgirl.
You must know before getting into an LTR - and that is for every Relationship not only with those Cluster Bs - what you are willing to put up with. If the line is drawn and she walks over, you can stick to your guns and Do what is necessary without any further thinking and without any emotions of the situation coming into your way.
It's like simple math. You Do this than that will Happen. Wether I like ist or not - I will Do this and Stick to my guns.
So: no Need or a Bad consciousness for sticking to your Guns.
If you Do not stick to your guns you will be run all over by These girls and the end result is even more suffering or death

Indeed. There were some things though, where she would say something and I would consider it and think "you know what, since we are in this relationship I should do this one thing she needs me to do.." because I felt that maybe I should be her man and step up to the plate and do as she asked. However, I noticed that when I gave an inch she took a mile and her interest in me faded considerably. There was definitely a loss of respect. So I tightened up my belt and said "**** that" then ensued a huge fight, but she was back into me 100%. That just completely messed with my mind.....

 

[exhausted]

Sticking to your Guns is the only way to survive with this girls. Problem for Most People is, they do mit know beforehand what their boundaries are or at least have non reqiuering their unique dreamgirl.
You must know before getting into an LTR - and that is for every Relationship not only with those Cluster Bs - what you are willing to put up with. If the line is drawn and she walks over, you can stick to your guns and Do what is necessary without any further thinking and without any emotions of the situation coming into your way.
It's like simple math. You Do this than that will Happen. Wether I like ist or not - I will Do this and Stick to my guns.
So: no Need or a Bad consciousness for sticking to your Guns.
If you Do not stick to your guns you will be run all over by These girls and the end result is even more suffering or death

Sticking to my guns is why i am here now but it's hard not to be emotional about it.

 

[MrAddiction]

So it has me thinking that I could work on my empathy and my anger when in argument for future relationships. Thing is though, I never really find myself getting angry anywhere else. This whole redpill - so suave thing works, but all the actions we follow of bettering ourselves can be labelled by anyone who wants to, as narcissistic as hell since it revolves around us bettering ourselves, and getting rid of anything that will set us back. Guess there is never a win, win in anything in life. Pick you path and walk it.

This gal really mindfcuked you. It is all manpulation. Pay attention that more empathy does not lead to buy further into more bull****. They like to mainpulate, and argue in Crazy ways.
Example?! Here we go:

Her(2000): I am thirsty.
Me: then Drink something
Her: get me something
Me:???why???
Her: because you already stand (while her on the couch
Me: yes, but your water is not here it is in the other room. Go get yourself.

She did not argue further but did not get up.
I wenn to bed at 2230 and she had not gotten herself something to Drink Till then.

2400 she comes to bed
0015: "i am thirsty"
Me: didn't you get somthing?
Her: no.
Me: so you were not that thirsty!
Her: yes I were and am.
Her:can you get me something now?
Me: no!
Then she drinks some of my water near the bed and complains- it does not taste well.

Who is the narcicist in that Story? Me? Hell no!

 

[MrAddiction]

Sticking to my guns is why i am here now but it's hard not to be emotional about it.

You can be emotional. But you have to Stick to the decision you made. Is it Hard? For sure! I am out more than a year and still have times where it is/feels hard. But only because it feels bad does not mean the decision was wrong.
Look at it like a heroin addiction - that Helped me tremendous. I made a post about the paralells between NC and heroinaddiction in the NC Thread a while ago.
Some days when lonely and all Energy is lost or after drinking doing heroin (contacting/ going back with the x) will feel like a good idea. But guess what? It isn't. In the Long run you are better of without it.
Litte tip for you: jophil28 and KontollerX had Great insight. Look up their posts. They Both were involved with a Cluster B and helped a lot with their insight.

 

[MrAddiction]

So I tightened up my belt and said "**** that" then ensued a huge fight, but she was back into me 100%. That just completely messed with my mind.....

Welcome to my world. I can relate to this to a t.

 

[stovepipe]

I was called selfish. Like wtf?????
Because out of 1200 things asked of me i said no to 1 of those.

How dare you say no to me!! "NO" is their most hated word. They're not used to hearing it and when they do, boy will they throw a hissy fit

 

[Billtx49]

How dare you say no to me!! "NO" is their most hated word. They're not used to hearing it and when they do, boy will they throw a hissy fit

Yes, they're basically stuck at some stage of emotional immaturity. Tell a young child they can't have ice cream today, or a teenage girl she cant go on a date.
Same type of response from these 'grown women'.
You go in thinking you're dealing with an adult, but you're Not.…
It's where the mindfvck starts.