Long distance relationship advince.

[Rxnxg]

Hello everyone, and sorry if this post shouldn't be here.
I'm gonna give you today a case that might be a bit different of the ones you see here time to time.

I'm 24 y/o and I was in a LDR with a 19 y/o girl for 1 year and half, then she dumped me around 3 months ago. We've been in no contact for around 90 days and then she started messaging me on skype every now and then, increasing everyday. She told me that she likes another guy.

After around 3 weeks talking a lot in skype we began to start talking even more (like 24 hours skype calls even leaving it open at night), she had the attitude that seemed like she still liked me so I confessed her that I still had feelings for her. She told me "I have to think about it cause I'm confused", so we kept talking for 1 week, in that week she told me a couple times that she loved me and even gave me "kisses", at the end of the week she told me that "she was not ready for a relationship and the other guy needed her support more".

After that she kept messaging me skype once or twice a day and I'm currently just "indifferently" answering her, and telling her that I'm busy if she ask me to play with her. (I kinda feel betrayed for giving me hope and then take it all away).

Sadly I have her like everywhere, discord, skype, even steam... So I saw today her playing with another guy and it destroyed me a bit inside, thinking that she might be having a great time while I'm just here sitting getting sad. (as stupid as it sounds...)

I still love her. I'm sorry if that case seems extremely weird... but it's just like that, not gonna lie.

Gonna give you some random facts about me, her and the other guy she liked.

About me: I'm a good guy (that shouldn't be bad, but I guess it is.), I always try to help her if she has a problem and i'm there for her if she needs me. Also our relationship was fine, no fight, she just dumped me.

About her: She is still young, she likes attention and she always has someone to play with, she NEVER plays alone. She is kind of a negative person. (I kinda don't know if she confuses love with attention...)

• I kinda feel that if I stop giving her attention she's gonna stop talking to me and someone else give her attention soon. She has a strong ego.

About the other guy: I'm not lying about him, everything i'm gonna say it's true. He doesn't play with her, seems like he doesn't give a **** about her at all. He's a depressed person and he cuts his arms. And he just cares about himself (looks like I hate him saying that, but I don't, it's just the truth).

That's what our conversations now looks like:
<she sends link of a song>
[03/06/2017 17:46:05] Her: this song is stuck in my head
[03/06/2017 19:32:44] Me: It's like the top 1 at the moment in Spain
[03/06/2017 20:51:34] Her: I like it for some reason
[03/06/2017 21:12:16] Me: Yea it's catchy
[03/06/2017 21:13:09] Her: yeah
[03/06/2017 21:13:11] Her: and im tired
[03/06/2017 21:13:18] Her: due to sleeping A LITTLE
[03/06/2017 21:13:21] Her: more like nothing
[03/06/2017 21:14:30] Me: Sleep then
[03/06/2017 21:14:35] Me: ;o
[03/06/2017 21:14:45] Her: no
[03/06/2017 21:21:28] Me: Why not?
[03/06/2017 21:59:54] Her: want to play some league tommorow?
[03/06/2017 22:16:49] Me: I'm not sure if i'll be here tomorrow, but thank you for asking!

I'm sorry about all the confusion. I want to take her back cause to be honest I still love her, but I have no clue about what to do. Any idea? I want you all to be completely honest about what you think.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post!

 

[Dingo]

Get ready to swallow the Red Pill my friend..
It's a painful, bitter pill but you'll survive....

 

[Billtx49]

1 LDR's Never work
2 she's still rocky with her new guy and maybe looking for another one.
3 she's using you for her personal emotional tampon until things get better In her current surroundings.
4 once she's comfortable, you don't exist.

 

[Rxnxg]

1 LDR's Never work
2 she's still rocky with her new guy and maybe looking for another one.
3 she's using you for her personal emotional tampon until things get better In her current surroundings.
4 when she's comfortable, you're gone.

So I guess I have no chance at all... should I just cut all contact ?

 

[Billtx49]

Yes

 

[Rxnxg]

Your OP said that you told her you have feelings for her.

This is a definite 'never do again' moment.

You don't TELL women how you feel about them. You SHOW them.

Thanks for the advice, but I also have to tell you that every time I was with her (or just chatting) I was demonstrating her that she could still count on me, and I was trying my best to make her happy, so yea, I showed her also. But I see what you mean.

 

[Dingo]

OP... Are you familiar with the Book of Pook ?

If you're not... download it tonight.... Read it....

 

[Dingo]

Here... I'll make it easy for you...

http://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-1

READ IT !!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Welcome to the forum. One thing you gotta do is try to let go. Start caring about other aspects of your life that will positively influence you, and stop caring about negative ones. For one thing, she sees this guy in person (I'm assuming anyway). That will always outdo someone she doesn't see in person.

Secondly, she shouldn't be 'confused' about you or him. Right now, she is deciding. Deciding on what exactly? Well she is thinking about which guy is better. Sizing you and him up against each other. She broke it off because she basically chose him. At the same time she also wants you, but not as much. The reason why she doesn't value you as much is because she is taking you for granted. And the reason why she takes you for granted is because you are always there for her. It goes back to the basic premise of wanting what you can't have.

There's a whole lot more to this than just that. But it's a lot of stuff. Go read around here, and then read the DJ Bible. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and you'll see it. It's basically a compilation of many posts over here that talk about everything step by step. You can also go click on the banner at the top of the page and it'll redirect you to SoSuave.com which also talks about general basics. And like others have said, the Book of Pook is also a great read too. It's not even a book really, it's just a compilation of a lot of the posts of this one guy who went by the name of Pook a long time ago. He basically changed this whole website and all other stuff like it. It's basically the holy grail of what it means to be a man and how to be the best version of yourself that you can be, while also attracting women.

Anyway, welcome to the forums and PM me if you want to play league sometime

 

[lizardking82]

Long distance relationship advice -> cut it off.

 

[ubercat]

When it comes to long distance relationships in the Immortal words of my mate. Ma dvck don't reach that far.

If you're not getting the payoff why would you pay the maintenance

 

[dude99]

Hello everyone, and sorry if this post shouldn't be here.
I'm gonna give you today a case that might be a bit different of the ones you see here time to time.

I'm 24 y/o and I was in a LDR with a 19 y/o girl for 1 year and half, then she dumped me around 3 months ago. We've been in no contact for around 90 days and then she started messaging me on skype every now and then, increasing everyday. She told me that she likes another guy.

After around 3 weeks talking a lot in skype we began to start talking even more (like 24 hours skype calls even leaving it open at night), she had the attitude that seemed like she still liked me so I confessed her that I still had feelings for her. She told me "I have to think about it cause I'm confused", so we kept talking for 1 week, in that week she told me a couple times that she loved me and even gave me "kisses", at the end of the week she told me that "she was not ready for a relationship and the other guy needed her support more".

After that she kept messaging me skype once or twice a day and I'm currently just "indifferently" answering her, and telling her that I'm busy if she ask me to play with her. (I kinda feel betrayed for giving me hope and then take it all away).

Sadly I have her like everywhere, discord, skype, even steam... So I saw today her playing with another guy and it destroyed me a bit inside, thinking that she might be having a great time while I'm just here sitting getting sad. (as stupid as it sounds...)

I still love her. I'm sorry if that case seems extremely weird... but it's just like that, not gonna lie.

Gonna give you some random facts about me, her and the other guy she liked.

About me: I'm a good guy (that shouldn't be bad, but I guess it is.), I always try to help her if she has a problem and i'm there for her if she needs me. Also our relationship was fine, no fight, she just dumped me.

About her: She is still young, she likes attention and she always has someone to play with, she NEVER plays alone. She is kind of a negative person. (I kinda don't know if she confuses love with attention...)

• I kinda feel that if I stop giving her attention she's gonna stop talking to me and someone else give her attention soon. She has a strong ego.

About the other guy: I'm not lying about him, everything i'm gonna say it's true. He doesn't play with her, seems like he doesn't give a **** about her at all. He's a depressed person and he cuts his arms. And he just cares about himself (looks like I hate him saying that, but I don't, it's just the truth).

That's what our conversations now looks like:
<she sends link of a song>
[03/06/2017 17:46:05] Her: this song is stuck in my head
[03/06/2017 19:32:44] Me: It's like the top 1 at the moment in Spain
[03/06/2017 20:51:34] Her: I like it for some reason
[03/06/2017 21:12:16] Me: Yea it's catchy
[03/06/2017 21:13:09] Her: yeah
[03/06/2017 21:13:11] Her: and im tired
[03/06/2017 21:13:18] Her: due to sleeping A LITTLE
[03/06/2017 21:13:21] Her: more like nothing
[03/06/2017 21:14:30] Me: Sleep then
[03/06/2017 21:14:35] Me: ;o
[03/06/2017 21:14:45] Her: no
[03/06/2017 21:21:28] Me: Why not?
[03/06/2017 21:59:54] Her: want to play some league tommorow?
[03/06/2017 22:16:49] Me: I'm not sure if i'll be here tomorrow, but thank you for asking!

I'm sorry about all the confusion. I want to take her back cause to be honest I still love her, but I have no clue about what to do. Any idea? I want you all to be completely honest about what you think.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post!

Long distance relationship = penpal.

Lets look at what she said/did.

She ended the relationship. New guy alert. When she suddenly dumps you, another dog is in the yard. = she is no longer interested. You next and cut all contact.

For 90 days she didn't hear from you so she did what all girls do, and wondered if dumping you was the right thing. She reached out. You should have just deleted/ignored her

She then turned you into her personal validation machine, which you did. You talked to her for hours and told her how you felt. Wrong move.

She told you she was confused.= she isn't confused at all. She just can't figure out a way of keeping you on a string and have you not ask her out in the same process. She wanted you as an orbiter. Not as a boy friend.

She then told you "the other guy needed her more." = she likes him more than you. You are only there to feed her ego. Nothing more.

Bottom line. Cut all contact with her and go date local women.

She will go silent again which is good. Delete her from skype. Delete her from your phone, whatsap facebook etc all avenues. Go date new woman.

When things go sour for her, when she reaches out again, ignore. Next.

You no longer have time for her.

 

[Rxnxg]

Well, quick update, she keeps messaging me on skype everyday telling me random stuff. I'm just answering sometimes (when I feel like) and being pretty much indifferent and even if I answer with a message that should cut the conversation she finds a way to keep it up (until I just don't answer anymore).

And she's thinking to start streaming, since I don't give her attention and neither does the other guy, I guess she has to get it from somewhere else. (But that's just what I think doesn't have to be that.)

Edit: I forgot to mention that in 3 days she tried 3 times to talk with me in skype trough call, all 3 times I declined (either telling her I was busy or that I was about to leave).

She's trying to keep the conversation alive and show me that she's happy even if I don't reply.

 

[Reykhel]

About me: I'm a good guy (that shouldn't be bad, but I guess it is.), I always try to help her if she has a problem and i'm there for her if she needs me.

You're a doormat. A "nice guy" tends to put others' needs before his own needs. It's very difficult to fully
respect a man like that. She can use you easily but respect you, no.

If she cannot respect you, she cannot love you.

Women love differently than men. A woman's love has to come from respect and adoration. In other words, she has to look up to you. Given a woman's hypergamic nature, she cannot look down at an inferior man and love him.

What can you do?
1. You must put your own needs and happiness first. Always. "I am the most important person in this relationship". The paradox is that you must become almost a self centered prick or a selfish bastard before you can reach a place of true giving. It's an ironic thought, but you must be so full up with your own happiness and with all of your needs being taken care of that you can only then give from a place of true abundance......
......rather than staying an avaricious prick on one hand or a nice guy who gives from a scarcity mentality..

2. You must shore up your boundaries: learn to recognize and only accept WIN/WIN SITUATIONS. The nice guy so often has boundary problems and he's so eager to please her and win her approval that he constantly puts himself in win/lose situations in the woman's favor. Later becoming angry and bitter.

What benefit are you getting from being in a ldr? You've got to ask yourself "how is this benefiting me"?

Recognize the payoff: the ldr is a buffer to rejection. The payoff is that you don't have to risk putting yourself out there and facing
rejection from women in real life. So much safer to stay in the wolly cotton safety of a fantasy relationship.

Time to face reality

 

[Thorninmyside]

Do all of the above. Here's the simple truth about the game you're in: To play is to lose. By even being a participant in her long distance head****, you come out a loser. There isn't a play where you come out on top here, EXCEPT to walk away and in 3 months you'll wonder why you ever put yourself through this crap. Go make life awesome because she sure ain't making your life awesome. Read everything on this forum for a month solid.

 

[Plums]

Hello everyone, and sorry if this post shouldn't be here.
I'm gonna give you today a case that might be a bit different of the ones you see here time to time.

I'm 24 y/o and I was in a LDR with a 19 y/o girl for 1 year and half, then she dumped me around 3 months ago. We've been in no contact for around 90 days and then she started messaging me on skype every now and then, increasing everyday. She told me that she likes another guy.

After around 3 weeks talking a lot in skype we began to start talking even more (like 24 hours skype calls even leaving it open at night), she had the attitude that seemed like she still liked me so I confessed her that I still had feelings for her. She told me "I have to think about it cause I'm confused", so we kept talking for 1 week, in that week she told me a couple times that she loved me and even gave me "kisses", at the end of the week she told me that "she was not ready for a relationship and the other guy needed her support more".

After that she kept messaging me skype once or twice a day and I'm currently just "indifferently" answering her, and telling her that I'm busy if she ask me to play with her. (I kinda feel betrayed for giving me hope and then take it all away).

Sadly I have her like everywhere, discord, skype, even steam... So I saw today her playing with another guy and it destroyed me a bit inside, thinking that she might be having a great time while I'm just here sitting getting sad. (as stupid as it sounds...)

I still love her. I'm sorry if that case seems extremely weird... but it's just like that, not gonna lie.

Gonna give you some random facts about me, her and the other guy she liked.

About me: I'm a good guy (that shouldn't be bad, but I guess it is.), I always try to help her if she has a problem and i'm there for her if she needs me. Also our relationship was fine, no fight, she just dumped me.

About her: She is still young, she likes attention and she always has someone to play with, she NEVER plays alone. She is kind of a negative person. (I kinda don't know if she confuses love with attention...)

• I kinda feel that if I stop giving her attention she's gonna stop talking to me and someone else give her attention soon. She has a strong ego.

About the other guy: I'm not lying about him, everything i'm gonna say it's true. He doesn't play with her, seems like he doesn't give a **** about her at all. He's a depressed person and he cuts his arms. And he just cares about himself (looks like I hate him saying that, but I don't, it's just the truth).

That's what our conversations now looks like:
<she sends link of a song>
[03/06/2017 17:46:05] Her: this song is stuck in my head
[03/06/2017 19:32:44] Me: It's like the top 1 at the moment in Spain
[03/06/2017 20:51:34] Her: I like it for some reason
[03/06/2017 21:12:16] Me: Yea it's catchy
[03/06/2017 21:13:09] Her: yeah
[03/06/2017 21:13:11] Her: and im tired
[03/06/2017 21:13:18] Her: due to sleeping A LITTLE
[03/06/2017 21:13:21] Her: more like nothing
[03/06/2017 21:14:30] Me: Sleep then
[03/06/2017 21:14:35] Me: ;o
[03/06/2017 21:14:45] Her: no
[03/06/2017 21:21:28] Me: Why not?
[03/06/2017 21:59:54] Her: want to play some league tommorow?
[03/06/2017 22:16:49] Me: I'm not sure if i'll be here tomorrow, but thank you for asking!

I'm sorry about all the confusion. I want to take her back cause to be honest I still love her, but I have no clue about what to do. Any idea? I want you all to be completely honest about what you think.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post!

I don't think you love her. You love a fake version of her that you have created in your mind who is perfect. You have slotted her into that role.

You are being obsessive which is blinding you to the truth. Find a more healthy outlet for your energy.

She actually isn't a very nice person at all. At the very least she is immature at worse she is a self centred attention seeker who loves playing games and doesn't give a stuff about your feelings.

So get a grip. Stop helping her to torture you. She is manipulating the fact that you will feel competitive in this situation.

Look at the reality and stop making excuses for her behaviour. START telling yourself over and over that you do NOT love her. This will help.

If you think of her face tell yourself she is nasty and ugly.

Close down any sites that you don't really need. Find different ones to play on.

Do you really want a relationship with someone who WILL ALWAYS play these emotional mind sucking games with you?

It will hurt for a while but you will get over it. The best way to dissolve the hurt is to find someone else who intrigues you.

This situation isn't the end of the world. You need to and will learn good lessons about yourself from this episode.

I don't know if you are into this but try listening to this as it will help you regain your balance.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Am I picking up the vibe that you've never met in person, never banged?

 

[Rxnxg]

Am I picking up the vibe that you've never met in person, never banged?

You're right, when she left me we were about to met. But anyways I feel better now, I'm going straight NC and I'm starting to see the person she really is, and what she does.

Thank you everyone for the advice!

 

[bigneil]

Even if she was confessing her love for you, LDR won't last long. If she is actually saying she likes someone else and is indifferent toward OP, how on Earth is he pursuing her? He must simply have no other options, a true scarcity mentality.

The age difference sounds good, but actually that's especially hard because she's in her prime at 19 and he's one year out of college and lucky to have a job. Though Olly will say OP is the perfect man and it's all down hill from here as he ages and becomes independently wealthy from a good career.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Hello everyone, and sorry if this post shouldn't be here.
I'm gonna give you today a case that might be a bit different of the ones you see here time to time.

I'm 24 y/o and I was in a LDR with a 19 y/o girl for 1 year and half, then she dumped me around 3 months ago. We've been in no contact for around 90 days and then she started messaging me on skype every now and then, increasing everyday. She told me that she likes another guy.

After around 3 weeks talking a lot in skype we began to start talking even more (like 24 hours skype calls even leaving it open at night), she had the attitude that seemed like she still liked me so I confessed her that I still had feelings for her. She told me "I have to think about it cause I'm confused", so we kept talking for 1 week, in that week she told me a couple times that she loved me and even gave me "kisses", at the end of the week she told me that "she was not ready for a relationship and the other guy needed her support more".

After that she kept messaging me skype once or twice a day and I'm currently just "indifferently" answering her, and telling her that I'm busy if she ask me to play with her. (I kinda feel betrayed for giving me hope and then take it all away).

Sadly I have her like everywhere, discord, skype, even steam... So I saw today her playing with another guy and it destroyed me a bit inside, thinking that she might be having a great time while I'm just here sitting getting sad. (as stupid as it sounds...)

I still love her. I'm sorry if that case seems extremely weird... but it's just like that, not gonna lie.

Gonna give you some random facts about me, her and the other guy she liked.

About me: I'm a good guy (that shouldn't be bad, but I guess it is.), I always try to help her if she has a problem and i'm there for her if she needs me. Also our relationship was fine, no fight, she just dumped me.

About her: She is still young, she likes attention and she always has someone to play with, she NEVER plays alone. She is kind of a negative person. (I kinda don't know if she confuses love with attention...)

• I kinda feel that if I stop giving her attention she's gonna stop talking to me and someone else give her attention soon. She has a strong ego.

About the other guy: I'm not lying about him, everything i'm gonna say it's true. He doesn't play with her, seems like he doesn't give a **** about her at all. He's a depressed person and he cuts his arms. And he just cares about himself (looks like I hate him saying that, but I don't, it's just the truth).

That's what our conversations now looks like:
<she sends link of a song>
[03/06/2017 17:46:05] Her: this song is stuck in my head
[03/06/2017 19:32:44] Me: It's like the top 1 at the moment in Spain
[03/06/2017 20:51:34] Her: I like it for some reason
[03/06/2017 21:12:16] Me: Yea it's catchy
[03/06/2017 21:13:09] Her: yeah
[03/06/2017 21:13:11] Her: and im tired
[03/06/2017 21:13:18] Her: due to sleeping A LITTLE
[03/06/2017 21:13:21] Her: more like nothing
[03/06/2017 21:14:30] Me: Sleep then
[03/06/2017 21:14:35] Me: ;o
[03/06/2017 21:14:45] Her: no
[03/06/2017 21:21:28] Me: Why not?
[03/06/2017 21:59:54] Her: want to play some league tommorow?
[03/06/2017 22:16:49] Me: I'm not sure if i'll be here tomorrow, but thank you for asking!

I'm sorry about all the confusion. I want to take her back cause to be honest I still love her, but I have no clue about what to do. Any idea? I want you all to be completely honest about what you think.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post!

Read this:

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/20/letting-go-of-invisible-friend/

-Augustus-