The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

Out of curiosity man, why did she go crazy ringing you?

Also do you think, me changing my number is too extreme?

I have blocked her completely 100%..

Other than her coming to my house.. or sending me a letter in the post

Here is way she went Crazy.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-need-advice-on-bpd-npd-ex-and-hoovering.239337/
It is radio silence since then.

I think blocking her completely is the right thing which you did - there is no way of overdoing NC or doing ist to extreme. But this thoughs you have about being too rude to her by doing so, shows you still care what she is thinking - though she still has a spell on you. Believe me I Do exactly know about that stuff, realize myself thinking in this patern sometimes. WE have to learn to get more selfish and put ourselfs first. If it is not good for you - just do not care. Fcuk what she might/could/would think. If that should be important to you, she had her Chance to behave the Time when you were togehter.

Why did I not change my number? Simple fact: That is MY number and I am not willing to change a number I had for more than 15years just because some chick that happend to be my ex can not behave herself.

 

[Carpathian]

We would not be humans with a heart if we did not miss exes guys. It will happen. I miss mine as well sometimes.. . But to those readers lost in the past, seeking refuge in yesteryear, be warned, it does not help to linger with those thoughts. Progress is made moving forward, not backward. Look to the future and all the love and happiness that will eventually prevail as sure as the sun will shine again in the deep blue sky.

Do not dwell on the past! Onwards and upwards!

 

[Carpathian]

Here is way she went Crazy.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-need-advice-on-bpd-npd-ex-and-hoovering.239337/
It is radio silence since then.

I think blocking her completely is the right thing which you did - there is no way of overdoing NC or doing ist to extreme. But this thoughs you have about being too rude to her by doing so, shows you still care what she is thinking - though she still has a spell on you. Believe me I Do exactly know about that stuff, realize myself thinking in this patern sometimes. WE have to learn to get more selfish and put ourselfs first. If it is not good for you - just do not care. Fcuk what she might/could/would think. If that should be important to you, she had her Chance to behave the Time when you were togehter.

Why did I not change my number? Simple fact: That is MY number and I am not willing to change a number I had for more than 15years just because some chick that happend to be my ex can not behave herself.

I agree with every letter dude.
What is the alternative to NC and blocking her?? More reaching out and begging/pleading with her?????. There is one word for that - pathetic. Indeed, fukk what she thinks. It is what you think and what is right for you that matters.
And agreed it is your number. WTF should you change it?!!!! Text her back that you are going to the police if she does not stop. Stalking is a terrible thing but strange isn't it that when a man does this to a woman it is "stalking" and a restraining order is sought and yet when a woman (who dumped us) can seem to do this to a man without fear of retribution.

 

[Reboot2017]

It will pass. Man, pictures can be hard...Somewhere in this thread there is a post of mine...saying that after 3 months of NC I was doing some cleaning around my place and found a picture of her. And you know what? I was like "well, she was no that pretty", put it where it was and continued with my day. Things will get better, I can promise you that. Gve yourself some time to heal and then go after a new girl, that's the fastest way! Stay strong!

Frankly, I wished I was a bit more patient with that like you. I was holding out really well until the night. Was debating whether to post some photos of my trip (generally me having a good time with a lot of social proof). For some reason she follows me on Instagram. In a weak moment, I said screw it and did post it up. It is my life after all and even better if she felt hurt. I think the effect was immediate. She immediately started liking and commenting on it. Said that I fooled her and that sort of nonsense. I blocked her on Instagram and removed her comments.

I did not break no contact but hearing from her after 2 weeks reopened some old wounds again. I regret doing it... It was better when I was oblivious. Anyway, I have to clean up this mess in my head again. Honestly, sometimes I miss her and other times, I just want to hurt her... Thinking back on how she treated me and how easily she replaced me now, it just brings out the worst in me. And yet, after I do get my "revenge", it feels so meaningless. F*cked up emotions.

 

[soulforge]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..

I know man.. makes u feel low, can't imagine anything worse than settling for any old chick!

 

[MrAddiction]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..

I know man.. makes u feel low, can't imagine anything worse than settling for any old chick!

Dude, I know how you feel. i have been Talking to more girls in the past month than in the Last 10 years. And I feel nearly the same like you. But that does not change the fact that my girl fcuked up big Time and did not even realize what she was doing. Do I want the Girl back I loved? Yes, for sure! WE all want. But: that Girl does not exist anymore and never will. She is forever gone, if her even ever has existed and had not been a mere creation of my mind - an illusion. The Girl I loved would never have behaved the way the Girl Did that I had to dump. Due to that fact there is no going back, even if she wanted to. Do I suffer? Yes I do. Especially Weekends are hard like you stated before - and times when my Health is going to be bad. But does that make me question my decision? Somtimes, but then overthinking it gets me always to the conclusion that I had no choice. Because accepting Bad behavior was and is no choice. There will never be Trust in her anymore.
Apart from that, only that the decision hurts, does not make ist a Wrong decision.

 

[MrAddiction]

Man i just don't feel like i will find a connection like that again, or a good looking chick..!

This seems to be some kind of Post LTR oneitis.

Due to this fact let me quote an old post about oneitis, that seems to apply in some kinda way.


the_great_gaia wrote:

"okay you had one-itis.

i had a terrible case of one-itis in the past; and the make matters worse.. I wore my heart on my sleeve, y'know.. easily able to fall for any chic that has any remote interest in me.

But I overcame this, and this is how:

You have one-itis probably because you're searching for a closure or something serious with a certain girl. You're afraid of rejection too. Not even the BEST DJ gets the job done every time, because getting over with the girl isn't the point. It's how you are. Self-control plays a very important role to you now.

Look, any girl below the age of 28 has a tendency to cheat on you because they have raging hormones like we do. They way we look at T&A, is the exact same way they look at masculinity in other guy. Females are rebels, basically.

They want what they DON'T think they want, and they DON'T want what they think they want.. that's why they change their minds all the time. They'll tell you ANYTHING to manipulate you and to convince themselves. Truth is... they all want to be naughty.

You wanting a relationship with a girl is perfectly normal (which you one-itis exists), but you'd be a fool to take it serious. They don't care about your feelings, their goal is to step on your heart and THEN walk all over it. They want to tell anyone, especially their friends how "sprung" you are over them, your emotions for them gives them ultimate satisfaction, because they know its there.

They're gonna use it against you to get what they want because they know you'll give it to them. You can't say no, you can't stand up to them, because if you even try it.. they'll threaten you with an ultimatum to leave if you don't let them get their way; that they can find someone who will do it that's better than you.

Oh, they're gonna leave you anyway, but your one-itis mind won't let you see that for yourself. You'll be under the cover with goosebumps and misery, wondering "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Then you're gonna blame yourself thinking that you couldn't been better; that you could've did what she said, perhaps even with a smile. She doesn't call you or be a friend like she tells you she will. She only calls you when she needs something, like to use your car or some $hit. While you're thinking about her, she's off somewhere f*cking some other guy she met over the weekend at the club or something...

What are you doing? Thining about her... you even attempt to call her, hoping that you'll get to hear her say "hello..", which you'll hang up, but she knows its you. You feel worse and worse, and you feel like $hit. All up until you get over her.

Want a short-cut? Stop giving a f*ck right now!! DON'T WAIT. I know what I'm talking about, this has happened to me, many, many times. You have to be mean and cruel to women. They aren't better than you, you're what they need! be confident, believe that you're the BEST DAMN THING in the world. CHANGE!!

I hope this can help aid your deadly virus... because if this doesn't affect you, the above will happen. Trust me! And YESS! I'm crazy, but I'm wiser. Thanks.okay you had one-itis.

i had a terrible case of one-itis in the past; and the make matters worse.. I wore my heart on my sleeve, y'know.. easily able to fall for any chic that has any remote interest in me.

But I overcame this, and this is how:

You have one-itis probably because you're searching for a closure or something serious with a certain girl. You're afraid of rejection too. Not even the BEST DJ gets the job done every time, because getting over with the girl isn't the point. It's how you are. Self-control plays a very important role to you now.

Look, any girl below the age of 28 has a tendency to cheat on you because they have raging hormones like we do. They way we look at T&A, is the exact same way they look at masculinity in other guy. Females are rebels, basically.

They want what they DON'T think they want, and they DON'T want what they think they want.. that's why they change their minds all the time. They'll tell you ANYTHING to manipulate you and to convince themselves. Truth is... they all want to be naughty.

You wanting a relationship with a girl is perfectly normal (which you one-itis exists), but you'd be a fool to take it serious. They don't care about your feelings, their goal is to step on your heart and THEN walk all over it. They want to tell anyone, especially their friends how "sprung" you are over them, your emotions for them gives them ultimate satisfaction, because they know its there.

They're gonna use it against you to get what they want because they know you'll give it to them. You can't say no, you can't stand up to them, because if you even try it.. they'll threaten you with an ultimatum to leave if you don't let them get their way; that they can find someone who will do it that's better than you.

Oh, they're gonna leave you anyway, but your one-itis mind won't let you see that for yourself. You'll be under the cover with goosebumps and misery, wondering "WHY? WHY? WHY?" Then you're gonna blame yourself thinking that you couldn't been better; that you could've did what she said, perhaps even with a smile. She doesn't call you or be a friend like she tells you she will. She only calls you when she needs something, like to use your car or some $hit. While you're thinking about her, she's off somewhere f*cking some other guy she met over the weekend at the club or something...

What are you doing? Thining about her... you even attempt to call her, hoping that you'll get to hear her say "hello..", which you'll hang up, but she knows its you. You feel worse and worse, and you feel like $hit. All up until you get over her.

Want a short-cut? Stop giving a f*ck right now!! DON'T WAIT. I know what I'm talking about, this has happened to me, many, many times. You have to be mean and cruel to women. They aren't better than you, you're what they need! be confident, believe that you're the BEST DAMN THING in the world. CHANGE!!

I hope this can help aid your deadly virus... because if this doesn't affect you, the above will happen. Trust me! And YESS! I'm crazy, but I'm wiser. Thanks."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/overcoming-afc-oneitis.60828/#post-536451

 

[Reykhel]

Turn ****e into sugar.

Reframe your breakups: there's opportunity to be found in every perceived "negative situation".

It's up to you to dwell on the "bad" or find the "good".

 

[soulforge]

Yes i had serious oneitis for her.. i just wish I can break free frim her addiction..

Just over 3 months of NC now... I keep telling myself, in another 3 months i will be over her...

Just another 3 months.. i hope this is true

 

[Reboot2017]

Yes i had serious oneitis for her.. i just wish I can break free frim her addiction..

Just over 3 months of NC now... I keep telling myself, in another 3 months i will be over her...

Just another 3 months.. i hope this is true

Whoa... Man this girl really had you in a bind. What is troubling me is that even getting on with other girls does not seem to make it better for you. However, I think the rule was that you have to get girls who are essentially more attractive than her... Have you done that?

3 months NC and you seem to be still in limbo... I hope despite the ****ty feelings, you are lifting, flirting and generally improving yourself? Time heals I imagine... Trust the process and the guys here. Doing great with the NC and that is motivating for the rest of us.

 

[soulforge]

Whoa... Man this girl really had you in a bind. What is troubling me is that even getting on with other girls does not seem to make it better for you. However, I think the rule was that you have to get girls who are essentially more attractive than her... Have you done that?

3 months NC and you seem to be still in limbo... I hope despite the ****ty feelings, you are lifting, flirting and generally improving yourself? Time heals I imagine... Trust the process and the guys here. Doing great with the NC and that is motivating for the rest of us.

I'm lifting like crazy.. and have physically improved a whole lot more since the break up.. i'm pretty much in the gym 5 days a week.

Well i have banged a good few chicks since my ex, but looks wise they are not on the same scale of my ex..

My ex was a good looking woman, also successful.

This is why i feel worse after dating new girls.. i'm thinking maybe I should take a break from dating for a while, and just focus on myself?

I reckon if i met a chick who was better looking than my ex, and fun to be around.. i probably would not feel so bad, like I do right now.

Plus i get days when I think about if she is with another dude.. but its better for me not to find out.

It was me who did the dumping, but I was forced to, because of her chitty behaviour..

I know for a fact I cannot go back to this woman, all I can do is keep fighting the pain.. and remain NC

 

[soulforge]

Dude, I know how you feel. i have been Talking to more girls in the past month than in the Last 10 years. And I feel nearly the same like you. But that does not change the fact that my girl fcuked up big Time and did not even realize what she was doing. Do I want the Girl back I loved? Yes, for sure! WE all want. But: that Girl does not exist anymore and never will. She is forever gone, if her even ever has existed and had not been a mere creation of my mind - an illusion. The Girl I loved would never have behaved the way the Girl Did that I had to dump. Due to that fact there is no going back, even if she wanted to. Do I suffer? Yes I do. Especially Weekends are hard like you stated before - and times when my Health is going to be bad. But does that make me question my decision? Somtimes, but then overthinking it gets me always to the conclusion that I had no choice. Because accepting Bad behavior was and is no choice. There will never be Trust in her anymore.
Apart from that, only that the decision hurts, does not make ist a Wrong decision.

I hear you Mr Addiction..

The truth is my EX was a pretty rude and shallow person towards me from the beginning of the relationship..

Not constantly, but it was a pattern that kept recurring every few months or so.. also she was very immature and not the type to love or feel empathy..

If we had stayed with these woman, they would have treated us like crap.. dumping them was the RIGHT thing to do.

Men with self respect, do not stay with woman who's behaviour is poor..

It is hard, but we have to move on and find better quality woman!

 

[MrAddiction]

It is hard, but we have to move on and find better quality woman!

The First thing (moving on) important - Second is just an addon.

 

[soulforge]

Would you guys consider this incident as disrespectful??

Christmas Eve 2016 my ex invited me to come to her house and spend it with her and her two daughters and there boyfriends.

She said they will be ordering takeaway, and just having drinks.. she didn't go into detail about the takeaway, or how we would pay for it etc..

So I travelled over to her house Christmas Eve, as you can imagine its a very busy period, with many things to do..

Shopping, presents etc.. In my rush I forgot to stop for a cash machine.. and I generally pay by card for most things, so don't always carry cash around with me.

We sat around the table drinking alcohol, chatting etc..

When the takeaway arrived, it suddenly dawned on me, that I didn't take any cash out..

So everyone around the table began to get there money out, to pay towards the food..

My ex went into her purse, and she only had £10.00

She then said to me.. have you got any cash?

I replied, sorry I didn't get chance to stop over at the cash machine.. I felt pretty EMBARRASSED

My ex harshly looked at me and then said to me in front of her daughters and boyfriend

DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE COME HERE WITH NO MONEY IN YOUR POCKETS!

then my exe's daughters boyfriend paid towards my share of food..

Man i felt embarrassed and didn't even really want to eat the food now.. i felt like a free loader.

I felt somewhat angry that my ex didn't just ask me to go to the cash point instead, or maybe had been a bit more discreet, and saved me the embarrassment.

Later when everyone left, I told her straight that I was not happy about her saying that to me in front of everyone.. it totally embarrassed me

How did she react?

She totally dismissed my feelings & said it was my own fault for not bringing cash with you.. she got quite loud and angry towards me!

She felt she did NOTHING wrong.. i explained, that forgetting to go to the cash machine was a genuine mistake on a busy day like Christmas eve.

I was quite tipsy from drinking alcohol at this point, so i got quite angry and told her I don't like how she is talking to me.. i also threw a plastic cup on the floor (MY BAD)

I did it just out of sheer frustration.. i then went upstairs to bed.. she stayed downstairs and she didn't even bother speaking to me.

She stayed downstairs and played very loud music till 4am in the morning and kept me awake all night..


Do you guys think this was disrespectful behaviour???

 

[Charmaine]

It sounds like a result of poor communication. She didn't communicate to you what her expectation was but expected you to automatically behave according to her expectation.

It is interesting she ordered takeaway without having any cash herself but didn't see it as a problem, while very unforgiving to you for not having brought any cash.

If she was not generally like that to other people other than to you, it is either she had been spoiled by you, or she was simply using this an excuse to start an argument for everything else she wasn't happy about the relationship.

 

[soulforge]

It sounds like a result of poor communication. She didn't communicate to you what her expectation was but expected you to automatically behave according to her expectation.

It is interesting she ordered takeaway without having any cash herself but didn't see it as a problem, while very unforgiving to you for not having brought any cash.

If she was not generally like that to other people other than to you, it is either she had been spoiled by you, or she was simply using this an excuse to start an argument for everything else she wasn't happy about the relationship.

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

 

[MrAddiction]

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

It is plain simple bytchy behaviour. Double standards at it's best.
Especially her thinking it's all your fault and nor hers.
Yes, you forgot to get money, that was your mistake, but that does nor legitimize her being an angry bytch.
Guy this is disrespectful behaviour at it's best.
Is falsly mistook such such manners as ****test, and reacted in a teasing way. Means: she say: you did come without Money? I would have replied: yes, and while talking I just remember that I Even forgot your chrismaspresent. (While smiling in a way that she does bot knwo wether is was serious)
But, either that would have been the wrong reaction, all you tell about you ex, she is a typical BPD - didn't you mention that before?
I do not know if I would have the Ball if the Situation was real, but applying all Knowledge from this Bord, the right reaction would have been. To react the way I Said but then tell her you will leave to get it. Get Off the table and Do not return anymore.
Reaction on disrespectful behaviour should always be to leave. Why don't we do that? Because wie are afraid to lose the one Girl we love, but that in Reality does not love us. Instead we stay and set us up for further abuse

 

[Roober]

Well this is true, she did not have enough money herself either..

Later on she claimed, that I was expecting her to pay for the food, and I had ruined Christmas, because we argued.

I forgot to use the cash point, and as a result was embarrassed infront of people, and according to my ex this is entirely my own fault..

And her embarrasing me was justified.

Disrespectful yes! You need to really work on your inner game dude. 3 months of no contact and it seems like you are still holding on. This woman was a single mom and an older one to boot. She was no gem or diamond or anything special. A woman should never embarss or ridicule you like that in front of others. That is aweful and you basically just took it...

 

[soulforge]

It is plain simple bytchy behaviour. Double standards at it's best.
Especially her thinking it's all your fault and nor hers.
Yes, you forgot to get money, that was your mistake, but that does nor legitimize her being an angry bytch.
Guy this is disrespectful behaviour at it's best.
Is falsly mistook such such manners as ****test, and reacted in a teasing way. Means: she say: you did come without Money? I would have replied: yes, and while talking I just remember that I Even forgot your chrismaspresent. (While smiling in a way that she does bot knwo wether is was serious)
But, either that would have been the wrong reaction, all you tell about you ex, she is a typical BPD - didn't you mention that before?
I do not know if I would have the Ball if the Situation was real, but applying all Knowledge from this Bord, the right reaction would have been. To react the way I Said but then tell her you will leave to get it. Get Off the table and Do not return anymore.
Reaction on disrespectful behaviour should always be to leave. Why don't we do that? Because wie are afraid to lose the one Girl we love, but that in Reality does not love us. Instead we stay and set us up for further abuse

I really should have walked away that night, but I had no mode of transport back to my own town, plus it was late and I had a few drinks..

I should have actually dumped her for this incident, because prior to this, she had been rude to me, on a few other occasions..

When this incident took place, she had already moved in with me.. and we where looking at properties together..

So i was deep in the relationship with her.. heavily invested.. I knew I needed to walk away, but it was difficult.. plus the FEAR of being alone again.

She took no responsibility at all, and blamed me entirely.

I should have quietly walked away and never looked back, but alcohol can sometimes make you feel upset or angry, when you are being pushed by someone.

I finally decided enough was enough.. ended the relationship... blocked her completely and have been in NC ever since!

 

[soulforge]

Disrespectful yes! You need to really work on your inner game dude. 3 months of no contact and it seems like you are still holding on. This woman was a single mom and an older one to boot. She was no gem or diamond or anything special. A woman should never embarss or ridicule you like that in front of others. That is aweful and you basically just took it...

I agree with you.. disrespect should be dealt with harshly.. she embarrasses you in front of people... WALK AWAY

And you are right, i need to take this woman off the pedelstal, and realise she was toxic and low quality, and move the fuk on!