Need advice on a specific scenario. Actions not matching words

[AlphaNoob]

I put my arms around her and she said it feels good, but she has this fear of getting attached and she backed off. "I might hurt you ... you heart me .... you might leave ... I have issues ... I'm not ready for a relationship." So I let it be.

One night she hugs me very tightly out which is unusual because its normally a short and light hug. She holds it and squeezes my body for a good minute or two. I confused ask her why bc she previously said she is afraid of getting attached. She then tells me she is starting to like me and starting to get attached. At this point I am confused as fk. Maybe she just wanted to hook up or a side of her slipped out of control for a moment? She asks me a couple times to hang a little more, I say I have a busy day tomorrow. She says maybe it's better that we don't hang as much bc we're busy and that I'm distracting for her.

I hit her up next couple days and she doesn't want to hang. I get a little needy as in calling her about two times which I would not have done before. Then she again explains why she thinks we wouldn't work, but its funny how I was not the one to bring up relationship in the first place. I was only confused why she was hugging me so tight.

So thoughts? I need criticism to get gud

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Haha, dude drop her like a sack. Gawl damn why the fck do girls pull this chit so much? IT NEVER WORKS THEY ARE PLAYING YOU.

I'm starting to believe these tactics are universal to all woman. They all have the same operating system loaded in that hamster wheel of a brain. SATAN.exe

Djs don't want relationships, men just want to bang and go about theyre day unbothered.

When a chick wants to lock a guy down its when he's enjoying being free to much.

I know the dilemma, been goin through ex battles and struggling to become me again, every part of me wants to climb back into the womb of ltr, rather than flee from it.

What you're saying is exactly how they will treat you, everytime.

Girl; I don't think I wanna be in ltr ):
Chode: okay well.. time will tell, I really wanna fix things boo..
Dj; wouldn't have to say anything because he wouldn't be in that situation in the first place.

 

[JohnChops]

She isn't interested. Her words mean nothing. She does not reciprocate or even let you get in any kino. She doesn't want to hangout. This is open and shut case, she isn't interested.

 

[AlphaNoob]

She isn't interested. Her words mean nothing. She does not reciprocate or even let you get in any kino. She doesn't want to hangout. This is open and shut case, she isn't interested.

Yea she may not be interested. Yes her words mean nothing. Her actions did show some interest. She did want to hang afterwards before I went home and we did. I have gotten some kino, but am just super cautious because kino has not worked in the past. Nevertheless thanks for the feedback I just wanted some new insight and not more comment saying drop her

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yea she may not be interested. Yes her words mean nothing. Her actions did show some interest. She did want to hang afterwards before I went home and we did. I have gotten some kino, but am just super cautious because kino has not worked in the past. Nevertheless thanks for the feedback I just wanted some new insight and not more comment saying drop her

It would be wise to prioritize more of your time with someone else. When you got other stuff going on it draws them in.

 

[bigneil]

Consider my 6 month relationship, my girlfriend:

• Didn't say "I love you" until after we had sex about 15 times.
• Never asked me for a hug until we had sex about 20 times.
• Didn't tell me she thought I was handsome until we had sex about 25 times.

Actions speak louder than words.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Consider my 6 month relationship, my girlfriend:

• Didn't say "I love you" until after we had sex about 15 times.
• Never asked me for a hug until we had sex about 20 times.
• Didn't tell me she thought I was handsome until we had sex about 25 times.

Actions speak louder than words.

"I be stroking"! Sounds like a great strategy.

 

[devilkingx2]

• Didn't say "I love you" until after we had sex about 15 times.
• Never asked me for a hug until we had sex about 20 times.
• Didn't tell me she thought I was handsome until we had sex about 25 times.

why do you keep count in such detail? do you just have a really good memory?

 

[bigneil]

why do you keep count in such detail? do you just have a really good memory?

It was rough estimates, but that is beside the point, which was sex first, love and romance later.

 

[devilkingx2]

It was rough estimates, but that is beside the point, which was sex first, love and romance later.

don't worry, I understood your point and thought it was a good one

 

[AlphaNoob]

Is it good to act on your intuition? Usually when I sense that the girl is changing her behavior as in getting more close, I would take a day for two to think about it and then make a move. Would it be better to not act on this gut feeling to let them wonder for longer before doing something every time she seems to be getting closer?

 

[Roober]

highly interested women won't give you the "afraid of getting close" BS. She is unsure of you, hence the hesitation... Her interest is likely in the 50-60% range. If you can't manage to increase it, it is a lost cause with this one

 

[wifehunter]

Sh!t test!

walk.

 

[devilkingx2]

I put my arms around her and she said it feels good, but she has this fear of getting attached and she backed off. "I might hurt you ... you heart me .... you might leave ... I have issues ... I'm not ready for a relationship." So I let it be.

One night she hugs me very tightly out which is unusual because its normally a short and light hug. She holds it and squeezes my body for a good minute or two. I confused ask her why bc she previously said she is afraid of getting attached. She then tells me she is starting to like me and starting to get attached. At this point I am confused as fk. Maybe she just wanted to hook up or a side of her slipped out of control for a moment? She asks me a couple times to hang a little more, I say I have a busy day tomorrow. She says maybe it's better that we don't hang as much bc we're busy and that I'm distracting for her.

I hit her up next couple days and she doesn't want to hang. I get a little needy as in calling her about two times which I would not have done before. Then she again explains why she thinks we wouldn't work, but its funny how I was not the one to bring up relationship in the first place. I was only confused why she was hugging me so tight.

So thoughts? I need criticism to get gud

attention *****, she only wants to lead you on

 

[Skyline]

Consider my 6 month relationship, my girlfriend:

• Didn't say "I love you" until after we had sex about 15 times.
• Never asked me for a hug until we had sex about 20 times.
• Didn't tell me she thought I was handsome until we had sex about 25 times.

Actions speak louder than words.

I second this to the moon and back. Actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words.

 

[Skyline]

And to the OP, you should have agreed and amplified. Literally rephrase what she said to you and say it as if you feel the same way.

It's really not that difficult. When a girl opens up like that all you really have to do is repeat what she said using different words. It makes it seem like you both are feeling the same way.

Words don't mean squat. Actions are everything.

 

[lizardking82]

1) She is insecure, low self esteem, probably been played before by some dude. Couple that up with possible traumatic experiences from childhood and you have a half broken girl that is afraid to trust anybody. She will **** three guys and let them *** on her face in one night when she's feeling like it and the next day she will be like "I am afraid of hugging you because the feels are so high I might get attached".

2) One thing I learned the hard way: when a girl tells you that a relationship between you and her is not a good idea, take her word for it. Why? Not because she means that and is taking a stand and that will not change LOL that is just how she feels at the moment. Women are emotional beings and since they are driven by emotions, they are bound to change the way they feel/think by what the environment offers them. Right, her personal environment + you is telling her a relationship is not a good idea. TAKE HER WORD FOR IT! and tell her "that's OK by me". Play it cool. Not because you wanna deceive her or sth, but because you should be cool about the way she feels. You're a man, you don't get your attitude and status from what the environment offers you. You're supposed to be a certain way and that hardly changes because a girl is being girlish and moody. Please, dude, never change your attitude because a girl is feeling a certain way. You're the ****in' rock, she can dance, she can set herself on fire, that is almost irrelevant to you.

3) She was huggin' you so tight because...[insert 1000 possible reasons and feelings]. It doesn't matter. One guy here called @deesade told me when my girlfriend left me back a couple of months ago that "you should not have to micromanage any woman" and those words are pure gold. That sentence is one of the few I live by now. Do not look into every word and action she produces, man. You ain't got no time for that ****. If it's testing or not, who cares. It is just unclear and it does not mean you're the problem, maybe she has a ****load of problems in her life so just "let" her do her own thing and you keep on doing yours.

4) The usual advice given here, but pretty necessary to you, I think, because you sound a bit "needy" and without options: start talkin' to other girls.

 

[Glassguy]

Consider my 6 month relationship, my girlfriend:

• Didn't say "I love you" until after we had sex about 15 times.
• Never asked me for a hug until we had sex about 20 times.
• Didn't tell me she thought I was handsome until we had sex about 25 times.

Actions speak louder than words.

Is that one of the strippers? Lol

 

[Serenity]

She's definitely insecure and you do nothing to help it by being confused. You got two options here. You can keep her by taking control of the frame, like saying she won't hurt you because you're not weak. When she suggests it's not a good idea to hang out then question it, say you'd want it and it's not an issue for you. Basically disarm her insecurities. The other options is to find a more confident woman, but you'll still have to be clear though or she'll be as confused about your insecurity as you are about this womans insecurity.

 

[AlphaNoob]

So on the same topic of this girl and generalizing it to all girls as well ... if a girl has these issues with herself, but from the outside she seems normal, could she still be a slvt underneath? She dresses appropriately, doesn't reveal skin, doesn't show off @ss, and wore glasses when we first met. But that part is questionable bc she went from wearing glasses to wearing choker necklaces. Is the way a girl dresses a good indicator of how much she sleeps around? This girl is like the polar opposite of how a sorority girl dresses