"Retired" reflections on marriage, hoes, and dating

[Colossus]

Hey guys. Havent posted here in a longgg time! I see a few familiar names but imagine many of the veterans have moved on and newbies have moved in. Maybe a couple times a year I pop back in for nostalgia. After all I spent 10 years posting on SS!!

I see a lot of the same themes here year after year. The old adage is true--there is nothing new under the sun. Especially when it comes to women!

I'm still happily married, and just wanted to share few reflections now that I've been retired from the game for a good 4+ years. No new wisdom, just a refreshment of all the things I learned that helped me be successful.



The Golden Rule of all things Don Juan still interest level!! This never changes. Interested women call you back, text you back, never ignore you, and put YOU first. If you have to ask whether or not she is into you or respects your time--then the answer is no.

Every day I am thankful I am married to my wife. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. But I see many men who are downright miserable. I think the single biggest thing you can do to have a positive relationship outcome is to CHOOSE well. Choose a woman who consistently respects you and your time, your money, your feelings. Choose a woman who consistently makes you her #1 priority. Choose a woman who has as few past partners as possible, and one who has a pure, genuine heart. Choose a giver.

Secondary to choosing well is conducting yourself like a Man. Be the leader and make the big decisions, the hard decisions. When she is dithering on something (they all do), decide. If you are married or serious, ask her input and respect her input, but ultimately you need to pull the trigger. If she is always resisting you on this I would advise she is not marriage material.

Marriage in itself is not bad, but it is definitely not for everyone and in today's world I would err on the side of NOT getting married unless you have thoroughly vetted the girl (for at least 2 years) and have ZERO reservations about her character. Be brutally honest with yourself and step aside from your d!ck and your feelings.

Never be afraid to walk away from a relationship that has gone bad, or from a woman who is treating you poorly. Listen, pretty girls are a dime-a-dozen. They keep making more. And most of the time, the prettiest ones are the ones who treat you the worst. Their looks have floated them through life, combined with our absurd narcissistic culture. I've found this to be almost universally true with American women.

My wife and I dont have kids, by design. But women change when they have children, usually not to your benefit. It's not really good or bad, it's just nature. I see this everyday in my profession (family medicine). If you want kids, great. Just keep in mind you will no longer be her #1 once a baby is in the picture. You become more of a utility--dad, provider, home-fixer. I seen many women relegate their husband to second-class citizens. I'm not sure if you can predict this---but if having babies is a girl's #1 aspiration in life, chance are you are a vehicle for that.

Do I still think about other girls? Other girls naked, yeah. I'm a man. But I dont actively want to bang any of them. 1) because I've had tons of pvssy before and I know there's nothing new under the sun, and 2) because I know none of them will measure up to my wife, for ME. This is where my experience level has made me a more "mature" man, if you will.

At the end of the day, women are women! Even the BEST will annoy you, test you, argue with you, and avoid responsibility. Accept this. Part of being a Man is learning how to deal with their sh!t on the fly. My buddy and I who are both married like to b!tch about how our wives annoy us. But really we realize the grass is greener on this side of the fence, for us. Coincidentally we both married virgins with a good upbringing.

Dont over-analyze relationships and every interaction you have with women. When something is right, you wont need to talk yourself into it or have other people validate it. If you are having reservations about a girl or the way she is treating you, she aint the one bro. Game is not that complicated, it's really just about a few key principles.

 

[resilient]

Good practical DJ advice, Colossus. Happy to hear married life is working out for you, bro.

 

[Milano]

2 buddies marrying 2 American virgins? How the **** does this happen? How can you trust a woman even has a low lay count? Last woman I dated I was sure was a cutie but after she friendzoned me she let me in on the fact that she wasnt any better than other girls, which in my area means she is a hore. If we had chemistry and ended up together Im not sure I would have known about her background which worries me as I thought I had the slut alert figured out and that my system was good for pointing it out.

Some guys in the game (think it was RSD Tyler) say that if you act like you are blue pill when it comes to a womans sexual past she will automatically adjust and claim to be Virgin Mary herself whereas if you seem confident and talk about slaying many women she will be more honest about being a hore.

My strategy is to not even ask about a womans past, just see her actions and feel it out, cause I dont trust what she says anyway if the number count is low. Women do everything to seem like they have higher value than they have, which ofc makes sense. What if you could get a high value just from changing a few numbers? Its actually ridiculous, should be tattooed on their backs by law lol

How do you feel you can trust if a woman has a low count and is marriage material if she doesnt have the hymn intact? Even that she could have gotten fixed like Somali-girls do in France so they fool their men after marriage lol, what a horrible thing to do but it happens. I might need to get married when I move to America to be able to work there as green cards aint easy to get through companies these days I hear from a buddy in Texas. I would want a preup, but would a girl accept that there or is that "disgraceful to feminism"?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Are we all narcissists today?

How's this for a bumper sticker - 'Say no to a hoe for the greater good!'.

 

[Epimanes]

Nice post. I also popped into say hi. 23yrs strong here. Easy? No.. we are all human. Good days n bad days. Ups n downs. I wouldnt trade my high school sweetheart for the world.

Keep on keepin on brutha. Eventually its no longer just about sex (although thats always part of it if your healthy) it becomez about companionship.

Epi

 

[SteR]

It's actually quite refreshing to see a positive post like this. It gets so tiring listening to the 'women are evil' over and over.. haha.

Glad it's working out for you

 

[Colossus]

Good to see you're doing well too, Sam!

Milano-- I acknowledge it is super uncommon to find a virgin, but I also think it's not quite as rare as you think. Virgin women are like bobcats, to use a hunting/wilderness analogy. You know they exist, there are healthy populations in many states, but it's so rare to ever see one in the wild because they are secretive. Similar with virgins--of course they exist, even into their 20's, but they are secretive too in that they get married up quickly or arent part of the typical dating pool.

I think you can tell by her innocence. They have a certain naivete about sexual things and in general. They are usually trusting. They will be SUPER gun-shy about sexual escalation too. I think many are embarrassed about it and afraid guys will avoid them if they know.

You definitely dont need the mythical virgin to "win" with women but I always say the fewer partners the better, just common sense. Use good emotional intelligence and detective skills.

 

[Milano]

Good to see you're doing well too, Sam!

Milano-- I acknowledge it is super uncommon to find a virgin, but I also think it's not quite as rare as you think. Virgin women are like bobcats, to use a hunting/wilderness analogy. You know they exist, there are healthy populations in many states, but it's so rare to ever see one in the wild because they are secretive. Similar with virgins--of course they exist, even into their 20's, but they are secretive too in that they get married up quickly or arent part of the typical dating pool.

I think you can tell by her innocence. They have a certain naivete about sexual things and in general. They are usually trusting. They will be SUPER gun-shy about sexual escalation too. I think many are embarrassed about it and afraid guys will avoid them if they know.

You definitely dont need the mythical virgin to "win" with women but I always say the fewer partners the better, just common sense. Use good emotional intelligence and detective skills.

Alright, will have to keep practicing. Nervous for the escalation, I will look for that.

 

[Roober]

Great to hear man! Good foundation stuff that works.

 

[Desdinova]

Nice to see you come back for a visit!

I think the single biggest thing you can do to have a positive relationship outcome is to CHOOSE well. Choose a woman who consistently respects you and your time, your money, your feelings. Choose a woman who consistently makes you her #1 priority. Choose a woman who has as few past partners as possible, and one who has a pure, genuine heart. Choose a giver.

I agree with this 100%. For those men who desire to be in a long lasting relationship, this is extremely important.

Never be afraid to walk away from a relationship that has gone bad, or from a woman who is treating you poorly.

I'm going to add something to this.... Pull the trigger on the relationship at the first sign of disrespect. She wants to have an orbiter or an ex in her life? Gone. She wants to give you the silent treatment for 4 hours over something silly or minor? Gone. She tries to lie about taking birth control? Gone. Never hesitate to kick her to the curb if she's not treating you like a rare gem. Life is to short to waste on garbage women, especially if you're wanting one for the long haul.

Do I still think about other girls? Other girls naked, yeah. I'm a man. But I dont actively want to bang any of them. 1) because I've had tons of pvssy before and I know there's nothing new under the sun, and 2) because I know none of them will measure up to my wife, for ME.

This should be the goal when you're in a LTR. The inexperienced man will want to avoid screwing up the relationship because she's hot. The experienced man will avoid screwing up the relationship because his woman treats him better than all the previous ones. You have a better perception on when a woman is "different from all the others", because you're not going by what all the bull5hit that society has fed you nor the made up reasons in your head. You have pure evidence when you compare your current woman to all the other bytches you fvcked.

How can you trust a woman even has a low lay count?

I've found that women with low lay counts are much more trustworthy. They haven't been betrayed by the Disney idea that they're going to find their one true love. Not only that, their nature is to find that "one true love", but they only have one shot at it. The ones who lose that "one true love" end up as alpha-widows, and are forever ruined by the experience. A DJ's goal is to become the man who fits the criteria to become a woman's "one true love". The things preached on this website will help men reach this goal.

 

[Reyaj]

You're definitely one of the top posters Colossus - thanks for continuing to check in. I agree with most of what you wrote but I do feel there's the possibility a virgin may grow curious at some point what it would be like with someone else. This is probably more predicated on the frame you would hold though and you obviously know what you're doing.

Regarding how the relationship changes with women, I think you are spot on. This is one of my fears of having kids... I see it all too often that the guy just becomes a tool that get's bossed around in an almost business manner. I would love my kid more than I would love my wife so I get that part of it... but I also think having romance and a continued relationship is important which often gets lost in the daily grind of life. Does your wife not want children? You found 2 rare characteristics in her being a virgin and not wanting children.

Where would you recommend people in their 30s go to find virgins dude?

 

[Colossus]

Regarding how the relationship changes with women, I think you are spot on. This is one of my fears of having kids... I see it all too often that the guy just becomes a tool that get's bossed around in an almost business manner. I would love my kid more than I would love my wife so I get that part of it... but I also think having romance and a continued relationship is important which often gets lost in the daily grind of life. Does your wife not want children? You found 2 rare characteristics in her being a virgin and not wanting children.

Where would you recommend people in their 30s go to find virgins dude?

My wife is neutral. Never was her dream. If I said to her "wifey, I want an heir!", she would oblige. But I'm definitely not there at this point. Maybe one day, who knows. She's 7 years younger so there's a window.

As far as where to find virgins?? You might as well ask me where to find Bigfoot, lol. I met my wife online, which makes no sense by our DJ standards. I'd say the most logical place to start would be a modern church---they all have small groups or young adult groups that meet casually. But that alone is a poor reason to go to church, and girls will smell you coming a mile away if you're on the hunt.

At the very least you'll meet some who are kind, genuine, and have their priorities straight.

 

[speed dawg]

My wife and I dont have kids, by design. But women change when they have children, usually not to your benefit. It's not really good or bad, it's just nature. I see this everyday in my profession (family medicine). If you want kids, great. Just keep in mind you will no longer be her #1 once a baby is in the picture. You become more of a utility--dad, provider, home-fixer. I seen many women relegate their husband to second-class citizens. I'm not sure if you can predict this---but if having babies is a girl's #1 aspiration in life, chance are you are a vehicle for that.

I have been able to maintain my frame throughout having kids, so I'm going to disagree here. Is it harder? Sure, just like keeping frame in a marriage is harder than when you don't see each other every day. This is why it's so important not to just learn Game concepts, but internalize it and apply it as second nature.

I am still of the opinion that everyone wants kids on some types of levels. I think it's one of the biggest biological urges we have. Can it be overridden by the mind? Sure it can, just like anything intentional. But the urge is always there.

My question is - if you have not had kids, why are you giving advice on women with kids? I mean, I wish my wife would try to relegate me to a second-class citizen, I'd laugh her ass around the block. Again, it's Game and as you say, IL. I will say that many men stop with the game and begin supplicating once they have kids, because they think they now have this 'connection' to a woman.....which is a false premise. That is probably why they get relegated to a cuck. So in essence I answered my own question - what you say has some truth, but let's not leave off the situational circumstances behind it.

 

[Colossus]

I have been able to maintain my frame throughout having kids, so I'm going to disagree here. Is it harder? Sure, just like keeping frame in a marriage is harder than when you don't see each other every day. This is why it's so important not to just learn Game concepts, but internalize it and apply it as second nature.

I am still of the opinion that everyone wants kids on some types of levels. I think it's one of the biggest biological urges we have. Can it be overridden by the mind? Sure it can, just like anything intentional. But the urge is always there.

My question is - if you have not had kids, why are you giving advice on women with kids? I mean, I wish my wife would try to relegate me to a second-class citizen, I'd laugh her ass around the block. Again, it's Game and as you say, IL. I will say that many men stop with the game and begin supplicating once they have kids, because they think they now have this 'connection' to a woman.....which is a false premise. That is probably why they get relegated to a cuck. So in essence I answered my own question - what you say has some truth, but let's not leave off the situational circumstances behind it.

That's kind of like saying to a doctor, "if you havent had this disease, then why are you giving me advice on this disease?" It's like well chief I've seen 1000 people with this disease. It doesn't make your experience less valid, but there is statistical power in large numbers.

I've no doubt there is a game deficit in many cases. But I really cant delve into everyone's "game" levels, I can only report what I see in an office full of females and the 100's of young moms I see every month.

 

[Dingo]

Great read.... Thanks for sharing OP...

 

[Reyaj]

My wife is neutral. Never was her dream. If I said to her "wifey, I want an heir!", she would oblige. But I'm definitely not there at this point. Maybe one day, who knows. She's 7 years younger so there's a window.

As far as where to find virgins?? You might as well ask me where to find Bigfoot, lol. I met my wife online, which makes no sense by our DJ standards. I'd say the most logical place to start would be a modern church---they all have small groups or young adult groups that meet casually. But that alone is a poor reason to go to church, and girls will smell you coming a mile away if you're on the hunt.

At the very least you'll meet some who are kind, genuine, and have their priorities straight.

Wow so rare Colossus! Most girls I know want kids, and the few I don't are adamant about not wanting them. So you really didn't know your wife was a virgin when you met her then right? Looks like you just hit some incredible luck!

I have been able to maintain my frame throughout having kids, so I'm going to disagree here. Is it harder? Sure, just like keeping frame in a marriage is harder than when you don't see each other every day. This is why it's so important not to just learn Game concepts, but internalize it and apply it as second nature.

I am still of the opinion that everyone wants kids on some types of levels. I think it's one of the biggest biological urges we have. Can it be overridden by the mind? Sure it can, just like anything intentional. But the urge is always there.

My question is - if you have not had kids, why are you giving advice on women with kids? I mean, I wish my wife would try to relegate me to a second-class citizen, I'd laugh her ass around the block. Again, it's Game and as you say, IL. I will say that many men stop with the game and begin supplicating once they have kids, because they think they now have this 'connection' to a woman.....which is a false premise. That is probably why they get relegated to a cuck. So in essence I answered my own question - what you say has some truth, but let's not leave off the situational circumstances behind it.

Totally agree with internalizing game concepts and holding your frame. But I think saying that everyone wants kids is a bit of a blanket statement. Having children is obviously a big responsibility and I feel that when you do (assuming you want to be the best parent you can) your life now is secondary to the child. This is a big life orientation change I think a lot of people don't want to make. Personally I am on the fence.

Now do all straight guys want to have sex with women, hell yeah lol

 

[speed dawg]

That's kind of like saying to a doctor, "if you havent had this disease, then why are you giving me advice on this disease?" It's like well chief I've seen 1000 people with this disease. It doesn't make your experience less valid, but there is statistical power in large numbers.

Fair point, but just like a doctor, you are viewing and analyzing the symptoms, not solving the problem.

Totally agree with internalizing game concepts and holding your frame. But I think saying that everyone wants kids is a bit of a blanket statement. Having children is obviously a big responsibility and I feel that when you do (assuming you want to be the best parent you can) your life now is secondary to the child. This is a big life orientation change I think a lot of people don't want to make. Personally I am on the fence.

Two things on this:

- I didn't want kids at one time either. I know SO MANY people who have sworn never to have kids. The large majority end of having them, eventually, in one way or another, whether it's their own/adoption/foster/etc. I can't explain this phenomena. I ask many of these people, and they sidestep around the answer or try to put it back on me as if it's not my business to question them. That's fair, but it shows they are trying to avoid admitting things, or they may have been wrong, or that they simply changed. Pride, in essence.

- I didn't, and still to this day, do not like the responsibility of taking care of kids, at least in the moment. It's hard, I freely admit this. But the older I get the more I learn that the rewards of sacrifice are so much greater than the rewards of giving in to my own self-interests. I can only explain this through experience. It's the same as when you work really hard on a project and finally finish. It's as if, without suffering, you cannot really appreciate anything.

Then you have the whole idea about not wanting to bring kids into this "awful world" or whatever. That goes back to point one above - people still have them.

 

[Reyaj]

Fair point, but just like a doctor, you are viewing and analyzing the symptoms, not solving the problem.


Two things on this:

- I didn't want kids at one time either. I know SO MANY people who have sworn never to have kids. The large majority end of having them, eventually, in one way or another, whether it's their own/adoption/foster/etc. I can't explain this phenomena. I ask many of these people, and they sidestep around the answer or try to put it back on me as if it's not my business to question them. That's fair, but it shows they are trying to avoid admitting things, or they may have been wrong, or that they simply changed. Pride, in essence.

- I didn't, and still to this day, do not like the responsibility of taking care of kids, at least in the moment. It's hard, I freely admit this. But the older I get the more I learn that the rewards of sacrifice are so much greater than the rewards of giving in to my own self-interests. I can only explain this through experience. It's the same as when you work really hard on a project and finally finish. It's as if, without suffering, you cannot really appreciate anything.

Then you have the whole idea about not wanting to bring kids into this "awful world" or whatever. That goes back to point one above - people still have them.

Thanks for sharing that. I admit I am somewhat of a selfish person, but I think if I had a child something would hopefully change inside me where I would want to be giving and devote my life to him/her. I think about that awful world scenario too whatever.. life is life right. I just don't think children are for everyone, I know plenty of older people who don't have them.

 

[Von]

How can you marry someone without having lived with them?

They gave the virginity at marriage and moved in with you?

Church? Religious?

Curious, cause I had a extreme catholic girl virgin, 31 years old, from a poor - secluded family.

She's a great girl. Had all the qualities I was looking in a women

Except:
1) she would try to hide in the corner and seek to avoid any interactions
2) life resolved around the church (she kept crying or frame push about me "accepting Jesus" )
3) would seems to extrapolate and anything outside of "religious rightness" was seen... not in a good light.

My mistake were I got pushy on sex from the start... however she was interest and kept opening. While venting on her brothers and sisters who hate me now and dont understand why she kept coming back (she was telling them different stuff than what she was saying)

I was her first bf, first outside the family, first everything. We decided for now to part ways.

Noting my "mistakes" I know how to improve and I know myself.... However, I couldn't get my mind around "how can I marry someone if I didn't move in with her, since all I do is work and Study"

 

[zekko]

My buddy and I who are both married like to b!tch about how our wives annoy us. But really we realize the grass is greener on this side of the fence, for us

This is what a lot of the younger single guys don't understand. They hear married people complain about their spouse and assume they are all miserable betas. But it's just the nature of people to vent, it doesn't necessarily mean they're unhappy. Besides, the single guys complain about the women they date nonstop.