Sabataging oneself.

[Rainman4707]

Is there any psychologists out there? If there is I wonder what they would think of this.
I don't see psychologists & I haven't discussed this kind of thing with anyone.

I think have this type of behaviour mostly under control now. I was a lot worse when I was younger.
When you read this you will probably think i'm weird & that I worry FAR to much.
I used to worry about stupid things in my younger years.

Everyone is different though. Different personalities. Different people. Anyway here goes :-

People get nervous on dates & important moments in their life.

Well I remember a couple years ago when I was going on a date. I was on my way to pick up my date. I'll give you an insight into my mentality. I'm just thinking "yes this is going fine so far, i'm not that nervous....just keep going steady Rainman." I will add I had a confident mentality. I think I just worry about fu*king stupid things.
So as I was going along the road just before her street & I did a turn in the road & started worrying if maybe I had hit a cat! I know now that I didn't hit a cat. It was just nerves. Anyway I pulled over quickly to try & compose myself before my date. I thought to myself "Don't fu*k this up. It's just nerves. Just ignore it. You didn't hit a cat The worst thing you can do is sit & think about it. Keep moving"

Not exactly the best start to go on a date. Anyway I did keep moving & when I arrived at hers, I don't think I gave her a good first impression which from experience I know is VERY important. I thought it went well after that though.

I seen a post on facebook telling people to be aware that cats use cars as shelter. So check before you drive on a morning.
So I was all dressed smart, ready to go for a meal with my girlfriend. Oh I cannot just jump in the nice car & drive smoothly to my destination. I have to get on my hands & knees in my best dresswear & check under the car for a fu8king cat!! I did'nt bother checking. Fu8k that!

I was driving to my GF's recently & thought Shi8, I forgot to check under the car. I might of drove over & injured a poor cat when I pulled from my parking space. You see an important part of this is, I f I had this thought about injuring cats on my way to work, I would shrug it off & get on with my day, but if i'm doing something on my day off & I get that feeling, espeically if i'm on my way to something i'm looking forward too i.e drinks with friends...I find it harder to shrug off the thought. Interesting.
Anyway like I said I don't worry as much as the months & years go by, I seem to worry about stuff less & less.

On my way to my Gf's the other night, I thought to myself " you wouldn't worry about it much at all if you were on your way to work, so don't now. I did'nt let it bother me, but it was niggling away a little at the back of my head throughout the night. This kind of thing happens not very often to me at all, but I et frustrated when it does happen.

Ridiculous mentality I have. Embarrassing. Sometimes i worry about these things when I'm supposed to be out enjoying myself, but if I was going somewhere boring, I wouldn't worry about it. It's just seems to try & get me at the worst moments. I'm my own worst enemy. Remember that quote for yourselves. I think everyone can be their own worst enemy.

I know what to do to stop worrying & I've made a LOT of progress over the years, just thought it was time to let it out.

 

[Rainman4707]

Bump*

 

[Rainman4707]

I've done a little research & this type of negative thinking is called, cognitive distortion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

 

[sazc]

Im not so sure it's cognitive distortion. IIRC cognitive distortion is when you actually convince yourself of something that isnt true. Lol, I dont think people with cognitive distortion can cognitively understand they have the issue, you know?

What you are doing is "What if-ing" the HELL out of yourself.

The good news is that this sounds like simple anxiety. The better news is that a $hit ton of people have anxiety. The even better news is that you are ready to be done with it.

Gosh...what if, what if, what if..... I used to do that to myself all the time. One what if builds into the second, which builds into the third and before I know it I'm a tangle of anxiety and stress. it sucks.
You need to learn how to allow past events to calm your nerves....Have you ever actually had a cat tuck in your engine, or run one over in your car? Probably not. You need to learn how to say THAT to yourself, and allow yourself to believe it and calm down. Sounds like you also need to lrarn how to live in the moment. Dont worry about 10 miuntes from nw, worry only about right now, be grateful for this moment.

Kinda like what dudes say to chicks when they are dating, and the chick says "where do you see us going?" The guy typically replies "Im thinking about today, right now, not what tomorrow is going to look like."

My 10 year old has anxiety. I can see it. he worries himself about stuff that he cant control a lot. I got him a book for kids on how to deal with anxiety. It was actually areally good read for him as he now understands that his worst fears wont actually happen, how to self talk to chill himself out and that he has to conquer this moment.

May I suggest that you do some googling on Anxiety and, if it seems to fit the bill, grab a book and start reading? There are plenty of cognitive therapies to be found that you can implement on your own. If you take the time to attempt to address this situation yourself, and it isnt working, then maybe go see a phsychiatrist and talk it out. I suggest a real pshychiatrist because, if this is really bad for you, they are the ones who can percribe medication to help you.

Good luck with it all, im sure you will be fine.

 

[Rainman4707]

Im not so sure it's cognitive distortion. IIRC cognitive distortion is when you actually convince yourself of something that isnt true. Lol, I dont think people with cognitive distortion can cognitively understand they have the issue, you know?

What you are doing is "What if-ing" the HELL out of yourself.

The good news is that this sounds like simple anxiety. The better news is that a $hit ton of people have anxiety. The even better news is that you are ready to be done with it.

Gosh...what if, what if, what if..... I used to do that to myself all the time. One what if builds into the second, which builds into the third and before I know it I'm a tangle of anxiety and stress. it sucks.
You need to learn how to allow past events to calm your nerves....Have you ever actually had a cat tuck in your engine, or run one over in your car? Probably not. You need to learn how to say THAT to yourself, and allow yourself to believe it and calm down. Sounds like you also need to lrarn how to live in the moment. Dont worry about 10 miuntes from nw, worry only about right now, be grateful for this moment.

Kinda like what dudes say to chicks when they are dating, and the chick says "where do you see us going?" The guy typically replies "Im thinking about today, right now, not what tomorrow is going to look like."

My 10 year old has anxiety. I can see it. he worries himself about stuff that he cant control a lot. I got him a book for kids on how to deal with anxiety. It was actually areally good read for him as he now understands that his worst fears wont actually happen, how to self talk to chill himself out and that he has to conquer this moment.

May I suggest that you do some googling on Anxiety and, if it seems to fit the bill, grab a book and start reading? There are plenty of cognitive therapies to be found that you can implement on your own. If you take the time to attempt to address this situation yourself, and it isnt working, then maybe go see a phsychiatrist and talk it out. I suggest a real pshychiatrist because, if this is really bad for you, they are the ones who can percribe medication to help you.

Good luck with it all, im sure you will be fine.

I did nearly convince myself of something that maybe not true, but you're right about issue with cats is probably anxiety.

I think you might be right about the "what if-ing" Strange how some peoples minds work isn't it. Yes i'm going to order some books

Haha no I haven't ever ran over a cat! Like I say, I think people can be there own worst enemy.

 

[sazc]

I did nearly convince myself of something that maybe not true, but you're right about issue with cats is probably anxiety.

I think you might be right about the "what if-ing" Strange how some peoples minds work isn't it. Yes i'm going to order some books

Haha no I haven't ever ran over a cat! Like I say, I think people can be there own worst enemy.

I have it too and have been working on it and with it for years. If you ever need an ear feel free to message me.
I believe, once you learn some tools, you will conquer it.
Good luck.

 

[Rainman4707]

I have it too and have been working on it and with it for years. If you ever need an ear feel free to message me.
I believe, once you learn some tools, you will conquer it.
Good luck.

Change of lifestyle has made a huge difference to my mentality. I used to work shifts (mainly nightshift) I was very isolated in that job.

I have a new job now which I work days.

I used to worry about stupid things. I would be scared to walk into to a friend or family's house. My mind would speak to me.."oh I didn't check my friends door letterbox as i walked in...maybe there was an important document in the letterbox that may have fallen onto the floor. Somebody might pick it up and have access to my friends important information.

I don't worry about things as much now =)

 

[Modern Man Advice]

It sounds more like overthinking under cognitive distortion. The first step was to recognize it and be aware of it, and you are. But more than ignoring or stopping it, it is about redirecting your attention when it happens. Or even better learn to recognize the trigger points so you know it's coming and you are proactive about starting to redirect your focus.

It is also good that you now work a different job and not night shifts. Being isolated for too long can wire your brain in certain ways, and if you have those tendencies then it will only magnify and solidify any negative patterns/tendencies. Humans are designed to be social and be influenced by their peers. Your environment is critical so make it an ideal/positive one.


Modern Man Advice