confessed to GF

[TheCuckSlayer]

Talking about vulnerabilities you've overcome (or are actively taking steps to overcome) is attractive; talking about things that still plague you is unattractive. Using those vulnerabilities to virtue signal and attempt to elicit emotional supply is pathetic--and I say that as someone who used to do the same damn thing with the exact same rationalizations.

C'mon man, if we're going deep psychoanalysis here, which I think is grasping at straws given the lack of details in OP's post, I have to call you out on projecting yourself on to OP.

At what point does an inner demon truly become "resolved"? As with learning game, the moment you think "I've got it all figured out," is the moment you set yourself up for trouble.

Look, showing a little vulnerability to a LTR is not DJ Technique #7483 lmfao. How often we miss the forest for the trees here is amazing; is the ultimate goal here to mindfwck a woman as deeply as possible, or is it for us to find happiness for ourselves? When we do stupid sh1t and have funny experiences in life, why do we feel the need to tell the story to our bros over some beers? It's biology man, we are social creatures who yearn to share our experiences. If you've bonded with a woman, she loves you, she listens to you, she cooks for you, she sucks your d1ck, she lets you PITA and make her your cvmrag, you've done a bunch of fun and enjoyable sh1t together, I'd say it's sad more than anything else if you can't let her in even a little bit into what you're dealing with in your emotional life.

She will definetaly use intimate personal information against you at some future time. With solid frame it just bounces off.

...What can she do to OP with this piece of information? Blackmail him for $$$?

I'd much sooner open up to a woman about my childhood traumas than reveal any of my business/financial secrets.

If the only answer is "emotional damage", then...yawn. I'm going to highlight the fact that OP never felt comfortable revealing this to any gf's in the past, which says a lot about her perceived trustworthiness. Sure, it's always possible that she WILL turn out to be completely evil and deranged and use this to hurt OP's feelings as much as possible at some point in the future, but...any risk like that is the price of admission.

The problem most guys here have isn't that they trust a woman at all. It's that they have poor judgement that's clouded by their own problems, and they have no inkling of which women to trust, when to trust them, and how much to trust them with.

OP, if it turns out she's a vile b1tch who uses this to hurt you and there had been clear signs of that, then it's your own fault for trusting the wrong person. Given how she's reacted, for now at least though, I would not put my money on that happening.

 

[fastlife]

C'mon man, if we're going deep psychoanalysis here, which I think is grasping at straws given the lack of details in OP's post, I have to call you out on projecting yourself on to OP.

Possibly.

At what point does an inner demon truly become "resolved"? As with learning game, the moment you think "I've got it all figured out," is the moment you set yourself up for trouble.

Your gf won't resolve your demons for you.

Look, showing a little vulnerability to a LTR is not DJ Technique #7483 lmfao. How often we miss the forest for the trees here is amazing; is the ultimate goal here to mindfwck a woman as deeply as possible, or is it for us to find happiness for ourselves? When we do stupid sh1t and have funny experiences in life, why do we feel the need to tell the story to our bros over some beers? It's biology man, we are social creatures who yearn to share our experiences. If you've bonded with a woman, she loves you, she listens to you, she cooks for you, she sucks your d1ck, she lets you PITA and make her your cvmrag, you've done a bunch of fun and enjoyable sh1t together, I'd say it's sad more than anything else if you can't let her in even a little bit into what you're dealing with in your emotional life.

Sad, maybe. But the fact that she's done all those things without you dumping your emotional baggage onto her--Occam's Razor would say that things couldn't possibly improve by doing so. I think it's important to have very clear boundaries on what sort of emotional responsibility you put onto other people's lives and also how much of their emotional baggage you allow into yours. If I have a girl: If I had a sh1tty day, it's not her problem. If I'm feeling depressed, it's not her problem. She can't fix those things. I'd tell her I needed to be alone, take care of whatever problem, and come back to her when I was feeling better. Likewise, if she's having a sh1tty day, it's not my problem. If she's feeling depressed, it's not my problem. If she tries to put any of that on me, I'd excuse myself and tell her to let me know when she was feeling better.

I'm not saying you can never open up or have a sense of intimacy--but needing or even desiring anything from her emotionally is setting the stage up for her to lose attraction. That's how you fail sh1t tests. She's not your mom, she's not your friend, she's your romantic (possibly life) partner--and should be treated according the role she fills in your life.

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

No one fixes you but you. I think we're in agreement there?

Mature people understand that just because you share baggage with them doesn't mean it becomes their responsibility to resolve it for you. The simple act of being emotionally honest to someone is far different and distinct from burdening them with your problems. The best medicine is often a human ear, and I don't think it's needy to borrow that from yo girl every once in a while.

 

[Jair213]

You guys are over thinking sh!tt

The purpose why I told her was because it was just something that I wanted to get off my chest. I told her this There was no other reason as to why.


I just wanted opinions as to why her behavior has changed

I didn't loose frame one bit

I didn't look any less alpha or don juanish Or have become less masculine

If anything she has become more submissive out off all of this

Chill guys. I'm handling this well. Nothing to worry about. Geeeezz y'all get to paranoid.


Y'all get to caught up in this dj sh!tt too much. I was just communicating to her something that I went through as a kid. That is all.

 

[old_skoolr]

Look, showing a little vulnerability to a LTR is not DJ Technique #7483 lmfao. How often we miss the forest for the trees here is amazing; is the ultimate goal here to mindfwck a woman as deeply as possible, or is it for us to find happiness for ourselves? When we do stupid sh1t and have funny experiences in life, why do we feel the need to tell the story to our bros over some beers? It's biology man, we are social creatures who yearn to share our experiences. If you've bonded with a woman, she loves you, she listens to you, she cooks for you, she sucks your d1ck, she lets you PITA and make her your cvmrag, you've done a bunch of fun and enjoyable sh1t together, I'd say it's sad more than anything else if you can't let her in even a little bit into what you're dealing with in your emotional life.

Fvcking ay!!!!!!!

Mofos too busy about spinning plates and complaining when they don't get a text back in 5 min, missing the bigger picture.

 

[wolf]

@TheCuckSlayer

Except that in OP's case it's unresolved emotional trauma. He isn't talking about something he got over or grew from; it's more like, "Hey, when I was a kid I made some assumptions that has created a psychological weakness that still affects me to this day and that I'm still compensating for."

Let's not sugarcoat this. I went through some sh1t as a kid; I'm sure a lot of us did; a lot of that sh1t affected me far longer than it should have--right up until the point I took responsibility for it. Up until that point I'd tell girls about it from a place of need & the misguided notion that she should understand, comfort me, agree not to hurt me in similar ways. Now, OP isn't responsible for his father running out on moms--BUT HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT CONCLUSIONS HE INTERNALIZED FROM THIS SITUATION & HOW THOSE CONCLUSIONS AFFECT HIS PRESENT/FUTURE BEHAVIOR.

For instance, the OP defaulted to identifying with the feminine (as most of us do when it comes to our parents) but has he ever thought to revisit that situation to develop a more well-rounded perspective. For instance:

• Did mom fulfill dad's needs sexually, emotionally, etc.?
• Did dad make a promise he couldn't keep based on an incomplete knowledge of himself?
• Is it possible that mom instigated his affair since she has the need to identify as a victim?
• Did mom really have any business confiding in me at the time? Was doing so looking out for her or my own best interests?
• Did dad intentionally hurt me; was it his responsibility to totally self-efface and abnegate his responsibility to himself & his desire just because he had a kid.
• Which one of my parents were modeling a healthier sense of self?

Would any of those factors change his perception of the situation?

OP hasn't done any of the hard work. Until he can say, "You know, when I was a boy my dad cheated on my mom and for a long time I blamed him. I thought that if I could just be faithful or a good person it could undo the sense of betrayal I felt; but as I've gotten older I realized that mom and dad are just two imperfect people--and maybe he had his reasons...," he has no business telling girls about this situation. Talking about vulnerabilities you've overcome (or are actively taking steps to overcome) is attractive; talking about things that still plague you is unattractive. Using those vulnerabilities to virtue signal and attempt to elicit emotional supply is pathetic--and I say that as someone who used to do the same damn thing with the exact same rationalizations.

That's the same tactics narcissists & borderlines use to appeal to Cap'n-Save-a-H0es; to force other people to walk on eggshells; to vindicate their own behaviors.