I need a red pill therapist..can anyone help?

[fastlife]

The problem is that you're still looking for someone/thing external to yourself to fix yourself. That means you still haven't internalized the Red Pill--all anyone can do is offer guideposts, but YOU have to make this journey for YOURSELF.

Depression is a luxury. Self-pity is a luxury. Stagnation is a luxury. Do you think 20,000 years ago anyone had time to be depressed? They were out struggling for survival every single day. You have to be able to trick yourself into that kind of urgency and stress and to create your own purpose. Exercise, no excuses. Sunlight. Intermittent fasting. Those 3 things make a huge and immediate difference.

As for sorting out your internal sh1t, meditation was 100% the best thing I ever did for myself. I made a thread about my method, in detail, here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/ Commit to doing this for 3 months and tell me it doesn't work But you have to commit to it and have to do it everyday. You've had 27 years of mental programming and internalizations and, anytime you stop, your mind will revert to those patterns.

And fvck your 9-5 corporate stuff. If that's not you, it's not you. You know you have a passion for traveling--but you're still stuck in someone else's narrative. You're still playing it safe. If you're not starving and homeless, no amount of money will more substantially change your level of baseline happiness and fulfillment as a man than taking chances, rolling the dice, putting in the hustle, just for the chance to live life on your own terms. You're 27--you can always fluff a resume and go back to the corporate grind in a decade if things go south, but at least you'll know you tried. I meant to post on your other thread, but putting this here.

Feel free to PM me--I don't login everyday and I can't do any of this stuff for you; but I do have my own experiences and'll be glad to throw some things your way.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Good post. Very useful.

As for sorting out your internal sh1t, meditation was 100% the best thing I ever did for myself. I made a thread about my method, in detail, here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/ Commit to doing this for 3 months and tell me it doesn't work But you have to commit to it and have to do it everyday. You've had 27 years of mental programming and internalizations and, anytime you stop, your mind will revert to those patterns.

I did use it for a while, and it did work. It helped get a bad anger problem under control. I very rarely have anger or rage any longer, even in traffic which used to be a big problem.

When I tried to use meditation to counter depression/boredom, I quit after a few failed sessions. I've been meaning to get back to it. The sentenced I bolded was truly great stuff. You're spot on about how the moment you stop being consciously aware and go back into the daze that is everyday life, you fall back to old habits. Only by being grounded in the present moment can you stop a bad thought as it comes through.

And fvck your 9-5 corporate stuff. If that's not you, it's not you. You know you have a passion for traveling--but you're still stuck in someone else's narrative. You're still playing it safe. If you're not starving and homeless, no amount of money will more substantially change your level of baseline happiness and fulfillment as a man than taking chances, rolling the dice, putting in the hustle, just for the chance to live life on your own terms.

I quit this current job on day 90. I'm unemployed again for the time being. It's getting harder and harder to go back each time I leave a job, but hey man, until I figure out self-employment I gotta keep the lights on. Expenses are easily $1,300 a month, and it's not stuff that can be rolled back. Rent is $800, student loan is $213. We're over a grand already on 2 items.

You're 27--you can always fluff a resume and go back to the corporate grind in a decade if things go south, but at least you'll know you tried.

Done that a few times already, and probably more times yet to come. I already "went for broke" in 2014, started a blog that I intended to get paid for, began traveling a ton including a month long trip to Europe which changed my life, and doing Uber on the side when home. It wasn't enough. So this would be my 2nd attempt at throwing caution to the wind. But I've made some progress. Just published an e-book about this 9-5 horse crap, and am looking for remote travel agent jobs where I can get paid to help others with their travel from anywhere with an internet connection.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You can PM Rollo Tomassi on here. Shoot him your e-mail and he'll do a phone consult with you. You'll need to pay a few bucks for it but I found it pretty helpful.

 

[fastlife]

@BlueAlpha1

Exactly. It's not easy to rework your personality but it is doable with consistent effort. It requires consistent battle with your old way of thinking, all of your old assumptions about who you are, how things work out for you, how you react to certain situations--your 'ego,' if you will. I still catch myself slipping into thoughts like, Why do I even need to be happy? Meditating is goofy--that manifestation sh1t is just mental masturbation. Society's fvcked anyway. All girls are wh0res. Going out to meet women? That's pathetic--or why don't I go out but just sit in the corner and look cool. Like I'm so high-valued that I don't even need to approach girls. What if I get a reputation for being some creep who hits on all the girls. You know, Catherine wasn't so bad. Why don't I just text her? What if Catherine's friends see me approaching other girls--approaching girls doesn't really 'work' anyway. Even though I know that meditating makes me more consistently happier. That my interactions with girls are consistently better when I meditate. That I pulled Catherine, Lindsey, and Maria off cold approach--and even though I know that Catherine, although she's a great girl, wouldn't be a good fit for a relationship and I'd be continuing on that trajectory with her if I just hung out with her instead of gaming other girls--I still have those thoughts.

The thing is, if your default state is unhappiness, then depression feels right. Fvck anyone who offers ways for you not to be depressed. I mean, this is just who you are.

And being happy requires you to make some assumptions that feel 'stupid' (a lot of really intelligent people would rather be right than happy). But if happiness is the end goal, then who's 'more correct'? The intelligent guy whose depressed because all he's observant and sees all the fvcked up sh1t around him? Or the goofy dude who laughs and thinks everyone's good and is too dumb to realize when things are bad?

So I've internalized the following assumptions (even though objectively they aren't 'true,' they make me feel better and put me in a better position to take correct action):

• My life is full of beautiful women. More than I could possibly handle at anyone time.
• Every girl wants to fvck me.
• Women treat me well. They want so badly to do nice sh1t for me.
• Everyone wants to be my friend--they want to help me succeed.
• There is a solution to every problem.
• I'm already rich. I'm good with money--I don't need to worry about it.
• I'm a happy person. I've always been happy. Good things happen to me.

A little ridiculous, right? But that's my frame--and a lot of people fall into it. It seems a little unreal at times; but confirmation bias is a helluva tool for determining how you view the world and how the world, in turn, interacts with you.

So if a girl flakes on me or doesn't respond to my text, my reality is:

• Oh, she's just so madly in love with me, she doesn't want to mess things up. That's cute. I'll give her a little time to cool her nerves.

When I get blown out HARD, my reality is:

• Poor girl. So intimidated by me; she had to reject me before I could reject her. Look at her, she hates herself right now. She's probably going to go home and play with herself to her memory of me. God, why am I so awesome?

When I approach a girl and the guy next to her happens to be her boyfriend and he's raging, my reality is:

• Oh my God, this is hilarious. He's so flattered I approached his girl. He just wants to be my friend--but he doesn't know how. He might not be ready yet.

Consciously, I know all these things probably aren't true. But my subconscious, which drives my emotional and physical response, can't tell the difference. I get 'rejected' A LOT--probably more in the past year than anyone on this forum--but the girls who like me LIKE me A LOT--and a lot of the time these girls are hotter & have better personalities than 95% of the girls that blow me out & add value to my life in meaningful ways.

I quit this current job on day 90. I'm unemployed again for the time being. It's getting harder and harder to go back each time I leave a job, but hey man, until I figure out self-employment I gotta keep the lights on. Expenses are easily $1,300 a month, and it's not stuff that can be rolled back. Rent is $800, student loan is $213. We're over a grand already on 2 items.

That's around 16k a year. NOTHING lol. You could easily pull more than that working parttime delivering pizzas, working construction, serving at a fine dining restaurant, bar tending. All of these are 'low status' jobs and they might have sh1tty hours; your friends and family will probably raise their eyebrows a little; probably not anything you'd want to do long term--BUT if you have a plan, these are great stopgap options that pay significantly more than you'd think. And contrary to what some posters here posit, I can say firsthand that girls could give a rat's azz about what you do for a living.

Look into tax write offs against future profits (with the IRS you only have to prove INTENT to profit WITHIN THE NEXT TWO YEARS). You can write off ANY advertising--i.e. spamming your blog & e-book all over Facebook, IG, Amazon, etc. which all have GREAT advertising systems that could generate a lot of hits, and analytics for A-B testing. You could write off web design software, licensed photographs, possibly even some traveling expenses. You can do partial write offs on any equipment you purchase. And as a 'writer' you wouldn't even need an LLC (although I'm not sure, exactly, how travel agencies work in that regard).

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Exactly. It's not easy to rework your personality but it is doable with consistent effort. It requires consistent battle with your old way of thinking, all of your old assumptions about who you are, how things work out for you, how you react to certain situations--your 'ego,' if you will. I still catch myself slipping into thoughts like, Why do I even need to be happy? Meditating is goofy--that manifestation sh1t is just mental masturbation. Society's fvcked anyway. All girls are wh0res. Going out to meet women? That's pathetic--or why don't I go out but just sit in the corner and look cool. Like I'm so high-valued that I don't even need to approach girls. What if I get a reputation for being some creep who hits on all the girls. You know, Catherine wasn't so bad. Why don't I just text her? What if Catherine's friends see me approaching other girls--approaching girls doesn't really 'work' anyway. Even though I know that meditating makes me more consistently happier. That my interactions with girls are consistently better when I meditate. That I pulled Catherine, Lindsey, and Maria off cold approach--and even though I know that Catherine, although she's a great girl, wouldn't be a good fit for a relationship and I'd be continuing on that trajectory with her if I just hung out with her instead of gaming other girls--I still have those thoughts.

The thing is, if your default state is unhappiness, then depression feels right. Fvck anyone who offers ways for you not to be depressed. I mean, this is just who you are.

And being happy requires you to make some assumptions that feel 'stupid' (a lot of really intelligent people would rather be right than happy). But if happiness is the end goal, then who's 'more correct'? The intelligent guy whose depressed because all he's observant and sees all the fvcked up sh1t around him? Or the goofy dude who laughs and thinks everyone's good and is too dumb to realize when things are bad?

So I've internalized the following assumptions (even though objectively they aren't 'true,' they make me feel better and put me in a better position to take correct action):

• My life is full of beautiful women. More than I could possibly handle at anyone time.
• Every girl wants to fvck me.
• Women treat me well. They want so badly to do nice sh1t for me.
• Everyone wants to be my friend--they want to help me succeed.
• There is a solution to every problem.
• I'm already rich. I'm good with money--I don't need to worry about it.
• I'm a happy person. I've always been happy. Good things happen to me.

A little ridiculous, right? But that's my frame--and a lot of people fall into it. It seems a little unreal at times; but confirmation bias is a helluva tool for determining how you view the world and how the world, in turn, interacts with you.

So if a girl flakes on me or doesn't respond to my text, my reality is:

• Oh, she's just so madly in love with me, she doesn't want to mess things up. That's cute. I'll give her a little time to cool her nerves.

When I get blown out HARD, my reality is:

• Poor girl. So intimidated by me; she had to reject me before I could reject her. Look at her, she hates herself right now. She's probably going to go home and play with herself to her memory of me. God, why am I so awesome?

When I approach a girl and the guy next to her happens to be her boyfriend and he's raging, my reality is:

• Oh my God, this is hilarious. He's so flattered I approached his girl. He just wants to be my friend--but he doesn't know how. He might not be ready yet.

Consciously, I know all these things probably aren't true. But my subconscious, which drives my emotional and physical response, can't tell the difference. I get 'rejected' A LOT--probably more in the past year than anyone on this forum--but the girls who like me LIKE me A LOT--and a lot of the time these girls are hotter & have better personalities than 95% of the girls that blow me out & add value to my life in meaningful ways.

As crazy as it sounds, I can't write it off because I was doing pretty damn well for a while. And oddly enough I would have never guessed meditation could work for me, because I am an ardent atheist and one of my biggest pet peeves is this "New Age" religion of pseudoscience, metaphysics, "spirituality" that is synonymous with things like yoga and meditation. That crap is more annoying than even traditional religions to an atheist. YET, it did help for several months.

I think meditation is a much better treatment for anger than for depression or boredom. "Taking a deep breath" is literally a catchphrase used to calm down an angry person. By breathing deep for a set period of time, you are slowing down your heart rate, respiratory rate, and the signals in your brain are changing. It's almost impossible to stay angry while meditating. But it's not the same foolproof cure for depression in my opinion. I do believe however you can overcome that too if you get really good at it.

That's around 16k a year. NOTHING lol. You could easily pull more than that working parttime delivering pizzas, working construction, serving at a fine dining restaurant, bar tending. All of these are 'low status' jobs and they might have sh1tty hours; your friends and family will probably raise their eyebrows a little; probably not anything you'd want to do long term--BUT if you have a plan, these are great stopgap options that pay significantly more than you'd think. And contrary to what some posters here posit, I can say firsthand that girls could give a rat's azz about what you do for a living.

Well, $1300 is just for the monthly bills with an actual due date which include rent, student loan, phone, car insurance, and a credit card payment. My utilities, cable, internet, and gym are included in my $800 rent payment. I need to adjust for an additional $250 a week for gas and misc., so add another $1000 a month. That's $2300 a month, which amounts to about $13 an hour working full-time to break even. Still not a lot of money, but it does require that you have a job. Problem is if it's a job I don't want to do, I'm a terrible employee and the racket is up pretty quick. Unfortunately I'm not the starving artist living at home who can literally live on $700 a month.

Look into tax write offs against future profits (with the IRS you only have to prove INTENT to profit WITHIN THE NEXT TWO YEARS). You can write off ANY advertising--i.e. spamming your blog & e-book all over Facebook, IG, Amazon, etc. which all have GREAT advertising systems that could generate a lot of hits, and analytics for A-B testing. You could write off web design software, licensed photographs, possibly even some traveling expenses. You can do partial write offs on any equipment you purchase. And as a 'writer' you wouldn't even need an LLC (although I'm not sure, exactly, how travel agencies work in that regard).

Thanks. I'll look into these.

https://bootsnall.recruiterbox.com/jobs/fk0hf1t/

This would be perfect for me. Not only do I love travel, I love helping people with their own. I applied and followed up, but the bastard has 350 applications for that one spot. There aren't that many other companies out there like it. If there are they don't advertise, probably because of low budget since travel agencies are a dying breed.

 

[Serenity]

@BlueAlpha1 Haha, I'm a hardcore atheist and I was extremely skeptical of meditation at first too. I started doing it at my worst depressions, basically because I had to try something and was running out of ideas.

I was pretty amazed that not only did it work, it worked very well and was super easy. I registered on a forum about spirituality just to talk about meditation, but I was interested in self-improvement stuff as well which there seemed to be. After a little time on that forum I just left, everyone was just too lost in fantasy land. You wouldn't believe all the stuff these people was 100% convinced to be real, it was crazy. It was a fvcking insult to reality to be on that forum.

Meditation isn't magic though, it's a simple and effective way of calming down. I have learned to remain in that state of mind most of the time even when under pressure. Works well with women too, I'm very much present with them but to the inexperienced I seem aloof. I'm just calm, I don't easily become excited anymore and that's really just fine.

 

[Aristippus]

Hey Blue. It's been years since I've been on this site. What I'm about to post is a reply to a message someone sent me a few years ago in private. He had a similar issue. The reply is copied. I didn't use any names in my reply. I couldn't say it any better than I said it then so hopefully this will help.

" Yes. I dealt with some bouts of depression (and beat it) but no one would have ever known it. By my behavior you wouldn't have guessed it. It was an internal feeling that I kept hidden pretty well. I figured that acting depressed wasn't going to help anything and that by acting depressed I would feel even worse. People who knew me would have probably described me as happy and not depressed.

I looked for some answers in books but really, the books didn't contain any answers for me. They contained some nice ideas but no real, solid solutions. It wasn't until I found my own answers and developed my own way of doing things that I really began to see results.

It should work for you too because really, what I did was take the way your emotional responses and your mind naturally work, and applied that to getting the result I wanted.

***One thing I found was important is TIME. I mean that even a pleasant thought or a pleasant song or anything, repeated too much, for too long can become boring or it can drive you crazy. If too much of a pleasant thing can drive you crazy, then surely, continually thinking about your "problem" will do the same.

You will either become bored or depressed or driven crazy by thinking on the same thing too much, but especially if it is negative in nature. Another thing I realized was that it's pretty hard to feel depressed if you're having fun and enjoying yourself.

One other thing. I noticed that people keep focusing and thinking about things that make them feel bad and keep thinking about things that make them feel depressed and then they expect to feel good! Your mind can effect your moods just like a depressing movie or song can effect your moods.

You can't think about depressing things and your problems all the time and expect to feel good. If you think about things that make you feel good and surround yourself with an environment that makes you feel good and listen to and watch and read things that make you feel good, then you'll feel good.

So now, think of yourself as a stimulus-response machine. This is a very straightforward approach. We look for the thoughts and simple things in our environment that cause an automatic emotional response that we want. These are the emotions of pleasure. We look for automatic triggers that create a genuine, automatic response that takes no effort on our part. Only our focus take effort, but the emotional response is automatic.

Before we go further, any pattern, either of negative or positive emotion, or of negative or positive expectation follows similar patterns. Let's start with a problem pattern. We think of negative experiences of the past or recent past. We look at negative things in the present. And we expect (imagine) negative things in the future.

With pleasant emotions, we usually think of pleasant things in the distant or recent past, pay attention to pleasant things in the present, and do the same about the future.

WE DON'T HAVE TO BREAK OR EVEN THINK OF THE OLD HABITS OF NEGATIVITY OR PAIN OR DEPRESSION.........

We really don't even have to think about the past. If we create enough positive experiences in our present environment and in our present view of things, we can create a lot of positive emotions by simply enjoying ourselves right now, and this alone can be enough to create happiness.

The most thorough way of doing this, though, would be to spend a few minutes a day reliving pleasant experiences from the past. Then spending the rest of the day creating pleasant experiences NOW, and at the end of the day, imagining pleasant things happening in the future, taking a few minutes to do this.

Everything I said up until the last paragraph was simply to point you towards what I feel is the key to happiness........ Think about pleasant things from the past, create positive experiences now, by making sure you control the things in your immediate environment to create an automatic response of pleasure, then think of a future where things happen that automatically make you feel good.

Finally, find the positive in every experience, even a negative one. For example, losing a job could be depressing in the moment but then you can realize that this might also be a learning experience or open up other windows of opportunity for you. Maybe a better job or a less stressful job.

Keep putting positive spins even on experiences that may at first seem negative. I'm not saying to sabotage yourself. Give everything 100%. But if something doesn't work out, look for ways that it might work in your favor."

 

[Bible_Belt]

Meditation is prayer for Atheists. People who pray and people who meditate tend to hate each other, because they don't realize all that they have in common.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Meditation is prayer for Atheists. People who pray and people who meditate tend to hate each other, because they don't realize all that they have in common.

I agree they are pretty much the exact same thing. Whenever I'd go to mass and watch people zoning out during the sermon, I'd pretty much mumble to myself "they're meditating."

And I resent my fellow atheists who mock prayer. It's a perfectly healthy way for a believer to detach from stress and materialism in an attempt to ground themselves and be a better person.

 

[thatfeel]

The problem is that you're still looking for someone/thing external to yourself to fix yourself. That means you still haven't internalized the Red Pill--all anyone can do is offer guideposts, but YOU have to make this journey for YOURSELF.

Depression is a luxury. Self-pity is a luxury. Stagnation is a luxury. Do you think 20,000 years ago anyone had time to be depressed? They were out struggling for survival every single day. You have to be able to trick yourself into that kind of urgency and stress and to create your own purpose. Exercise, no excuses. Sunlight. Intermittent fasting. Those 3 things make a huge and immediate difference.

As for sorting out your internal sh1t, meditation was 100% the best thing I ever did for myself. I made a thread about my method, in detail, here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/ Commit to doing this for 3 months and tell me it doesn't work But you have to commit to it and have to do it everyday. You've had 27 years of mental programming and internalizations and, anytime you stop, your mind will revert to those patterns.

And fvck your 9-5 corporate stuff. If that's not you, it's not you. You know you have a passion for traveling--but you're still stuck in someone else's narrative. You're still playing it safe. If you're not starving and homeless, no amount of money will more substantially change your level of baseline happiness and fulfillment as a man than taking chances, rolling the dice, putting in the hustle, just for the chance to live life on your own terms. You're 27--you can always fluff a resume and go back to the corporate grind in a decade if things go south, but at least you'll know you tried. I meant to post on your other thread, but putting this here.

Feel free to PM me--I don't login everyday and I can't do any of this stuff for you; but I do have my own experiences and'll be glad to throw some things your way.

How come I can't PM you?

 

[Tom Shivoe]

I can't quote or reply specifically to all the great stuff on this thread because it would be a megapost so I just came in to say this thread and this site more generally have helped me find the floor when I thought I was just falling.

I was on a presentations course at work once, 6 of us and an instructor. Back then I hated talking in public (I later learned to like it - and I have a mild stammer, barely noticeable now but worse then). The instructor said something I'd done was OK and I said something dismissive, knocking it back at him. This guy just fixed me with a stare and said, "wow, somebody really did a number on you, didn't they?" And since I learned about NPD (without going into details), I realise he was right.

That was about 15 years ago. I wasted a lot of time since then married to another NPD.

Somebody upthread talked about urgency. I'll be 41 in the spring and I need to get my sh1t together right now because I am starting to realise I am running out of time.

 

[fastlife]

How come I can't PM you?

Somehow my settings had changed--PM'ed you. Apologies to anyone who tried to PM me in the interim.