Disrespectful Girlfriend

[bertran]

Hi everyone,

I have read many variations on the above title on here and thought the content to be very good and decided I would throw in my own story and get you guys/gals two cents on it.

I am with my girlfriend over a year now. When I met the girl I fell in love. She came across as smart, funny, caring and was very attractive.

Somewhere along the line things have changed slightly and the responses I'll get on here I can almost predict already. My issues:

Since almost the start of this relationship, first month or so she has had contact with a friend of her ex. I think the day she moved into my apartment she was calling him on my house phone inviting him to our city, offering up a bed in the apartment for him etc. With this i had no problem, it was noted as odd but no problem. For the last 12 months this guy has in constant contact...i let it all slide because i thought its just a friend thing so no issue, my mind won't let me away from the fact that I think its more. I would be in a store trying to get my girlfriends attention i see her excited and anxious face as she replys with kisses and love heart emoji's completely ignoring my efforts. She will be texting me at work with some abuse over something i didnt do for her mean while shes texting pictures to him and having a great time. They have had clear cut flirting all over facebook since the day we got together. The only person who is replied to by her with kiss faces and love hearts is this guy. The guy has liked or put hearts on every one of ger uploads...with the exception of anything featuring me. Im walking on the street on the way to a resteraunt and she can't hear me she's so involved with the conversation she's having with him I may just be a mirage. The list goes on, long story short I'm observing what I believe to be inappropriate contact several times per week. Finally i said F$#k this and sat her down and said whats going on here, why is this all happening? Just friends is the answer, all emotion sent to him (he is the only one who gets it) is cultural (she is Spanish). I'm apparently making an idiot of myself even asking, i'm a looser etc. She finally said something to the guy and it was " oh my BF has an issue with whats going on" Bear in mind I do not know the guy, i never met him and I don't even speak the same language as him (otherwise I would take it uo with him myself). Am I wrong to expect her to takeaction herself on something that was getting to me (12 months worth) Instead I feel I was thrown out as cannon fodder, she never told the guy she had a problem with the fact he was disrespecting her bf.

I have a very responsible job and would be considered a high earner. I do not feel the girl has any respect for me anymore. I have asked her to leave several times but she won't. She says she loves me but I don't believe a bit of it. Actions speak louder than words in my opinion. She has got physically violent several time, I have had the cops over. I'm an airline pilot and she purposely disrupts my sleep not giving a f#@k about the potential consequenses.

She doesn't work herself and always some excuse as to why she can't get a job. I feel a complete idiot not because I supported her all this time but because I supported her all this time as she and her 'friend' make an idiot of me on an almost daily basis.

I gave her an opportunity for both of us to look at her coversation log with the guy and decide whether it was in fact inappropriate.. she point blank refused. I feel this guy is playing the waiting game and is ready to jump when the opportunity comes up. I said she was smart at the begining so surely she knows this and by all accounts doesn't do anything to stop it so I can only assume she likes it.

She is incredibly insecure herself and if so much as fly with a female colleague at work she has an issue with it. If i wear a top saying New York she has a problem because i visited New York 4 years ago with an ex.

I'm not sure how much longer I can take this and am wondering if I should give her the boot at this stage.

Thank you all ;-)

 

[TheGambino]

Talk to multiple women and you will see that you will care LESS, she will pick on that and seduce YOU instead. That´s not your main goal though, your main goal is to be independent from HER and all her bullsh1t. She can either respect you and come along or ´´theres the door´´.

 

[Serenity]

Give her the boot, no doubt. Physical violence should be insta-kill for any relationship, zero tolerance. That alone without all the other sh!t should be more than reason enough to dump her.

Just do it quick, no excuses or explanations. You should just get the fvck away from her and stay away.

 

[wifehunter]

the broken record spins...

You can't fix stupid. Better to let consequences solve the problem. It won't happen, if you're still in her life.

Walk, and get out of the way.

 

[sazc]

Im thinking Bai Fuhleesha!

 

[bigneil]

When you graph out the interest level spectrum you will observe that disrespect only happens in the 60% interest or below category.

My favorite girl has never once been disrespectful in 1 year of knowing her. Once I triggered her and she seemed sad and said it was time for her to go, but she was triggered by swallowing. That was the worst it ever got.

It's hard to accept the fact that you deserve much better, but you do.

 

[RangerMIke]

When women start acting like this she is losing interest. Just walk away.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Honestly look at this. Yeah, it sucks for you because she is showing a lot of love to the other guy and all. But think about this: the other guy still wishes he was you and was her girlfriend. In the end, who wins?

The woman.

This sh!t sucks man. You need to get rid of her ASAP. Not just for the sake of yourself, but for the sake of every other man in the world who will have to deal with her later on. Show no love to these hoes.

 

[bertran]

Thank you for all your replies, much appreciated. I'm on the same page as you all and think its time for her to go on her merry way. At the same time thats exactly what the other dude wants i'm sure, and it's my pride in this regard that won't let me do it. Lije with everything fear and pride prevent us achieving what we want.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Thank you for all your replies, much appreciated. I'm on the same page as you all and think its time for her to go on her merry way. At the same time thats exactly what the other dude wants i'm sure, and it's my pride in this regard that won't let me do it. Lije with everything fear and pride prevent us achieving what we want.

Then drop the bomb on her. Tell her that because she will show affection to some other guy and not you, she isn't worthy of a relationship and that you two are no longer together. Tell her you expect her stuff and this other guy's stuff out of your apartment in however much time you believe is reasonable. Don't go in detail or anything, just tell her the gist of it and leave the situation alone.

Or find another girl who is prettier than her to have sex with and have her catch you cheating. Then once she does, tell her "oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I'm breaking up with you" then co tinue banging away haha.

Don't throw out the second option though because what she is doing is sick.

 

[bertran]

New to this websit so not sure how to quote but Deesade you are right... my mistake moving her in so soon, I was advised at the time by others not to but I thought I would take the chance. You live you learn.

Danger I'm not sure I want her because he wants her.... she entertains peoples inappropruate behaviour and it's not just with him. He is however the longest standing one. It's more like at the end what he was trying all along worked, its a middle finger in my face with a smug grin.

Not being arrogant but I would have many other girls interested in me but I have never given them an inch. I value exclusivity and maybe this is why this bugs me this much. Part of me thinks I am over reacting but how much can you ignore?

I sometimes wish I had the attitude i've seen in others. Not giving a s##t and kicking her out without a second thought and moving on easily.

 

[bigneil]

Then drop the bomb on her. Tell her that because she will show affection to some other guy and not you, she isn't worthy of a relationship and that you two are no longer together. Tell her you expect her stuff and this other guy's stuff out of your apartment in however much time you believe is reasonable.

Do not do this. Don't do anything. You don't punish bad behavior. You reward good behavior and walk away if there is nothing good to begin with.

Never complain, never explain.

The OP needs to walk away and focus on self improvement, then return in 3 weeks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Do not do this. Don't do anything. You don't punish bad behavior. You reward good behavior and walk away if there is nothing good to begin with.

Never complain, never explain.

The OP needs to walk away and focus on self improvement, then return in 3 weeks.

Good advice bigneil.

 

[bigneil]

Good advice bigneil.

The fact she has her stuff at his place is indeed a complex twist. But he needs to be stoic and emotionless and just act like he's more interested in the girl he's seeing tonight. Maybe put it all in a box for her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The fact she has her stuff at his place is indeed a complex twist. But he needs to be stoic and emotionless and just act like he's more interested in the girl he's seeing tonight. Maybe put it all in a box for her.

So you never punish negative behavior or make a repercussion for it?

 

[bigneil]

So you never punish negative behavior or make a repercussion for it?

Well, when you learn about bad things she did in real time (example, she admits she had a ONS) it's hard to have zero reaction, but my position is this: a relationship is simply a woman extending opportunities to a man. Once those opportunities are no longer extended, the relationship ceases to exist. Under no circumstances should the man actively demand an opportunity, but rather, should indirectly create such opportunities by virtue of the fact she is attracted to and interested in him.

So at the root level, all we can do is 1) increase her interest or 2) nothing.

Always remember the main goals are to 1) maintain your principles and 2) have sex with her.

 

[exhausted]

Hi everyone,

I have read many variations on the above title on here and thought the content to be very good and decided I would throw in my own story and get you guys/gals two cents on it.

I am with my girlfriend over a year now. When I met the girl I fell in love. She came across as smart, funny, caring and was very attractive.

Somewhere along the line things have changed slightly and the responses I'll get on here I can almost predict already. My issues:

Since almost the start of this relationship, first month or so she has had contact with a friend of her ex. I think the day she moved into my apartment she was calling him on my house phone inviting him to our city, offering up a bed in the apartment for him etc. With this i had no problem, it was noted as odd but no problem. For the last 12 months this guy has in constant contact...i let it all slide because i thought its just a friend thing so no issue, my mind won't let me away from the fact that I think its more. I would be in a store trying to get my girlfriends attention i see her excited and anxious face as she replys with kisses and love heart emoji's completely ignoring my efforts. She will be texting me at work with some abuse over something i didnt do for her mean while shes texting pictures to him and having a great time. They have had clear cut flirting all over facebook since the day we got together. The only person who is replied to by her with kiss faces and love hearts is this guy. The guy has liked or put hearts on every one of ger uploads...with the exception of anything featuring me. Im walking on the street on the way to a resteraunt and she can't hear me she's so involved with the conversation she's having with him I may just be a mirage. The list goes on, long story short I'm observing what I believe to be inappropriate contact several times per week. Finally i said F$#k this and sat her down and said whats going on here, why is this all happening? Just friends is the answer, all emotion sent to him (he is the only one who gets it) is cultural (she is Spanish). I'm apparently making an idiot of myself even asking, i'm a looser etc. She finally said something to the guy and it was " oh my BF has an issue with whats going on" Bear in mind I do not know the guy, i never met him and I don't even speak the same language as him (otherwise I would take it uo with him myself). Am I wrong to expect her to takeaction herself on something that was getting to me (12 months worth) Instead I feel I was thrown out as cannon fodder, she never told the guy she had a problem with the fact he was disrespecting her bf.

I have a very responsible job and would be considered a high earner. I do not feel the girl has any respect for me anymore. I have asked her to leave several times but she won't. She says she loves me but I don't believe a bit of it. Actions speak louder than words in my opinion. She has got physically violent several time, I have had the cops over. I'm an airline pilot and she purposely disrupts my sleep not giving a f#@k about the potential consequenses.

She doesn't work herself and always some excuse as to why she can't get a job. I feel a complete idiot not because I supported her all this time but because I supported her all this time as she and her 'friend' make an idiot of me on an almost daily basis.

I gave her an opportunity for both of us to look at her coversation log with the guy and decide whether it was in fact inappropriate.. she point blank refused. I feel this guy is playing the waiting game and is ready to jump when the opportunity comes up. I said she was smart at the begining so surely she knows this and by all accounts doesn't do anything to stop it so I can only assume she likes it.

She is incredibly insecure herself and if so much as fly with a female colleague at work she has an issue with it. If i wear a top saying New York she has a problem because i visited New York 4 years ago with an ex.

I'm not sure how much longer I can take this and am wondering if I should give her the boot at this stage.

Thank you all ;-)

Once u become exclusive those flirt friends and orbitors need to go bye bye or she is not respecting the relationship and boundaries.
This is not an honest and healthy relationship for u.
Is this how u want ur wife to treat u when u have one?
No then get out.
I know its hard but this is innapropriate.

 

[El Payaso]

Well, when you learn about bad things she did in real time (example, she admits she had a ONS) it's hard to have zero reaction, but my position is this: a relationship is simply a woman extending opportunities to a man. Once those opportunities are no longer extended, the relationship ceases to exist. Under no circumstances should the man actively demand an opportunity, but rather, should indirectly create such opportunities by virtue of the fact she is attracted to and interested in him.

So at the root level, all we can do is 1) increase her interest or 2) nothing.

Always remember the main goals are to 1) maintain your principles and 2) have sex with her.

I agree with this.

When a girl I was seeing started to withdraw and started getting very flaky, I withdrew my attention as well. She threw a tantrum that I wasn't being as affectionate anymore. I told her that I was but she wasn't being receptive so I wasn't going to waste my time when she flakes all the time. That shut her up right away. The next thing I got was an apology text and her interest grew by over 100% again.

 

[bigneil]

Along with pushing a woman to her boundaries (and hopefully she has some), we occasionally have to pull back until we reach our own boundary (in her mind). This is the ONLY way to get her to fall in love: trigger her separation anxiety. Until she fears losing you, she will take you for granted. You can't do this in a deliberate way or she will see you for what you are: a manipulator. That's why relationships take time and are complicated.

Example: So she doesn't want to be tied up (yet), but she doesn't want you to cancel dinner. So now you know where you stand.

 

[wifehunter]

Along with pushing a woman to her boundaries (and hopefully she has some), we occasionally have to pull back until we reach our own boundary (in her mind). This is the ONLY way to get her to fall in love: trigger her separation anxiety. Until she fears losing you, she will take you for granted. You can't do this in a deliberate way or she will see you for what you are: a manipulator. That's why relationships take time and are complicated.

This is why, it is why important to have a lot going on. You get to focus on things that are actually progressing. Instead of dealing with her mixed signals/flakyness. I find, life more enjoyable this way. Putting your power/effort into banging your head against a wall, is not wise. Best to move on, and find breakthroughs.