How do I make my gf lose weight

[TheGambino]

Baby sit down I got to talk to you.

Your too fat, you have to lose weight.

 

[TheFixer14]

It is clear her weight is bothering him.

What else needs to be said

He could be overreacting. I don't think it's bad for a girl to gain some weight so as long as she is aware and won't really let herself go.

Dumping your woman just because she's gain some weight is a bit harsh unless she become Honey Boo Boo. And I doubt that's what he's dealing with.

Post a pic of your girlfriend trainwreck to end this once and for all.

 

[TheFixer14]

You seem to be missing the point . It doesn't matter if YOU don't mind YOUR girl gaining weight. The poster who started the thread DOES mind HIS girl GAINING WEIGHT. He minds. It bothers HIM. He came here for advice on how to approach the problem of HIS girl gaining weight because it bothered HIM.

And you seem to be missing the point. YOU guys sound vain as ****.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So many problems like this can be handled in a relationship if a man is proactive and talks about these things early.

My girlfriend knows that I would lose interest if she got fat because I told her that I can't stand fat... that it's a deal-breaker. Ditto with other things that aren't cool with me.

Now it sounds like I must be sitting her down and spelling out how things are. That's not the case. I find a way to subtly work them into conversation, at those times where we find ourselves musing about life.

I advise every man to think of the things that are not acceptable to him, and make sure she knows it EARLY by bringing them up in casual conversation. Fat is at the top of my list. Next comes going out with other men, and having men as "friends". Neither of these are a worry for me with this girls, but I still worked it into conversation.

Have you noticed that when a woman likes a man, she becomes a copycat and subconsciously mimics the man's phrases and philosophies? You will find her mimicking your rules, bringing them up casually as if she thought of them herself.

In fact, that mimicry is a sure sign that a woman is smitten with a man (falling in love). If you hear her using your own phrases, you have her hook, line and sinker.

 

[sazc]

I was just going to post something along the lines of what @Atom Smasher said. Bring up what you are looking for, casually, but early. For weight issues, bring the subject up and see how she reacts. Look to her family to see if they subscribe to a healthy lifestyle. Are they fit minded.

My man flat out told me he would not find me attractive if I gained weight, and that would be a deal breaker for him. He clarified and said 5-10 lbs was acceptable, but he's NOT interested in being with someone who gets obese. In total honesty, the first voice in my head was "naw F that, he needs to love me for me". but after my personal insecurities calmed down (the fear of having and then losing love) the rational side of me took a moment and got honest with myself. I dont want to gain weight and I take active steps every single day to prevent that. Eating, exercising and spot treatments at the med spa.

When I balked at the mention of this deal breaker, he also came back with "how would you feel if I gained 50 lbs? Would you find me attractive, want to see me naked, and still desire me sexually?" Immediately my brain said 'of course not' but that was a hard and bitter pill to swallow - that I might be that shallow - but then I realized, my man has standards, and I have standards too. it's better to be with someone whom is like minded, there's more peace to be had in that relationship.

Anyways, there's some revelations into the female mind and how one (hopefully reasonable) female processes this shiz.

As far as OP, I would suggest you have an honest conversation with her. (of course I would, im a female) You are not happy and you are not feeling respected. Be honest about how you love her but arent finding the extra lbs attractive sexually. My father died at 57 from a heart attack because he was overweight and didnt take care of himself, this is one reason I take care of myself and need my man to as well. I lost my dad, I dont want to lose another man I love because he was unhealthy.. If you have a similar story in your family, you can add that to the convo as a reason.

Good luck

 

[sazc]

And you seem to be missing the point. YOU guys sound vain as ****.

Yes, this whole discussion absolutely sounds vain as ****. But when we (us people) look for someone whom is compatible to use (compatibility equates to low drama) we need to be honest about who we are and what we are looking for. I cant date someone who is fine with living a slovenly lifestyle. That doesnt mean that man A is any less quality than any other man, it simply means that, because of my hangup about weight, I will never be able to make man A as happy as he deserves to be, and he will never be able to do the same for me. it's just better to be honest about who you are, embrace that, and proceed with open eyes.

 

[JohnChops]

Who cares what any other poster ere says, if your girl's weight is bothering you, don't be a ***** and talk to her about it. Doing things like staying in the gym more, ignoring her, depriving her of sex are all PASSIVE. Be assertive , speak to her directly. Then if that doesn't work, byebye.

Also, saying we are "vain" or "fat shaming", is this love shack? If you're not attracted your not attracted, don't change what you're attracted to , to protect her feelings. Tough love is better than faking it.

 

[TheFixer14]

Yes, this whole discussion absolutely sounds vain as ****. But when we (us people) look for someone whom is compatible to use (compatibility equates to low drama) we need to be honest about who we are and what we are looking for. I cant date someone who is fine with living a slovenly lifestyle. That doesnt mean that man A is any less quality than any other man, it simply means that, because of my hangup about weight, I will never be able to make man A as happy as he deserves to be, and he will never be able to do the same for me. it's just better to be honest about who you are, embrace that, and proceed with open eyes.

Yes. And I don't want a fat woman either. But thinking about dumping your girlfriend over her gaining some pounds says more about the person than anything.

If he really would do that then he should just get out of the relationship regardless because he doesn't truly love her.

 

[TheFixer14]

Oh ok. Because we don't like "thick" women, we are vain.

How much is acceptable? If she gains 10 lbs......30 lbs......130 pounds?

The poster wants to know how to get his GF to lose weight. WHATEVER she has gained..........is too much for him.

Why does that bother you so much? Very odd.

Obviously most guys (including myself) don't want to be with someone is who fat. But it's ridiculous to expect her to be pencil thin unless you got an amazing physique yourself.

I just hate seeing vanity.

 

[TheFixer14]

Who cares what any other poster ere says, if your girl's weight is bothering you, don't be a ***** and talk to her about it. Doing things like staying in the gym more, ignoring her, depriving her of sex are all PASSIVE. Be assertive , speak to her directly. Then if that doesn't work, byebye.

Also, saying we are "vain" or "fat shaming", is this love shack? If you're not attracted your not attracted, don't change what you're attracted to , to protect her feelings. Tough love is better than faking it.

Then he should have never gotten into a relationship with her. He clearly doesn't care about her.

 

[sazc]

Yes. And I don't want a fat woman either. But thinking about dumping your girlfriend over her gaining some pounds says more about the person than anything.

If he really would do that then he should just get out of the relationship regardless because he doesn't truly love her.

I understand your point, I really do. The point is also definitely not lost on the OP as he's attracted to her personality, mind, etc, just not her body, and he asking for input instead of just dumping her.

 

[BeTheChange]

LOL at all this advice at letting her know covertly. Tell her DIRECTLY. If you don't like fatty fatties let her KNOW. If you're sacrificing your access to fit chicks with tight bodies then the least she can do is keep in shape.

Maybe it's because I'm a passionate about the gym but this is something I would never accept. The first sign of rolls or excess fat needs to be nipped in the bud real quick...respect yourself.

 

[TheFixer14]

LOL. You guys are something else. Just dump her. You don't care about her and she probably isn't right for you.

My guess is that this is really about something bigger.

 

[sazc]

on the other side of the coin, I am sure we all know those couples that either started out overweight, or started skinny and gained together, and they are overweight and couldnt care less about it with each other.

I'll NEVER forget the day I mentioned to my girlfriend "so-and-so, you've gained some weight in the past year, I really worry about how it's affecting your health"
without missing a fvcking beat she responded "sazc, im married now....I dont have to worry about my weight" I was so totally mortified on the inside when she said that - I shudder to this day recalling it.

 

[TheFixer14]

Virtue signalling won't get you far, here (or anywhere really, for that matter)..

Wasn't doing that...

He obviously needs to trade up.

Giving her some time to make changes whilst he starts a monkey-swing would be my advice..

And yet we all ***** about hypergamy.

There is a place for women that you have feelings for, but aren't sexually attracted to.

It's called 'the friendzone'.

He should have thought of that.

He's hoping that she doesn't get bigger.

If he truly has an issue with her he either needs to go and tell her this or dump her. Either way he is going to hurt her. But like I said, he doesn't care about her.

But, my guess is that he doesn't want to commit to her and is using this as an excuse to get with other women.

 

[TheFixer14]

I see your point. But he didn't start dating a fat girl. She SHOULD be putting effort into losing weight. SHOULD be - and isn't. That is a real concern for him, and if it is not addressed will lead to more and more weight gain - which he doesn't find attractive.

Do you understand this? Just like if you and your GF started dating, and you felt very strongly about everyone paying their own way. A couple months in, she decides you should pay everything. Dates, vacations, her groceries, etc.

That is not what you signed up for. She is changing the terms of the relationship.

When a woman (or man) unilaterally changes the terms of the relationship, that is a huge concern. Whether that is mind games, using sex as a weapon, paying her own way, or gaining a bunch of weight.

I know, that if I gain 50 extra pounds, not only will my GF lose sexual attraction for me, so will most other women. Whose fault would that be?

The fact is......if someone finds fat women attractive, fill your boots. I won't judge, nor care.

But if you DON'T and your GF starts gaining weight, that is a problem.

More than anything, what we can't lose sight of....is EFFORT. If she is trying really hard to lose weight and struggling............ok. If she isn't even trying, as I said in my original post......she simply likes food more than you. She cares more about her taste buds than she cares about you or if you are sexually attracted to her. That's it.

I get what you are saying 100%. It's just very vain and superficial and I don't subscribe to that.

And the OP has said that she isn't fat, she is thick at this point. But was skinny. Thick is NOT fat. I assume most of the folks here are white. Stop obsessing over finding a Mila Kunis type woman.

 

[TheFixer14]

Of course not!

And you fancy girls based on their personality!

Piss off with that sh*t. You are talking to experienced men here..

Pfff. You think you got me pegged huh? Guess again.

I'll tell you as a fairly bright, yet new poster, that the sad acts complain about hypergamy.

The smart guys learn from it. Real quick.

Truth. But what I was getting at is that we know that women are hypergamous, yet we urging this guy to act in that fashion. I suppose it's fair on some level.

Eh.

He's invested. And probably scared to go out and get another woman.

We've all been there.

Probably.

He is committed, idiot. That is why he is lowering himself to try and get a woman to lose weight. He is invested in her.

Many of us here wouldn't even bother with this sillyness.

As for "hurting women". A woman hurt is a woman in love. That is natural.

It's also natural for attractive men to be heartbreakers. Get over that real quick.

You don't seem to understand any of the dynamics of this game.

He doesn't sound very committed to me. Otherwise he wouldn't go on an online forum wondering if he should dump his woman because she's gained a few pounds.

Do you read what you are saying? Look I am not about morals. I honestly don't care about women, "treating them right" and all that crap. But I do care about being a good person. What you described is not a good person. Though one could say that a good person is someone that does things that are convenient to you.

 

[JohnChops]

Then he should have never gotten into a relationship with her. He clearly doesn't care about her.

He said she was skinny at the start of the relationship, she changed, big deal, just move on , she's just a girl.

 

[TheFixer14]

He said she was skinny at the start of the relationship, she changed, big deal, just move on , she's just a girl.

I agree and that's pretty much what I ended up saying. He should just dump her.

 

[TheFixer14]

I got you pegged, alright

I'm telling you to cut out the virtue signalling bullsh*t. You either listen, or you don't.

You better yourself, or you don't.

LOL. I don't know if I am that virtuous of a guy. But I guess I do have values. But I am not here to tell anyone what is right or wrong.

Be striaght. Do you fancy the fat librarian type or something?

If you want to be a deviant, at least pronounce yourself as such.

We generally go for at least HB6's here. Anything else is below the boner quotient.

No. I just don't want to **** a boney ass woman. I'll put it this way, the type of woman that most white guys think is fat or chubby I just see as thick.

You are being an idiot, again.

I briefly went out with a Polish girl that gained "a few pounds" over this summer. It ruined her.

She was a thing of beauty. A HB8. She had an arse to die for.

She lost it all quick. I saw her 2 weeks back, and it was not good.

It's a big shame when a woman lets herself go.

You are in a woman's mindset. And need to sort yourself out.

That's no reflection on him. It's a reflection on you.

LOL, woman's mindset???

You clearly didn't really care about this woman since her gaining a few pounds ruined her for you. There isn't anything wrong with that, you only briefly went out wither.

You are existing within a woman's frame.

What I espouse is about loving yourself, first and foremost.

How so?