Drinking advice

[Fruitbat]

howdy folks.

I live in UK which has a big drinking culture.

Everytime I drink I have no self control. I can't stop getting absolutely sloshed. I've tried everything.

When drunk, I sometimes fight, often argue and nearly always end up telling people personal stuff I regret, try to kiss some inappropriate woman. Sometimes I even say stuff I don't even believe to cause a fight or make stuff up. I then often end up buying drugs when drunk!
a

I am pretty good when sober but I cannot have any social life
t work or with my friends unless I drink.

I get invited to work parties but it's very hard to explain this to people "oh come on, you'll be alright"

How do I explain that no, I don't want to drink because I turn in to a depressive angry lunatic and this will ruin our friendship?

Then, if you don't drink, people think you're weak. I CAN drink, I can drink to ruin.

I've even considered faking religion to a. Meet some women who don't like drinking and b. So I can have friends who don't spend all their free time drinking. I just cannot escape it.

My ex was a Christian and we drank about four times a year, it was fine then. Put me in a bar and I will be an exhibition before long.

So, I give up friends and colleagues and become a recluse or join in and be a psycho.

Any advice on what I do is welcome.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Eat. Stuff yourself with food before you go to the bar, then try to eat more while you drink. Drinking will make you feel too full, thus slowing you down, and the food in your stomach interferes with your body absorbing the alcohol.

 

[Fruitbat]

Eat. Stuff yourself with food before you go to the bar, then try to eat more while you drink. Drinking will make you feel too full, thus slowing you down, and the food in your stomach interferes with your body absorbing the alcohol.

If only it were that simple. I am 34 and I have been trying to control since I was 16. Therapy, hypnosis didn't work either.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think you want all this to happen. You're using alcohol as your own psych therapy. Cure the issues that you are trying to solve with alcohol, and you will solve the alcohol problem. But that's easier said than done, eh? I am not exactly a model of perfection myself.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think you want all this to happen. You're using alcohol as your own psych therapy. Cure the issues that you are trying to solve with alcohol, and you will solve the alcohol problem. But that's easier said than done, eh? I am not exactly a model of perfection myself.

Sometimes the problems will work their way out when you REMOVE the alcohol. We tend to cover these things up and alcohol allows problems to stretch on forever. Without the alcohol it will be obvious what you have to do. Don't fight it.

 

[Fruitbat]

I tried therapy to sort out the issues (I know what they are, I had a seriously messed up childhood at points).

when I am drunk I explain them to people who don't know how to deal with it (I don't blame them, I wouldn't like it much either)

Because all the stuff I have been carrying is now "common knowledge", I feel worse.

Most people now know what kind of baggage I have and the issue is I am now known socially as someone with issues. This is terrible for me really, it does effect the way you view others.
Certainly I seem less valued especially by women who I believe have started to see me as a very emotional issue ridden man. - not a particularly good label.


I think I have to can drinking for good. Also, all this stuff about talking things through is BS. All it does is make you a pariah, shows weakness and gives others items for gossip.

I am even contemplating moving away as my reputation is forever tarnished. To be fair I deserve it, I beat up two of my best friends, cried after a bottle of whiskey, and argues with everyone. I don't blame them, I just think once that genie is out, it's game over for social reputation.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I tried therapy to sort out the issues (I know what they are, I had a seriously messed up childhood at points).

when I am drunk I explain them to people who don't know how to deal with it (I don't blame them, I wouldn't like it much either)

Because all the stuff I have been carrying is now "common knowledge", I feel worse.

Most people now know what kind of baggage I have and the issue is I am now known socially as someone with issues. This is terrible for me really, it does effect the way you view others.
Certainly I seem less valued especially by women who I believe have started to see me as a very emotional issue ridden man. - not a particularly good label.


I think I have to can drinking for good. Also, all this stuff about talking things through is BS. All it does is make you a pariah, shows weakness and gives others items for gossip.

I am even contemplating moving away as my reputation is forever tarnished. To be fair I deserve it, I beat up two of my best friends, cried after a bottle of whiskey, and argues with everyone. I don't blame them, I just think once that genie is out, it's game over for social reputation.

Dude, drinking when you have issues is basically being a loser and having no self-respect. It lets us feel sorry for ourselves, and we embellish on the things bothering us instead of taking action and doing something about what we can. Socially you can recover, it will take time or it can be different circles. I have faith you will find what it is thats' chinking your armor and fix or get past it.

 

[Fruitbat]

Dude, drinking when you have issues is basically being a loser and having no self-respect. It lets us feel sorry for ourselves, and we embellish on the things bothering us instead of taking action and doing something about what we can. Socially you can recover, it will take time or it can be different circles. I have faith you will find what it is thats' chinking your armor and fix or get past it.

Cheers mate

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What more do you need to know?

Stop drinking. TOTALLY. Your life will improve 100fold. (from one who knows)

Yes, every nook and cranny of your life improves. It's likely your supporting a bunch of bull$hit and drinking to cover it up. Without the alchol your like "I'm not doing that!"

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Fruitbat,
Far from me to condemn in another what I forgive in myself...And So I refrain from counselling abstinence,however I have learned the hard way that one never drinks on an empty stomach,if you know you are going to have a skinful then eat cheese or a couple of spoons of cream,you will still be pvissed,but not suffer as much...try and avoid spirits,never mix your drinks,particularly grape and grain...never booze when you have dalliance in mind,as Old Will said,it adds to the attraction,but detracts from the performance LOL.

 

[Fruitbat]

Guys.

I only drink when I meet friends.

I tend to smoke herb if I am bored and alone.

I do not have a drinking problem. I have a binge problem. Once my head gets a whiff, I cannot control the impulse to keep drinking to ruin. I could never drink again- I would not miss it. But, to have a social life, I must drink. Food makes no difference. I appreciate the help but to be clear - this is not that I can't handle it. I just can't stop drinking UNTIL I can't handle it. I've done everything, tried time after time and as soon as I have that 2nd or third I am thinking completely differently. I can't get that lucidity. I was hopeful for years but at 34 I just think I want to give up. I have had short times when I am happy when I could do it, but I am in a feedback loop so I think I will just avoid it for a bit.

 

[GoodOne123]

You know what to do. Either stay sober, or drink and become a lunatic. Looks like you can only be one of two extremes, there's no grey area.

If the pain of staying sober overwhelmes the pain of being so dangerously drunk, then drink. If vice versa, then stay sober. You have no other choices.

If you wish to drink more responsibly, then you need to take your therapy more serious than ever. That's how you can drink, yet not to an extreme. I see you've done therapy before, but it didn't work. Maybe if you evaluate your motives for therapy, and from that try harder than ever, you may be succsessful this time.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Fruitbat,

It sounds like you already realize that you can't drink at all. My daughter has the same issue. Get 2 or 3 drinks in her and there's no stopping.

It sucks, but it seems like that's the bottom line. And therapy won't make any difference.

Good luck.

-Augustus-

 

[Fruitbat]

There's your problem.

So you drink because people will think you're weak otherwise?

If they knew you were drinking to appease them, fit in, or not look like a pu$$y, what would they think of you?

On the other hand, if you choose not to drink because you don't give a flying fukk what they think, you're the strong one my friend.

Put another way - would James Bond or John Wayne be shamed into getting hammered?

Like the sentiment but both James Bond and John Wayne were noted for drinking, indeed James Bond was a raving alchi who won drinking contests!

 

[sodbuster]

you are an alcoholic by some definitions.... nothing you didn't know, but maybe join AA. THEN when your friends want you to drink, you can have a reason to tell them you can't. Drink a pop, whatever, you can still socialize. You have to do what is best for you, since you can't stop.... don't drink.

 

[sodbuster]

A TRUE friend will respect that and tell you so. If not, he's not a real friend. One of mine quit drinking, 4 or 5 of us told him, it's best, you are a f@cking idiot when you drink. NEVER asked him to have a drink with us again, he could have his pop at the bar and we were fine with it... any other azzhats don't count as a friend, just "someone you know"

 

[Fruitbat]

Thank you all very much for your input.

I am going to try to just live without it to a certain extent. Not a commitment to lifelong tee totality, that would never work.

I think the issue is since my divorce the only friendship I have is with my old pals who are all big booze "night out" type people.

For all her faults my ex kept me honest with drinking and I had an alternative to going out. I could cook for us, or we could get on with some joint plans. On my own I tend to lose direction a bit.

I have issues with my family and for my own good I am trying to avoid getting to involved, and they have their own issues so I try not to share with them.

Bottom line is I am lonely without company, I work from home so no workmates and as I am single, I only get invited to the boys nights. So, I end up going out drinking rather than going out alone, and as I have no one to confide in (no partner, family issues) all the negatives come out when drunk.

What I really need is a new interest or passion which allows me to socialise.

This may be my own projection but I have this idea nearly all decent looking women are very social and need a man who can go to parties with her. It would be good to meet some girls who aren't interested in partying.


To be honest the decision has been made anyway. I disclosed way too much dark stuff and have become somewhat disliked due to bad behaviour and depressed whinging and anger....my own fault but I lost my frame so badly I will never get any respect back in this group - I may still keep some friendship but it's common knowledge I am seen as difficult, volatile and a potential threat to the harmony of things. This is not anther whinge, you reap what you sow...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is definitely not true, although true as a general rule. There are hot women that are homebodies. P.s. they're still freaks and hos.

Dude, you can still go to parties, just hold non-alcoholic drink. Let them get drunk around you it puts you at a huge advantage. Most of us are increasingly STUPID as we drink, we don't look as good as we think with the alcohol in us.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Even though I gave similar advice previously, a better bet is a girl that is a homebody and doesn't drink for someone that has difficulty with self-control around alcohol.

Yeah, "nerd" women can be very attractive, and they will actually help you out. They learn to please their man in the bedroom and their pleasant personalities improve your life in all kind of ways.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I agree, they are ideal...although like I said there are plenty of freak ho nerd girls that would put the average party girl to shame when it comes to selfishness, lying and depravity.

Oop! Never ran across the nerds that where much worse than the party girls in lying and things. It's like part of the territory with a party girl to be lying.