A game you can't win?

[The Duke]

Poon King & Playa99 wrote this and it solid gold! I posted this in the MatureMan section because I wanted to get some responses from older guys.

It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to reprogram my brain that has been socially conditioned to think otherwise.
But how does a guy ultimately win the war? I'm not talking about dating and short term relationships. Those are pretty easy or should be once you get experienced and have some skills.

I'm talking about long term relationships, 1.5yrs or more. What happens if you stay that strong guy who is in charge, keeps the frame, doesn’t require much emotional support, and can’t be manipulated? My last relationship lasted 5yrs. There were some tough times, but at the end of the day I had a solid girl that thought the world of me. I did everything correct that is mentioned here. She wanted to be married before the 2nd year even started. I drug it out 5yrs and never gave in. Ultimately it was the death of the relationship. She took my lack of interest in marriage just like a girl takes you not wanting to stick your dihk in her. It doesn’t matter what you tell them, they feel rejected like they aren’t good enough.

In her eyes, I was the greatest dude she ever had and one of the best on the planet. But I wouldn’t give her that one thing she wanted most. Hidden under that “marriage” contract was definitely financial gain for her but she was willing to sign a pre-nup. She still subscribed to the old school way of thinking in regards to men being superior. She would have been happy being a 50-60’s house wife.

I didn’t see the point in marriage, and didn’t want to set my self up for any financial risks. It’s a business deal that fails more often than it succeeds with a court system that is against me. But it was either get married or lose the girl. And I lost the girl. I’m ok with it.

But I just don’t see what I could have done differently to keep her with out marriage???? I’m sure I will cross this road again with another girl. I really don’t care to spend my entire life changing girls out every few years.

Fantastic post.
The fact that a level 5 woman can yield so much power is proof of how weak, manipulated and desperate most men are these days. This is what the blue pill agenda wants though.
Most relationships with women degrade over time as the woman expects more from you while giving less at the same time. The price of her p*ssy rises the longer you stay with her as she expects constant "progression" of the relationship which is really just code for shifting the relationship from being on YOUR terms to being on HER terms. She will create drama and confusion to make you fall in line. Since most men are faggots.. they give in rather than just ignoring her and f*cking her friend/sister instead. Men are basically punished for emotionally committing to women.. yet they do it anyway. Its pretty stupid. But women are skilled at manipulating men so this is really not a big surprise.
MEN: There is ZERO benefit to emotionally committing to a woman. Women don't exist for you to fall in love with them. They exist for reproduction, sexual pleasure and entertainment. They don't exist to be your emotional support system. This is why women grow to disrespect men who fall in love with them and submit to them. Look at most couples and you will see that the relationships where the man is indifferent and strong are also the relationships where the man is respected. Women do NOT respect any kind of pandering to their desires. They love when you do it.. but they don't respect you for it. Most men today pander... so their women see them only as a utility to use and show off to friends and family.. while boosting her social status.. like a dog or a nice car. But she masturbates to real men. Strong men.
By never giving full emotional commitment to ANY woman EVER.. you keep the power and you keep the women in your life acting right. Men who engage in beta submission to one woman usually come out of those relationships completely embarrassed and devastated when the woman eventually leaves.

 

[Yewki]

You "win" the game by not playing it

By being willing to walk away at any time. By realizing that no one else will ever bring you lasting happiness. By having no expectation or anticipation that a relationship will last. By understanding all of our moments and experiences are fleeting. By focusing on your own, personal interests and improving yourself instead of chasing after others in search of a fantasy

That's how you "win" the game. You don't play it. Other people may think you're winning though...

 

[guru1000]

Howiestern, it's an easy rebuttal. "Want to get married? Sure. Let's. We'll have a ring, a ceremony, big party, friends, family. Every will call us husband and wife. BUT ... no state contract. Deal? Oh, no deal? OK, then no marriage."

 

[ubercat]

Sadly doesn't work in Australia. Let any woman stay with you for more than 6 months and you're deemed married. So here living with any woman is a huge financial risk.

 

[ubercat]

Yep. Consequently huge rise in the number of one and two bedroom apartments being built. Always a silver Lining easy to get laid with OLD here with all those cat ladies running around

 

[channingtatum]

You can't win man. It is what it is. Almost every woman will leave you. Either because of the scenario you just laid out or because you're too beta and they get bored. The sooner you accept there is no unicorn out there, the easier it all becomes.

 

[BeExcellent]

I really don’t care to spend my entire life changing girls out every few years.

I know this forum is filled with jaded men. But there are some who are also happily married, happily in non-married LTRs and there are "unicorns" and high quality women out there.

Step one for any endeavor is deciding what is the desired result. Your desired result is long term stable female companionship/relationship and all that entails (however you define it.)

Step two is identifying women who fit what you are looking for.

Please note that it really is that simple (not easy, but simple) and I am not patronizing you by directly stating the goals that you have where relationships are concerned. While the woman who thought you were so wonderful was a great gal, y'all had different life goals. She wanted marriage. She was upfront and steadfast in that desire (true to herself). You did not want marriage and you were also upfront and steadfast in your desire (true to yourself).

Y'all wasted years of each other's time being with someone incompatible on deal breaker items and missed other better potential opportunities as a result. Read that again.

Quit doing this! When you find out someone is deal breaker incompatible with you, you move on. Period. Otherwise someone is expected to sell out to the other person and sacrifice something very important, which sows seeds of resentment that grow into nasty thistles within the relationship. Sound familiar?

It can be very difficult for we may be attached to that person. But we have to release them as soon as we know it will never work because we are blocking abundance from our own lives.

As far as the woman you are seeking you have to be brutally honest about what you want. There are women out there who want the same thing as you but need to cut bait ruthlessly if you are going to find such a woman. One of my girlfriends has a live in boyfriend and they have been together more than 10 years. They are never going to get married as neither one wants this. They are for all intents and purposes like a married couple but nothing is legally or contractually bound and either one could walk if they wanted to (they don't.) It takes a woman who is very secure in herself to reject what society expects. Such a woman is often experienced enough and has enough self worth that she doesn't need the validation of the title of "wife". Young women in particular are much less likely to have that confidence, or at least lack the insecurities to go against the grain on this. They not only want it themselves but they also feel the pressure from the parents, the friends, the glossy magazines, the celebrity culture in society and they want to be a bride, which is fine but wholly incompatible with your stated aim. Notice I didn't say wife.

Your ex wanted the wife role in the classic sense. But that isn't what you wanted (or at least you say that isn't what you wanted.) I get the sense you think she was the one who got away. That you wonder should you have married her. That is to be expected because you haven't found someone better. Better for your purposes would be someone like her in the way she adored you/attracted you but who will be your gf long term without ruining the relationship with fantasy (as far as you are concerned) expectations.

I'm a woman for example who is extremely unlikely to remarry for any number of reasons. I'm very happy in a long distance arrangement that doesn't interfere with his life/business/children nor does it interfere with my life/business/children. We have similar desire insofar as what we want in the arrangement so it works and it is actually effortless, fun, connected and mutually emotionally supportive. Either one of us would walk if the other one started placing expectations on or smothering the other.

You can't win man. It is what it is. Almost every woman will leave you. Either because of the scenario you just laid out or because you're too beta and they get bored. The sooner you accept there is no unicorn out there, the easier it all becomes.

Completely defeatist attitude. There are unicorns (good loyal women of marriageable character.) There are men on this forum who are married to or in relationship with unicorns. But if you have never seen one then I would imagine at some point one doubts that they exist at all and then you get the ensuing negative mindsets regarding the dating market.

The problem then becomes a self-fulfilling phenomena.

The dating market may not be great for men but why make it even tougher with these negative attitudes?

OP needs to define his parameters and stick to them and only date women who meet his deal breaker criteria. Doing otherwise is only going make the process that much MORE difficult. Simultaneously OP must remain outcome independent and not get hung up or needy. Abundance follows those with no give a sh1t attitudes who expect fortune to meet their desires in life.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Howie,
This Guy did fairly well,dragging out a Svexual relationship with a Youngish woman for five years is pretty good...She is struggling with that biological drumbeat pulsing in her head space,reproduce,reproduce!...His biological imperative is to sow his seed as widely as possible...So the two have similar objectives but one wants to keep the other around to protect and nurture her young,the other wants to get on with business...Social pressures and often Dracoonian punishment by the Civil Power creates disharmony and often intense unhappiness...but it must be admitted,the kids probably do better out of it...Uber drew attention to the Family Law situation in Australia,well I think many of your States are not far different?...It has become ridiculous though when Jophil some years ago,was able to draw our attention to the Queensland Court exacting ongoing punitive damages on a married Man who had conducted and then terminated a long term Dalliance with an unmarried Woman,she being quite aware of his circumstances...Maybe the legal pendulum has swung too far?

 

[channingtatum]

Completely defeatist attitude. There are unicorns (good loyal women of marriageable character.) There are men on this forum who are married to or in relationship with unicorns. But if you have never seen one then I would imagine at some point one doubts that they exist at all and then you get the ensuing negative mindsets regarding the dating market.

The problem then becomes a self-fulfilling phenomena.

The dating market may not be great for men but why make it even tougher with these negative attitudes?

OP needs to define his parameters and stick to them and only date women who meet his deal breaker criteria. Doing otherwise is only going make the process that much MORE difficult. Simultaneously OP must remain outcome independent and not get hung up or needy. Abundance follows those with no give a sh1t attitudes who expect fortune to meet their desires in life.

Lol it's called reality, buddy. I never said not to pursue women because of this, I'm simply stating a fact. Women are biologically wired to get bored with men or leave them to go fulfill their disney fantasies with a beta. It doesn't mean they won't come back. Sure, there are guys on here who have "found unicorns", but the vast, vast majority of people are not wired for eternal monogamous bliss. Not being a pessimist, just a realist. Accept it and your life will be much easier. And if you do happen to stumble on a unicorn, cage it up and bring it back to us so we can figure out how to clone it.

 

[The Duke]

@BeExcellent

thanks for the input. We never really sat down and discussed our stance on marriage early on as we should have. We were clear from the start that we both wanted something long term but thats all the further it went. Once she learned I wasn't too excited about being married she did change her tune, but deep down she wanted marriage and likely hoped I would change my mind.

At the end of the day, I don't know any women that don't want marriage eventually. 4 out of 5 of my ex's are all married/remarried. And the few women I know that aren't looking for marriage, all have boyfriends that make less $$$, and don't have their life in order. Most of these girls lean to the more alpha female side with guys that are betas!

 

[SuckItUp]

You want to win either marry a girl who is below your station or below your looks, but a lot of work is done in the filtering stage. Too many people now get married to someone because they are hot or think they work well together but when they have to go through the **** together it falls apart.

The best way to find out if a girl is for you on a long term basis is to see how she acts when bad things are happening.

You can't eliminate risk but you can certainly minimize it.

 

[Yewki]

The best way to find out if a girl is for you on a long term basis is to see how she acts when bad things are happening.

Exactly. Doesn't matter how good the highs are, how good the s3x is, how hot she is... if she points the finger and turns against you when times are rough, she's not for you

 

[SuckItUp]

Absolutely, but how

It's not just you but your family and friends. Most people in your sphere of influence will have a crisis at one point or another so the key is to put a woman into a position where her character will be challenged.

Filtering in a relationships is about figuring out if woman has the right qualities. The thing of it is that men do typically put women in these types of positions but ignore the results because they want a woman to pass instead of accepting the results and exiting a relationship when it is clear the woman isn't the right one or isn't quality.

 

[Once Bitten]

IMHO, women get bored with their man before we bored with them.
Those who don't, get guilted by other unhappy friends that they can do better.
And we don't score high enough on a woman's conscience, in comparison to who they listen to more in their lives.
This is why I believe there should just be an open market every so many months, to trade/swap partners for a while. Our society is not made for marriage anymore.

 

[Trump]

Poon King & Playa99 wrote this and it solid gold! I posted this in the MatureMan section because I wanted to get some responses from older guys.

It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to reprogram my brain that has been socially conditioned to think otherwise.
But how does a guy ultimately win the war? I'm not talking about dating and short term relationships. Those are pretty easy or should be once you get experienced and have some skills.

I'm talking about long term relationships, 1.5yrs or more. What happens if you stay that strong guy who is in charge, keeps the frame, doesn’t require much emotional support, and can’t be manipulated? My last relationship lasted 5yrs. There were some tough times, but at the end of the day I had a solid girl that thought the world of me. I did everything correct that is mentioned here.

Who said everything mentioned on a website with anonymous people is "correct?"

She wanted to be married before the 2nd year even started. I drug it out 5yrs and never gave in. Ultimately it was the death of the relationship. She took my lack of interest in marriage just like a girl takes you not wanting to stick your dihk in her. It doesn’t matter what you tell them, they feel rejected like they aren’t good enough.

In her eyes, I was the greatest dude she ever had and one of the best on the planet. But I wouldn’t give her that one thing she wanted most. Hidden under that “marriage” contract was definitely financial gain for her but she was willing to sign a pre-nup. She still subscribed to the old school way of thinking in regards to men being superior. She would have been happy being a 50-60’s house wife.

I didn’t see the point in marriage, and didn’t want to set my self up for any financial risks. It’s a business deal that fails more often than it succeeds with a court system that is against me. But it was either get married or lose the girl. And I lost the girl. I’m ok with it.

This girl loves you. Thinks the world of you. Gives you sex when you want it. You are obviously attracted to her. And the one thing she wanted from you was marriage. In order to get marriage, she explicitly tells you she doesn't care about your money, assets, or anything else of monetary value and she will sign a legal document to that effect. She just cares about being with you.

And you told her to go to HELL? Common sense is not that common.

But I just don’t see what I could have done differently to keep her with out marriage???? I’m sure I will cross this road again with another girl. I really don’t care to spend my entire life changing girls out every few years.

You don't even want to be married when the girl says she will sign?

Bro if she is going to sign, be married and have a freaking mistress or two. If she is going to sign you can do whatever the hell you want. Are you that rock and roll to be tied down?

 

[The Duke]

Who said everything mentioned on a website with anonymous people is "correct?"



And the one thing she wanted from you was marriage. In order to get marriage, she explicitly tells you she doesn't care about your money, assets, or anything else of monetary value and she will sign a legal document to that effect. She just cares about being with you.

And you told her to go to HELL? Common sense is not that common.



You don't even want to be married when the girl says she will sign?

Bro if she is going to sign, be married and have a freaking mistress or two. If she is going to sign you can do whatever the hell you want. Are you that rock and roll to be tied down?

Are you that naive to believe every thing a woman says and that marriage has nothing to do with monetary gain? (oh yeah they call it "security".....a woman just wants "security"!!! hahahaa) Are prenups guaranteed 100%?

I guess common sense is not that common! I'm thinking you have never been married. And dude I wouldn't ever have a "mistress" in a marriage. Thats not how I roll. I'm not a cheater.