Borderline Personality Disorder woman

[BlueAlpha1]

I doubt she is a troll... A lot of the others are but this one is not. She must have BPD, she understands things that those without cluster B would not understand or even comprehend. What she wrote could only come from experience and understanding.

It is true she cannot change... Cluster B can change behaviors, but we can never change the way we feel.

Not her, there have been a lot of trolls lately. And women.

 

[xstang77]

Interesting thread. It seems the only way to maintain a relationship with a BPD girl is to be emotionally detached since the loss of idealisation is inevitable whether months or years from now?

Yes,the one who truly cares the least wins.

 

[Asmodeus]

Interesting thread. It seems the only way to maintain a relationship with a BPD girl is to be emotionally detached since the loss of idealisation is inevitable whether months or years from now?

Yes... There is always this inevitability with cluster B disorders. Even the most aware, even the most understanding will not be able to prevent the inevitable. It is something men here should understand about BPD. Learn from this and understand it realize the inevitability of it.

But how can one have an emotionally detached relationship? Not somebody normal as you all desire a relationship for love. Emotional attachment is vital for there to be actual love. Emotional detachment is seen in ASPD (like me) but then when you have two people with pathologies together they will inevitably consume each other. Consider for instance if she did that karate chop BS on me in a bad mood, a couple seconds later her brains would have been splattered on a brick wall. I am not even kidding about that... There was another ASPD/NPD case I saw on this forum who is with a BPD woman, but even for his case it ends up being a loveless relationship that seems to be nothing but a power struggle. He may justify and rationalize it as much as he wants, but I find it kind of sad really. No normal person would desire that, heck not even an ABNORMAL person like me would not desire that.

Being emotionally distant may help you maintain a relationship with a BPD. But it in no way will be a healthy relationship not one a normal healthy person would want to maintain for the long term.

Sadly people like her are doomed... Anyone with her just cosigns themselves to that sinking ship. It is inevitable... I say sadly because I kind of feel a bit of the same way. People like her and me can have good intentions, we can desire to be something better but ultimately it never works and the pathology always takes over. It is not really something that can be controlled. She will try, but ultimately she will fail... It is frustrating, but ultimately I have come to accept this.

I think that men here on this forum need to see this... They need to realize the actual condition... It is not that BPD are evil, often they may truly care, but it is just that they cannot control their nature. You cannot expect this to change, you cannot expect to change it. People need to undersand this. This is a very important lesson... They need to realize that love can never be actualized in a person with a cluster B disorder, that the end to the relationship is inevitable, and that it is just how things are.

 

[BeTheChange]

Yes... There is always this inevitability with cluster B disorders. Even the most aware, even the most understanding will not be able to prevent the inevitable. It is something men here should understand about BPD. Learn from this and understand it realize the inevitability of it.

But how can one have an emotionally detached relationship? Not somebody normal as you all desire a relationship for love. Emotional attachment is vital for there to be actual love. Emotional detachment is seen in ASPD (like me) but then when you have two people with pathologies together they will inevitably consume each other. Consider for instance if she did that karate chop BS on me in a bad mood, a couple seconds later her brains would have been splattered on a brick wall. I am not even kidding about that... There was another ASPD/NPD case I saw on this forum who is with a BPD woman, but even for his case it ends up being a loveless relationship that seems to be nothing but a power struggle. He may justify and rationalize it as much as he wants, but I find it kind of sad really. No normal person would desire that, heck not even an ABNORMAL person like me would not desire that.

Being emotionally distant may help you maintain a relationship with a BPD. But it in no way will be a healthy relationship not one a normal healthy person would want to maintain for the long term.

Sadly people like her are doomed... Anyone with her just cosigns themselves to that sinking ship. It is inevitable... I say sadly because I kind of feel a bit of the same way. People like her and me can have good intentions, we can desire to be something better but ultimately it never works and the pathology always takes over. It is not really something that can be controlled. She will try, but ultimately she will fail... It is frustrating, but ultimately I have come to accept this.

I think that men here on this forum need to see this... They need to realize the actual condition... It is not that BPD are evil, often they may truly care, but it is just that they cannot control their nature. You cannot expect this to change, you cannot expect to change it. People need to undersand this. This is a very important lesson... They need to realize that love can never be actualized in a person with a cluster B disorder, that the end to the relationship is inevitable, and that it is just how things are.

Wiki seems to state that BPDs have a decent success rate of being managed or cured if they are actually diagnosed and continue with therapy. So how does this fit with your narrative? Is it because many are so superficially charming they lack the incentive to seek it out?

If I'm honest I'm past the stage of mourning my relationship. I feel legitimately bad for the poor pyscho now. Not bad enough to break NC or anything like that. But it's not exactly like it was her fault she got abandoned and daddy was a naughty boy.

When my first serious relationship ended in 2010, I did a massive bit of Google research to understand why I'd get triggered so easily and react so aggressively to perceived injustices. So it spit out all of these terms like "NPD", "narcissim", "narcisstic rage" and so on which were all new to me. At the time, I felt like this was a pretty good description of myself. Furthermore I had the classic texbook childhood that fosters the traits. But I also read that "NPDs could not be cured" and were doomed to a lifetime of failed relationships (most likely this was said by someone butthurt from a breakup with an NPD) When I read that it crushed me. I let it impact my growth for almost a year.

I still have episodes, get complacent and obviously the feeling of being in complete control (until your not) with my bpd ex made it easier not work on suppressing these tendencies. However I would say that I am very aware of my triggers and when my thoughts are not rational and can with the right motivation suppress them. Could this not be the same for BPDs?

 

[Jasmine Langer]

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that causes significant fluctuation in a person’s emotions, leaving him or her feeling severely emotionally unstable. People with BPD suffer from inflexible patterns of inner experiences that result in inconsistent outward behaviors. Individuals suffering from borderline personality disorder endure everyday battles with conflicting images of themselves, with dramatic shifts in mood and thought patterns, and with tumultuous relationships.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I think that men here on this forum need to see this... They need to realize the actual condition... It is not that BPD are evil, often they may truly care, but it is just that they cannot control their nature. You cannot expect this to change, you cannot expect to change it. People need to undersand this. This is a very important lesson... They need to realize that love can never be actualized in a person with a cluster B disorder, that the end to the relationship is inevitable, and that it is just how things are.

They can change. You can fix personality disorders before puberty is completed. Afterwards you cannot, but before and during adolescence, it is possible. Hard as fvcking hell? Yes. Impossible? No. Other than that, the only way to 'reprogram your brain' from what I've heard is to take LSD. There have been books written on it and you can find a ton of stuff about it online too. Though I personally have never seen or heard of someone who has used acid to 'reprogram' their brain.

 

[Asmodeus]

Wiki seems to state that BPDs have a decent success rate of being managed or cured if they are actually diagnosed and continue with therapy. So how does this fit with your narrative? Is it because many are so superficially charming they lack the incentive to seek it out?

If I'm honest I'm past the stage of mourning my relationship. I feel legitimately bad for the poor pyscho now. Not bad enough to break NC or anything like that. But it's not exactly like it was her fault she got abandoned and daddy was a naughty boy.

When my first serious relationship ended in 2010, I did a massive bit of Google research to understand why I'd get triggered so easily and react so aggressively to perceived injustices. So it spit out all of these terms like "NPD", "narcissim", "narcisstic rage" and so on which were all new to me. At the time, I felt like this was a pretty good description of myself. Furthermore I had the classic texbook childhood that fosters the traits. But I also read that "NPDs could not be cured" and were doomed to a lifetime of failed relationships (most likely this was said by someone butthurt from a breakup with an NPD) When I read that it crushed me. I let it impact my growth for almost a year.

I still have episodes, get complacent and obviously the feeling of being in complete control (until your not) with my bpd ex made it easier not work on suppressing these tendencies. However I would say that I am very aware of my triggers and when my thoughts are not rational and can with the right motivation suppress them. Could this not be the same for BPDs?

You cannot cure it. You can manage it. OP is managing it, I am managing my PD, you are managing yours. But have no illusions about a cure.
My narrative is based off dozens of experiences of other PD cases, hundreds of hours of research and understanding. And normal people do not understand PD at all. They would say I am cured, and have said such... But I know better than than that.
You can control behaviors and become aware and even get some semblance of normal but saying it can be cured is reduculous. Personality disorders are part of a person, it is their personality and who they are.

They can change. You can fix personality disorders before puberty is completed. Afterwards you cannot, but before and during adolescence, it is possible. Hard as fvcking hell? Yes. Impossible? No. Other than that, the only way to 'reprogram your brain' from what I've heard is to take LSD. There have been books written on it and you can find a ton of stuff about it online too. Though I personally have never seen or heard of someone who has used acid to 'reprogram' their brain.

Maybe in adolescence, but I know mostly cases far past adolescence. Some say adolescence is where personality is still developing... As for LSD, that is hogwash as no psychoactive compound can treat the actual personality itself. Most mess manage other symptoms, I take things to calm me down so I don't fly off the rails, OP sounds like she takes antidepressants and maybe things to regulate mood from what I can tell. But treating mood does not treat the actual underlying personality issue.

 

[Asmodeus]

Personality disorder cases may be even able to live a normal life. Most are able to achieve this and blend in with everything else. Many have a lot of control and awareness. But control is different than cure.
OP may be able to maintain her relationship. She may be able to push through the devaluation, she may be able to look at it all logically. But devaluation will happen, overcoming such in the long term may be possible. But it is fighting against the current.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Personality disorder cases may be even able to live a normal life. Most are able to achieve this and blend in with everything else. Many have a lot of control and awareness. But control is different than cure.
OP may be able to maintain her relationship. She may be able to push through the devaluation, she may be able to look at it all logically. But devaluation will happen, overcoming such in the long term may be possible. But it is fighting against the current.

So do you take prozac? Or what drugs do they prescribe for this disorder?

 

[Asmodeus]

So do you take prozac? Or what drugs do they prescribe for this disorder?

Lithium, and was on Valporate for a while. I also have a sedative that is used as a sleep aid that is being used off label PRN as needed if I begin to feel myself agitated.
These are basically mood stabilizers
They typically do not prescribe anything for BPD or ASPD or any cluster B disorders. No medication can treat personality. But mood swings are VERY BAD in someone like me and for BPD mood swings are also bad to have. Being in bad moods affect my control. But it is not the medication exercising that control, it is me. The medcations are just used to blance out other factors that can make exercising that control more difficult.

 

[xstang77]

Yea my ex was put on anti depressants and at times it helped but it also made her bottle it all up more and feel less until she exploded everything bottled up once in a while and was a downright awful ***** to where she even admitted it.

 

[FinallyFree]

I got lost and forgot to talk about my question.
When my other half triggers me, for example....
He told me he once slept with a 50 year old woman. A few years ago. We didn't know each other. I said out in BPD BTCH mode "I bet her pssy was like throwing a sausage into a football stadium" and he came back with a totally stupid "actually it was tight" and I went OFF. IMMEDIATELY. Every single day for about a month I brought it up, he'd say "do you want a vodka?" And I would say in a sarcastic voice "why don't you get me a brandy, isn't that what your old tight pssy btch likes to get wasted on so she can screw young men?" ...... WHA!? ...... and I would just throw these ridiculous comments out there at any time. I recently stopped because I realised it was pointless since he wasn't reacting anymore (hard admission) and so I gave up.
A few days ago we were sitting watching a music video and this girl was on the screen so I said "skank" ... but she was a skank, it was the whole point of the video. Anyway, this woman walked in, beautiful, nice makeup, gorgeous dress etc, slender, tall... and I said "now THAT is some class" with a smile on my face. (I am also slim and tall and I was kinda looking for a compliment lol) and he said "older women tend to pull the classy look off a lot better."
It is amazing to me that he still had skin on his face and I didn't wear his fkin pelvis as a hat. Lol. So I went crazy and I only brought that stupid comment up last night.
It circles around in my head still but I'm really working on it.
He got really mad for the first time last night, gritting his teeth actually, red in the face and he said "will you shut the **** up, I want you, I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever known and you're the one I want, you're the one I'm with, you made me realise how much of a pathetic man I was with my ex girlfriends and I won't be like that any more. You've made me see lots of things"
And I leant over and have him a hug and a kiss and I told him to stop ranting and "don't be like me" and we had a nice night, tired after all the ranting and went to sleep. Had some nice talks today. So I'm kinda making progress, I didn't enjoy the drama of him shouting back, and I backed off

Reading this just makes me realize how severe ex's BPD is. Your bf sounds alright but if I said any of those things (esp it was tight) I would never see her again. Ever. You sound very treatable/aware of yourself for someone with BPD.

She would for example force me to sit there while she lamented in jealousy about her ex bf's new girlfriend. That's an extremely degrading position to put me into, but I was conditioned and just tried to ignore her.

Somehow she took my silence as evidence that I'm probably also in love with her ex's new gf, slammed the phone down and disappeared for days. When she came back she was asking me strange questions about what tattoos she should get to attract guys (turns out the ex's gf has tattoos).

Her ex would take her back in a heartbeat so it's not like she was really jealous. I don't understand why people with BPD intentionally put their partner into a position with no possible correct response, where just being next to them means war.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Mine was on some anti-depressants too. She "stopped taking them" the first year she'd met me because I "made her so happy." One of the many of the love-bombing lies

 

[MrOctober]

You do have a lot of self awareness for a cluster b like others have said.

though I've researched bpds have "moments of clarity" where you see things clear.

 

[Julian]

I guarantee you OP is a male posing as a female..probably one of our fellow posters just trolling us lol. Its probably @Asmodeus posting off his phone and replying to himself lol. Jk bro

idk call it a gut instinct..but the writing style and some of the phrases rxdoom wrote seemed very male/masculine, as if a dude was writing it. just my thoughts.

 

[Asmodeus]

I guarantee you OP is a male posing as a female..probably one of our fellow posters just trolling us lol. Its probably @Asmodeus posting off his phone and replying to himself lol. Jk bro

idk call it a gut instinct..but the writing style and some of the phrases rxdoom wrote seemed very male/masculine, as if a dude was writing it. just my thoughts.

Not my MO. I am not above manipulation. But this would be too indirect, and there is no real gain for it that I can see.

She seems entirely too self aware. I have never met a case like such. Could be a guy. But this person has a lot of understanding about BPD, more than your average individual. I would not expect a BPD to post here for help. There are other places for that, support forums. Asking SoSuave seems out of place for the question.

But this one seems to have left... And almost abruptly... So the entire reason they were here was just for this one post... I wonder why?

 

[Julian]

@Asmodeus yeah I was just kidding I didnt think thats your style. and....if it really was a BPD female, then the answer to that question goes without saying. Theres no reason or logic why and we shouldnt wonder any further.. she used us for what she needed then discarded lol

 

[RxDoom]

I've forgotten to check the site. I'm not a guy. I have Insta, I could prove it. Lol. I'm a smart person and I'm just looking for some help from a totally new perspective

 

[Asmodeus]

I've forgotten to check the site. I'm not a guy. I have Insta, I could prove it. Lol. I'm a smart person and I'm just looking for some help from a totally new perspective

Good to see you back...You can understand our scrutiny, it is reasonable and rational. We have received many who are not who they say they are, and to see a BPD case, which is a woman, that is very highly self aware like this is rather surprising. I myself am inclined to believe you, simply because your understanding of the disorder represents something a person would only know from experience.

But you should stay... I could pull your strings here, I understand your condition very well and understand that emptiness, that vulnerability. The manipulations, the instability, all that comes from a kind of desperation you feel. I know why BPDs hurt themselves, a physical pain to bring relief from the chaos in your mind... Just to feel ANYTHING. You do not experience emotions like normal people, you THINK you do because that is how you perceive it, but it is out of tempo. The sociopath in me wants to feed this to you, some false hope...

But instead, I will appeal to your logic... You stay here, you will learn more, understand more, grow more. That is why you are here. In this forum, most people will see you as a manipulative drama queen. I understand your trepidations, but the only way to grow is to confront your demons. Also, look it as a chance to do something altruistic... Here there are a lot of people who have suffered from experiences with BPD. You may have some insight, understanding of the behaviors, understanding of why and how... I think such things may be able to benefit this forum.

But most of all... You are a curious case, and I rarely meet such a self-aware case. I would have you stay out of curiosity. I am one who thirsts for knowledge, particularly in the domain of psychology. If you are as you say, then you represent a very interesting case...

 

[RxDoom]

Good to see you back...You can understand our scrutiny, it is reasonable and rational. We have received many who are not who they say they are, and to see a BPD case, which is a woman, that is very highly self aware like this is rather surprising. I myself am inclined to believe you, simply because your understanding of the disorder represents something a person would only know from experience.

But you should stay... I could pull your strings here, I understand your condition very well and understand that emptiness, that vulnerability. The manipulations, the instability, all that comes from a kind of desperation you feel. I know why BPDs hurt themselves, a physical pain to bring relief from the chaos in your mind... Just to feel ANYTHING. You do not experience emotions like normal people, you THINK you do because that is how you perceive it, but it is out of tempo. The sociopath in me wants to feed this to you, some false hope...

But instead, I will appeal to your logic... You stay here, you will learn more, understand more, grow more. That is why you are here. In this forum, most people will see you as a manipulative drama queen. I understand your trepidations, but the only way to grow is to confront your demons. Also, look it as a chance to do something altruistic... Here there are a lot of people who have suffered from experiences with BPD. You may have some insight, understanding of the behaviors, understanding of why and how... I think such things may be able to benefit this forum.

But most of all... You are a curious case, and I rarely meet such a self-aware case. I would have you stay out of curiosity. I am one who thirsts for knowledge, particularly in the domain of psychology. If you are as you say, then you represent a very interesting case...

I honestly don't see the point in someone pretending to be a woman with BPD when they're a guy on this forum. I'm scared reading all the posts on here, because I care about my boyfriend. Also to the guy up there, I didn't hit my current boyfriend, it was my emotionally unavailable ex.
I'm not really sure WHY I have BPD, if it's a misdiagnosis or what. I wasn't abused as a child. I was bullied quite badly by girls and guys in school. Mostly just verbal abuse. I hear stories about some neglect and being around fighting/drugs. I think that probably is why. I have a terror about being left by people that I enjoy being around. Being devalued myself is horrifying to think of. Also I have an enormous fear of people dying. I don't hurt myself anymore, I have a cigarette burn on my hand (I went to gay pride yesterday and it was so packed with people outside smoking) and I'm not enjoying the pain, it's not what it used to be for me... I don't abuse drugs anymore (used to be into morphine) and I escaped that slippery slope.