Borderline Personality Disorder woman

[RxDoom]

Just focus on not ruining other people's lives. why does it always have to be about.

Would you have believed me if I said I was doing it all selflessly? Even I wouldn't believe myself. This is my problem. If I work on myself, other people in will be happier will be happier by proxy.

 

[RxDoom]

Your last line reminded me of something my ex would say....where are you from lol. Tip wise from my experience most bpd know when there doing wrong,they just don't care,my advice is don't put yourself into commitment for anything long term like pets,people etc. and work on fighting that urge you get to self destruct relations you have with people.

I don't believe in marriage and I don't keep pets. Not even fish. I'm too unorganised. I am from England!

 

[Asmodeus]

Just focus on not ruining other people's lives. why does it always have to be about.

I argue that if she truly is BPD then her being here and actually trying to understand herself better is doing this. By being more aware of herself she will be able to be a better person, and be able to manage her pathology more.

You need to tell him EVERYTHING.
Do not beat around the bush. Tell him. Help him realize exactly about it with as much clarity and honesty as possible.

I know people with cluster B rarely ever tell people they care about of their condition. I know why you do not want to tell him, you are afraid... I wear guises not simply out of manipulation anymore but because I know that if people knew me who I was and what I truly thought that I would be an exile, a pariah. I understand this... But you must do it. If you truly care for him and he loves you there must be no illusions...

Mind you, this does not mean it will make things perfect. Fate is such that you may be doomed. You idealize him now, he seems great. Someday, you will fall out of that. Someday, you will no longer feel this way... It is inevitable. There is no possible way you can stay like this, feel like this forever about him. You once felt this way about your previous boyfriends, but then you devalued them and could not bring yourself to love them again.

We all wish it to be different, and I do implore you try... Never give up, never surrender. Even in the face of hopelessness keep fighting.

 

[RxDoom]

I argue that if she truly is BPD then her being here and actually trying to understand herself better is doing this. By being more aware of herself she will be able to be a better person, and be able to manage her pathology more.



Mind you, this does not mean it will make things perfect. Fate is such that you may be doomed. You idealize him now, he seems great. Someday, you will fall out of that. Someday, you will no longer feel this way... It is inevitable. There is no possible way you can stay like this, feel like this forever about him. You once felt this way about your previous boyfriends, but then you devalued them and could not bring yourself to love them again.

We all wish it to be different, and I do implore you try... Never give up, never surrender. Even in the face of hopelessness keep fighting.

I was diagnosed at 18 at CAMHS and then backed up when I was 23. I do idealise him, but I know that feeling of my mind just "discarding" someone with no warning, and then I never care again..... until I do. It's like I have a delayed break up, the feelings dint come for months, even years. But unlike some of the people's exes on here that I have read about. I never, ever go back

 

[Asmodeus]

I'm scared. I believe people are innately untrustworthy. I used to scream-rant at my ex for hours, sometimes from the moment I woke up to the moment I knocked myself out at night, I would follow him around the streets with no shoes on, my eyebrows shaved off with my hair sticking up all awry, in a bath robe, in the middle of the day, crying screaming and ranting. After these rants stopped (they.could just stop in one second like nothing had happened) and I would make him promise, beg and plead for him to swear to me that he'd never speak about my issues to people, if he truly cares at all. Tell them about my bad habits or that I'm a dckhead, just don't go into it.
The week we broke up he told everyone and I quote that I was a "fruit loop" a "lunatic" etc. I trust my current boyfriend not to cheat, he went on an all male holiday to Ibiza for a week and I was alright (meds went up though) but I don't trust him with this deeply painful subject

You need to tell him. You know this to be true.
Here I am, being a hypocrite.. But I am going to say it.
Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, honesty and understanding. How do you expect to maintain this if you are unable to be fully trusting of him and if you are not being fully honest with him? I know it is hard, I know you want to keep up the mask, the guise that you are normal and that everything is fine. How is he to trust you? How is he to understand you if you do not fully let him know who you are? This is the very foundation, the basis of love..

 

[xstang77]

I don't believe in marriage and I don't keep pets. Not even fish. I'm too unorganised. I am from England!

Well atleast your self aware enough on that aspect. Asmodeus gives excellent advice,though like he said even if you tell your partner and he's fully aware you can't fight the inevitable,in the end even if you are honest with this guy he'll still eventually be a scorned ex,just one that took the time to know you.

 

[RxDoom]

You need to tell him. You know this to be true.
Here I am, being a hypocrite.. But I am going to say it.
Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship, honesty and understanding. How do you expect to maintain this if you are unable to be fully trusting of him and if you are not being fully honest with him? I know it is hard, I know you want to keep up the mask, the guise that you are normal and that everything is fine. How is he to trust you? How is he to understand you if you do not fully let him know who you are? This is the very foundation, the basis of love..

You're right. I'll definitely do it in my own time. I sometimes find it hard to articulate, so I was thinking of quoting certain things I have read here (just traits, no names or personal things) about BPD women, listening a few and then giving him them. He actually said yesterday "is there a step by step to this sht?" Lol

 

[Asmodeus]

Well atleast your self aware enough on that aspect. Asmodeus gives excellent advice,though like he said even if you tell your partner and he's fully aware you can't fight the inevitable,in the end even if you are honest with this guy he'll still eventually be a scorned ex,just one that took the time to know you.

That is why she is afraid to admit it to him... And herself...

She is afraid to tell him who she is and how she feels. She knows that she causes damage, she feels the same defeatism and hopelessness that I do... Something very difficult to face. Impossible...

 

[RxDoom]

That is why she is afraid to admit it to him... And herself...

She is afraid to tell him who she is and how she feels. She knows that she causes damage, she feels the same defeatism and hopelessness that I do... Something very difficult to face. Impossible...

It's such a strange thing that I can feel nothing and everything for someone all at once.

 

[RxDoom]

I'm feeling kinda weird lately because I met a girl (game on right lmao) nah... she has BPD too, it's weird, she added me on fb and she is local to me, JUST by her fb posts I knew it. So o asked her if she had ever heard of BPD and she said, "if you mean Borderline, I was diagnosed 2 years ago" I was like SHTTTT! We open up to each other so much emotionally and I can tell we both dON'T like it but we sorta need it. Bcause I know if she runs her mouth about my life, I can hit back with the same stuff. So we have this unspoken understanding. It's unnerving but nice, she's really sweet, but I wouldn't like to be in a relationship with her. Wtf right!?

 

[xstang77]

If you tell him it may atleast help him have a better understanding when the **** hits the fan,I will add though if he cares enough about you he will take the time to better understand you. There's some decent sites out there to help ease the ride for the non. I was the first one to ever really help my ex understand her disorder or atleast put the idea in her head for some rainy day if she ever gets to that point to do anything about it,all her previous ex's just wrote her off as a lying *****,even her own brother publicly told her she'll be forever a thing of the streets. I wish you luck in finding the balance your seeking,there is deffinetly stories of improvement out there.

 

[Asmodeus]

It's such a strange thing that I can feel nothing and everything for someone all at once.

I understand this... I truly do... I do not think anyone else will understand what you just said like I just did.

I am not supposed to love, not supposed to feel, my emotions blunted, the tempo of feeling untimed, my persona a guise, I am not sure what is me and what I actually feel and understand at times... But yet, like you, I came across the same perplexing situation although perhaps in a different way. How could it be possible for me to feel nothing yet something? I truly do not understand it, do not even get it... You sum up the one thing I just cannot ever understand... I have no answer for you.

I am sorry I was not able to give you the answers you were looking for... You wish that you and your boyfriend would be like this, that you would feel this way forever, you want something to believe in, something to hold on to.

We open up to each other so much emotionally and I can tell we both dON'T like it but we sorta need it.

That is good, I tend to try to look at others as a mirror of myself. You see her as your mirror, you begin to understand yourself. Because not many understand.

 

[RxDoom]

If you tell him it may atleast help him have a better understanding when the **** hits the fan,I will add though if he cares enough about you he will take the time to better understand you. There's some decent sites out there to help ease the ride for the non. I was the first one to ever really help my ex understand her disorder or atleast put the idea in her head for some rainy day if she ever gets to that point to do anything about it,all her previous ex's just wrote her off as a lying *****,even her own brother publicly told her she'll be forever a thing of the streets. I wish you luck in finding the balance your seeking,there is deffinetly stories of improvement out there.

Thank you. And that's really good of you to help her, I hope she remembers that you did and hasn't just painted you black. But why should you give a fk right, she's gone and you're free as a bird Ty for your responses

 

[RxDoom]

I understand this... I truly do... I do not think anyone else will understand what you just said like I just did.

I am not supposed to love, not supposed to feel, my emotions blunted, the tempo of feeling untimed, my persona a guise, I am not sure what is me and what I actually feel and understand at times... But yet, like you, I came across the same perplexing situation although perhaps in a different way. How could it be possible for me to feel nothing yet something? I truly do not understand it, do not even get it... You sum up the one thing I just cannot ever understand... I have no answer for you.

I am sorry I was not able to give you the answers you were looking for... You wish that you and your boyfriend would be like this, that you would feel this way forever, you want something to believe in, something to hold on to.


That is good, I tend to try to look at others as a mirror of myself. You see her as your mirror, you begin to understand yourself. Because not many understand.

You've given me some amazing responses. Is there some kind of rep system on here? I'd like to give you all a thumbs up or whatever. I appreciate it. As far as your illness goes, you're some of the most fascinating people to read about. Also, a silver lining.... nobody can ever call us boring

 

[xstang77]

Thank you. And that's really good of you to help her, I hope she remembers that you did and hasn't just painted you black. But why should you give a fk right, she's gone and you're free as a bird Ty for your responses

Very doubtful as her final exit made the truth very clear,and the nasty invigorating toxic bond we shared hinders my freedom..but onwards and upwards

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I'm surprised you're getting so much empathy on this forum. How about this? Learn to be a human being and to treat people with basic respect, honesty and decency. Take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY (I know these words are out of style) for you actions and if you can't do that, stay away from men altogether. I'm sorry but I saw enough from your kind to believe that you are in any way, shape, or form a victim. You may not be doing it on purpose, but you are still autonomous and know what you do is warped.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

I'm surprised you're getting so much empathy on this forum. How about this? Learn to be a human being and to treat people with basic respect, honesty and decency. Take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY (I know these words are out of style) for you actions and if you can't do that, stay away from men altogether. I'm sorry but I saw enough from your kind to believe that you are in any way, shape, or form a victim. You may not be doing it on purpose, but you are still autonomous and know what you do is warped.

Yeah, what gives? Women like this CANNOT change. Personality disorders like these are even worse for females, because society has coddled them so much that they are used to never having to take responsiIty for their actions. Ban this rotten waste of space..

This posts demonstrates the difference between men and women. Men are TOO forgiving of females bullshiit, capt save hoe to the rescue.

I have no SIMPathy, none what so ever. She will continue to be a rotten kunt to her boyfriend because she knows he will sit there and take it, same old tatics virtually all females use. He's a damn fool for staying as long as he has. He let you karate chop him and he's still there? I can gurantee you that she wouldn't try this on everybody.

Whats up with all these new females posters lately? They don't really want help. A female poster coming here to post her realtionship woes is like getting into a gun fight with somebody and when the enemy runs out of bullets, you toss him some ammo so he can shoot you with it...

GTFOH

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Yeah, what gives? Women like this CANNOT change. Personality disorders like these are even worse for females, because society has coddled them so much that they are used to never having to take responsiIty for their actions. Ban this rotten waste of space..

This posts demonstrates the difference between men and women. Men are TOO forgiving of females bullshiit, capt save hoe to the rescue.

I have no SIMPathy, none what so ever. She will continue to be a rotten kunt to her boyfriend because she knows he will sit there and take it, same old tatics virtually all females use. He's a damn fool for staying as long as he has. He let you karate chop him and he's still there? I can gurantee you that she wouldn't try this on everybody.

Whats up with all these new females posters lately? They don't really want help. A female poster coming here to post her realtionship woes is like getting into a gun fight with somebody and when the enemy runs out of bullets, you toss him some ammo so he can shoot you with it...

GTFOH

Yup, females and trolls with throwaway accounts. What is going on here?

Hey OP, take a walk...

 

[Asmodeus]

Yup, females and trolls with throwaway accounts. What is going on here?

Hey OP, take a walk...

I doubt she is a troll... A lot of the others are but this one is not. She must have BPD, she understands things that those without cluster B would not understand or even comprehend. What she wrote could only come from experience and understanding.

It is true she cannot change... Cluster B can change behaviors, but we can never change the way we feel.

 

[BeTheChange]

Interesting thread. It seems the only way to maintain a relationship with a BPD girl is to be emotionally detached since the loss of idealisation is inevitable whether months or years from now?