I don't know what to say to people

[SayWhat]

Today I was in a situation with two other people at work. One is a very pretty girl, the other is a normal dude. For reasons I'm not going to explain work was halted for a few minutes. The other guy and this girl know each other very well as they work in the same office and have a different language as me, so they talked a bit, but their conversation died quickly as well, so we just sat there waiting, checking smartphones.

I previously talked to this guy as well and it all went ok (I've never been a talker) but this situation was different.

To make one thing clear, it's not that I don't know what to say because she's pretty, I would have had this same situation if the girl was a guy or a less attractive woman. I simply don't know what to come up with even though we were in a work situation with similar interests.

Why is this? Is this still some negative mindset in me that I think they won't like me because of what I say or how I say it. I don't know anymore and it's eating me alive.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Say what?

 

[dustmuffin]

Today I was in a situation with two other people at work. One is a very pretty girl, the other is a normal dude. For reasons I'm not going to explain work was halted for a few minutes. The other guy and this girl know each other very well as they work in the same office and have a different language as me, so they talked a bit, but their conversation died quickly as well, so we just sat there waiting, checking smartphones.

I previously talked to this guy as well and it all went ok (I've never been a talker) but this situation was different.

To make one thing clear, it's not that I don't know what to say because she's pretty, I would have had this same situation if the girl was a guy or a less attractive woman. I simply don't know what to come up with even though we were in a work situation with similar interests.

Why is this? Is this still some negative mindset in me that I think they won't like me because of what I say or how I say it. I don't know anymore and it's eating me alive.

Ask her how her weekend was, then ask more questions from her answers. Ask about her home country. Crap there is all sorts of things to ask her. You just have to wind her up....she will talk your ear off. Practice with people you don't know. It's a skill that is easily mastered if you try. Who gives a s hit if they don't like you. Practice and eventually you will gain confidence.

 

[Serenity]

Simple advice: Just start talking about something.

If you can't do that I believe no matter what advice we give you it will be useless. You've made several threads about this and you remain stuck. I want to see more action and less thinking from you.

You will learn nothing if you don't dare to fail. So go out there talking about the first thing that comes to mind. When you have some experiences of you talking come back here and share them, then we might help you more. But the first step is to start talking at all, then we'll address what to talk about when you've gained a minimum of experience.

 

[SayWhat]

Simple advice: Just start talking about something.

If you can't do that I believe no matter what advice we give you it will be useless. You've made several threads about this and you remain stuck. I want to see more action and less thinking from you.

You will learn nothing if you don't dare to fail. So go out there talking about the first thing that comes to mind. When you have some experiences of you talking come back here and share them, then we might help you more. But the first step is to start talking at all, then we'll address what to talk about when you've gained a minimum of experience.

I know, after these years it seems I still haven't learned anything.

Yesterday I had a family party. At one point the subject came to the fact why I was so quiet and the fact I have a job where I have to be talkative. My brother said "so it has to be us". I know he was joking, but it hurt, my family is my dearest to me and I barely talk to them even though I love them the most in this world. I know it is because I am ashamed of myself, I'm afraid that if I act normal and talk normal they would find me weird and not love me.

 

[Serenity]

Challenge that belief, find your courage and stop feeling like a hurt victim over minor things.

It also doesn't matter how much you know, if you fail to take any action on it.

 

[thatfeel]

Maybe some things just don't need to be said? Talking for the sake of filling the silence is pointless. If the silence is awkward that's cause you're making it awkward with body language or something. You should be comfortable in your own skin, talking or not. If it were me personally I'd rather just stand back relaxed and chill and wait for good moments to interject some witty comment here and there.

 

[Alvafe]

I know, after these years it seems I still haven't learned anything.

Yesterday I had a family party. At one point the subject came to the fact why I was so quiet and the fact I have a job where I have to be talkative. My brother said "so it has to be us". I know he was joking, but it hurt, my family is my dearest to me and I barely talk to them even though I love them the most in this world. I know it is because I am ashamed of myself, I'm afraid that if I act normal and talk normal they would find me weird and not love me.

and that is the moment you should have said, yeah its you guys you talk so much I don't even need to open my mouth, do it with a smile, problem number one you take things too serious, and the second is you care too much to say something wrong, even if you say something wrong people tend to ignore that, I do that a lot when someone start to talk too much garbage, you look at him, forget what he said and ask something else.

you don't really need to like to talk you just need to listen and make questions based on what they are saying, asking why? and how? and why not did this? make then talk no stop