Says "I just need a little time to myself"...HELP?

[dude99]

@dude99 Other readers and posters likely do not realize I was was responding to more than what @Glassguy posted in this thread alone. I would not at all have suggested what I did based on this thread alone. I can see where my suggestions seem out of proportion, if that was all you had to go on.

He shared a bit more about her active enthusiasm and her interest in him, in this post below. I really felt her interest and his apathy and how they misfired together. I was sharing from what I perceived as a woman from both. I simply saw potential and wanted to offer a way to try with her again if he was interested.

The other post of his is below It offers a bit more of her active interest and disappointment, in my opinion.

It was from this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/never-chase-your-ex.235024/

No worries. Sorry for my misunderstanding.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@dude99 There is no way you could have known I was responding to more information. I unintentionally created misunderstanding. If there is an apology for the misunderstanding, it would be mine. It would have been better if I clarified up front. I apologize. I too would have questioned what I posted, if I had been on the other side.

@Espi, My experience with apologies, is different than yours. For me, apologies both given and received, that are deeply genuine, can be incredibly positive and transformative, for the people and relationships involved. It goes both ways. The lack of an apology can tremendously impact the people and relationship involved. In my perspective, an individual centered in themself, living beyond their ego, loses nothing by offering a sincere apology to another.

 

[Glassguy]

Just as an update:

She texted me and said that she could get away for lunch.

We met up, she acted fidgety and nervous. I asked how her vacation was and we talked about that for a while. She asked me my opinions about certain things going on in her life. The entire time she seemed a little awkward and more distant than when things were good between us before but obviously not the same actions I am used to from her, as they were before. We ended up acting a little more like ourselves before we left. We walked out, she gave me a hug that I turned into a long hug, gave her a quick kiss and told her to have a good afternoon at work.

Now just leave it open until she reaches out or shoot her a text later on to schedule a date (other than a lunch meet up)?

I kinda feel like she wants to try to move forward with this, but part of me suspects that she might try to friend zone me, which would be weird after how the last 2 months were going and her chasing me hard.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Under the circumstance it makes sense that lunch together was mostly awkward. I would have been shocked if it was anything else. It's ok. First contact done. It's great that it lightened up by the end. Do not pursue her. Be enthusiastic when she reaches out and quickly set up time/date/place. Do something brand new and fun together and escalate. How she responds will tell you a great deal. I am not convinced she is ready to friend zone you. I think you both see possibility and are wary at the same time. I think your next meeting will be a make it or break it one, for each of you, choosing whether to move forward or not. Have fun and escalate! If more unfolds with her, enjoy it. If not, there are 3 billion other women to experience. It doesn't matter either way. Be you! Enjoy yourself along the way!

 

[Glassguy]

Under the circumstance it makes sense that lunch together was mostly awkward. I would have been shocked if it was anything else. It's ok. First contact done. It's great that it lightened up by the end. Next up, do something brand new and fun together and then escalate. How she responds will tell you a great deal. I am not convinced she is ready to friend zone you. I think your next meeting will be the make it or break it one, for each of you choosing whether to move forward or not. Have fun and escalate! If more unfolds with her, enjoy it. If not, there are 3 billion other women to experience. It doesn't matter either way. Be you! Enjoy yourself along the way!

I think the next time we meet up has to be a date....not lunch.

I still think it is a good idea to wait until she reaches out after this lunch date, or would I be better off just texting her later and asking what night she is kid less and tell her "great....I will pick you up at 8pm". ???

Regardless, the next date has to be fun with room to escalate it to the bedroom.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I think the next time we meet up has to be a date....not lunch.

I still think it is a good idea to wait until she reaches out after this lunch date, or would I be better off just texting her later and asking what night she is kid less and tell her "great....I will pick you up at 8pm". ???

Regardless, the next date has to be fun with room to escalate it to the bedroom.

Just edited my post you are replying to, as yours went up.

Agreed. No more lunches. Save those for business. Lunch with her in the future should mostly be limited to a quick hot sex break in the middle of a work day, if anything.

Do not reach out to her! Let her reach out to you. Be extra enthusiastic when she does. You are setting up new patterns for each of you, in this approach. Be patient. Reward her with your enthusiasm and have a few ideas ready and you choose which to set up. Let her look forward to it. Create and amplify positive tension of looking forward to seeing and being with each other, and then get off the phone and get on with your life.

Absolutely have it set up so escalation to sex is seamless.

 

[The Duke]

I totally understand how the game needs to be played, but it just frustrates me. Just look what is being posted here. why does this have to be how it is. Its flat ridiculous that dating has to be filled with this much bs game playing and complexity? I mean come one folks how old are we. We arent planning the next mission to Mars.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree 100% Howie

 

[Desdinova]

The entire time she seemed a little awkward and more distant than when things were good between us before but obviously not the same actions I am used to from her, as they were before.

Her interest is very borderline. She either fvcked around when she was on vacation, or her family was trying to talk her out of dating you.

You either need to boost her interest or drop her completely. The lack of leadership on your part isn't helping.

So she gets back home on Friday and has made no effort to see me. Invited me over yesterday to later say "you can still come over if you want but it probably won't be much fun". So I went out with friends instead. She said today would be better since neither of us had our kids. Had a weird conversation last night with her saying she was confused about the situation because she really didn't know where she stood with me.

Never pay attention to what a woman says. If she's acting wishy washy, go over there in a magnificent mood, be extremely playful, and lead her into a different emotional state. THAT is how women become attracted. If you can move them from a negative emotional state into a positive one, you're doing well. Going out with your friends only kept her in her emotional state.

The beginning of any relationship is volatile. You have to get her interest consistent before you have any smooth sailing. The fact that you haven't done this by the second month isn't a good sign. She's likely ready to fall off the radar.

I still think it is a good idea to wait until she reaches out after this lunch date, or would I be better off just texting her later and asking what night she is kid less and tell her "great....I will pick you up at 8pm". ???

If you want to try and salvage this, tell her "Hey, I have an immense desire to go xxxxx. You need to come! When are you child-free?" Make sure it's a fun activity. If she declines, drop her.

 

[Glassguy]

@ Desdinova-

That's my plan. I will let it hang in the balance on that. If she doesn't respond back to that......its no contact from here on out.

I am quite sure she didn't fvck around on vacation. 18 people from her family went. She called every night, she just wasn't able to have the normal conversations with people all around.

I have a boat and her family is big into boating/jet skiing in the summer. Just a couple weeks into us talking she invited me out with them. I took my boat and her and we all met up. For only 2 months I spent a decent amount of time around her family and got along with them well. Her mom's husband actually really liked me and we would get into our own conversations about sports, motocross and our other shared interests. We would just branch off everyone around us and do our own thing lol.

In hindsight, I probably did think I was on smooth sailing, but I am a laid back, confident, easy going person and I really didnt treat her any different at any point in the relationship.

In a few texts she sent me she said "I don't know why I push people away for the wrong reasons" and "I'm just not used to dating someone who doesn't rush things...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm just not used to that. People are constantly telling me their feelings and deep conversations early on. With us its more small talk, random things when we do talk on the phone. And maybe I'm thinking too much, which isnt uncommon. I'm sorry that I'm typing all of these thoughts in my head".

She even went on to say "I dont want to play games. You know that I am very honest".

Those were things from texts she sent me when she first got back from vacation, when I asked her if something was going on that she wanted to talk about.

Honestly, I threw the line out there for "I have an immense desire to ________ and you need to come! When are you child-free?". If she bites, I will take her out, have light conversation and fun, then escalate to banging her brains out at my place.

If she doesn't jump on the offer (or counter offer with "Hey I'd really like to go to _____, are you up for that instead?) then I am going ghost. If she tries to chit chat, I am going to let her know that she stated she doesnt want to play games but that is what this is becoming and I dont have time for that bullsh!t. I will let her know that I enjoyed how things were the first 2 months that we went out but I am not interested in this.

This chick and I just had a good click when we first started dating. Honestly I was fearful that she was going to drop the love bomb on me right before she went on vacation. She was always looking at me and saying "I like you".....texting me "I really like you..."

One thing that struck me as weird- she got a speeding ticket on her way to the lake they vacationed at. She called and told me about it and later told me that her mom's husband called this girls ex bf (who is a trooper) and they got her out of it. Weird that her mom's husband would still have a relationship with her ex that she only dated for 6 months. Maybe that struck up conversation between her and him and she doesnt know which way to go. Who knows what is really going on lol.

Bottom line is I let her know that I would like to keep seeing her, let her know that I dont jump head first into things and spill my guts out to every woman I meet and threw her a life line. If she doesnt take it she wasnt worth my time. We had some crazy, dirty sex and I will move on to other options.

I hung out with a chick that is 16 years younger than me when I first started seeing this girl we have been talking about. We hung out, hooked up and then she started playing the busy card. So I blew her off. Surprisingly she text me out of the blue last night. I told her we should hang out again and she kept texing me with the "how are you doing, blah blah" and I told her that I was tied up and to let me know she wanted to pick up a bottle of wine and head over". She says "Sure, I'd like that....I will let you know when I have free evening once I see my upcoming work schedule". Classic case of leaving them alone and if they are into you they will come back for more.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I threw the line out there for "I have an immense desire to ________ and you need to come! When are you child-free?". If she bites, I will take her out, have light conversation and fun, then escalate to banging her brains out at my place.

Was the blank ^^^ filled in to suggest sex or something entirely different?
Did you reach out and contact her since lunch yesterday?

 

[Glassguy]

Was the blank ^^^ filled in to suggest sex or something entirely different?
Did you reach out and contact her since lunch yesterday?

I actually filled in the blank with a really upbeat, fun restaurant that we both wanted to go to.

I texted her last night: I missed you and it was great to see you today. Nothing in return. Sent the offer this morning and she said "haha as long as they have good salad".

I responded back with "absolutely! Let me know what evening you can make it up".

That was 2 hours ago. No response. About to say fvck it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Expressing your attraction for her is not the same thing as chasing. You have been in chase mode since Monday night. Stop it. Quit chasing her. It is not attractive to women. To a woman, it makes you look weak as a man. It's a turn-off. It's kind of repulsive to us to be blunt.

 

[Glassguy]

Expressing your attraction for her is not the same thing as chasing. You have been in chase mode since Monday night. Stop it. Quit chasing her. It is not attractive to women. To a woman, it makes you look weak as a man. It's a turn-off. It's kind of repulsive to us to be blunt.

So whats the best way to handle it besides saying eff it and going ghost?

 

[LiveYourDream]

So whats the best way to handle it besides saying eff it and going ghost?

You are frustrated because you've given up your center trying to reengage her. Get back in your center. You've already said everything that needs to be said. Quit sacrificing yourself to please her.

Do not contact her. When she replies, do the C.W. Confirm date/time/place, and let her know you look forward to spending time with/connecting with her then, but are busy now and end the interaction.

No more text chit chat. If she reaches out...respond. Not necessarily immediately. Quit initiating contact with her.

Above all, be centered. Let her come to you now. That's attractive to a woman.

 

[Glassguy]

Ok....and agreed.

So if she blows over the offer I threw her and starts to chit chat text instead?

 

[LiveYourDream]

Ok....and agreed.

So if she blows over the offer I threw her and starts to chit chat text instead?

I'd suggest sticking with C.W. there too. Skip the chit chat. Don't get into it. Say hello back and tell her you gotta go but that it is great to hear from her and for her to let you know when she figures out her schedule and can get together. Nothing more. Nothing. Live your life. When she offers you time, see what works for you and set a date.

 

[Glassguy]

Perfect!

 

[LiveYourDream]

To top it off...
"Hang out, have fun, and hook up"

 

[Desdinova]

That was 2 hours ago. No response. About to say fvck it.

I go with the 24 hour rule. Some women just aren't addicted to their phones. If you get no response after 24 hours, then drop her.

I texted her last night: I missed you and it was great to see you today.

The first time you tell a woman you missed her should be when you're fvcking her. Any other time is usually creepy.