Declined kiss on quasi-date

[casanova_goat]

Back in ’13, I had an encouraging conversation with a smoking hot Ukrainian on OkCupid — she agreed to a date and dispensed her digits. The only problem she was a state over so the date never came to fruition, though I could have made it occur if I wanted to.

Lo and behold, a year or so later, she walks into my gym with another guy. She moved to my very town with this dude. She was in a relationship with him for a while but some months back I saw on Facebook she was single.

I proposed meeting up through Facebook but, while friendly, she was always kinda flakey about it. A few weeks ago, I ran into her at a bar and nudged her while she was walking out in the midst of a crowd. She didn’t know who I was but I told her a day or so later on Facebook. She said she hadn’t known it was me because my photos were taken from so far away on Facebook.

Then, a few days later she proposed meeting up. I couldn’t make it that day so I proposed (on a whim) meeting up today and she came to see me at the coffeehouse. We had a good conversation going and she suggested we go for a walk since it was cold inside. The walk eventually led to her car and I went in for a kiss which she declined.

As I said in the subject, I am not entirely sure this was a date. She may not be the type to kiss or had very little attraction. She did say she wants to go hiking with me (…or did before I made a move).

I felt taking the chance to kiss her was the right move, however.

 

[marmel75]

Stop doing coffee dates and start doing alcohol dates. Did you escalate at all during the time in the coffeehouse?

 

[casanova_goat]

Stop doing coffee dates and start doing alcohol dates. Did you escalate at all during the time in the coffeehouse?

No I didn't. "I go zero to 60 real quick, real quick." Jokes aside, like I said, I am not entirely sure she saw this as a date? Back in March, she had told me, "let's not consider this date since I don't really know you." But this was before we ran into each other at the bar -- maybe her decision to not flake out this time around was governed by some attraction to me?

 

[dustmuffin]

Kiss declined equals next in my book.

 

[casanova_goat]

Kiss declined equals next in my book.

Well I'll probably still propose hiking and not be apologetic about my attempt to kiss her. There are other reasons, beyond a lack of attraction, for why she may have been disinclined to kiss me. Perhaps, it's not what she does upon just meeting a guy. We hadn't hung out for very long, maybe an hour tops.

It doesn't hurt to make one attempt to see her again. I just won't invest much stock in her.

 

[dustmuffin]

Well I'll probably still propose hiking and not be apologetic about my attempt to kiss her. There are other reasons, beyond a lack of attraction, for why she may have been disinclined to kiss me. Perhaps, it's not what she does upon just meeting a guy. We hadn't hung out for very long, maybe an hour tops.

It doesn't hurt to make one attempt to see her again. I just won't invest much stock in her.

Always do what you like

 

[marmel75]

No I didn't. "I go zero to 60 real quick, real quick." Jokes aside, like I said, I am not entirely sure she saw this as a date? Back in March, she had told me, "let's not consider this date since I don't really know you." But this was before we ran into each other at the bar -- maybe her decision to not flake out this time around was governed by some attraction to me?

It is completely irrelevant what she said. It's only relevant that you go for what YOU want it to be and you didn't.

I'm thinking she sees you as a person she can hang out and do stuff with because she probably doesn't know many people and at best she is going to string you along while actively fvcking other people. If you meet up with her again you need to escalate and see how she reacts. If its negatively then you know you are friendzoned. IF that's the case then you have to decide what you want to do with it. Since she likely doesn't know many people there, it's unlikely you could use her to lead you to other hot girls through hanging out with her social circle.

However, it IS a good possibility you could use her as social proof if you can get her to go out with you to the clubs with you and bang other hot chicks because they see you with her...

 

[Yewki]

I'll... not be apologetic about my attempt to kiss her

The fact this crossed your mind is concerning, never apologize for making a move

I am not entirely sure she saw this as a date?

In other words, you're confident you played the nice guy and showed her little to no sexual desire

I'll probably still propose hiking.

Don't go hiking with her, unless you legit want to go hiking

 

[nismo-4]

A declined kiss is an automatic out. I won't stay for the friendzone.

 

[El Payaso]

Next. Don't waste your time.

 

[marmel75]

Next. Don't waste your time.

I still think he could use her as social proof to bang other hot chicks if he can get her to go out to the clubs...maybe just use her for that.

 

[VladPatton]

Hit the Next Button on that Ukrainian wh0re.

 

[casanova_goat]

She may improve my perceived social value but I could really care less. I think the only condition under which she'd come out with me is if she is slightly attracted to me. Otherwise -- I should expect an empty promise.

I may offer once to take her hiking. I thought it was funny when Yewki said "only if you legit want to go". I have an unhealthy obsession with hiking. My goal is to become a Forty-Sixer, which is to climb the 46 mountains in New York "traditionally" believed to be over 4,000 feet. I have 33 and I'm always looking for company on my expeditions -- and I'm always of the mind to introduce people to the beauty of the Adirondacks. Such as this Ukrainian. I also wouldn't call her a "wh0re." Is it such an act of malice that she is not attracted me? If she were truly a "wh0re" she'd have been on her knees yesterday. I move, she moves on, so be it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don't bother with coffee dates. If she won't meet you for drinks, she's not open to being seduced. Next her ass.

 

[dustmuffin]

Don't bother with coffee dates. If she won't meet you for drinks, she's not open to being seduced. Next her ass.

I have banged women on coffee dates and they were first dates. It's not impossible. Eye is correct though in the assumption that if she is liquored up it will be easier.