86 DAYS SINCE BREAK UP, 63 DAYS No contact.
Guys, Girls, fellow brothers and sisters...i've hit my 60 day NC mark. The reason why i waited 3 more days to post here, was simply because I really had things to do and i was busy.
I decided to write chronologically since u will understand me better that way.
First days after my break up were awful. I couldn't sleep, i couldn't drink, i couldn't go out, i was bitter, angry, mad, sad and what not else..I really felt like something died in me. Didn't know what to do with myself, what do I like doing, what friends to go to, what places to visit. I completely lost myself during the relationship ( honestly we fought all the time, dont understand how we did it that long 1y8m ). And have in mind that as i am writing this, i am retelling old hurts and emotions are running in my veins right now so it is not an easy job for me.
I developed a strong oneitis with this chick. She was my first LTR and the first girl that actually really cared about me at times. She also has BPD so have this in mind while u are reading my story. When she loved, she loved me more that my parents did, with all of her soul and body. But when she didn't care about me huh..I was nothing but a stranger to her. Those ups and downs kept me in the relationship for this long. She is probably HB8, very sexy, very beautiful and very intelligent. She has a low level of education and is very rude. She doesnt have good manners and she comes from a fvcked up family. She also has daddy issues. All the things that come with the BPD such as patalogical lying etc etc are very present with her. And she says I am her second sex partner, which i doubt right now.
Like i said the first days after the breakup i felt awful. I thought that it is my fault for everything that happened in the relationship and that it was me who was catalyst for the breakup. Then i discovered this forum and the red pill and started applying some knowledge in my thinking. Honestly it was a lot easier to deal with the breakup when i found out about the red pill and this forum. This is like a hospital, a treatment for people who just got out of a relationship.
Let's talk about me for a sec. I've made a lot of progress since the breakup. I am a 9.5 in the mans world, body perfectly built like a greek god, very beautiful face, and very educated guy with good manners,great friends, good social circle, great stable family. Ocassionaly doing drugs(weed) and alcohol, not smoking cigarettes. All my life played sports, good in every sport out there and respected by my country since i've won the MVP 4 times in a row and won the state championship also 4 times in a row. Still a young talent and a hope for me to even make more progress in the world of basketball. You will never find a person out there that speaks bad for me. Respected and loved by everyone,very positive guy and very adaptive to every kind of situation. 6'1 height and walking proudly whenever i walk outside. All my friends are telling me that i walk like i conquered the world but in a very positive way. Very self confident, very narcisstic, no ego, and very self loving.
Like i said i've made progress since the breakup. I learned some things that I didnt know that they even existed, i grew up stronger than before and changed my perspective of view on the things. The past 3 months i've been with a lot of chicks and by lot i mean 12+. All HB7+. My confidence is on the highest level possible and i believe that there isn't a chick who wouldn't want to be with me.
I don't know the forum rules, but i would like to post a pic of me here, not to brag myself, but just so u can see me. Later that.
And now about the NC days. I had ups and i had downs. The downs were quite present when i dreamed of her or saw her in the city. Also when she liked my instagram post, i was on a emotional roller coaster. I felt hope that she would come back. Honestly i still feel some kind of hope that eventually she will come back, but i believe it is not about her anymore. It's about my own validation which is very stupid but i am trying my best to control that.
I know she has been with some guys since we broke up. That teared me apart in the beginning but i dont care right now. The only thing that i am eating myself over is why i didn't know about the red pill and sosuave earlier in the relationship. Not that I could have saved our relationship, but just so i would see what kind of impact would have made.
I heard some stories ofcourse about my ex the last 3 months without trying to find out anything. I heard that she is going to leave my city forever. Lately i've been hearing from friends that she asks about me, what am i doing, what am i up to etc etc.
Overall, like i said in my previous posts, the breakup is the most traumatic thing in my life. And i am thankful that i learned and grew from it. I think that she is always going to be somewhere deep in my heart or brain, buried with my emotions, just as a reminder of my twenties. And yes, i still love her. And i think i always will love her in some kind of way. I will always wish nothing but the best to her, and i will always speak with enthusiasm when talking about her.
She broke up with me, did some awful things to me that i forgived but i will never forget them. This girl taught me something that was worth the pain. And i will be forever thankful for that.
And as i am sitting now in my living room with the laptop in my lap, I realize how lucky i am to go through this kind of emotions. Not everyone has a story to tell, and people believe me, we should be lucky to even feel pain. Because we grow from it and learn from it.
Day 63 NC and counting.. Will keep you updated of course, and wont brake the NC rule. If she ever reaches back, i am writing here first !
best regards, be happy !
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