I Dont recommend online dating sites for average/normal looking guys

[marmel75]

In my opinion, those numbers are pretty darn good lol.

I am like (at best) 5% in real life and I never got one "true" date from online dating. I predominately used OkCupid and Tinder.

It's not bad but it could be improved, IMHO...

 

[bukowski_merit]

Well there's nothing earth shattering here... The best way to get responses from women online is to be attractive to them (not all women base this on looks; but a lot of them do). the better looking you are the easier it all is. It's the reality of the medium used. Most of everyone's initial decision on "do i respond or not?" is going to be based on if there's attraction to your pics or not. You don't have to be a model; you simply have to be attractive TO THEM. I've had women flatly tell me they thought I was ugly; and I've had women tell me I was hot. Find the ones that think you're hot.

The best way to get them to reply is to work on getting top quality pics. Also, getting in the gym and working out so that you have a nice body to show off helps a lot. Before you parrot what you've said about working out making you look like a crack addict - You can get in good shape without getting skinny. Eat. Lift Weight. Let sex be your cardio.

The next best thing you can do is display your personality in your profile instead of being another boring person talking about your hobbies and what you do for a living. Keep it funny and sexual; give them things to message you about (women do this very well; men do not).

If you're messaging people and not getting responses - you might need to upgrade your pics. If you do and still don't get responses - you might want to downgrade your standards (and there's nothing wrong with doing that unless you go too far down the standards ladder).

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I'm a black male and I've managed to bag 3 gfs off of tinder and one night stands. I have more success than most of my white friends which is shocking to me.

I'm the opposite can't pull scratch on Tinder, but bag women in real life, my friends bag on Tinder

 

[Dhoulmagus]

I'm the opposite can't pull scratch on Tinder, but bag women in real life, my friends bag on Tinder

I don't have a network to bag women.

 

[Von]

I have a response rate of 50% in real life... ask the girl... get the number... bang that 50%. I talk to average of 4 women a week outside of work or social events (dance, gym, work, studies)

Tinder I use it once a week in average, get maybe 1 match per 2 weeks.... I changed my picture: Me and 2 girls.... guess the girl attracted 5 match in 1 week (on a 2 day)

OLD is a good way to waste time at the bathroom or while eating.

You should do both... have a great picture with social proof, I have no bio

Numbers will increase the more you use the platform or ''ressources given''

 

[Solomon]

Oh look it's this thread again

Online dating is a tool that should supplement real life and other forms of meeting women....

What kills me is guys who are NOT successful online dating and complain about online dating yet don't approach the field, network game or social etc. That to me is crazy

As men you should maximize your options to the fullest

Just my thoughts

 

[thatfeel]

Really I look like one... I have heard that my eyes look void and that I have a blinkless stare that is always focused on a person. Hmmm... I need to work on getting more natural facial expressions and to tense the muscles around my cheeks and eyes a bit more in response to social verbal and nonverbal cues... Do not know what to do about the stare... I guess I will randomly divert my eyes to another object when in conversations...

Thank you, finding things I need to fix and work on helps me out. Blend in right...

honestly, you look like sam witwer to me.

https://www.google.com/search?q=sam...2ZjNAhVk6YMKHUs7B7QQ_AUICCgB&biw=1280&bih=717

just saying this based solely on your avatar pic.

 

[Clueless2k16]

@Espi sorry to reply so late wasnt ripped but i was starting to get abs heres a pic. I was also skinny because all i ate was protein (almost no carbs) and it showed in my face. Almost no lifting, just cardio, indoor cycling and abs / pushups. Dont ask me for a face pic, i wont post it. Just trust me when i say i looked like a crack addict.

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/paulo2014.png

It's 3.5 years since i dont go to the gym, because of that problem, depression and also a pneumonia that took me off the gym for almost half a years. I have asthma so there were lots of complications.But the main reason that kept me off the gym is lack of will power, and at 40 i dont think it will do anything for me.

This is me in 2007

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/11125496_908514799210289_1513372822_n.jpg

You can see i was a bit bulkier, and muscular although my face was ****. Big ears, crooked nose, crooked jaws. If i had my surgeries a bit sooner while i was in my 20's i'm sure my sex life and love life would be a lot different... hell my whole life would have been different.

 

[Clueless2k16]

Oh look it's this thread again

Online dating is a tool that should supplement real life and other forms of meeting women....

What kills me is guys who are NOT successful online dating and complain about online dating yet don't approach the field, network game or social etc. That to me is crazy

As men you should maximize your options to the fullest

Just my thoughts

if its hard to be rejected online because you are considered ugly, imagine in real life.

 

[Asmodeus]

@Espi sorry to reply so late wasnt ripped but i was starting to get abs heres a pic. I was also skinny because all i ate was protein (almost no carbs) and it showed in my face. Almost no lifting, just cardio, indoor cycling and abs / pushups. Dont ask me for a face pic, i wont post it. Just trust me when i say i looked like a crack addict.

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/paulo2014.png

It's 3.5 years since i dont go to the gym, because of that problem, depression and also a pneumonia that took me off the gym for almost half a years. I have asthma so there were lots of complications.But the main reason that kept me off the gym is lack of will power, and at 40 i dont think it will do anything for me.

This is me in 2007

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/11125496_908514799210289_1513372822_n.jpg

You can see i was a bit bulkier, and muscular although my face was ****. Big ears, crooked nose, crooked jaws. If i had my surgeries a bit sooner while i was in my 20's i'm sure my sex life and love life would be a lot different.

Still with the self-judgment, still with all the crap about surgeries, still not showing any hope of changing your attitude or your beliefs.
Here is the truth... No woman is going to love you. It is not because of your face, it is not because of your body, it has nothing at all to do with your looks. They will never love you because you cannot love yourself, because you are delusional and obsessed with the delusion.
You seek acceptance, you seek love, but you cannot even accept and love yourself.

I have seen all kinds of illness of thought and the mind, I atone for my sins by helping those who suffer it...Therefore, I have seen a lot of bad afflictions. But yours is the worst... You look at yourself in the mirror, and all you see is a reflection of your own disgust and self-loathing.

 

[ubercat]

Asmodeus is right. This is just the Wailing of a disorganised mind. You need a mental health professional.

 

[Asmodeus]

@Clueless2k16 I met another similar to you before... A female... She had bulimia comorbid with depression. Different thing to what you have, but similar in some ways. Internalized a negative image of herself, an image which filled her with self-disgust. The image soon became her own reality, she became obsessed with every little imperfection. She would always take pictures of herself, she had hundreds of pictures. She would always look at the pictures and judge them. The pictures, the images she had of her were only images of her shame... Yet paradoxically she would show these pictures to others, including me. Just as you have done on this thread and many others. She too wanted surgery... She was quick to point out all the flaws she thought she saw in each image she had. Her own insecurity was consuming. Like you she wanted to be desired which is apparent with you being on online dating and here on SoSuave trying to get advice about women, just like you she sought to have a boyfriend and friends and to be desired. However, most of her friends became too exhausted in having to deal with her, the constant self-depreciation and the constant obsessions would all dumped on the lap of her friends. I bet your social circle is very similar to this case. Her love life suffered the same, she was incapable of maintaining a relationship due to her obsession with her problems, she would only drag her lovers with her into her own problems. I told her that her need to have a boyfriend was only her want to be desired, that she was looking for a relationship only because she though it would help her insecurities. But it never helped her insecurities, it only made her feel worse... At the end of a relationship she nearly died of dehydration and imbalanced electrolytes by starving herself and consuming laxatives. I think that even if you did find a girl that you will also see that it does not help the actual problem, and that she will leave you because your insecurities will drag her down at which point I think you will fall even deeper into your insecurity.

Now here is the part where you say I am crazy, or that you are not crazy. You will continue to deny the reality of it, just as she did, she still does even with the best efforts of people far more skilled and knowledgeable than I. You will continue to be a miserable sap just like her, never happy not even with yourself. And whenever you look into that mirror you will feel it again, the anger, the pain, the insecurity, the sorrow...

Unless... You listen...

 

[Clueless2k16]

@Clueless2k16 I met another similar to you before... A female... She had bulimia comorbid with depression. Different thing to what you have, but similar in some ways. Internalized a negative image of herself, an image which filled her with self-disgust. The image soon became her own reality, she became obsessed with every little imperfection. She would always take pictures of herself, she had hundreds of pictures. She would always look at the pictures and judge them. The pictures, the images she had of her were only images of her shame... Yet paradoxically she would show these pictures to others, including me. Just as you have done on this thread and many others. She too wanted surgery... She was quick to point out all the flaws she thought she saw in each image she had. Her own insecurity was consuming. Like you she wanted to be desired which is apparent with you being on online dating and here on SoSuave trying to get advice about women, just like you she sought to have a boyfriend and friends and to be desired. However, most of her friends became too exhausted in having to deal with her, the constant self-depreciation and the constant obsessions would all dumped on the lap of her friends. I bet your social circle is very similar to this case. Her love life suffered the same, she was incapable of maintaining a relationship due to her obsession with her problems, she would only drag her lovers with her into her own problems. I told her that her need to have a boyfriend was only her want to be desired, that she was looking for a relationship only because she though it would help her insecurities. But it never helped her insecurities, it only made her feel worse... At the end of a relationship she nearly died of dehydration and imbalanced electrolytes by starving herself and consuming laxatives. I think that even if you did find a girl that you will also see that it does not help the actual problem, and that she will leave you because your insecurities will drag her down at which point I think you will fall even deeper into your insecurity.

Now here is the part where you say I am crazy, or that you are not crazy. You will continue to deny the reality of it, just as she did, she still does even with the best efforts of people far more skilled and knowledgeable than I. You will continue to be a miserable sap just like her, never happy not even with yourself. And whenever you look into that mirror you will feel it again, the anger, the pain, the insecurity, the sorrow...

Unless... You listen...

I relate to some of that. In fact the reason im still a virgin is maybe insecurity. I had the opportunities to lose the v-card, but everytome i failed. Was it because these women didnt turn me off (as opposed to porn, i get excited when i see hot chicks), was it because i thought they didnt like me? Or a body-mind reaction that simply blocked me everytime i was trying to go inside them. They were pissed when they saw they didnt excite me and they would resort to name calling: gay, weak ****...

Maybe i just want a g/f for company, to avoid loneliness or maybe those weren't the right ones. Or i'm still affected by the female bullying and shaming i went through my adolescence. Maybe i'm just not normal....

I don't think i'm a misogynist, i don't hate women i love them.

 

[Solomon]

if its hard to be rejected online because you are considered ugly, imagine in real life.

If you're in decent shape and are confident it shouldn't be that hard.......

I see tons of women out where I live hoping to be approached, the main thing is being confident, witty and not being fat

 

[OlgaNice]

Solomon is absolutely correct, act yourself and you will do it. Actually, of course when women see nothing but a pic they react only to pics, not to the personality. Now, making a great pic is also an art in itself - work on this part. There are no ugly people, there are bad photographers.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

If you're in decent shape and are confident it shouldn't be that hard.......

I see tons of women out where I live hoping to be approached, the main thing is being confident, witty and not being fat

Most women aren't available

 

[Asmodeus]

Most women aren't available

The defeatism is strong with this one... When you start thinking in such pessimistic ways you end up closing yourself to possibilities. It creates a self-defeating cycle. @Solomon is right, or at the very least he has the right idea. I approach women all the time. I do not win every time, but it is all about consistency. If I approach more women it is more likely that I meet a woman who is available, it is all about opening as many possibilities as possible.

In fact the reason im still a virgin is maybe insecurity.

Replace maybe with definitely in the above sentence. You had chances to lose your virginity. But yet your insecurities prevented you from actually making that possible. The problem is that you being a virgin has now become a way for you to self-depreciate yourself so thus it continues to feed your insecurities.

Was it because these women didnt turn me off (as opposed to porn, i get excited when i see hot chicks

You are excited by hot women... However porn is different than real life. In porn you are not a part of it, you can only imagine you are a part of it. In real life, you are there. In real life you have your insecurities and they begin to creep in when you understand that the situation is real. Real life is different.

They were pissed when they saw they didnt excite me and they would resort to name calling: gay, weak ****...

Which further feeds into the insecurities.

Or i'm still affected by the female bullying and shaming i went through my adolescence.

It does not take a psychologist to understand that our past experiences make us who we are. If you experienced such shaming in your youth, in the period of your growth, the development of your ego, and your understanding of self then no doubt it had some lasting effect on you. But now you must learn to undo the damage, you must learn to move on. Do not define yourself by your past... If you define yourself by your past you can never move on, you can never live in the present.

Maybe i'm just not normal....

Normal? I have also yet to find this so-called "normal", everybody has some weirdness or some kind of problem. Often the people you think are "normal" are anything but once they unmask their guise of normality and you see the real person and all of their flaws. Oh, and I am certainly not normal...

I don't think i'm a misogynist, i don't hate women i love them.

No you are not a misogynist... You are angry, you believe that you are angry at women for rejecting and neglecting you. But in reality you are angry at yourself... You are angry because you know that the common denominator has always been YOU. It is an ego defense mechanism, a combination of denial, projection, and displacement.

Now that the problem is recognized, one needs to find a way to break the cycle...