Why You Should Love & Respect Women (Even the Sh1tty Ones)

[fastlife]

So you've probably read the title and were like, WTF, fastlife, the whole reason I'm here is because I tried to love women and treat them with respect and that sh1t didn't work and women are evil and I got laid way more when I started treated them like easily replaceable objects.

To this I say, so the fvck what. Your concepts of love and respect were wrong. Your expectations were wrong. Your boundaries were wrong. Your sense of self was incomplete. You're still looking to derive validation and a sense of self worth from women. And, though you've made progress, your self worth is so fragile and now you're operating from a place of fear and expectation and avoidance, and no matter how much you get laid you're still not happy and you follow rigid routines to protect yourself and you've grown stagnant and bitter and resentful and have decided you can't get what you want.

But let's define 'respect' and 'love':

• Respect: Recognizing someone for who they are (instead of projecting what you want them to be).
• Love: Accepting people for who they are (instead of projecting what you want them to be) and finding value in them anyway.

A woman will never make you whole, but she will show you, overtime, exactly the areas where you need to grow. She'll hone in on your weaknesses and exploit them and use them to make you miserable. At this point you have two choices: You either confront your weaknesses, improve your frame, and get better or You get bitter, resentful, blame women and put up boundaries in the future that will protect you from having to make change.

Really, the women in your life who treat you like sh1t are being incredibly generous; even at their most cruel and deceptive, they are literally handing you the keys to making yourself a better man, even though they may never get the chance to enjoy or benefit from your growth. And, if you let them, they'll teach you what you can and should put up with and how to be a better judge of character, even if that increased awareness renders that same girl undesireable for any future relations.

Will some of these lessons be painful? Hell yeah, but you need to embrace that pain, instead of protecting yourself from it. Stop trying to control the outcomes. Learn to recognize your weaknesses--if you experience pain from your interactions with a woman, she is merely pointing to a spot within yourself where you're still weak, even if that weakness is your inability to walk away to find something better.

 

[wifehunter]

You never know, you could be a turning/breakthrough for them.

 

[amazingswayze]

I sometimes wonder if finding this website was a mistake...

 

[ubercat]

This website is a toolbox buddy. If you f*** yourself up trying to Hammer in a nail with a screwdriver. Well then maybe finding the toolbox was a mistake for you. But if you choose some simple projects apply network and learn then it was the best Tool Box ever I wasn't it ;-)

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Finally, someone who gets it. I have posted this quote several times before as it really struck a chord in me:

You see, I was very right and very wrong when I said long ago that I needed to end our relationship and we were incompatible. I was right that our relationship needed to end, but compatibility was always there, and I always knew it, no matter how much I tried to deny it.

The point is, I have only recently really, truly, confronted the actual issue at hand, which is this: WHY did I like her so much? Why do I feel she is without flaw, even though I know logically that she OF COURSE CANNOT BE PERFECT? Passing her off as "not significant" is DENIAL. I know that the DJs here will tell you again and again that she's "just another fish in the sea."

It is true, but there is SOMETHING, or many things, about her that is very special, and I say you should not overlook that. It will always come back to haunt you until you face it. Embrace it. Use that intuition to discover WHY you like her the way you do. WHAT is it about her that turns you into a simpering AFC no matter how suave you are with the other girls?

Do you not realize that because she drives you nuts from wanting to be with her, that she is compelling you to improve yourself? To know yourself better, to become more confident, to rid yourself of those flaws that you feel she exposes every time you come anywhere near her?

I believe that her role in your life is to make you a better man. Were it not for her, you would be an ignorant fool still bumbling around in darkness. Her presence is capable of lifting you up higher than you could ever have imagined. And thus her presence is a double-edged sword. You cannot have her, you will not have her, at least not at this stage in your life (we are probably talking about anytime within the next five years, if at all), because if you DID then you would not be compelled to improve.

Therefore.

Let her disappear.

You cannot succeed until you do.

cynetix

This is one of the greatest posts that I have ever read in my entire life. Women drive us to know ourselves better, to understand ourselves better, to become more confident, to become stronger. A lot of men don't realize this and become disheartened. They should not be, rather they should feel enlightened insight as to what they need to do and what they need to work on. As cynetix said, they need to use that intuition to discover why they like a certain woman so much and what they can do to fix those flaws that they feel she exposes.

 

[fastlife]

You never know, you could be a turning/breakthrough for them.

I used to think that way. I used to think that I was so awesome that any girl who interacted with me would raise her standards or whatever, but that was just narcissism and remnants of Cap'n-Save-a-Hoe complex. It's a dangerous way to think: two of the girls that I most cared about went full blown c0ck-carousel, drug, alcohol, etc. mode right after we ended things; one of them took it on herself to fvck a handful of my friends (they came to me for permission and I said go for it lol). At the time I attributed that as me having been a destructive influence but really I think they just knew it'd be the only way to really get to me at that point; I still had the weakness of viewing the girls I slept/associated with as an extension of my ego. Once they realized I didn't care, they pretty much slipped back into monogamy and took on the characteristics of whatever guy they were with at the time.

Out of all the girls I've interacted with, I can only think of one or two that achieved any degree of self-actualization. One attributed that to me, but she was an obvious Cluster B that I never really got involved with romantically--and I think she was only saying that to reel me in. I think it's probably better to only focus on who a girl is when she's in love with you. After she falls out of love, she'll be a totally different girl. No girl is ever the same for any two men; at some point they all become a reflection of their environment.

I sometimes wonder if finding this website was a mistake...

You're super young; some of the information on this website might save your life one day, but at this point I'd just focus on going out there and living it. Is some of the knowledge here depressing? Yeah--once you have knowledge you're responsible for what you do with it. Ignorance is bliss until it's not Be grateful that you're aware of the risks, but don't judge yourself too harshly or hold back out of fear of failure. There are no successes or failures, only lessons. So go out there and get in your fvck ups, but never forget the knowledge that will keep you from really fvcking up your life. The price I paid for where I am now was pretty cheap--I didn't have any kids, I wasn't married x number of years, I didn't lose any money, I didn't base any of my major life decisions off of a woman (though I tried once or twice), no STDs. But I'm damned lucky--I came very, very close to ruining my life by slipping into poppy-land with a BPD.

But as long as you can avoid something like that, just have fun with it. Women are fun. Love is awesome. It isn't permanent and it's nothing to build your life around, but enjoy it when it comes. Learn the lessons you need to learn (which you won't get hiding behind a computer screen). Take responsibility. Always be investing in yourself. Have a plan and a purpose. I was 24 before I learned what it really meant to be a man. You could've given me all the knowledge in the world when I was your age, but I wouldn't have known how to apply it until I got knocked down hard a couple times. I still get knocked down from time to time. It's a part of life, but you get more resilient every time (unless you choose to stay down). Enjoy your youth and trust you'll come out better on the other side.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Whoever comes in to your life will reveal a lot about yourself, this is just pedestrianizing women again, yes you can learn a lot from a woman and vice versa, but not only women, but annoying people, family, friends, animals, its a holistic experience

 

[PeasantPlayer]

To add what I posted people are always waiting for or going outside of themselves to identify or or fix a issue with themselves, if that is the case...you and only you can make the proper changes, which means going inside of yourself.....time to meditate fellas....its all up to you, the outside world can be used as a reflection of how you are/feel inside

 

[fastlife]

Whoever comes in to your life will reveal a lot about yourself, this is just pedestrianizing women again, yes you can learn a lot from a woman and vice versa, but not only women, but annoying people, family, friends, animals, its a holistic experience

Agreed to an extent, except to the point in bold. Men will be much more tolerant, supportive, and less perceptive of weakness in other men. They might even cultivate that weakness and shield your growth. Crabs in a barrel and all that. Family likewise.

You can have the respect of fellow men, your family, your coworkers, your community, your pet dogs--and still get tooled by a woman you're romantically involved with the minute she perceives weakness. On the other hand, if women treat you well chances are by that point everyone else will as well

 

[Poon King]

Some interesting points are made in the OP but overall its based on blue pill thinking.

What you are basically saying is men should love women for their toxic and abusive ways because it makes men strong enough to deal with women's toxic and abusive ways. But guess what? If women treated all men right.. there would be no reason for men to NEED to be strong enough to deal with women's abuse in the first place.

What I believe is all men should love and respect THEMSELVES. That solves at least 99% of your woman problems right there. Once you no longer need outside validation you are a free man.. physically, emotionally, mentally, etc . A free man is an attractive man. Its very liberating and it gives you a sense confidence and inner peace that makes your personality alpha. This makes women wet. I constantly talk about the "alpha mindset" because I believe its the key to my success with women and life in general.

F*ck trying to "love and respect women" just because they are women. Love and respect yourself. Be good to women until they give you a reason not to. Simple.

 

[marmel75]

Some interesting points are made in the OP but overall its based on blue pill thinking.

What you are basically saying is men should love women for their toxic and abusive ways because it makes men strong enough to deal with women's toxic and abusive ways. But guess what? If women treated all men right.. there would be no reason for men to NEED to be strong enough to deal with women's abuse in the first place.

What I believe is all men should love and respect THEMSELVES. That solves at least 99% of your woman problems right there. Once you no longer need outside validation you are a free man.. physically, emotionally, mentally, etc . A free man is an attractive man. Its very liberating and it gives you a sense confidence and inner peace that makes your personality alpha. This makes women wet. I constantly talk about the "alpha mindset" because I believe its the key to my success with women and life in general.

F*ck trying to "love and respect women" just because they are women. Love and respect yourself. Be good to women until they give you a reason not to. Simple.

Ding! Ding! Ding! He's got a golden ticket...he's got a golden ticket...

 

[fastlife]

Some interesting points are made in the OP but overall its based on blue pill thinking.

What you are basically saying is men should love women for their toxic and abusive ways because it makes men strong enough to deal with women's toxic and abusive ways. But guess what? If women treated all men right.. there would be no reason for men to NEED to be strong enough to deal with women's abuse in the first place.

Blue pill thinking is that women are not what they are--that they could or should treat all men right in the first place and that the fact that they don't is reason to take it personally. If you get upset by female nature then it's because you're comparing that nature to a blue pill-conditioned expectation.

What I believe is all men should love and respect THEMSELVES. That solves at least 99% of your woman problems right there. Once you no longer need outside validation you are a free man.. physically, emotionally, mentally, etc . A free man is an attractive man. Its very liberating and it gives you a sense confidence and inner peace that makes your personality alpha. This makes women wet. I constantly talk about the "alpha mindset" because I believe its the key to my success with women and life in general.

Don't disagree with any of this, except most men have no idea how to love and respect themselves, which is why they run into problems with women in the first place. And instead of using that to examine themselves, they blame women and avoid future situations that put them at risk of being exposed.

See 90% of the posts at SoSuave. If this resulted in happiness, then I wouldn't have a problem with it, except it doesn't for most people; it's based in fear and comfort. And, if anything, it limits your freedom of choice (i.e. I have to do X, Y, or Z or else I don't respect myself or I'm not alpha or I'm not a DJ or I can't do A, B, or C because D, E or F might happen).

 

[Trump]

A woman will never make you whole, but she will show you, overtime, exactly the areas where you need to grow. She'll hone in on your weaknesses and exploit them and use them to make you miserable. At this point you have two choices: You either confront your weaknesses, improve your frame, and get better or You get bitter, resentful, blame women and put up boundaries in the future that will protect you from having to make change.

Really, the women in your life who treat you like sh1t are being incredibly generous; even at their most cruel and deceptive, they are literally handing you the keys to making yourself a better man, even though they may never get the chance to enjoy or benefit from your growth. And, if you let them, they'll teach you what you can and should put up with and how to be a better judge of character, even if that increased awareness renders that same girl undesireable for any future relations.

Bro I think you are confusing the issues. A woman who exploits your weaknesses doesn't care about you or love you or want you to be a better man, she cares about herself and her image.

To consider a woman generous when she puts you down because it may make you a better man is very weak thinking. A better man comes from substance within, not from what some woman says because she is a bad mood. What if you go out with several woman and each tells you something different about how to grow? You are going to change something about yourself every other day?

You can't listen to what anyone wants. Everything has to come from within.

 

[Poon King]

Blue pill thinking is that women are not what they are--that they could or should treat all men right in the first place and that the fact that they don't is reason to take it personally. If you get upset by female nature then it's because you're comparing that nature to a blue pill-conditioned expectation.

Somewhat true. But blue pill thinking also dictates that you should just accept women completely and have no expectations. White knight stuff.

You should definitely have expectations because expectations create standards. If you have no expectations and no standards.. how can you be alpha in a relationship? How can you LEAD as a man?

Men should definitely have expectations and standards when it comes to women and how they behave. Just accepting them completely is a passive and submissive behavior. Men should be critical and judgmental of women. NOT being critical and judgmental of women is why many of today's women don't know how to act. Men just give them a free pass for having a vagina. You support this?

Don't disagree with any of this, except most men have no idea how to love and respect themselves, which is why they run into problems with women in the first place. And instead of using that to examine themselves, they blame women and avoid future situations that put them at risk of being exposed.

See 90% of the posts at SoSuave. If this resulted in happiness, then I wouldn't have a problem with it, except it doesn't for most people; it's based in fear and comfort. And, if anything, it limits your freedom of choice (i.e. I have to do X, Y, or Z or else I don't respect myself or I'm not alpha or I'm not a DJ or I can't do A, B, or C because D, E or F might happen).

The reason most men have no idea how to love and respect themselves is because most men look primarily towards outside factors to define themselves = cars, money, jobs, woman, etc. These are all shallow props. Men who craft a solid identity that is not based on outside things will naturally develop a strong ego and self love. Props like cars, money, jobs and hot women are the icing on the cake. However, they should not be the cake itself. Too many men make those things the cake. It comes from not thinking critically and getting too many cues from the media.

Remember that "society" WANTS you to be a beta male blue piller. So all of society's messages will support it. Its not whats good for the individual men.. but it benefits society. Each man has to learn to ignore the noise and think for himself to discover the truth. Most men don't have the ability or intelligence to do this. Which is why most men are doomed to beta status for life. But any man who has found SoSuave clearly has the intelligence to see that something is fishy in society.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I see some valid points but at the same time reminds me of hamster spinning in female minds.

Its no different than saying "of course you're mad that they stole your bike but at the same time you learned the importance of protecting your property".

So we should thank a burglar for stealing in our garden so he teach us how to secure your gates? would it need to learn such things if burgarls were instead law abiding citizens?

Again I see some valid points in what op said but not as great as it seems, I read it more as boxing class where you learn how to cover your face after you got struck enough times.

 

[ubercat]

Heheh time for a cat nap. I must have been on sosuave too long now if I'm repping Poon Kings posts. But he was truly on point this time.

I had the girlfriend s*** testing me over the weekend. She was ragging on me because a couple of times I said we were going to do 1 thing and ended up doing another. There were good reasons one day the weather was fantastic and was going to be the end of the good weather for a while. Another time I got wind of a fantastic one day snow gear sale which I saved a pile of cash on. Reprioritizing things on the fly was too complex for her hamster. Should I reward her simplistic thinking. Hell no I put her back on her mat.

The funny thing is that both times benefited her. I'd planned to do some painting at my house and it was too beautiful a day so we went to the nature. Getting the snow gear cheap meant that I could afford to plan a weekend snow fun with her.

 

[Tedhe]

I sometimes wonder if finding this website was a mistake...

It's all relative to the game one wants to play - the best aspects of this site are how to better treat yourself around women - don't be needy, don't be beta, don't panic....

Whereas - the treating all women like garbage mentality isn't a great path in life

So balance it out.

 

[GoodOne123]

I agree with what you said about how women help improve ourselves. But I also think interacting with anyone can exploit your weaknesses and help you grow also.

I think Poon King made some great points, but I also have to say that the definitions of respect and love you defined don't seem right.

If I recognise and accept that a particular woman/person is a scumbag, *******, liar, cheater, then that doesn't mean I respect and love them, especially since these are undesirable character traits. This simply means that I am observant and understanding enough to see reality as it is, which is the particular characteristic traits/personality of the person in question. If I love or respect someone, then I appreciate their particular characteristic traits, which usually is in line with my personal idea of what I believe to be desirable traits in a person/partner (e.g loyal, loving, caring).

 

[Desdinova]

Really, the women in your life who treat you like sh1t are being incredibly generous; even at their most cruel and deceptive, they are literally handing you the keys to making yourself a better man, even though they may never get the chance to enjoy or benefit from your growth. And, if you let them, they'll teach you what you can and should put up with and how to be a better judge of character, even if that increased awareness renders that same girl undesireable for any future relations.

This is very true, but there's a dark side to this, and I've had an extremely difficult dilemma to face... The woman who drove me to this website came back around a decade later and pursued me for five years. Do you forgive the woman who treated you like garbage and tortured you by exploiting your weaknesses, or you toss her away because she showed you where you need to fix yourself? This question plagued me for the entire time she pursued me, and it didn't help that I realized I had climbed to the very top of her high score list which makes her a good candidate for a LTR. So how do you deal with a prime LTR candidate who dumped your (formerly) beta ass?

To solve this, I had to make myself a new rule... Any ex-gf should be given a major red flag solely because they're an ex. To me, former lovers are NOT worthy of my love & respect because I've already attempted to give them both, and they fvcked up in some way, shape or form. Just because they've done me a favour by exploiting a weakness of mine (which leads me to work on it), it doesn't mean they're deserving of love & respect. That's like saying I should love and respect someone who steals my wallet because they showed me that I wasn't protecting it very well.

 

[amazingswayze]

Poon King is on fire