3. If a person is in your life and they do not directly make you a better person or money, cut them out of it, right now
I then realized, there was not a single person in my life that made me a better person. Had Kat (Oneitis) not shown she gave a **** by "demanding" I go to rehab she'd gotten tossed to. She didn't make me better, but she cared. Plus she always was down to go grab a bite to eat and **** and that was cool.My dad, who tried to **** my then GF, got tossed. My mother who never did really like me all that much to be honest, got tossed. I had an uncle who made me a better person, we talked about books we read a lot and he was smart (the one that died last year) . I kept him around. For months, these were the only 2 people I would talk to. At all. If you were not my uncle or my oneitis, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with you. I would go to rehab officially 2 days later so that had a lot to do with it as well, but I had never improved so much as a person in the next 6 months than in this time. I had NO drama in my life. The few bad days I had, were 100% my fault, for stuff I did not do and were instantly fixed. I became a much happier person. Not once, not for an instant did I ever have the urge to use because no one was making me feel like ****. I was doing the things I wanted to do, I was doing the things I thought I had to do to be successful and I was happy.
My uncle pushed me mentally harder than I'd ever been pushed in my life. He's the reason I still read something everyday. We were having conversations you just don't hear black men have lol. We had a mini book club, we'd pick a book read it and talk about it every week. He started to take a turn for the worse around this time (sickle c ell) and it felt good too giving him something to look forward to, but if he thought you were being easy on him he'd have none of it."My nigga lol, Winston ain't no different than anyone else in the book even the **** that he ain't supposed to be doing, is stuff monitored by the state. Is that any different than today? Is there a law saying black men can't sling cigarettes instead of crack? Nigga do you not understand that you're Winston lol? Do you not understand that right now you're the token black guy that america hold's up and say's we're equal yet at the same time, you're doing exactly what they want you to do, destroy yourself and keep your own people down" mind= blown lol I literally got more out of reading 1984 than I did in 10 years in AA. You can call me a lot of things, but when you call me a token black guy now dammit that's it lol.
My mother and I didn't talk until I got my now wife pregnant with my son Joseph and I wanted my son to know his family. And even then, I told her that the day that you don't add value to my life, you're gone. The day you start to use my sister as a rod to go to church, bye. The day you start to do anything that's going to make me lose confidence in myself, I don't give a **** if my son comes to me crying where is his grandma i'll tell him you might as well consider her dead, because you're never gonna see her. We both have a common interest.. the well being of my son. That's the ONLY reason I'm talking to you now.
My dad, has never seen either of his grandkids and we don't talk. Wouldn't know them if they ran up to him. I saw him at my uncle's funeral and I refused to sit with family because it meant I would have had to sit with him. We haven't talked in over a decade. If he has something to say to me, like your uncle died, he calls my mom and she calls me. If I have to say anything to him, like, hey you got a granddaughter, I call mom and she tells him. I went to the funeral and left. I owed my uncle that much. I don't owe my dad ****. If my dad was in the electric chair I'd throw water on him and start the wave in the crowd.
I want my kids to know their family, but I don't see the reason my kids have to know the man who impregnated my mother. Because to me that's all that mother****er is.
Whoever said that family is all, never had a ****ty one. If you have people in your family holding you back or putting you down, **** em. Bye.
After this whole ordeal, my uncle is the ONLY person in my family (sister's college fund as well but she still has 2 years before she getrs it, and it's looking like she won't need it anyway) that i ever gave a penny to, and this is a man so ****ing proud, he refused to pick up the phone and call and ask for a new oxgyen tank because his insurance wouldn't cover it and the new one he had was starting to not work. This man was literally ready to ****ing die because resorting to begging was beneath him. ****ing G. I told him if i ever had to hear from someone else that he needed something i'd kill him myself.
6'6, 170 pounds soak and wet, sickly his entire life, died a virgin and was the most manly of men i've ever met in my life.
