Anxiety, just embrace it

[CuddleJunkie]

I'm excited, my friends. I'm learning so much, I'm gaining so much control over my behaviour, body, and mind. The level of understanding about myself and others is deeper than ever before, and this is only going upwards. After such a joyful remarks, let me explain what I've been feeling for 2 days, and share your own experiences.

Basically I got rejected by a girl of one of my social circles, due to poor execution of game, after doing it good, alcohol was involved. It was light, nothing dramatic, we kept on talking and dancing as if nothing had happened, fair enough. Anyhow, since then I've been experiencing light anxiety from time to time, maybe once every hour; because I'm meeting this people again tomorrow, and even knowing everything is okay I fear being rejected by the group as a whole. Now, thanks to our red-pill wisdom, I understand that this is the product of my brain being designed to deal with small group approval, but our society is not like the ones our brains evolved in. This makes it easier to deal with the anxiety I feel, and provides me with a real and deep understanding of the processes I've been reading about. Internalizing game knowledge can only happen trough real experience.

So what I'm trying to say is: Don't fear going to the field and experiencing all the variety of human emotions, this will make you a stronger male.

Let's keep this on brothers.

 

[Konada]

Anxiety is only bad if you let it control you... Keep in mind it is your body's fight/flight response that really at play here. It's up to you how you want to use this extra energy biology has given you.

I do public speaking, I talk to random people all the time. The anxiety is always there, I just learnt to embrace it and make it work for me.

 

[Asmodeus]

So what I'm trying to say is: Don't fear going to the field and experiencing all the variety of human emotions, this will make you a stronger male.

Let's keep this on brothers.

In fact, by going out and experiencing them you learn to control them better, and to understand better. The fear of rejection is often worse and more debilitating for a person than the rejection itself. By living in fear of rejection you never go out and expose yourself to new things or meeting new people. The rejection itself may be a bitter pill, but it is often less bitter to swallow than the regret of not even having made an attempt. Just keep working at it and it will only become easier, you will become more desensitized to rejection and become more confident in approaching.

 

[wifehunter]

For me, anxiety is an illusion. Dealing with the real emotions that come from it, is the hard part.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Anxiety is only bad if you let it control you... Keep in mind it is your body's fight/flight response that really at play here. It's up to you how you want to use this extra energy biology has given you.

I do public speaking, I talk to random people all the time. The anxiety is always there, I just learnt to embrace it and make it work for me.

Indeed this is what every succesful guy on the manosphere says. I need to learn about anxiety on a deep level, what it really means...Any recommendation? I will search for it on google right now anyhow, but your post made me realize I haven't take the work to research anxiety lol.

In fact, by going out and experiencing them you learn to control them better, and to understand better. The fear of rejection is often worse and more debilitating for a person than the rejection itself. By living in fear of rejection you never go out and expose yourself to new things or meeting new people. The rejection itself may be a bitter pill, but it is often less bitter to swallow than the regret of not even having made an attempt. Just keep working at it and it will only become easier, you will become more desensitized to rejection and become more confident in approaching.

Yes Asmodeus, you are totally right. Plus it is a win/win situation. You succeed, you get the pvss; you fail, you learn and become better. The regret I now have is to have ****ed up this over alcohol lol. I'm not getting drunk again if I plan on gaming a girl. The eyes she has man...I already miss her.

For me, anxiety is an illusion. Dealing with the real emotions that come from it, is the hard part.

Could you expand upon this? I don't understand what you are trying to say.

 

[wifehunter]

Could you expand upon this? I don't understand what you are trying to say.

We choose to let things, real or not, effect us. Worry and anxiety, are patterns that your mind follows when you have lost your frame. Not fun! On the other hand, dealing with objective realities alone, puts me in a better place. There's other unexplainable forces at work also. In a nutshell, worry/anxiety happen as a result of losing sight of your goals or other positive things happening in your life.

 

[Konada]

Indeed this is what every succesful guy on the manosphere says. I need to learn about anxiety on a deep level, what it really means...Any recommendation? I will search for it on google right now anyhow, but your post made me realize I haven't take the work to research anxiety lol.

You don't have to learn deeply about anxiety, just know it when you feel it. For me, its the butterflies in the stomach, occasionally it gets very bad for me that my legs start quivering and my voice tonality starts shaking. A big part of coping with anxiety (note I didn't say erase it) is to embrace it.

I find that meditation helps a lot in this aspect. If you ever try meditation out, think of the thing that scares the living sh!t out of you, visualize your thought processes and everything. Bathe in that. Often times, you will find yourself breathing deeper, even wanting to voice it out "I'm scared". This is a good thing, it means that there's extra energy there in your body wanting to get out. That's what you want, in order to harness that energy, you must learn to let it flow through you naturally.

 

[fastlife]

@CuddleJunkie Nailed it. It's a legitimate reaction on a lymbic level to an outdated stimuli. Rejection literally means nothing. The cure for anxiety is taking action.

You're pushing yourself, you're growing--she rejected you under those circumstances. But you're a moving target--and women change according to circumstance. So while drunk @CuddleJunkie screwed the pooch, it's not indicative of anything. Own it. Don't apologize or supplicate; find a way to make it funny. You have a light case of Oneitis and need to experience more rejection; but it's not necessarily over with this girl.

What do most guys do when they get rejected? They stick their tail between their legs, shout, "Oh well, LOW INTEREST," and never try again. But there isn't a better demonstration of fame than deflecting rejection and pushing forward if that's what you legitimately want to do. Probably not tomorrow, but once you have center. When a girl rejects me at this point, I'm like, Pshhh, silly girl. She didn't mean to do that. So let's grab drinks tonight.

I'll tell you a story from before I had game (other than some innate NPD type-stuff). But it's a valuable lesson in the meaninglessness of rejection:

• Meet girl in HS. She was hot, but I was terrified of being judged or losing my immaculate image--and I didn't get involved with any of the girls I went to school with (pathetic, right?). This girl was all over me; but I just took the validation and left the sex on the table. Eventually she got a bf and that was that.
• Fast-forward three months. I'm at college 3,000 miles away for a semester. Start feeling regret for all the 'opportunities I missed', which with the help of being drunk every single night, resulted in me drunk texting this girl nightly for the course of the semester. Literally, every night. I got exactly 0 responses.
• So I'm back home from winter break. My best friend was invited to her birthday party and invited me to crash it. I did.
• After ignoring every single one of my texts for 3 months (so like 100 rejections) this girl was all over me and ends up pulling me to her bedroom at the end of the night (until I went full on avoidant weirdo mode and ended up bailing).

Now do I recommend doing anything like that? No, lol. But it makes for a funny story. I'd make her reject you again when you get over this one. See what happens. Or I'd isolate her tomorrow, make strong eye contact, and say something like, "You're so weird." If you try to suppress what happened, it will be weird; own it.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

@CuddleJunkie Nailed it. It's a legitimate reaction on a lymbic level to an outdated stimuli. Rejection literally means nothing. The cure for anxiety is taking action.

You're pushing yourself, you're growing--she rejected you under those circumstances. But you're a moving target--and women change according to circumstance. So while drunk @CuddleJunkie screwed the pooch, it's not indicative of anything. Own it. Don't apologize or supplicate; find a way to make it funny. You have a light case of Oneitis and need to experience more rejection; but it's not necessarily over with this girl.

What do most guys do when they get rejected? They stick their tail between their legs, shout, "Oh well, LOW INTEREST," and never try again. But there isn't a better demonstration of fame than deflecting rejection and pushing forward if that's what you legitimately want to do. Probably not tomorrow, but once you have center. When a girl rejects me at this point, I'm like, Pshhh, silly girl. She didn't mean to do that. So let's grab drinks tonight.

I'll tell you a story from before I had game (other than some innate NPD type-stuff). But it's a valuable lesson in the meaninglessness of rejection:

• Meet girl in HS. She was hot, but I was terrified of being judged or losing my immaculate image--and I didn't get involved with any of the girls I went to school with (pathetic, right?). This girl was all over me; but I just took the validation and left the sex on the table. Eventually she got a bf and that was that.
• Fast-forward three months. I'm at college 3,000 miles away for a semester. Start feeling regret for all the 'opportunities I missed', which with the help of being drunk every single night, resulted in me drunk texting this girl nightly for the course of the semester. Literally, every night. I got exactly 0 responses.
• So I'm back home from winter break. My best friend was invited to her birthday party and invited me to crash it. I did.
• After ignoring every single one of my texts for 3 months (so like 100 rejections) this girl was all over me and ends up pulling me to her bedroom at the end of the night (until I went full on avoidant weirdo mode and ended up bailing).

Now do I recommend doing anything like that? No, lol. But it makes for a funny story. I'd make her reject you again when you get over this one. See what happens. Or I'd isolate her tomorrow, make strong eye contact, and say something like, "You're so weird." If you try to suppress what happened, it will be weird; own it.

There's an spanish expression for being rejected a kiss, "me hizo la cobra". It means this

, the movement cobras do lol. So my plan is greeting my friends as usual and tell her " hey cobra, what's up", and then keep as normal. If I see interest, I will try again.

Also, the "I miss her already" was a joke. Thanks to the gods I have a plate, so if I'm getting oneitis is over this other cutie and not the girl from this story. I loved your story by the way, I had something similar with my first "gf" on high school. The **** men do for pvss.

 

[Reykhel]

There's an spanish expression for being rejected a kiss, "me hizo la cobra". It means this

, the movement cobras do lol. So my plan is greeting my friends as usual and tell her " hey cobra, what's up", and then keep as normal. If I see interest, I will try again.

Also, the "I miss her already" was a joke. Thanks to the gods I have a plate, so if I'm getting oneitis is over this other cutie and not the girl from this story. I loved your story by the way, I had something similar with my first "gf" on high school. The **** men do for pvss.

@CuddleJunkie the real question is why are you hitting on chicks in your social circle....

This IMO, is your mistake. Hombre, your social circle is the fvcking gateway to more pvssy......
Be smart. Use the girls in your social circle as gatekeepers and pivots......

The thing about women in your social circle......always be positive and fun, but always be sexual without trying it
on with them (to avoid been their little emotional tampon friend).......what this does is shows your a sexual man but also gives them IOD's..............so really if there is a chick in your social circle and she is interested......let her come at you.........it's like not going near chicks you work with......

The fact that you are a sexual macho but not going for them......sometimes drives them wild.....sometimes it doesn't......but you shouldn't care.....as banging your social circle chicks is not your goal.......

Be smart CJ.....

When a girl in your social circle introduces you to another chick, your stock jumps up by a couple of notches simply by her introduction. As opposed to you starting on zero with cold, cold approach.......

Also use the chicks in your social circle as pivots/social proof......

This anxiety should not be the issue of your thread. You made a gaming error.

 

[yungballa]

you let the anxiety control you, or you control yourself. thats the way i see it.

for me, the more i put myself into scary situations, the more it gets easier. i wont feel as nervous/anxious whatever you wanna call it.

i don't tell myself im anxious. i tell myself im excited. dont use this energy as anxiety. be confident with your body and your thoughts and instead of being anxious, be EXCITED. and if its really that bad, take deep breaths in and out. i swear it works. sometimes i get so bad that i forget to breathe. once i breathe, i slow down. i speak slower, move slower, im just slowed down instead of being a fast-moving nervous wreck.

i say just do things. you live once, and 100 years from now no one is goin to give a damned fvck if you got rejected by a girl; or what this girl thought of you.

nothing really matters in this world as much as how you think about yourself.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

@CuddleJunkie the real question is why are you hitting on chicks in your social circle....

This IMO, is your mistake. Hombre, your social circle is the fvcking gateway to more pvssy......
Be smart. Use the girls in your social circle as gatekeepers and pivots......

The thing about women in your social circle......always be positive and fun, but always be sexual without trying it
on with them (to avoid been their little emotional tampon friend).......what this does is shows your a sexual man but also gives them IOD's..............so really if there is a chick in your social circle and she is interested......let her come at you.........it's like not going near chicks you work with......

The fact that you are a sexual macho but not going for them......sometimes drives them wild.....sometimes it doesn't......but you shouldn't care.....as banging your social circle chicks is not your goal.......

Be smart CJ.....

When a girl in your social circle introduces you to another chick, your stock jumps up by a couple of notches simply by her introduction. As opposed to you starting on zero with cold, cold approach.......

Also use the chicks in your social circle as pivots/social proof......

This anxiety should not be the issue of your thread. You made a gaming error.

So this girl has said to my friends that she's into me butd doesn't want to be used...lol. She saw me with my plate days ago apparently, AND I went too strong during my gaming try. So I could go for it playing the sensitive guy...but I will follow your advice and not go after a girl in one of my social circles.

I called her "cobra" by the way...she loved it lol.

 

[wifehunter]

Yup. I have pretty bad anxiety naturally. Just learned to embrace it. The worst thing for me is how much I sweat, it's unnatural. Especially during the summer, I soak my clothes walking around outside.

Girls ask about it quite a bit. "Why are you sweating?" My response "Cause you make me hot baby". You just have to learn that these uncomfortable situations make you stronger.

Got a fix for stumbling over your words? I hate when I do that!!! It kills the smooth ladies man vibe.

 

[raider87]

The anxiety is what makes it fun for me. I like the feeling of overcoming my nerves with women.

 

[wifehunter]

Get out of your head

INTJ here, that's like telling me to "stop breathing air"

Funny thing is delivery is the most important! So, you could say anything... and girls will dig it. Look at James Brown, I can't understand what he says half the time. Point is, have fun... sure, that cool new roller coaster might seem scary at first, but you'll want to go on it again and again, after you try it.

 

[Serenity]

I've had so much anxiety that I've gotten used to it, I barely notice it. When I do I remind myself I can safely ignore it, I handle it with determination. My will is stronger than my anxiety, I let the feeling be without letting it affect me. If I tried changing how I feel I would essentially be under the control of my anxiety, doing anything about it means I'm influenced by it. I won't allow such bad feelings to control me, but I can't stop them from occurring.

So yeah, embrace it but don't let it have a say in what you do. Don't fight it, just ignore it and continue anyways. Just like some annoying person talking sh!t to you, pretend they don't exist and keep walking. It's a waste of time arguing with them, nothing good comes from it. Giving attention to anxiety is the same, a waste of time which nothing good comes from.

 

[Reykhel]

@CuddleJunkie

If you haven't already, check out Antifragile....

http://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Things-That-Disorder-Incerto/dp/0812979680

 

[CuddleJunkie]

@CuddleJunkie

If you haven't already, check out Antifragile....

http://www.amazon.com/Antifragile-Things-That-Disorder-Incerto/dp/0812979680

I have it in the ereader already. Man, I have like a 30 books on my to-read list...lol, ****ing machiavellianism.

 

[Reykhel]

I have it in the ereader already. Man, I have like a 30 books on my to-read list...lol, ****ing machiavellianism.

I know, right? Well self-development is a journey and not a destination, so you have
many years to get through those books and many more.....

10 pages per day and you'll half your list in a year

Or get the audio versions.......turn you down time into uptime...

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I know, right? Well self-development is a journey and not a destination, so you have
many years to get through those books and many more.....

10 pages per day and you'll half your list in a year

Or get the audio versions.......turn you down time into uptime...

I know, but I have this thing due to my education when I want to go through everything in one sit. But these books, like that one you told me the other day (it's being awesome btw) have a lot of things to put into practice, so I really should go slower through them... But man, this **** about gaining influence powers is addicting as fvck.