S**t where I ate, caught oneitis. Round 2?

[Visionist]

Long story short; I teach English 1 on 1, and one of my students captured my imagination in February (works out a lot, hot smile, nice a$$- but we have almost nothing in common) by being very flirty at first in person and via text (singing her favourite songs to me and such). We met twice weekly at a private school. She wouldn't always go out with me, only sometimes, and I had trouble escalating as I wasn't sure if she was into me. She cancelled our very first date to get a tattoo (seemed very suspect although she showed it to me). She did keep saying she was single, then suddenly she says "I'm seeing someone, I don't want any confusion here...". I'd broken most of the rules up till then, not easily however. I wouldn't message her very much, and I'd let her initiate (she would only do so regarding our lessons after a while). I'm thinking I should have monstered her straight away when she seemed interested, and to hell with the crappy paying job I don't even need (I'd lose respect though with the MILFy headmistress- don't want my name known as a s**teater). Once she'd lost interest, that was it.

And that's the short version! Anyway now she wants to do private lessons at my home. I don't even wanna see her to be honest, but I'm told I need to "man up" and be mature and face the music. It'll be hellish; our last lesson was before easter (she was away for weeks during) and I had trouble even looking at her. Nothing like wanting to f**k someone but not being allowed to try anything. She did get me a gift of sorts she said, whilst she was away. I've tried it on with other girls meanwhile, but it's a ladder to climb. Progress will come with persistence, but I feel like this broad's a lost cause... Should I "man up"? Face the music? Or say I've got another job and can't teach her? At least it'd give me an excuse to clean my absolute mess of an apartment (I've already started).


Addendum: Her good friend whom I also taught guessed I was into her when I got her a perfume as a birthday gift (I would have kept said perfume till the end of our teaching period as a parting gift if I sensed she wouldn't be into me- she ended up being very happy with it), and called me out on it. Rather than lie to this friend, I told her the truth. No idea if she spilled the beans ("deffo!" my friends say) but there's been nothing to suggest the oneitis knows... I think she kept mum.

 

[Tictac]

Rather than lie to this friend, I told her the truth. No idea if she spilled the beans ("deffo!" my friends say) but there's been nothing to suggest the oneitis knows... I think she kept mum.

No she didn't keep quiet. You're outed.

Bad moves, too many to mention.

Dating one of your tutoring students. Seriously?

 

[Visionist]

Nobody controls who they're attracted to. Her friend is prettier for instance but I feel nothing for her.

So it's best to not teach her anymore? There's no more useful experience to be had, things to be learned? I'd set myself a personal target with this chick; even though it was clear after a point nothing could happen, I'd keep trying anyway, keep asking her out, keep conversing with her, keep busting her balls in class on her poor English- all for my own experience and development. I was gonna learn about myself, what I'm confortable with, what I need to push myself harder on.

If the friend did spill the beans, the oneitis (whose name I've changed to "Ten Euros/HR" on my phone) certainly didn't act weird the next time I saw her- or any after that.

Do taken girls say they're single for the attention? Or are they wanting you to escalate but then shoot you down when you do, for kicks?

 

[marmel75]

Another story of a dude too b!tch too make a move and waiting for the undeniable, over the top IOI like the parting of the Red Sea instead of just going for what he wanted. Honest to fvcking God how many of these stories are we going to get on here before guys just actually start reading these beforehand and acting accordingly? I mean this post is written on here 20 times a week but nobody ever seems to learn anything from other people's mistakes.

She gave you plenty of opportunities to do something, you never did and then she got tired of waiting for you to act like a man and take what you wanted, so she told you she was "seeing someone". Maybe she was because unlike you, he took her out and then fvcked her senseless for 3 or 4 hours, and gave her what she wanted. Namely that c0ck.

Now she wants to come over? Probably to get that perfume her friend told her you got...awwwww...how sweet. Never even fvcked her and going around buying her stuff like she's your GF of a year.

Get a fvcking clue dude...

A wise man once said---"A smart man learns from his mistakes---A wise man learns from the mistakes of others."

Be smart when you have to to but always try and be wise...

 

[Visionist]

Not too sure on that marmel75. It comes across that way in my post but I think she just saw me as her teacher and nothing else ultimately. She cancelled our very first date (I acted nonchalant). I did try; I had to take her out to escalate surely. She wouldn't play ball (except once or twice).

Hell if she comes over I'll tell her to wear the stuff. If she hasn't emptied the bottle already.

Edit; I'll be honest the only real reson I wouldn't hate seeing her is to get this gift she got me. Probably a little plastic Eiffel Tower lol

 

[marmel75]

I had to take her out to escalate surely. She wouldn't play ball (except once or twice).

She played ball...you struck out looking.

 

[Alvafe]

he did his mitakes yes, now he need to take action on what he should do, he should have acted sooner, but now what I think he need to do is not give her any class anymore, give it a week then ask her out and see if you can get her, if not well move on, also with the perfume I would not give her anything, if asked you say you didn't buy her anything.

and please learn from one thing too, I said this before and will repeat it, if you are into someone, don't tell anyone stay quiet and try to get her, if you need to talk about it talk with people who don't cross the same group and don't mention her name, why? simple if you tell someone you like another, or taht person will try to help you or try to **** you, people talk, gossip and´can say things out of context, in the end it will not help you, or you will look like a spineless retart who need another girl for help(come on we are not kids anymore), or they will try to undermine you, and in the end it will never help you

 

[BetterCallSaul]

As marmel75 said, try to be wise. In this case, wise would be to move on. Stop talking to her because she's already stringing you along for whatever validation she needs and enjoys the attention wh*ring.

 

[RangerMIke]

Nobody controls who they're attracted to. Her friend is prettier for instance but I feel nothing for her.

Not true. Women can't control themselves, men can. You can not help what you find attractive, but you can and should control who you fall for. This is how you do it:

REFUSE to think about anyone that has not given you clear signs of interest. You get infatuated when you think about someone too much, creating imaginary relationships in your head. You avoid thinking about a woman too much by dating multiple women.... Never lock in on one chick.

She has to fall in love with you first.

 

[Yewki]

Another story of a dude too b!tch too make a move and waiting for the undeniable, over the top IOI like the parting of the Red Sea instead of just going for what he wanted. Honest to fvcking God how many of these stories are we going to get on here before guys just actually start reading these beforehand and acting accordingly? I mean this post is written on here 20 times a week but nobody ever seems to learn anything from other people's mistakes.

She gave you plenty of opportunities to do something, you never did and then she got tired of waiting for you to act like a man and take what you wanted, so she told you she was "seeing someone". Maybe she was because unlike you, he took her out and then fvcked her senseless for 3 or 4 hours, and gave her what she wanted. Namely that c0ck.

Now she wants to come over? Probably to get that perfume her friend told her you got...awwwww...how sweet. Never even fvcked her and going around buying her stuff like she's your GF of a year.

Get a fvcking clue dude...

A wise man once said---"A smart man learns from his mistakes---A wise man learns from the mistakes of others."

Be smart when you have to to but always try and be wise...

Give this man a medal.

OP you should print this out and read it to yourself every night before you go to bed. Then again in the morning.

 

[Visionist]

Good idea...?

I'll bluntly tell her to meet me at such & such time and place and there, I'll tell her we aren't doing lessons together. The excuse will require some artful bulls**tting but ultimately closure is all that's important.

 

[Visionist]

UPDATE: So several things have happened since then, up to just-now; I told her to meet me at such & such time & place, she didn't get back to me and instead I called her later that evening to say I had a new full time teaching job. She wasn't pleased but not hostile about it. A friend of mine effortlessly slept with her best friend the next day (the one who knows the truth- she swore she wasn't interested in any male attention a month ago as she's leaving the country- shows how much stock one should put in a woman's word) and together, it seems they planned to have a joke at my expense. My friend who slept with her friend called me and invited me to a coffee with the other two. Not planning on playing gooseberry I said I was busy. Another mutual friend later told me the girls were after "revenge" for me cancelling this chick's lessons. Doubtless they'd have ordered half the menu and laid the tab at my feet (Mr effortless has done that before).

My crush later texted me saying she wasn't happy about me cancelling (the lessons I presume, not the coffee) and I repeated that I was busy. She had likely seen a picture from last year I had posted earlier that day and assumed it was new: some artisan beers sold in wine bottles, hundreds of miles away. She said "stai a fa gli aperitivi" which translates as "you're not busy teaching, you're just drinking around". I replied CF "please translate " which she usually says to me (I generally text my students in English). She replied with "bye" and I posted a Pusheen waving goodbye. I didn't feel relieved; just disappointed. I took a fun photo showing me and one of my other female students half-a$$ed studying and posted it on FB to prove my point.

Now I feel terrible! :-o I feel like the bad guy, like all she wanted was lessons and why shouldn't she have them, just because I was too much of a ***** to make a quick move (I did try- I didn't give up. But when a girl you've literally just met texts you saying you'll be having dinner together & organizing a party together- how do you respond and keep your frame? Then literally just one week later it's already too late?! And she flakes on you?!) when I should have done? After a lot of agonizing I just called her now, saying we need to talk. I have to get it off my chest with her, to get real closure, and who knows, maybe man-up enough to swallow my pride and teach her despite the way she makes me feel. We've agreed to meet on Tuesday, around the same time we used to do lessons. She's playing totally dumb ("You know what we need to discuss" I told her. She replied with "lessons? Hang on are you still doing your new job?") but her friend must surely have told her by now, sweet Jesus.

Go ahead and tear me a new one for calling her, I deserve it. But I literally feel like crap treating her this way.

 

[CMNILS87]

Do not show your feelings to her. Honestly....she already knows how you feel and knows she's under your skin. It'll show she has won and will dangle this little carrot above your head about your emotions. This chick is a mental terrorist on you and the only way to get rid of her is to cut all contact and cancel the meeting and go do something with friends or by yourself.

I wish it were that simple to go back to just lessons, but emotions are all over the place and there will be resentment towards her on your part. Your teaching will suffer....doesn't she deserve the best tutor to help with learning new material?

Closure about what? You not making a move? Her being a *****? Your failure to control your emotions? How she played you after you went full beta?

 

[marmel75]

Lol...this should be stickied as a post for new guys to read up on what not to do...

 

[Speculator E]

Not too sure on that marmel75. It comes across that way in my post but I think she just saw me as her teacher and nothing else ultimately. She cancelled our very first date (I acted nonchalant). I did try; I had to take her out to escalate surely. She wouldn't play ball (except once or twice).

Hell if she comes over I'll tell her to wear the stuff. If she hasn't emptied the bottle already.

Edit; I'll be honest the only real reson I wouldn't hate seeing her is to get this gift she got me. Probably a little plastic Eiffel Tower lol

It sounds like you were too outcome dependent and passive. As a teacher the girl was expecting some type of authority figure but you disappointed her when you didn't take the lead.

Edit: Also I never friend girls I'm interested in it's better to let them wonder what's going on rather then try to make them jealous.

 

[Visionist]

I was getting a couple of tattoos done on Tuesday so I voice messaged her saying I was busy and to reschedule for thursday. "You always flake. OK" she said. I replied "I'll call you at 4 ". Meantime I've met her friend again whilst hanging out with her new boytoy Mr Effortless, who funnily enough had another girl flake on him earlier in the evening (he bi***ed a fair deal about it). Mr Effortless kept recording videos of me and sending them to Oneitis, and soon I was taking funny pictures of him and posted one. Knowing what I know, I was aggressively CF with her friend, a change from our usual demure, professional interaction (I taught her English too). She asked me if I'd been drinking. So today around 4 I called oneitis and she didn't answer. I texted her "let me know if you're free" and no reply for a while. A sense of closure came over me; I only wanna see her for a half hour to say goodbye after all, see what her English is like. She did then text me "I'm talking with my friend about it". I could tell at this point the whole plan was foiled, so I replied "If you're free a half hour I'll come get you. I already said goodbye to your friend" (she leaves in a week). Oneitis then replied "no I mean later we can meet all four of us- I'm not at home now" and I bailed straight out with "Another day then; I'm busy now" followed by an "OK bye" from her. Not the most satisfying closure but now I don't have to contact her again.

 

[marmel75]

Closure is for women, find your nuts somewhere down between your legs and give them a good hard smack to get some testosterone flowing...

 

[Visionist]

She tried friendzoning me and getting me to hang-out with her and her friend and mr effortless a few times. I CF blew her off. They showed up to a latin bar I was dancing at one evening and her body language was hostile, she wouldn't dance (her friend did a little) and made it clear I would never get with her and could only see her in company ("It'll be no problem, it'll be great for us to hang out in friendship") I stupidly tried closing things with her, explaining how we couldn't be friends because I found her attractive, and asking why she'd want me around if she's got no intention of letting me have a go ("as friends, because you're fun" she replied). I deleted her from everything and asked her to do the same for me, doubt she did. I broke the cardinal NC rule and told her, online a few days later, that once the oneitis wears off we might be friends. She flipped my messages to her online group where they all make fun of me. The group includes a very good friend of mine who met her that night at the bar and who she's now dating, despite insisting she has a man and couldn't let me in.

I've learnt a hell of a lot about women and myself in this past week!

 

[Roni_88]

She tried friendzoning me and getting me to hang-out with her and her friend and mr effortless a few times. I CF blew her off. They showed up to a latin bar I was dancing at one evening and her body language was hostile, she wouldn't dance (her friend did a little) and made it clear I would never get with her and could only see her in company ("It'll be no problem, it'll be great for us to hang out in friendship") I stupidly tried closing things with her, explaining how we couldn't be friends because I found her attractive, and asking why she'd want me around if she's got no intention of letting me have a go ("as friends, because you're fun" she replied). I deleted her from everything and asked her to do the same for me, doubt she did. I broke the cardinal NC rule and told her, online a few days later, that once the oneitis wears off we might be friends. She flipped my messages to her online group where they all make fun of me. The group includes a very good friend of mine who met her that night at the bar and who she's now dating, despite insisting she has a man and couldn't let me in.

I've learnt a hell of a lot about women and myself in this past week!

I hope you really learned from what you did ( In bold mostly) you didn't just blow off your minimum chances but also become a reason of laughter for her, that last move was worse than everything else you did before. Learn from your mistakes and grow.

 

[Visionist]

The only pressing issue now is the very high chance that one of my friends will sleep with her; it'd be rubbed in my face and would devestate me, all logic aside. Apart from game as many women as possible, what specific tactic should I use to minimize my caring anymore?