Does the dream girl really exist?

[Berom]

Been dating a woman for 3-4 months. She's very attractive, nice body, treats me well, good sex, etc. Now while the chemistry isn't much to write home about, I still enjoy her company and some aspects of an exclusive relationship that I haven't experienced in years (I concluded she was worth me giving her the label of a boyfriend-girlfriend, yada yada).

Last night I was out with a female friend who asked how things were going with her. I replied that it was going good I guess. She kept on prying to the point to where we got into a debate about monogamy and marriage. I told her that marriage isn't an attractive deal to me...or at least I haven't met a woman that can persuade me otherwise. She was convinced that I should be up front to my partner about what my long term intentions are with her.

@Desdinova posted a relatable thread called "Reasons for Marriage". Marriage out of fear caught my eye in the post. Also, the first member to reply, @Reykhel , said, "Marriage because you get brainwashed into believing that it's the social norm." How true.

2 questions in regard to this thread -
1) I've never met a woman to this day that I fell head over heels for, a woman that is close to perfect in relation to chemistry, and that I want to spend years and years with. Whatever my feelings, do these women exist?
2) What about the women who are just 'good' or 'normal'? If I'm not easily convinced the former question can be answered, why isn't it alright to have a partner you're not head over heels for but enjoy their company?

Honorable mention: It seems that my female friend is deeply sided on the camp of monogamy and marriage, however, she did hit a nerve in me. Am I wasting my partner's time if I am almost certain I'm not in it for marriage? Why can't I simply enjoy the time we have together at this point in my life?

Any personal insight would be appreciated.

 

[ohrein]

1) No such thing as a perfect person. You have to decide what you want from a woman and for some like me, it's really not much, for others, it's a lot. Write a list if you're really struggling. Things I want from a woman, things I do not want from a woman. See if your current woman aligns with what you want.

2) I'm not sure where you think the moral implication comes from. It's alright if you want it. If you're referring to the other persons wants in a relationship, that's up to them to decide if it's alright. If you're honest with them about your intentions then you're good. As an example, I don't really want kids so I tell women that. As they hit 30 it's something that's very much in the forefront of their minds and I personally don't want to string them along while their biological clock ticks down.

Bonus) Your friends opinion is irrelevant. As long as you are honest, it's up to your girlfriend to decide what she wants. Marriage is bull**** and you shouldn't be afraid to explain why to women. Go read the MGTOW forums if you are rethinking how ****ed marriage is.

EDIT: No, there is no dream girl. You will never find someone who meets every single ideal you would like her to. Everyone is flawed and relationships are two people trying to align what they want. If those wants are complicated (women don't expect complex or impossible ideals, right?), then it's going to be hard to have a perfect relationship. And by hard I mean impossible.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Am I wasting my partner's time if I am almost certain I'm not in it for marriage? Why can't I simply enjoy the time we have together at this point in my life?

Any personal insight would be appreciated.

If your partner's stated or implied plan for her life is to get married (and perhaps have children) and she is with you in order to see if you are compatible to marry, and meanwhile you are >75% sure you have no intention of marrying (or wanting children), then the decent thing to do, is share the vision you have for your life, as you see it now. Let her be fully informed that you do not intend to marry (and whether you want kids or not.)

Who you are as a person and the vision you have for your life may inspire her to look past her preconceived desire for marriage and simply continue your time together and see how life unfolds. Allow that to be her fully informed choice and desire to be with you, regardless.

Especially if she is already your age and wants kids, remember she has a much more limited time window, to find a partner and have children, in a way you do not. Down the line she could find herself having taken too long and now unable to have kids. Don't contribute to that possibility through deceit and non-disclosure and knowingly wasting/stealing her time.

I believe women will remain with the right man without marriage if needed, than leave him to marry a less desirable man.

 

[sodbuster]

It doesn't matter what you tell her..... IF she's high interest, she will take it to mean "she isn't trying hard enough" Women have a hard time understanding that men don't send covert messages..... because that's about all they do. I told my ex-wife I wanted 2 or 3 kids, she didn't, but she didn't tell me that, she figured puzzy would change my mind. I told a girlfriend "I'm allergic to cats, your cat can't move in" Again, she figured puzzy would heal my allergies. She started talking "moving in" I told her the cat wasn't..... and suddenly I'm the bad guy.....

Just tell her, that you haven't found one you would have considered marrying yet, and leave it at that.

 

[phillies]

Your female friend just says that because as a woman, from her perspective, she wants to be committed to, not pumped and dumped.

What women say, what they say they want really doesn't hold much importance. Maybe at this point in time that's what she wants but women are fickle, they can change real quick.

Things are good now, but see how she treats you 2 months from now or a year from now.

Marriage is a legal and financial agreement. What if you get married and she turns on you?

Ignore posters who make posts that are very complicated and emotional. These people are ignorant, not that is their fault. Sure keep seeing her if you enjoy it, but remember it's only been four months. If she turns on you be prepared to go cold on her.

You're not a woman. You don't have the same support system, as many options or the same access to sex as she does. So if shlt hits the fan your best bet is to not follow your feelings and eject. The sooner you can detect things going sour and eject the better for you.

 

[phillies]

If your partner's stated or implied plan for her life is to get married (and perhaps have children) and she is with you in order to see if you are compatible to marry, and meanwhile you are >75% sure you have no intention of marrying (or wanting children), then the decent thing to do, is share the vision you have for your life, as you see it now. Let her be fully informed that you do not intend to marry (and whether you want kids or not.)

Who you are as a person and the vision you have for your life may inspire her to look past her preconceived desire for marriage and simply continue your time together and see how life unfolds. Allow that to be her fully informed choice and desire to be with you, regardless.

Especially if she is already your age and wants kids, remember she has a much more limited time window, to find a partner and have children, in a way you do not. Down the line she could find herself having taken too long and now unable to have kids. Don't contribute to that possibility through deceit and non-disclosure and knowingly wasting/stealing her time.

I believe women will remain with the right man without marriage if needed, than leave him to marry a less desirable man.

Implying that you can just trust what a woman says at face value. Thing is that what women say is based on how they feel at that moment. Sometimes women just say they want more commitment because they don't have it and once they get it (what they want) they don't want it/ value it.

It's not a good idea to just take what the majority of women say seriously. They're not exactly upfront or direct most of the time.

It's really better to play it safe for the man's sake. Women are easily replaceable.

Who cares if at this time she claims that's what she wants? He should do as he likes. It's just a woman.

Have you ever dated a woman for a while who pushes you for a deeper level of commitment only to have her turn around and not appreciate it once you give it to her? Most of these women are entitled little brats with armies of orbits who they can summon if things go bad. That in and of itself creates an extreme power imbalance.

And you want to sit here and tell this guy the right thing to do is trust what she says and respect it.

It's silly.

 

[Glumix]

Just tell her, that you haven't found one you would have considered marrying yet, and leave it at that.

That's what I do. If she makes me want to get married then I am going to get married. Knowing what we know about marriage and the legal/financial counterparts, nowadays it's getting pretty hard to make me want to get married. But it's good she tries.

Your female friend just says that because as a woman, from her perspective, she wants to be committed to, not pumped and dumped.

Exactly, she's just projecting her own needs. That's the reason you never take advices from a woman when it comes to relationships.


Regarding your questions:

1) I've never met one of those women but it's all about balance between sexual desire and, well, alignment of your sense of dignity or her social intelligence or her capacity of being self-responsible and self-questioning. I will never go for a woman I do not find attractive but I will not go anymore for a woman that's a psychological piece of ****.

2) It's OK to go for a "normal" woman. Actually, your relationship can develop itself in the long run. There is only one thing that will not get better in the long run and it's sexual desire, so I would say, do not compromise on that.

 

[glass half full]

Basically what a woman says, is what she wants you to think/feel.

Her actions dictate who she really is.
They fvck you til you're trapped. Then you find out who they really were all along, while sexual interest wanes if they are the wrong one.

So get her in different places while out alone, with friends and family (this is very important), get some experience with her in diff. situations if you're into her. You'll learn who she really is this way. Later, while alone get into some personal conversations (after sex, or while watching tv and test your BS-meter, and act on your own true instinct. Don't think with your D!ck.

 

[sodbuster]

your friends and relatives will know more about her than you do.... they aren't blinded by sex and romantic questions..... I'd have her spend more time with people who have your best interest's ..... See what they think of her. Then listen.... don't defend her, listen. but that's only if you are looking at the Marriage/child thing..... otherwise, boot her as soon as she causes trouble

 

[yuppee]

I married mine, but it took 4 decades of looking to find her. If you'll look to the third world, you'll find one a lot sooner.

 

[Tenacity]

2 questions in regard to this thread -
1) I've never met a woman to this day that I fell head over heels for, a woman that is close to perfect in relation to chemistry, and that I want to spend years and years with. Whatever my feelings, do these women exist?
2) What about the women who are just 'good' or 'normal'? If I'm not easily convinced the former question can be answered, why isn't it alright to have a partner you're not head over heels for but enjoy their company?

1.) No, they don't exist. There's no perfect woman, every woman you meet will have SOME major issue with her. It might be a weight issue, a kid issue, financial issues, or other issues, but there will be something MAJORLY wrong with every woman you meet.

2.) This is what it's all about today. You keep spinning plates until YOU decide (keyword is YOU) that you want to just be with one woman going forward...which for me won't be until I'm forced into the situation due to being at an older age.

Honorable mention: It seems that my female friend is deeply sided on the camp of monogamy and marriage,

This is what most women will say once they get over a particular age, it's basically social programming. Most women don't even know what being a WIFE entails, just like most women don't even know what's in the bible, but they will walk around talking about how they are a Christian despite them never reading the bible.

So just play along with them, it's all bullshyt talk anyway. Just talk about how you want to "get married someday too".

Why can't I simply enjoy the time we have together at this point in my life?

At the end of the day, women are only good for entertainment, that's sex and companionship. That's it. You just are going to have to "play along" with the politically correct, social programming bullshyt statements that "she wants to hear" just so she feels comfortable continuing to fvck you. Statements such as:

On Marriage: "Oh yes baby, I'm looking to get married and settled down one day too."

On Religion: "Oh yes baby, I'm a Christian and currently visiting various churches to find a dedicated church home."

On Kids: "Oh yes baby, I am looking forward to being a Father one day."

On Why Is A Good Guy Like You Single, Are You A Player? - "Oh no I'm not a player baby, I'm single by choice because I'm only dedicating myself to that ONE special woman that fits all of my qualifications...and YOU seem like that type of woman baby."

 

[ZTIME]

Your female friend is projecting what she believes she expects from her male suitors. Good for her! Glad you were around to listen. No guilt necessary in your part.

I never understand why so many guys on here feel that there are prerequisite or canned answers when it comes to these simple topics.

I truly believe that you are seeking advice based on your fear of the outcome of letting this "half way decent young lady" (based on your description) know your master plan of never getting married. Why??

I try to look at the reasons for this fear and think that lots of guys in similar situations start to become somewhat attached to their woman being around and start to develop a fear of loss. "What if I invest all of this time with her and then she leaves once she finds out I don't want to get married"? "What is she invests her time, and then I hurt her when she sees I won't marry her"? You get the idea.

The truth is, that there is no garuntee of a future in any relationship with or without marriage. So why sweat it? Just chill, have fun, and enjoy the company and sex while it's there. Never fear a future loss, enjoy a present acquisition.

As for your questions:

#1 is irrelevant. A quest for perfection dictates that you dig for flaws. Dig long enough and they'll always be found.

#2 there is no problem with enjoying life and the company of others. Most "happy" lives work exactly that way.

 

[Berom]

@ZTIME - Wise words. Thanks! Not that I was seeking validation from the men on these forums, but I do respect everyone's insight and thought. And this reply seems to be the most relevant to how I live my life now. Sure, there may be women out there that I may "click" better with, but I do enjoy time with this current woman and am in no rush to brush her off in attempt to attain what I think is a more ideal woman.

I guess my main concern was if it was ethical to simply enjoy time together without ever alluding towards marriage. I personally don't feel like it's my responsibility to 'look after' her interests. If she wants to know if I'm in it for marriage, she should ask me sooner or later. I hope this mindset is valid.

 

[ZTIME]

I guess my main concern was if it was ethical to simply enjoy time together without ever alluding towards marriage. I personally don't feel like it's my responsibility to 'look after' her interests. If she wants to know if I'm in it for marriage, she should ask me sooner or later. I hope this mindset is valid.

It's both an ethical and desirable position to be in. You're right....if marriage is a huge concern of hers, she'll eventually bring it up. Probably later then sooner. In my experience, woman like to embed themselves into your life before the marriage topic starts. I think they believe they come from a more powerful position when it means something if they threaten to leave if you won't commit.

You never know......she may never want to get married and just wants the company and casual sex. (These are currently my favorite scenarios).

 

[Reykhel]

Been dating a woman for 3-4 months. She's very attractive, nice body, treats me well, good sex, etc. Now while the chemistry isn't much to write home about, I still enjoy her company and some aspects of an exclusive relationship that I haven't experienced in years (I concluded she was worth me giving her the label of a boyfriend-girlfriend, yada yada).

Last night I was out with a female friend who asked how things were going with her. I replied that it was going good I guess. She kept on prying to the point to where we got into a debate about monogamy and marriage. I told her that marriage isn't an attractive deal to me...or at least I haven't met a woman that can persuade me otherwise. She was convinced that I should be up front to my partner about what my long term intentions are with her.

@Desdinova posted a relatable thread called "Reasons for Marriage". Marriage out of fear caught my eye in the post. Also, the first member to reply, @Reykhel , said, "Marriage because you get brainwashed into believing that it's the social norm." How true.

2 questions in regard to this thread -
1) I've never met a woman to this day that I fell head over heels for, a woman that is close to perfect in relation to chemistry, and that I want to spend years and years with. Whatever my feelings, do these women exist?
2) What about the women who are just 'good' or 'normal'? If I'm not easily convinced the former question can be answered, why isn't it alright to have a partner you're not head over heels for but enjoy their company?

Honorable mention: It seems that my female friend is deeply sided on the camp of monogamy and marriage, however, she did hit a nerve in me. Am I wasting my partner's time if I am almost certain I'm not in it for marriage? Why can't I simply enjoy the time we have together at this point in my life?

Any personal insight would be appreciated.

Your female friend is "standing up for" your girlfriend because of gender bias that females share. Probably no matter what you discuss about your relationship with your female friend she will take the side of your girlfriend because of female gender bias. So what does that tell? It's folly to discuss your relationship business with your female friend. Keep your frame and laugh it off. And look......she was convinced that you should be upfront and tell her your intentions? So now she is offering you unsolicited relationship advice......it almost sounds as if she was telling you off, in a way....

It sounds to me as if she was projecting. She was projecting about how she would like to be told up front what the guys intentions are yada yada......

Your girlfriend has not made this an issue, but your female friend has. Right...

The problem with blurting out your intentions, is it kills any mystery.....it kills challenge..

There's no need to bring the marriage thing up unless she brings it up. If she brings it ups
very early, for me that's a major bad sign. If she brings it up after a couple of years and you're
happy with her.......and you say.....I think we're doing great as it is without a piece of paper getting in
the way......

.....you'll see if she wants you more than she want to "be married"...

 

[yuppee]

if you haven't found a woman who can man her side of a foxhole, kick azz in a fight, etc, you aint looking in the right places. find one and train her. Dont be like me and wait until you're 60 to do it.