Ok. If your girlfriend goes out for girls night out, please don't keep texting and calling her.
That just screams insecurity. Everyone needs space, and that's annoying.
She's a big girl if something is wrong she or someone with her will contact you, and if she is going to sleep with someone she can text and suck a penis at the same time, so it's pointless to keep hitting her up.. so yeah
2. She got drunk, it's not really a big deal. She had a drinking problem, I understand but give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't even mention it. It was one slip.
Now if this happens again next weekend or becomes a regular basis thing then you take marriage off the table
(By the way if you are still passing out on floors, you may not be quite ready for marriage anyway) ..
Anyhow, with a recovering alcoholic id make it a loooooooooooong engagement. Never say why, but just watch a bit to see if she really is in control of her drinking problem.
The way I see it:
Pretty much all the advice here is good and valid from its own viewpoint or perspective.
Yet, I think we need to get real here, you're not breaking an engagement for this, even if you should or should not. So thats out.
You need some damage control, for your own emotions and confusion as well as making it clear you are uncomfortable with this behavior. Well, this is how I think you should handle it.
Less is more.
Thats your motto for 7-10 days. Operation "hamster overdrive".
Like
@cola said...Id say do the opposite of what she thinks you'll do. Reel in that jealousy, insecurity, and say nothing more about it. But, withdraw. Withdraw affection. Withdraw loving stares. Withdraw the little things you do everyday that she has come to expect youll take care of for her. With draw your schedule and throw a few curve balls. Maybe even let your phone die, while you are out at the grocery stor for way, way too long. Bring home a receipt though. Shop quickly and spend the rest of the time doing something else.
When she asks, "Whats up with you latley?" Say "nothing" and give her a kiss and a squeeze. Smile at her, with a little hint of condescension and disappointment and shake your head a smidge. NEVER tell her why you are doing this. Make her feel like an island for a week to ten days, but with glimpses of mirages. Play it. Just because you are shacked up now, doesn't mean you forgot to be a player. Your just playing a different game now.
Make plans this weekend with friends. Or not and just fake it. Tell her you are going out. BE VAGUE as possible Go out. Or just disappear to the OTB or throw some darts somewhere. Do not take her calls. Come home sober. Be respectable. Be quiet. "Yeah it was cool" You can even come home a little late. Up to you.
Just break the patterns of her expectations of you without seeming like you are getting her back. Her brain will do all the thinking for you. DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL, to her fighting with you or guessing whats going on.Or her attempts to beat you at your own game. They will be short lived. Treat all that with hugs and kisses. Just a little different than the ones she is used to. "Luv ya babe. Relax. Everything
WILL be fine." <------Hamster methamphetamine
Maybe even wake up one night and go sleep on the couch till morning.
After you have your fun torturing her a little bit. Return to absolute normal. Shell get the point.
My parents once found cigarettes in my backpack when I was about 15. At the time, it was just one more level of f^ck up that I was becoming. I thought for sure my dad would beat the Sh!t out of me like he promised if he ever found out I smoked. You know what he did though...He put a little note in the pack that said "You disappoint me, more and more each day." With a god damn sad face and a tear!!!
That got my attention waaaayyy more than the an a$$ beating ever did. Whats worse, is, after that note, he was warm with me, like nothing happened. It drove me nuts! I even tried to explain and engage him on the subject and he said to me. " I have said everything, I am willing to say on the topic. Are you hungry?"
It illustrates my point I think.
I am not one for passive aggressive. I find it weak and annoying. Its also infuriating and generally not a good way to handle most things. However, in this case, and given your concerns, her behavior, your prior attempts, not withstanding your engagement. You need to reset this mother fucin frame. A little psychological warfare seems like it will do the trick.
She might fall apart so much that she starts unveiling all kinds of stuff she "thinks" might be wrong. Take notes, but dont ENGAGE! It will actually turn her on too. Especially later on after the brain napalm burns out.
I have executed this before a few times in LTRs with fantastic results. One girl came into my home office one night and said "Is everything alright I just want to kiss you goodnight." I didnt look up from my computer or turn around. But I waved with the back of my hand. I felt her stand there and could hear the wind of the hamster wheel spin. When she left. I waited 5 min and made some tea for us both. I brought it to her and Said "I made some tea." I put the mug down on the bedside table and went back into my office an shut the door just loud enough for her to hear.
She never did find out why I was annoyed at her. But she went into loving overdrive the next day and for the next few weeks I had an abundantly good time at life. Since she had no real idea what was wrong, she tried to fix everything that it might be. House was sparkling, I got handjobs for no reason, I got professional support, nagging about anything ceased, I received no invites to attend her stupid family gatherings, etc etc. By the time it started to go back to normal, I was sort of relieved to begin to pull my share of the relationship weight again.
Anyway, congrats on your engagement. Yet, dude, its never to late. Like the other guys said, its only your life and your alone. For every person that might get hurt or judge you for bailing out on the wedding, there will be another, from both camps, that respect you for it. Whether they tell you or not.
Just be sure, whatever you do, whatever you choose, do it wholeheartedly every day. Its either "Hell yes!!!!" or.... you need to search your soul for what is.
Best,
-Saline
