Wants to be just friends. What should I say?

[marmel75]

No it doesn't just talk about fingering it talks about and shows literally EVERYTHING

 

[casanova_goat]

No it doesn't just talk about fingering it talks about and shows literally EVERYTHING

Oh wow, anything with small animals? Jk

 

[casanova_goat]

The chick messaged me today: "Did I hurt your feelings?"

We haven't spoken since Saturday. Do I ignore?

 

[casanova_goat]

Got some advice on what to say, this is how it played out:

HER: "Did I hurt your feelings?"
ME: ?
HER: I meant last week, but never mind. I don't mean to be annoying.
ME: You made me realize that we probably are better off if we just move on
HER: Ok! Just wanted to check up on you...

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Yea!!

 

[casanova_goat]

Well I owe it to someone for telling me what to say. What I would have come up on my own would have validated to her how whipped I am.

I don't know where to go from here and I can't tell if she is interested at all.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

ok she might not be. Don't let that bother you. Ask yourself truly why as a man would you want someone who's not interested in you and your greatness. She's dumb so let her be dumb. Go find new prospects. Great looking broads all out here.

 

[casanova_goat]

ok she might not be. Don't let that bother you. Ask yourself truly why as a man would you want someone who's not interested in you and your greatness. She's dumb so let her be dumb. Go find new prospects. Great looking broads all out here.

You think her last response confers disinterest?

Obviously, I don't want to be with her if she is not interested at all but I was debating if she had a token amount of interest.

There are virtues to keeping her around as a friend and it could lead to sex.

Should I say anything to her last response.

 

[casanova_goat]

Also, meeting women is hard enough as it is. I have approached 1000+ random women in my life.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Her last response is interest in wanting to check your frame and get her attention***** fix for the moment. So yes in a way...just sending u a text is some interest. You replied perfectly and she loss...and she knows it. Maintain your frame and keep building upon yourself as a man to get better. Soon she will notice and hopefully by that time you really don't give a damn.

 

[casanova_goat]

Yeah idk if I will be able to keep up the facade. At heart, I still want her in my life.

It appears she won't reach out to me from here.

 

[casanova_goat]

I caved and said "Isn't that what you want"

and she came back with:

"Yes, but I said I want to be friends if you want to.
I don't think I felt romantic feelings towards you, I realized, but I still like you as a person."

I might as well find out now instead of playing these games. It's weird she says that but we had sex. I guess chicks don't need to have romantic feelings to sleep with a guy.

 

[salinechow]

To paraphrase Mystery: you have to risk losing the girl in order to get the girl.

"I don't want you as a friend. It's all or nothing with me."

I think @Espi. You once said in my post about a friendzone attempt..."Sorry all those slots are filled."

Worked like a charm for me. Its good one liner.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Text her back: "In my culture its customary for a woman to make a man a sandwich as a show of friendship. But thats ok, I know western culture is a little backwards".

 

[Xeon21]

If you want more than just a friend, I'd move on to other people as what you want more than likely will never materialize again.

The fact that she still writes you means most likely she still wants something, but that something isn't the same thing as what you're looking for.

You'd have to seriously weigh out whether or not it is worth it for you to spend all that time and effort trying to get out of the friend zone. If she really motivates you that much, then I "might" consider it, but there's plenty of other options out there, and if you have no problem obtaining them, you'd be far better off putting all that effort into them.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OK, I just came back from the vomitorium after reading this thread.

OP, have you read the DJ bible and the Book of Pook? If not, you'll get a lot more wisdom out of that than what you're getting here.

She is seeking resolution in her own mind. She wants to think that you are thinking about her and desiring her. She wants to know she has you in her back pocket. This is purely ego-driven.

There is no such thing as an interested woman who is "hard to figure out". When a woman is "hard to figure out", 100% of the time her interest level is well below what is necessary for any kind of relationship whatsoever. Worthy, interested women are eager to see you and will in fact move mountains to see you.

What she wants from you is one thing only - Ego Gratification. She wants to know she "has" you. She now knows it because you followed up that text with "Isn't that what you wanted?" You blew it big-time by extending that text conversation.

You need to get this girl out of your life and out of your mind altogether. Leverage this as a learning experience.

What on earth is a man doing going through his day playing cat-and-mouse with a woman and getting all twisted inside, wondering whether she's interested or not? I hope you're enjoying your slavery. She is your jailer. She owns you and she knows she owns you.

You need to flip the script, take charge of this situation and put an end to this "wondering". Wondering about someone liking you is a woman's lot in life, not a man's. This is feminine energy. Isn't it time for you to become the King of your kingdom and handle it with decision and a solid frame?

You are sucking at her energy and frame like a baby at its mother's breast. The relationship should be driven by and dependent upon YOUR energy, not hers. As it stands now she is the driving force, the heavy flywheel that is driving you.

You're in her jail. The door is not locked. You're there because of your own indecision and lack of courage. Take charge of this situation, give her the boot and move on and build your kingdom.

Never let a woman's energy drive a relationship. In any relationship the driving force must come from the man.

I'm being blunt here. I know you're learning and you need to find out for yourself. My words (and the words of a few of the others) will take root once you discover the truth through experience. Most people see the "Wet Paint" sign but have to touch the paint anyway because we tend to value our own experience above the advice of others who have been there. This is understandable, but the ideal is to learn from the experience and mistakes of others rather than from our own.

 

[Xeon21]

OK, I just came back from the vomitorium after reading this message.

What on earth is a man doing going through his day playing cat-and-mouse with a woman and getting all twisted inside, wondering whether she's interested or not? I hope you're enjoying your slavery. She is your jailer. She owns you and she knows she owns you.

There is absolutely nothing worse than having that happen. Some days it feels like it can completely destroy your insides and you feel like you're in an ultimate form of depression, not to mention it can seriously hinder your concentration for important tasks such as work and driving (know from personal experiences).

If there's one thing I've learned, it is that going through that isn't worth it. If she's really interested then you capitalize on that, and if she isn't, you keep right on moving to someone who is.

 

[casanova_goat]

OK, I just came back from the vomitorium after reading this thread.

OP, have you read the DJ bible and the Book of Pook? If not, you'll get a lot more wisdom out of that than what you're getting here.

She is seeking resolution in her own mind. She wants to think that you are thinking about her and desiring her. She wants to know she has you in her back pocket. This is purely ego-driven.

There is no such thing as an interested woman who is "hard to figure out". When a woman is "hard to figure out", 100% of the time her interest level is well below what is necessary for any kind of relationship whatsoever. Worthy, interested women are eager to see you and will in fact move mountains to see you.

What she wants from you is one thing only - Ego Gratification. She wants to know she "has" you. She now knows it because you followed up that text with "Isn't that what you wanted?" You blew it big-time by extending that text conversation.

You need to get this girl out of your life and out of your mind altogether. Leverage this as a learning experience.

What on earth is a man doing going through his day playing cat-and-mouse with a woman and getting all twisted inside, wondering whether she's interested or not? I hope you're enjoying your slavery. She is your jailer. She owns you and she knows she owns you.

You need to flip the script, take charge of this situation and put an end to this "wondering". Wondering about someone liking you is a woman's lot in life, not a man's. This is feminine energy. Isn't it time for you to become the King of your kingdom and handle it with decision and a solid frame?

You are sucking at her energy and frame like a baby at its mother's breast. The relationship should be driven by and dependent upon YOUR energy, not hers. As it stands now she is the driving force, the heavy flywheel that is driving you.

You're in her jail. The door is not locked. You're there because of your own indecision and lack of courage. Take charge of this situation, give her the boot and move on and build your kingdom.

Never let a woman's energy drive a relationship. In any relationship the driving force must come from the man.

I'm being blunt here. I know you're learning and you need to find out for yourself. My words (and the words of a few of the others) will take root once you discover the truth through experience. Most people see the "Wet Paint" sign but have to touch the paint anyway because we tend to value our own experience above the advice of others who have been there. This is understandable, but the ideal is to learn from the experience and mistakes of others rather than from our own.

Thanks for all your help.

I could see where you are coming from and I admit she twisted me up inside for some weeks now. However, I think her reaching out to me yesterday had more to do with her checking up on me than anything else. I don't think at this point she is seeking validation so much. Well, who knows what the hell her intentions are, she just doesn't have much interest.

I will accept her as a friend and move on (as I should have a while ago). It sounds like sex may come of it next time she is around. I don't know if I should bother but I have only done it 3 times in my life and the experience would be much needed.

As a post mortem, for my future endeavors with women, what would you say killed her interest? Was it my neediness or how I projected myself on dates or some combination thereof?

Last night I asked her if she had romantic feelings the time we had sex. He response was: "It was good. But when we went on dates and stuff I didn't feel romantic feelings..."

Her behavior on dates seemed to indicate otherwise. And she would "move mountains" to see me. One time she came by bus to the city, an hour and a half away, while sick to go to a museum and walk through Central Park.

She also (and you may know this from the sister thread) still harbor feelings for her ex.

This was never a promising situation, especially for one with as little tact as I have with woman.

 

[Atom Smasher]

"Well, who knows what the hell her intentions are..."

Exactly. Almost all women will "check in on" a man, and we have discovered that this is almost always to gain some kind of resolution and to feel "better" about things. It usually involves her being relieved that she isn't rejected and that she could have you if she wanted to. They don't do this consciously or in a calculating way. If fact they are totally unaware that this is what they're doing.

I'd have to go back and re-read the thread to find clues... I don't have the time at the moment. Suffice it to say that neediness is a GIGANTIC turn-off to women. They revile neediness as much as we revile fat. I have felt sorry for fat girls before but have never been attracted to one.

You said that last night you asked her if she had romantic feelings after the time you had sex. All of this probing is explicitly and graphically showing her that you are needy.

Moving forward, your bottom-line MUST be this:

A woman is guest in YOUR life. You allow her in or disallow her. You both do what YOU decide to do until you have a committed relationship, in which case it's ok to once in a while do something she likes. NEVER, EVER ask her how she feels about you. They HATE that. Absolutely hate it. Women can only be attracted to a man whom they perceive to be above them on the social value scale. If you ask for validations from her, it's game over. Every time.

Every get-together must revolve around YOUR energy, not hers. You are the flywheel that keeps the momentum of the engine running. What to do comes from YOU. Where to eat comes from YOU. Again, she is a guest in your world, and guess what... She WANTS to be a guest in your world. A woman will not relax into her feminine energy unless and until she finds a man who will unashamedly and unapologetically take charge.

Women CRAVE a man who is a step or two above them. They cannot, I repeat cannot, date down. When you ask a woman if she likes you or how she feels about you, she becomes crushed inside because she wanted you to be strong. She wanted you to be above her. She wanted you to ASSUME that she MUST like you, and like you A LOT.

You need to find the balance between ****iness and niceness. The two are the yin and yang, the delicate balance of forces that make an authentic man. An authentic man IS INDEED very nice and respectful, but he also gives off the vibe that he is not to be trifled with, because severe repercussions will result. This is projection.

ASSUME, ASSUME, ASSUME. Assume that many women will like you (it is a fact that all women will not like you, but many will. Men cannot be universally attractive like women can). Assume that you are in control of your world. Assume that in a social situation that others look to you for fun, and even protection. This is what becoming a so-called alpha male is all about. Assume that others respect your presence. Assume that others will yield to you because they see you as socially and physically powerful.

But you don't think you are? ASSUME it anyway. Reality of the present moment has absolutely nothing to do with it. You ASSUME the role and demeanor of that which you aspire to be.

TAKE, TAKE, TAKE. Take what is rightfully yours on this earth. Take all the success you can, take what people give you (because as you become more powerful people start giving you things). Take control of your time, especially around other people. Take control of your responses to others (notice I didn't say "reactions" but rather, "responses"). Take compliments from others with a simple thank you.

Women WANT you to be more powerful and socially valuable than them. This is because they are physiologically wired to submit to you. Women WANT a man to submit to, but again, they can only submit to a man who takes charge and thereby frees her to relax into her feminine energy. Women SWOON over a nice, friendly man who takes ownership of his time, relationships, and space.

She wants to know that you don't "need" her, but rather "enjoy" her. She wants to know that you could walk away at any time and be happy and fulfilled. They HATE feeling needed by a man. Many of them don't really know that they hate it, but they do. She wants to be on your schedule as a guest in your world. Your world should be painted as fun, mysterious, exciting, explosive, calm, capable of eliciting any and every emotion out of her.

Finally, NEVER ask a woman for an exclusive relationship. This is up to her. She wants to work for you, believe me. When she works for the right to be with you she will value and savor it because she is invested. You know you've been doing it right when in a few months you hear the question, "So what are we?" Bagged & tagged.

Read the Book of Pook and the DJ bible.

 

[casanova_goat]

"Well, who knows what the hell her intentions are..."

Exactly. Almost all women will "check in on" a man, and we have discovered that this is almost always to gain some kind of resolution and to feel "better" about things. It usually involves her being relieved that she isn't rejected and that she could have you if she wanted to. They don't do this consciously or in a calculating way. If fact they are totally unaware that this is what they're doing.

I'd have to go back and re-read the thread to find clues... I don't have the time at the moment. Suffice it to say that neediness is a GIGANTIC turn-off to women. They revile neediness as much as we revile fat. I have felt sorry for fat girls before but have never been attracted to one.

You said that last night you asked her if she had romantic feelings after the time you had sex. All of this probing is explicitly and graphically showing her that you are needy.

Moving forward, your bottom-line MUST be this:

A woman is guest in YOUR life. You allow her in or disallow her. You both do what YOU decide to do until you have a committed relationship, in which case it's ok to once in a while do something she likes. NEVER, EVER ask her how she feels about you. They HATE that. Absolutely hate it. Women can only be attracted to a man whom they perceive to be above them on the social value scale. If you ask for validations from her, it's game over. Every time.

Every get-together must revolve around YOUR energy, not hers. You are the flywheel that keeps the momentum of the engine running. What to do comes from YOU. Where to eat comes from YOU. Again, she is a guest in your world, and guess what... She WANTS to be a guest in your world. A woman will not relax into her feminine energy unless and until she finds a man who will unashamedly and unapologetically take charge.

Women CRAVE a man who is a step or two above them. They cannot, I repeat cannot, date down. When you ask a woman if she likes you or how she feels about you, she becomes crushed inside because she wanted you to be strong. She wanted you to be above her. She wanted you to ASSUME that she MUST like you, and like you A LOT.

You need to find the balance between ****iness and niceness. The two are the yin and yang, the delicate balance of forces that make an authentic man. An authentic man IS INDEED very nice and respectful, but he also gives off the vibe that he is not to be trifled with, because severe repercussions will result. This is projection.

ASSUME, ASSUME, ASSUME. Assume that many women will like you (it is a fact that all women will not like you, but many will. Men cannot be universally attractive like women can). Assume that you are in control of your world. Assume that in a social situation that others look to you for fun, and even protection. This is what becoming a so-called alpha male is all about. Assume that others respect your presence. Assume that others will yield to you because they see you as socially and physically powerful.

But you don't think you are? ASSUME it anyway. Reality of the present moment has absolutely nothing to do with it. You ASSUME the role and demeanor of that which you aspire to be.

TAKE, TAKE, TAKE. Take what is rightfully yours on this earth. Take all the success you can, take what people give you (because as you become more powerful people start giving you things). Take control of your time, especially around other people. Take control of your responses to others (notice I didn't say "reactions" but rather, "responses"). Take compliments from others with a simple thank you.

Women WANT you to be more powerful and socially valuable than them. This is because they are physiologically wired to submit to you. Women WANT a man to submit to, but again, they can only submit to a man who takes charge and thereby frees her to relax into her feminine energy. Women SWOON over a nice, friendly man who takes ownership of his time, relationships, and space.

She wants to know that you don't "need" her, but rather "enjoy" her. She wants to know that you could walk away at any time and be happy and fulfilled. They HATE feeling needed by a man. Many of them don't really know that they hate it, but they do. She wants to be on your schedule as a guest in your world. Your world should be painted as fun, mysterious, exciting, explosive, calm, capable of eliciting any and every emotion out of her.

Finally, NEVER ask a woman for an exclusive relationship. This is up to her. She wants to work for you, believe me. When she works for the right to be with you she will value and savor it because she is invested. You know you've been doing it right when in a few months you hear the question, "So what are we?" Bagged & tagged.

Read the Book of Pook and the DJ bible.

I wish I had read this two months ago. I mean, I kinda knew this, but it wasn't ingrained in me.

She said she didn't feel romantic feelings on dates but I really hope she was full of it. I want it to be my neediness, my neediness alone, which drove her away. Otherwise, it's gonna hard to gauge a woman's interest moving forward. Because this chick did everything on the dates to indicate she had romantic feelings: hand holding, kissing, nuzzling, sex.

But I'm not gonna pretend to understand what a woman is thinking. It's like pretending to understand what a dolphin is thinking.