Can a Man be "Too Good Looking"?

[bigneil]

The other day I ran into 3 waitresses who I've known for about 9 months (two of whom I have previously made out with) and they all congregated next to me. Just then a fourth girl walked by and said "I love, love LOVE your bow tie!". She kept walking but the three girls all said "Yes, we love the bow tie!"

The first girl then said "Isn't he handsome?" and all three said "Yes! He's so handsome!"

The second girl said "He's beautiful." and all three said "Yes! He's beautiful!"

The third girl said "He's TOO good looking" and all three said "Yes! He's too good looking!"

So I said "That explains it! I'm too good looking! That's been my problem all along!!"

My joking aside, their comments made me wonder: are men frequently disqualified from romances on account of their being considered unattainable? Is this why most married men seem to be in a perpetual state of indentured servitude, because they were specifically chosen for NOT being "too good looking"?

 

[zekko]

I've sometimes heard women complaining about some guy being "too good looking" (I've never heard this about myself lol, but about certain other guys). My impression is that some of these guys have a feminine vibe about them. If a guy comes across as fussing too much with his looks, like maybe too much mousse in his hair or whatever, that can come across as feminine instead of masculine. Women are the ones who are supposed to put a lot of effort into their looks. Guys are expected to shower and go.

Not saying that's the case with you though, Neil.

 

[Xeon21]

Perhaps some women feel threatened by having someone who is really good looking. Underneath they might be afraid that there's the constant possibility he'd leave them behind for someone else (which could easily happen in this case), so she'd always have to be on guard against that.

 

[zinc4]

Let's see a pic OP....curious what u look like.

Women.mostly have much different taste.

Some like the classic don draper look while others like the shaved head and beard look.

While others like thugged out look.

Then some, especially, Asian girls like a more metero sexual baby faced look. All depends.

 

[fastlife]

As a good looking guy who still runs into similar issues, the best thing you can do is to forget that ****. Literally forget it. You'll still know it objectively (and you should do your best to optimize your looks); but it's not something that should be a part of your awareness as you interact with others. Any quality, even good qualities, that skews too far to any extreme--be it looks, money, intelligence--can make you less relatable. Don't let them.

Girls have egos too and don't like getting rejected. The better looking or higher value the guy, the worse that rejection'll be from her standpoint (and on the flip side, they'll get the most ego reward for rejecting the high value guy). The challenge of being good looking is that you have to lower the stakes for her. My game upfront is mostly disqualifying myself from relationship consideration--"I'm poor," "I'm a recovering sex addict," "I have a girlfriend," "I'm only 17"--whatever strikes me as amusing at the time. The bar is set low: sex & fun.

But even then, the girl will assume that you have sex & fun readily available from other girls. So you'll want to get her qualifying herself to you. I do this by basically asking the questions I want answers to (screening). I try to get them talking about their family, about their past relationships, their interests, passions, etc. Anytime she says something that interests me, I'll get her to elaborate on that thread. If she says something I disagree with, I'll call her on it. In the process, she feels like she's 'earning' your interest and you're not some good looking guy 'preying on her or toying with her emotions.'

I'll friendzone girls if logistics are tough (and just escalate when logistics are better)--again low stakes for her--or make sex happen ASAP; when I hit her up again after sex a lot of her upfront insecurities get soothed. From there, she'll get rewarded with glimpses of the real me as she invests time & compliance (but even then, some girls won't trust you and'll self-eject).

Generally things are way, way, way easier with hotter girls, girls in relationships, girls on vacation, or younger, less experienced girls---anything that alleviates their inhibitions and puts less of their ego on the line.

 

[Asmodeus]

Yep, OP post pic. I get curious too because I rarely see this.
I assume it can happen if you are above their league. I have had one girl say this because she was not very pretty. Ok, that is being kind, she was ugly and I was overly horny and extremely drunk and she looked way worse when I woke up next to her in the morning thanks to beer googles I had on the previous night. So she was right because she kind of pulled a guy above her league. So I was not "too handsome" but instead more like "too handsome for her"
Though, a lot of women do say I am good looking. Just never "too" good looking.

 

[Xeon21]

As a good looking guy who still runs into similar issues, the best thing you can do is to forget that ****. Literally forget it. You'll still know it objectively (and you should do your best to optimize your looks); but it's not something that should be a part of your awareness as you interact with others. Any quality, even good qualities, that skews too far to any extreme--be it looks, money, intelligence--can make you less relatable. Don't let them.

Girls have egos too and don't like getting rejected. The better looking or higher value the guy, the worse that rejection'll be from her standpoint (and on the flip side, they'll get the most ego reward for rejecting the high value guy). The challenge of being good looking is that you have to lower the stakes for her. My game upfront is mostly disqualifying myself from relationship consideration--"I'm poor," "I'm a recovering sex addict," "I have a girlfriend," "I'm only 17"--whatever strikes me as amusing at the time. The bar is set low: sex & fun.

But even then, the girl will assume that you have sex & fun readily available from other girls. So you'll want to get her qualifying herself to you. I do this by basically asking the questions I want answers to (screening). I try to get them talking about their family, about their past relationships, their interests, passions, etc. Anytime she says something that interests me, I'll get her to elaborate on that thread. If she says something I disagree with, I'll call her on it. In the process, she feels like she's 'earning' your interest and you're not some good looking guy 'preying on her or toying with her emotions.'

I'll friendzone girls if logistics are tough (and just escalate when logistics are better)--again low stakes for her--or make sex happen ASAP; when I hit her up again after sex a lot of her upfront insecurities get soothed. From there, she'll get rewarded with glimpses of the real me as she invests time & compliance (but even then, some girls won't trust you and'll self-eject).

Generally things are way, way, way easier with hotter girls, girls in relationships, girls on vacation, or younger, less experienced girls---anything that alleviates their inhibitions and puts less of their ego on the line.

Thank you for your post, as it is relevant to me and it will be something I remember.

I have never had any problems in the looks and intelligence department, and there's been a lot of times I have let it go to my head. In high school I was literally viewed as unattainable by the girls in my class. I never went to any prom, homecoming, dances or any of that as I was an avid outdoorsman (still am to an extent) and it bugged them all tremendously because I never asked to take any of them. I was big into hunting and fishing at that time and I spent a lot of time out in the woods, gun range, and on streams and lakes.

It got so bad that my junior year, I had two of them one an 8 and the other a 9 come to me and literally ask me to take them to prom. They had dropped hints for several weeks but I purposefully didn't do anything with them as I didn't feel like it so they were forced to ask outright. I arrogantly rebuffed them both as I didn't believe they were worth my time. Can't imagine what that must've done to their egos and as I look back, I wish I wouldn't have done that. After that the girls in my class had no idea what to do with me anymore. They had no idea what to do or say when I'd talk to them. They still liked it when I paid attention to them but I think they were also somewhat intimidated. Lesson learned I guess.

 

[zinc4]

The only time I was bored like this was junior senior years high school ripped body and everyone used to say I was the spitting image of that Ricky Martin singer when he was younger and not gay.

Now, the more I think about it....I never get it. Means I need to hit the gym.I suppose.

 

[fastlife]

@Xeon21 Same. Pretty much identical templates, except replace outdoors stuff with football.

I arrogantly rebuffed them both as I didn't believe they were worth my time. Can't imagine what that must've done to their egos and as I look back, I wish I wouldn't have done that.

I mentioned this on one of your threads--but, for me at least, I feel that a lot of this type of behavior has to do with avoidance. With ego. With the need to preserve some 'image' of yourself.

Combine that with introversion and a rich internal world, and it's easy to take the 'be the prize' mentality to an extreme--more like 'be the holy grail.' Prizes are fun. You can compete to win a prize--you can play with them or show them off. You can't compete to win the holy grail and if you did what the **** would you do with it? LOL. Being good looking and popular or whatever, it's easy to become a validation junkie, and to scorn anything that puts validation sources in jeopardy--like, you know, being a mere human being.

And after high school, what did all that image preserving get either of us? Yeah, we saved ourselves some possible ego-hurt, but at what cost to experience & memories & social connections?

You don't lose any value by sharing that value with others I'm not saying to turn into some orbiter whose time & attention is free, but you're coming from a place where you have SO MUCH VALUE that not giving some of it out is hording. And people will appreciate that value and try to reciprocate.

One thing I've started experimenting with when I go out is just opening everybody and introducing them to each other. Last night I was visiting my buddy in a college town--he's single for the first time in 4 years and missed the whole bar scene when we were younger. There weren't any girls at the bar that either of us were interested in sexually--but I was just going up to everybody and saying, "Come. I want you to meet my friends." And just introducing them to other randos. It snowballed until there was a group of probably 20+ people surrounding us and girls started opening me and guys were coming up to introduce their friends to me (and I didn't even go there lol). Neither of us got laid (again, nothing there worth laying--turned out everybody was doing **** for the UFC fight), but we had a blast.

Had 3 or 4 local rappers trying to impress us. My buddy got invites to some frat part and I had 3 or 4 guys begging me to come with them to Panama City for spring break. In the past I've maintained huge social networks--but I'm an introvert and value my alone time; so being able to create one on the fly is awesome; you can just pick & choose the girls that show up & isolate from there. And they've seen your 'friendships' with all these other people of mixed value and won't view you as stuck up or unattainable.

 

[marmel75]

The other day I ran into 3 waitresses who I've known for about 9 months (two of whom I have previously made out with) and they all congregated next to me. Just then a fourth girl walked by and said "I love, love LOVE your bow tie!". She kept walking but the three girls all said "Yes, we love the bow tie!"

The first girl then said "Isn't he handsome?" and all three said "Yes! He's so handsome!"

The second girl said "He's beautiful." and all three said "Yes! He's beautiful!"

The third girl said "He's TOO good looking" and all three said "Yes! He's too good looking!"

So I said "That explains it! I'm too good looking! That's been my problem all along!!"

My joking aside, their comments made me wonder: are men frequently disqualified from romances on account of their being considered unattainable? Is this why most married men seem to be in a perpetual state of indentured servitude, because they were specifically chosen for NOT being "too good looking"?

You sure it wasn't because you have endlessly told them about how much money you make, that you've probably spent a few hundred dollars on each of them from time to time, and that you are so much better than your loser roommate?

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Listen I'm 5"10 balding, I been called everything from beautiful to gorgeous to ugly.....usually when I am called ugly its was when I was chunky/fat. When I lose weight my face naturally tones up. Just had a chick last night at the bar heavy set grab my face randomly and squeeze my cheeks together and purse my lips and smile. That same night I picked up a HB6 (keeping it real) at the bar, in fact made a thread about it this morning, I don't like to brag I am humble, I have flaws i'm balding and I have a slight gap in my 2 front teeth, but my face definition is solid. My self esteem is in the middle I am working on it, let me tell you looks get you the first set of eyes, Game/personality/confidence (in no order) trumps all. I know dudes who are HB1 picking up nice looking chicks them me, my game is weak, but when I am in the zone and not overthinking I have solid game.

My point is every chick has different taste in men, I take terrible pictures, not photogenic My game is a sliver below average and my self esteem is softer then pudding.

I've seen it with my own eyes, chicks oozing over a friend or random dude and usually one female will say "He's ok" or "he's not that cute" For me I think looks wise Kim K use to be top of the line, some of my friends agree, some thought she was hideous.....its preference, bias, Improve your body, your mental and be you its a jungle out there but its also a jungle in side of you. Navigating the jungle in side of you will mold the outside with in the laws of the universe

 

[Trump]

The other day I ran into 3 waitresses who I've known for about 9 months (two of whom I have previously made out with) and they all congregated next to me. Just then a fourth girl walked by and said "I love, love LOVE your bow tie!". She kept walking but the three girls all said "Yes, we love the bow tie!"

The first girl then said "Isn't he handsome?" and all three said "Yes! He's so handsome!"

The second girl said "He's beautiful." and all three said "Yes! He's beautiful!"

The third girl said "He's TOO good looking" and all three said "Yes! He's too good looking!"

So I said "That explains it! I'm too good looking! That's been my problem all along!!"

My joking aside, their comments made me wonder: are men frequently disqualified from romances on account of their being considered unattainable? Is this why most married men seem to be in a perpetual state of indentured servitude, because they were specifically chosen for NOT being "too good looking"?

Perhaps bro but you should know girls say anything in the moment that reflects their mood. Maybe they were being flirty, maybe they wanted a bigger tip, maybe their were ovulating, or maybe you are just that good looking. For you to analyze such comments from 3 waitresses who serve food for a living is a waste of time.

And come on, you think a girl wouldn't go out with a doctor or lawyer or banker or politician because he is too good looking? That would be the dumbest and most idiotic excuse ever for her to use. So much rationalizing going on here. It's brutal.

 

[Xeon21]

@Xeon21 Same. Pretty much identical templates, except replace outdoors stuff with football.

I mentioned this on one of your threads--but, for me at least, I feel that a lot of this type of behavior has to do with avoidance. With ego. With the need to preserve some 'image' of yourself.

Combine that with introversion and a rich internal world, and it's easy to take the 'be the prize' mentality to an extreme--more like 'be the holy grail.'

And after high school, what did all that image preserving get either of us? Yeah, we saved ourselves some possible ego-hurt, but at what cost to experience & memories & social connections?

You don't lose any value by sharing that value with others I'm not saying to turn into some orbiter whose time & attention is free, but you're coming from a place where you have SO MUCH VALUE that not giving some of it out is hording. And people will appreciate that value and try to reciprocate.

And they've seen your 'friendships' with all these other people of mixed value and won't view you as stuck up or unattainable.

Yes, I've felt that way before, that I was preserving an image. You're right about the holy grail mentality as well.

Unfortunately that image preservation didn't get either of us a lot of anything. Like you said, sure we kept our super egos intact, but how many friendships and/or relationships did we miss out on? I should've taken a lesson from my dad I guess. Everybody liked him as he always had a smile on his face and could talk to anyone. He had more friends than he knew what to do with. At his funeral, the entire church was full (there were quite a few people neither my mother nor I recognized even) and there was hardly a place to sit or stand. He enjoyed people simply for who they were.

I've finally started to decide to open up more. I never used to talk to anyone in class hardly. Now I talk to the people that sit around me and even those that don't if we're standing in a hallway somewhere. I also talk to the people in my apartment building a lot more now.

Nice job at that bar by the way.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Looks matter to a degree, but I know some dudes bagging chicks who wouldn't be considered good looking

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Perhaps some women feel threatened by having someone who is really good looking. Underneath they might be afraid that there's the constant possibility he'd leave them behind for someone else (which could easily happen in this case), so she'd always have to be on guard against that.

Sometimes they aren't worried about them leaving but their ego can't have the guy "look better" than them, so they will bash the guy, play games on him, do everything to wear him down.

Some women don't care about that, they care about the heart.

 

[Bingo-Player]

i was in a bar a couple weeks back and a chick tapped me on the shoulder

she said "sorry to bother you but me and my freinds were wondering if you were .....GAY!!!!"

at this point im just like WTF , i just laughed and said no lol why would you think that

and she says oh because your so well groomed & dressed

ive got to be honest this rang a few alarm bells what if women are assuming im gay and too afraid to approach me lmao !?!

but as others have said above womens tastes in men are so much different to ours

men usually just chose blonde or brunette , short or tall thats it

womens criteria goes way way deeper

 

[Asmodeus]

The gay thing is about the cognitive dissonance they have. Women are used to getting attention from men. Because women have a pvssy even a woman with simple looks gets attention from lots of men. Thus, when they see an attractive guy who does not fawn over them with attention they will assume he is gay.
I had this happen recently because I broke all my plates... I just wanted some alone time and was getting a bit tired. Dressed well as always with button-ups. I do not dance with them even though one is looking at me frequently. Then the inevitable "are you gay" question... To which I said... "No, I am straight but there are just no interesting women in this bar worth my time today"... LOL.

When women say you are gay you should take that as a compliment as it literally means that they find you hot and they are either gauging if you may have interest, or they are softening the blow to their ego if you are straight and ignoring them.

 

[Xeon21]

Thus, when they see an attractive guy who does not fawn over them with attention they will assume he is gay.

Then the inevitable "are you gay" question... To which I said... "No, I am straight but there are just no interesting women in this bar worth my time today"... LOL.

That's a great answer you replied to their question with.

No woman has ever asked if I was gay before, but I have had them come to me and ask why I wouldn't pay any attention to them or why I routinely ignored them as they didn't understand. Then some of them would tell me that I was mean depending on what sort of answer I gave them. That always made me laugh because I wouldn't let them have my complete attention and it really bothered them.

 

[Xeon21]

Women/girls will get nervous when you appear. Hot chicks will give you obvious signs that they are into you and want sex. But some will feel need to get in a 'competition' with you and be extremly arrogant with you.

They will make it really obvious that they want to be approached, for example talk loud about a topic, or get in your near with a smile (no direct eye contact) and then distant themself prensenting their ass, put lipstick on while looking in your eyes (talking about strangers). Some girls will get really shy and bashful and when they see you look at the floor or hide their face.

I have all of this happen to me a lot. While I do enjoy that type of attention, some days it can get rather frustrating as it can actually inhibit social interactions. I can talk to the girls I sit next to in class and they always get nervous; quite a few get that way when I just walk in the room, take my coat off and sit down. Half the time they're afraid to death to say something until I start a conversation or make a humorous sarcastic observation which apparently helps put them at ease. I can't tell you how many I've been around either that will hide their faces or look at the floor. I'll go past them in hallways or their table/chair and I'll catch them looking and they'll look away or at the floor as fast as they can and they'll smile and/or blush (that's the one I have happen the most). I always enjoy those.

My favorites are the arrogant ones but I don't encounter too many of that type. I just wait for them to come up with some sort of sarcastic comment or insult because I will redirect one right back at them.

 

[Who Dares Win]

So if you're ugly they dont register you as human, if you're short you're far from interest, if you're too tall you intimidate them, if you are swollen you're machist, if you're skinny you look weak, if you're too handsome they feel threathned...if your game sucks they friendzone you, if your game is tight you look like a player.

Then we wonder why bin laden bombs people...

Disclaimer, the bin laden joke is a joke..I do not endorse bombing people nor my company has any affiliation with such.