Confidence comes only from achievements

[zekko]

True.They are called con men.Some individuals can be sociopathically confident without any 'results' or 'achievements'.

I think those guys are confident in their ability to put over the con, their "achievement" is that they know they are good at lying and manipulating. So in that case also, confidence comes from results.

I agree with the OP the whole "be confident" advice is rather useless. Supposedly women love confidence, and I suppose they do but they like it because it is a sign of success. If a guy is a smooth lover, dancer, or performer, she might say "Oh, I like his confidence". But you can separate that from his success - he is good at being a lover, dancer, or performer. She is attracted to that just as much as the confidence.

What if a guy was a confident but terrible lover? Or a confident but terrible dancer? It doesn't sound right, does it? Because it doesn't go together.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Here is another possible dimension to confidence, that comes to my mind.

True confidence is a reflection of knowingness. When someone knows that they know something (1000%), it results in a knowingness that is solid and not subject to the opinions or whims of others around them. That internal knowingness gives them certainty. It is that certainty that cannot be taken away. They know that they know. To me that experience of knowingness and certainty is what is perceived and felt as true confidence.

For example, a True DJ, who has has true confidence. He enters a room knowing who he is, what he has to offer, knowing the nature of women and knowing how to interact in a fun, playful and enjoyable way that will gain him the results he desires. He knows that he knows and thus truly confident.

A man impersonating a DJ, is not solid in knowing who he is, what he has to offer, how women respond, etc. He may put on a veneer of confidence. Underneath it, he feels insecure, doubting, questioning, analytical, and is likely to be running scripts of what he thinks he should do or say, rather than resting in what he knows and just being able to relax and be himself with women. He may attempt to impersonate confidence, but all around him will intrinsically know he's doing his best to "fake it till he makes it." It's clear he does not yet know. He's working on it.

As I am I writing this, it comes forward to add knowing is not limited to things like book smarts, street smarts, p/u knowledge, etc. I think it can also reflect attributes like self awareness, integrity, self respect, etc. For example when one knows aspects of themselves and their standards beyond a shadow of doubt, this too can give the experience of knowingness, thus certainty and therefore confidence.

Just another possibility to consider.

 

[nismo-4]

I'll make it even simpler than you did...

Ever notice how your confidence inflates when you have more money in your bank account?

More money = More confidence

Because you have something to be confident in! Simple as that. I'd be even more confident if I had sex with Sports Illustrated models o n the regular, drove away in a Bentley, and had millions in the bank. But who here wouldn't?

It's all about results.

 

[wifehunter]

I'd be even more confident if I had sex with Sports Illustrated models o n the regular, drove away in a Bentley, and had millions in the bank. But who here wouldn't?

Whoever trusts in his riches will fall.

 

[Alpheta]

"hey that girl likes buff guys, try to be more muscular tonight and she'll be yours.

Haha. It's true I can't believe people are thinking otherwise.

A fat man can not love himself no matter how much he tries to make himself believe it. Deep inside he hates his state and wants to be healthier. This isn't truly happy with himself. If you can't be happy with yourself it will show as low confidence.

Same goes with being in a fight. You can't truly be certain you'll beat the next guy up until you actually know you have achieved success in the same situation in the past or that you have mastered skills to deal with the situation in hand ie boxing/mma.

You can only walk proudly on this earth once you have proved to yourself that you are capable. The more you win compared to the failures, the more certain you will be that you can deal with the next challenge, hence the confidence.

 

[zekko]

a True DJ, who has has true confidence. He enters a room knowing who he is, what he has to offer, knowing the nature of women and knowing how to interact in a fun, playful and enjoyable way that will gain him the results he desires. He knows that he knows and thus truly confident.

I am confident in who I am and what I have to offer. Whether or not any particular woman will appreciate those attributes however, is another question. Some do and some don't. I tend to attract a certain type of woman, and those women who like me, REALLY like me. But other women might have little or low interest. I do not tolerate low interest women. Why should I, when I can get high interest women instead?

 

[Atom Smasher]

In my life I've found the transference of confidence to be very useful when it comes to general confidence.

By taking baby steps in one area, I rack up small victories to the point that I excel at that area (small or large; it doesn't matter). I then make sure I draw upon those experiences when faced with something new or a potentially "rattling" circumstance. By drawing upon that bank of previous victories in other areas, I'm able to apply the confidence I previously gained to the new challenge.

That's why I have what I call my "Victory Log", a notebook where I briefly write down my life victories. When faced with a challenging situation I will occasionally browse through my Victory Log and am able to remind myself that I have a history of doing well and meeting and excelling at challenges. I think of this as transferring confidence from one area of life to another. It's a "savings account" from which I may freely draw from.

Another key aspect of confidence is what I call the absolute refusal to acknowledge current circumstances. It's a matter of training oneself to get into the habit (I repeat, HABIT) of immediately rejecting a current difficult situation and thinking instead of the future best outcome or state of being. Once you make this a habit you become capable of much more in life, and of course that includes dealing with women. You need to irrationally reject your current assessment of circumstances and immediately (like a light switch) think of the inevitable improvement you are going to effect in your life.

Confidence, success, and life itself is made up of tiny, tiny victories. When one trains himself to look at the micro (which is so granular that you can easily observe and MEASURE positive change) and reject the macro (no granularity and little possibility of improvement) you become a much more capable human being.
The big picture is a spirit-destroyer. The small, granular picture presents massive opportunity for positive change.

 

[Huffman]

More money = More confidence

Speak for yourself... blingbling and diamonds don't make me feel good.

I see alot of people who do behave that way though.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Speak for yourself... blingbling and diamonds don't make me feel good.

I see alot of people who do behave that way though.

Having enough resources to live your life and pay your bills and not need to borrow and have the things you need is a lot less stressful that the opposite, it does improve confidence.