What do/did YOU do when you hit a big slump/feeling down?

[9asus2]

New poster, looong time lurker, years even.

Don't get me wrong, not here looking for sympathy, but I will post my current situation below for reference. Everyone likes a story anyway, don't they?

Point of the thread: When all seems a bit hopeless, what do YOU do. What have YOU done to get yourself back to getting results?

Have read the DJ Bible multiple times, Models etc. This past week have started to watch RSD.

Below is my situation, if you'd like to see where I'm coming from:

Feeling down, ugly (my face is definitely not attractive, height/body is fine.)

Last 5 weeks have not gotten any results - feel like as I've gotten older I've just become unattractive

Have been opening a lot of girls during nights out - with basically 0 closes/numbers/snl. And during the day I just freeze up! Started meditating last night.

-5 weeks ago ended 2.5 year LTR (I ended it, but could tell she wanted to, was messy for the last few weeks)
-Was not supplicating at all throughout relationship. Was already aware of DJBible etc before "seeing" her. Maybe she just got bored, we'll never know the real reason and I'm OK with that.

-Still love her, but have accepted it's over. Tried once to "save" it, she says she "can't do it" blah blah. NC for last 5 weeks.

-Have been with a good number of girls when I was younger but this one was my 10. & apart from the last couple months, she was head over heels for me, would do anything for me, and literally let me do anything to her. I had the power so to speak.

- Genuinely feel like even if my situation improves, I won't feel the same or have the same type of relationship with anyone else. God that sounds pathetic when it's written down, but I think it's true.

Sorry for wall of text - left out as many details as I could!

 

[dustmuffin]

New poster, looong time lurker, years even.

Don't get me wrong, not here looking for sympathy, but I will post my current situation below for reference. Everyone likes a story anyway, don't they?

Point of the thread: When all seems a bit hopeless, what do YOU do. What have YOU done to get yourself back to getting results?

Have read the DJ Bible multiple times, Models etc. This past week have started to watch RSD.

Below is my situation, if you'd like to see where I'm coming from:

Feeling down, ugly (my face is definitely not attractive, height/body is fine.)

Last 5 weeks have not gotten any results - feel like as I've gotten older I've just become unattractive

Have been opening a lot of girls during nights out - with basically 0 closes/numbers/snl. And during the day I just freeze up! Started meditating last night.

-5 weeks ago ended 2.5 year LTR (I ended it, but could tell she wanted to, was messy for the last few weeks)
-Was not supplicating at all throughout relationship. Was already aware of DJBible etc before "seeing" her. Maybe she just got bored, we'll never know the real reason and I'm OK with that.

-Still love her, but have accepted it's over. Tried once to "save" it, she says she "can't do it" blah blah. NC for last 5 weeks.

-Have been with a good number of girls when I was younger but this one was my 10. & apart from the last couple months, she was head over heels for me, would do anything for me, and literally let me do anything to her. I had the power so to speak.

- Genuinely feel like even if my situation improves, I won't feel the same or have the same type of relationship with anyone else. God that sounds pathetic when it's written down, but I think it's true.

Sorry for wall of text - left out as many details as I could!

Don't apologize! You are acting like a woman. Do ypur self improvement and no contact. You will start to feel better. It just takes time. If your mind races with feelings write them down. This helps to rid them grom your brain.

 

[parkthebus]

Hows your fashion sense?

 

[9asus2]

Don't apologize! You are acting like a woman. Do ypur self improvement and no contact. You will start to feel better. It just takes time. If your mind races with feelings write them down. This helps to rid them grom your brain.

That's the plan - was nice to vent on here a little. Looking for people with similar experience who came out the other end, not that it changes my situation but it's great to hear experiences.

Hows your fashion sense?

6/10...in my opinion, 7 on a good day when I'm going out

 

[Alpheta]

no body is unattractive lol. You can ALWAYS look good . cloth style + fit ass body + Clean skin + white teeth + Confidence + happiness .

All these combined make you LOOK good unless ofcourse you suffer an illness or walked out of an accident.

 

[parkthebus]

I think you need to fix up the fashion then mate. Hire a personal shopper if need be. Face and body is physical, but style is mental.

 

[9asus2]

I think you need to fix up the fashion then mate. Hire a personal shopper if need be. Face and body is physical, but style is mental.

Will definitely look into it. Little things can make a difference

 

[Young OG]

If your a long time lurker then you should already know the stuff I'm about to tell you. Even if your face isn't the best looking, you can still raise your SMV. Hit the gym and get ripped, eat clean, groom yourself well, whiten teeth, buy some nice clothes like button ups & polos, buy some nice shoes (multiple pairs), if your not bald then style your hair movie star like. All those things will raise your SMV.

I'm not bad looking but I'm short. I did all of the stuff listed above and have raised my SMV. I had a bad break up with my kids mom and horrible experiences picking up women after that. Things are finally looking on the up for me everyday more and more. Check out my journal if you want.

 

[9asus2]

If your a long time lurker then you should already know the stuff I'm about to tell you. Even if your face isn't the best looking, you can still raise your SMV. Hit the gym and get ripped, eat clean, groom yourself well, whiten teeth, buy some nice clothes like button ups & polos, buy some nice shoes (multiple pairs), if your not bald then style your hair movie star like. All those things will raise your SMV.

I'm not bad looking but I'm short. I did all of the stuff listed above and have raised my SMV. I had a bad break up with my kids mom and horrible experiences picking up women after that. Things are finally looking on the up for me everyday more and more. Check out my journal if you want.

Will check out your journal. In a nutshell; how long did it take for things to "click" with you, ie. was there a moment where you stood back and thought "yes, im getting results, and i know why"

 

[9asus2]

Hey man, we're pretty much all here for the same thing you are: to improve ourselves.

I like the fact that you're so accepting of the break up. Most guys would be so devastated they wouldnt even consider approaching girls, so there's one positive already.

You really want to know the trick to getting these women? Mentality.

i know it's easier said than done, but quit even thinking for a second that you're not attractive. Honestly, if you have the right mindset and people skills, even if you're average looking it will not affect your chances with any woman, except a shallow one. Women's attraction for men is not the same as men's attraction for women. Men are very visually stimulated (as we all know), while women are turned on by masculinity and a strong personality / conviction.

To feel better, I come on here and read my journal where I used to be AFC. I read how far I've come in the past two years and I get motivated to do whatever I need. Or I'll go out and approach 25 women with absolutely zero expectations for myself, and when I get 20 numbers or so I feel like I got something positive done.

Yeah man, I see what you're saying and on paper have understood this for a long time......it's the putting it into practice and really internalizing it that I, and everyone probably, struggles with.

What I'm writing feels so redundant and "duhhh", maybe my brain just needs to vent haha. Need to grab my balls again and just do it.

 

[Alpheta]

Will check out your journal. In a nutshell; how long did it take for things to "click" with you, ie. was there a moment where you stood back and thought "yes, im getting results, and i know why"

Ruler is correct as always.

Tbh, it's about ngaf. Literally be happy with yourself and I swear women will notice it in your face.

I'm balding and tbh I'm not bad looking. However I used to wear caps and style my hair in a way that noone could tell I was balding. I got attention but it always never matured more than that.i was very insecure and women could sense it. Since I buzzed my hair, I kid you not I really and truly couldn't care less. It could be seen in my demeanour and the way I held myself. I've had much more attention and do much better with women.

My point is visually I probably look less aesthetic, but that hasn't hindered a thing if anything it's upped it. Why? Because like ruler said, women aren't visual creatures like us.

Be happy with yourself and throw away your insecurities.

 

[NSX-R]

- Genuinely feel like even if my situation improves, I won't feel the same or have the same type of relationship with anyone else.

Ooh so you can tell the future. Can you read my future as well?

 

[9asus2]

Ooh so you can tell the future. Can you read my future as well?

No, just based on the huge gap in how good that relationship was (for the most part) vs. every other relationship.

Admittedly I'm pretty broken up so am not thinking 100% logically, but based on past experiences i would predict there is a likelihood that this was what those old men refer to as "the one that got away"

Or who knows, i could look back and laugh in 3 months. Just venting here, lurking here for x years I told myself I'd never be one of those guys coming on here whining (god knows IRL I don't.) but here I am. Ironic really.

 

[Young OG]

Will check out your journal. In a nutshell; how long did it take for things to "click" with you, ie. was there a moment where you stood back and thought "yes, im getting results, and i know why"

Once I changed my hair and starting really seeing results from the gym is when it clicked. I finally had women checking me out in public. Then when I tried OLD again and actually got replies and messages being sent to me, it really clicked. My confidence is improving, but I still have a lot to learn.

You have to stay with the self improvement. You can't be lazy. You must be determined.

 

[Berom]

I work at a bar and I constantly see gorgeous women with men who are definitely NOT on the same scale. Last night I was eyeing this really cute, tall brunette, but then she walked over to a scronny dude. My first reaction was, "Why is she with that scronny *ss b*tch?" I didn't take into account that she could be attracted to something I'm not seeing at that moment.

My point is that, while many men do understand the importance of confidence and masculinity, we always default back to looks. "She's so much better looking than me. I don't have a chance." While women claim looks is plays a huge factor, that's simply not how they operate mentally.

Many of the DJ's responses have been spot on - Focus on self improvement first and foremost. Workout, dress nice, and good hygiene are other factors.

 

[9asus2]

I work at a bar and I constantly see gorgeous women with men who are definitely NOT on the same scale. Last night I was eyeing this really cute, tall brunette, but then she walked over to a scronny dude. My first reaction was, "Why is she with that scronny *ss b*tch?" I didn't take into account that she could be attracted to something I'm not seeing at that moment.

My point is that, while many men do understand the importance of confidence and masculinity, we always default back to looks. "She's so much better looking than me. I don't have a chance." While women claim looks is plays a huge factor, that's simply not how they operate mentally.

Many of the DJ's responses have been spot on - Focus on self improvement first and foremost. Workout, dress nice, and good hygiene are other factors.

Thanks for the reply - working on it. Had an OK night on Saturday - check out my journal if you like, just about to start writing it when I finish this post.

Right this second I'm feeling like I know I'm enough. I'm tall enough, doing well, good body, funny etc. but at the same time feeling like a non-sexual (to others) outsider...

Wow, when I write this stuff down it seems SO whiney! Definitely need to work on my self esteem HA!

 

[dustmuffin]

Will check out your journal. In a nutshell; how long did it take for things to "click" with you, ie. was there a moment where you stood back and thought "yes, im getting results, and i know why"

I have gotten results on mental game and in general it took 4 months after a break up. I have had people tell me. I am more confident. I feel it to. I was a mess when I first came here. Now I am calm and relaxed. I still need work but I have progressed. We all will help you if we can. Some even mentor offline. Point is we are all in the same boat and want to see you improve. Its hard work but worth it.

 

[FCB]

I've been generally attractive to women all my life, it got me chances with girls all the time, I had tons of one night stands before I was 25 but my game overall was weak because I didn't ever learn or have an example growing up on how to interact or understand women. Because girls liked me and it came easy and I was into sports and going out with friends I never worked on my game past the initial skills I developed and girls falling in my lap, but I never got the real quality ones I'd consider dating long term, then I did and was in a 11 year LTR. I went completely AFC, moved away from friends and family and had developed a bald spot and was skinny fat. After break up I got in great shape, had a good job, shaved my head and banged lots of girls again but still I would freeze on dates with girls that I thought had a high SMV, they liked me but I ****ed it up every time with AFC behavior or just playing it too safe and not being my relaxed self, they saw a guy that couldn't fullfill their dreams, their fantasies, couldn't take their hand and lead them to amazing expriences or keep them entertained. Problem is I expected them to see that and see past the insecurities and lack of suaveness, but the reality is I wasn't playing the game, I wasn't playing their game, because it is in essence their game. We do things for ourselves but we are here to learn how to do the dance, all women want a guy that can unlock them and allow them to live out their fantasies, to feel safe to express them selves sexually and that will lead them on the adventures they want to go on.

Its like building a house, you can have the bricks but unless you put them together in a sequence that works you'll never have a home, you can have an architect but you need the tools etc, etc. The point is start working on all facets you can, don't focus on the weaknesses you can't change, build yourself to the best you can be by focusing on the things you have control over. If you believe that you'll never get someone better then you won't, you have to have confidence in yourself or you'll never be able to live the life you want. Learn to not give a ****, love yourself above all else and understand that with women its a dance. When you walk into a bar does looks have to with dancing? No dancing is about rhythm, confidence and leading your partner lots of ugly people can dance, but lots of ugly people won't dance because they feel to insecure to even try. You have to elicit feelings in women, you have to sneak into their psyche and then when you get in there lead them to a place they feel safe and make them believe you are the vessel that can let all their fantasies in llife run wild. I never even thought of it like that, it was xyz they were attracted or not, but thats how men think, women are completely different, they are a labrynth that needs to be unlocked and they know it better then any of us. So when you realize that you realize that the biggest powers you have aren't your physical looks but your actions and how you interact and carry yourself, looks just help to varying degrees. The key is, you have to be confident, you have to probe and ask questions and really think about what makes this woman tick. So many guys are on forums, and are killing ourselves trying to figure out what women want and how to land women. We are playing different games, we are trying to think logically and in reality, women love romance novels because its not real, its fantasy and it makes them feel a range of emotions that they crave. If you can unlock that it doesn't matter if you're not good looking, and the secret is they will ****ing tell you everything, you just have to ask questions and probe and trick them into tell them their desires, sexually, career wise, relationship wise etc. In the last 2 weeks I've had two super hot girls basically asking to have long term relationships with me, tell me they want to submit to me sexually sending me nudes and basically asking for me to do everything possible to them. All I did was probe what they wanted and what they liked. Harmless stuff at first, and I'd ease up and not push it, but eventually just through text game they were basically begging me to ask questions so they could open up all their inner desires, and that's when it really clicked for me. Its ****ing easy when you figure it out, learn the basics then find ways to ask them about their hopes, dreams, fantasies and they'll give you everyhing on a platter, and once you have all that its easy to go from fantasy to reality, and they've given you all the answers you need to figure out this specicific puzzle. At the end of the day women seem completely ****ing irrational and impossible to figure out, and they are, but they know they are and they are hoping you'll put in the effort to figure them out, and when you do (with their complete help) you've now just completely seperated yourself from every guy out there and are a don juan, just because you knew how to ask questions without blurting them out in a creepy way. The funny thing is sex is the biggest give away with women, we get hard and we just want to go at it, so we think its the same for women, but they have to be coaxed out, you have to warm them up and make them wet and when you do you can **** them any way you want. I'm sure we've all had a women get annoyed because we aren't taking our time, sometimes it doesn't matter but overall even if its not real women want to think the guy of their dreams is putting in the effort to win them, he's figuring out the puzzle and at the end is her submission, just learn how to coax they're dreams and desires out as early as possible and use your cheat sheet to seal the deal.

 

[9asus2]

I have gotten results on mental game and in general it took 4 months after a break up. I have had people tell me. I am more confident. I feel it to. I was a mess when I first came here. Now I am calm and relaxed. I still need work but I have progressed. We all will help you if we can. Some even mentor offline. Point is we are all in the same boat and want to see you improve. Its hard work but worth it.

Thanks bud. Actually had a pretty good night on Saturday, just started a journal on here - "9asus2 Journal".

Have been listening to RSD videos religiously whilst doing my work... think I'm almost using them as a crutch though

As I've said I've frequented this site for a long time, but now I've (probably too much) immersed myself in this red pill mentality, I think the shock of seeing behind the curtain FULLY has just hit me properly. Does that make sense?

That plus the break up....I think is why I have this incredible sense of insecurity/scarcity right now, only way is up though. Going to post my goals in the journal now - keep myself accountable.

 

[9asus2]

I've been generally attractive to women all my life, it got me chances with girls all the time, I had tons of one night stands before I was 25 but my game overall was weak because I didn't ever learn or have an example growing up on how to interact or understand women. Because girls liked me and it came easy and I was into sports and going out with friends I never worked on my game past the initial skills I developed and girls falling in my lap, but I never got the real quality ones I'd consider dating long term, then I did and was in a 11 year LTR. I went completely AFC, moved away from friends and family and had developed a bald spot and was skinny fat. After break up I got in great shape, had a good job, shaved my head and banged lots of girls again but still I would freeze on dates with girls that I thought had a high SMV, they liked me but I ****ed it up every time with AFC behavior or just playing it too safe and not being my relaxed self, they saw a guy that couldn't fullfill their dreams, their fantasies, couldn't take their hand and lead them to amazing expriences or keep them entertained. Problem is I expected them to see that and see past the insecurities and lack of suaveness, but the reality is I wasn't playing the game, I wasn't playing their game, because it is in essence their game. We do things for ourselves but we are here to learn how to do the dance, all women want a guy that can unlock them and allow them to live out their fantasies, to feel safe to express them selves sexually and that will lead them on the adventures they want to go on.

You seem quite comfortable with this. Can I ask, how long have you been aware of "the game"?