Always the same: No interest after first date! Please help!

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

I got a problem, i know a lot about game and got no problem attracting women that i got low interest in. When it comes to women, i got high interest in, it never goes beyond date one.

For example: Meet a girl online, set up a date. Took her out for dinner and payed for it. I really like her and she is gorgeous. On the date i was playfull, teasing her, had a sexual frame und made her laugh a lot. Also initiated light kino by touching her hands but she seemed to not be ready for it yet. She was talking a lot about herself but also asked questions about me. She told me she was hurt by her ex and is really careful to getting attached now.

After the date she also texted me first. But then it became less and less. When i called her after a few days, she seemed happy to hear from me. I set up a date for this week and she started telling me she has no time, its difficult now and she got plans already. The regular bs women say, when they dont really want to see u. So i told her it doesnt sound good and that i dont deal with girls that doesnt make time for me. She said, that she is afraid of getting hurt, dont know what she wants at the moment and i unsure about me. I told her that i dont deal with that and wished her a good life, erased her number.

So it really hurts getting rejected by the women i really like and i am asking myself, what i am doing wrong. I realize that i give them a high value too early but i dont think i am acting desperate or needy on the date. Its always the same and i really dont know what to do about it.

Happy to hear your opinions and advices!

Regards
summersky

 

[Tictac]

If you have "no problem attracting women that i got low interest in" but "When it comes to women, i got high interest in, it never goes beyond date one", answer me this -

How is it that you treat women of low interest level that attracts them, what is it you do differently with women you are interested in?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you have "no problem attracting women that i got low interest in" but "When it comes to women, i got high interest in, it never goes beyond date one", answer me this -

How is it that you treat women of low interest level that attracts them, what is it you do differently with women you are interested in?

This is good stuff. He probably caters to and does a lot more for these high interest ones. Dousing any fires that they may have had. He's probably more in the moment, trying to be in their space, their mindset, etc.

With the low interest ones he's probably a lot more selfish, in his own space, keeping his distance etc.

Until you get your mojo built up I'd be banging as many of these "low interest" ones as possible or at least getting head. It will raise your desireability in the world.

 

[Yewki]

got no problem attracting women that i got low interest in. When it comes to women, i got high interest in, it never goes beyond date one.

Keep at it, because as stupid as this sounds, if you want to do well with the girls you currently really like - you have to no longer really like them. This is basic human psychology. We value what we cannot easily attain. You can put up an act and try to fake it like most guys do, but it won't get you far. Most communication is non verbal. They know, and it's a turn off.

So what do you do? Keep at it. Over time you'll learn what works, what doesn't, and more importantly... you'll gradually care less and less as you realize just how unimportant girls are. As you grow indifferent, your value with them increases. It's a catch 22, because as you stop caring it's not as meaningful or exciting... but that's life for you. You either die a spineless AFC, or stay in the game long enough to see yourself become an a$$hole.

 

[Groverz]

Exact same thing happens to me, this last one lasted a month though and she always found time to hang out, but did call me nice a bit too much and I was a bit too nice. Then all of a sudden she takes a day to get back to me, can't find time anymore to hang out ect. ect.

 

[Huffman]

Keep at it, because as stupid as this sounds, if you want to do well with the girls you currently really like - you have to no longer really like them.

The psychology is correct, but I refuse this solution. I'm in the same predicament, but if I'm not interested anymore I won't take the effort. I am purely motivated by my desires, and if I lose desire I don't want to see her again.

How could you ever have a LTR with a woman you don't care about?

 

[MOTU]

Good points made above. So what this boils down to is that these chicks either think you are doable at first then you kill the attraction, or they mark you as a chump that will provide them idle entertainment and buy them dinner from the outset. It is really important that you figure out which is the case. Of course, it may not always be the same.

Are you in reality about your own SMV? Are you trying to date up too much?

What else do you have going on in your life? What do you do on weekends when you have no dates?

 

[sodbuster]

it's been said before, treat women like cats. IF you leave them alone, ignore them, they come to you. DON'T do the "dinner and a movie" date.....EVER, until you've banged her. Only THEN is she worth spending money on (for 90% of women}{maybe a Christian virgin is different, she's gonna cost more} Take her out doing something YOU want to do. Golfing, rollerblading, etc. Then you DON'T have to be her whole entertainment and the talking fool who keeps a conversation going {hard for men}.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Go out with more girls. Wider variety. Don't commit to any. Don't do dinner until a couple dates in. See it as a sales funnel type thing. New ones in the top, high quality ones at the bottom, everybody else either bails or gets disqualified. The minute you start focusing on A GIRL instead of GIRLS it's pretty tough to maintain the frame.

 

[WanderingMan]

Recently, Ive become aware of subtle things I sometimes do differently when im with a woman i like and one I dont like.

Ex: when youre both sitting down, who gets up from the table first? If im with a chick im not attracted to, ill just get up and lead the way out whenever I feel we're done. But when im with a chick i like, i seem to wait for her to indicate we're done with whatever we're doing, sometimes ill (subconciously) even wait for her to stand up, then Ill get up and then lead the way out.

A lot of these times I feel my frame is strong, but these subtle minor actions are telling the woman a different story.

 

[glass half full]

I had that problem a lot when younger. Basically I was just too nice. My mentality has changed drastically over the years.

 

[Huffman]

Recently, Ive become aware of subtle things I sometimes do differently when im with a woman i like and one I dont like.

Ex: when youre both sitting down, who gets up from the table first? If im with a chick im not attracted to, ill just get up and lead the way out whenever I feel we're done. But when im with a chick i like, i seem to wait for her to indicate we're done with whatever we're doing, sometimes ill (subconciously) even wait for her to stand up, then Ill get up and then lead the way out.

A lot of these times I feel my frame is strong, but these subtle minor actions are telling the woman a different story.

Spot on, I was thinking the same last week! Still the dilemma remains, is not caring the only way to get rid of it? Damn I want to have a REALLY good woman... how can I not care at least a bit?

Maybe one way to think of it is: why is SHE not doing these things? You gotta eject if she's less interested than you. If she's showing the same signs then this might be great though

 

[exhausted]

Try to do something fun like going hiking, ice skating or something physical. Also maybe have a drink before just to loosen yourself up and decline your stress. Show interest but be assertive as if you are interested in her but for your benefit to see if she measures up to your standards. Keep this as your mindset and you will carry yourself better. Think about how James Bond carries himself.

 

[nismo-4]

It sucks to be failing and you can't pinpoint where. Asking the girl where you f**ked up doesn't help.

Ditching these b**ches and moving on is good, but only helps minimally. And the same thing if you treat women like cats. They'll come to you if they like or have interest in you. You can't tell everyone on this board to treat a group of Sports Illustrated like cats and they'll come showing high interest in us a month later.

Part of this issue is you probably care too much, and your first date dinners don't help. I only take women to dinner after we have banged.

And that s**t about her afraid of getting attached because she was hurt by her ex? I would've dumped her ass right there. Why? Because it's her saying she's in control, everything is on her terms, and you are not attractive. Oh, and you fail to make her wet.

She wouldn't be afraid of getting attached if Channing Tatum was talking to her, and you wouldn't be afraid of getting attached to Katy Perry. I guarantee you that.

The other thing is online dating. You are just one of 100 men who want her attention. I do coffee dates. Remember when a woman doesn't respond to your calls after a first date, you have failed. Tell her you had sex with a new woman/ went back to your ex/ anything along those lines. As long as you remember to delete her from every platform and analyze how you failed the date. It's good to show a woman you can move on, have options, are desirable, and don't need her.

If her interest drops, drop yours further. Delete the number if that helps. If she makes excuses for not being able to see you on a second date, ditch the b**ch and move on! You can do better.

 

[WanderingMan]

Next time a chick says: Im afraid to get attached cuz blah blah blah. Say: Good thing youre dating me then because im not looking to get attached.

 

[summersky]

Hi again,
thanks for your answers!

So i thought about it the last days to figure out what i make different with girls i attract and the girls i dont. I will write down some points that came in my mind.

The girls i attract: There is not a high physical attraction, i dont care about the outcome, i dont escalate on first date, i see them as lower value, i go for a coffee date, i let them do the most talking, i dont try to be funny, i am aloof / distant, am cool and relaxed, complimenting them rarely and if then just for fun, i can get them in bed easily on date two.

The girls that l dont attract: High physical attraction, a positive outcome is my purpose, i am trying to escalate on first date, i see them as higher value, i go for a fancy dinner, i talk a lot about myself and other women i dated, i try to make them laugh, i give them my whole attention, i dream and think a lot about them, i analyze everything.

But there are many wrong behaviours that are just symptoms. Symptoms of feeling inferior to the girls i like, mostly on the looks scale. Always got a problem with my self-worth due to my looks. So i think thats why i need them, to validate myself. They are the prize! Its my mindset and problems with self-worth that is ruining my game. So to get successfull with them i dont have to need or like them that much. Like others said here... Theory is good but its another story to work on it. Guess i have to work on my relationship with myself, which aint easy...

A short update with this girl: I texted her after a few days. The replies were really short. I told her that it would be cool to stay in contact and talk on the phone the next days, she said "ok". Dont really know if it is worth it to call her and suggest a date a last time.
Read a lot about confident persistence on this forum but can´t really figure out when it is ok and when not. Read also a few stories where the girl rejected the man and he still got her, because he was persistent.

 

[ubercat]

Espi s on the money. Early dating s a numbers game. Science says 10% of these hotter girls. Will be attracted. So until you ve dated say 50 u don't know if there's really a problem.

Start thinking of these women as a way to get your numbers up. That should take the pressure off and allow u to act aloof with the next one.

 

[Huffman]

It sucks to be failing and you can't pinpoint where. Asking the girl where you f**ked up doesn't help.

Ditching these b**ches and moving on is good, but only helps minimally.

Hey Nismo I agree, but what to do about it? I mean the only conclusion here is that we're not being attractive enough to be accepted by girls. And it kinda sucks to think this way.

All the other advice in this thread is just damage control.

 

[ubercat]

Respectfully disagree HM

As Lefty said u have to determine if you are trying to punch above your weight.

To do that you have to look at patterns. To look at patterns you need a decent sized sample.

Attraction has been scientifically studied many times. As I said if you are at equivalent value attraction is normally a ten percent average. Studies show that's tight game can double that to 20 percent.

That still means that you are going to be rejected by 4 out of 5 girl and that's if you are consistently doing a great job . So your job is to get past all the No s until you get a Yes simple as that.

So I guess I'm with the anti dump brigade - screen early and as efficiently as possible. Every date where it turned into a long term girlfriend the girl made it easy for me. I f***** lots of other girls that gave me mixed messages but it was always short term and unstable.

Now if it does turn out that the OP is trying to attract women above his smv then his options are.

1. Increase his smv
2. Change his market EG look for a girl overseas or look for a girl in a country town or look for a girl at cooking classes Library book club, sports excetera basically a quiet girl who isn't obsessed with social media

It's depends what he is willing to trade off. For example there are plenty of good girls who are single mums these days. They may have dumped their AFC men but that shouldn't scare a DJ.

 

[Huffman]

No offence taken. I guess it's just hard to let go if you really wanted something, and boy that doesn't happen to me very often. Spinning plates helps your ego mostly as I do not have 3 super high quality plates at the same time. I will have maybe 2 so-so girls and 1 which I think has real potential. If you have to drop that one plate it still sucks, you just have a pool of inferior girls to comfort you.

Anyway good point ubercat; the guy is punching above his weight and possibly I'm doing the same. I am screening heavily these days but the number of quality (single) girls I meet is rather low. Meeting a girl that I'd really like - and where we're having mutual attraction - happens maybe 1-2x a year for me.

So I'm resolving to approach more aggressively, and choose better venues.
That was a good point Espi, I always thought I have plates, but in reality I don't have enough good ones.