Being second choice

[fixtures]

I have a plate at the moment, she is smoking hot, HB9, see her 2 or 3 times a week, and we fvck several times - it is always very good sex, all is good This has been going on about 2 months

We started fvcking very quickly, the day after I approached her. At first it was just sex, but it has changed and now she wants to cuddle between rounds, and we sometimes hang out before or after, get some food or a coffee. She was also very secretive at first but has opened up a lot.

She has said however that she does not want either of us to catch "feelings" and if one of us does, it must end. Fine

The thing that is bothering me however, is that I am her second choice option - she is seeing another guy who approached her just before me. But he sounds like a skilled DJ - his approach was very smooth, daytime cold approach, and he tell her he is too busy to see her, and gives her maybe one evening a week, where they meet for a coffee. She says he hasn't escalated, they haven't fvcked at all yet. She prioritites him, so if I was to suggest meeting up, and he was free that night, he would get her time.

On one hang this dude is playing a better game, she is more interested because he is less available, however at the end of the day it is me that is getting the pvssy while he buys her coffees.

She has made it clear that if/when they end up in bed, that will be it for us.

So my dilemma is this - would you just keep getting the pvssy until she is ready to swing across to him, or would you withdraw attention in the hope of replacing him as first choice in the long run? Or maybe withdraw the affection side, the cuddles, chats, drinks, and just bang and leave - and let the other dude take care of the non-sexual sh1t?

Ultimately, I'd just like to keep this plate spinning a little longer, and also my ego kind of wants to be her first choice, rather than second. I don't like the idea of being ditched for him when she's ready, and although I'm getting high quality pvssy, it does feel like I'm being used as a stop gap.

It's an unusual situation for me to be second option to a guy she hasn't even been naked with, and not sure the best strategy for maximum return.

Any thoughts?

 

[AttackFormation]

1) Why are you doing "girlfriend" things with a woman who openly tells you that she is just leeching those aspects from you while she waits to replace you with a man who she's already seeing? She's not even hiding that she's actively replacing you with the BBD, which leads me to...

2) Why does it bother you that you aren't her first choice if you're fvcking her and he isn't and you're just out for her pvssy, unless you want her to be your girlfriend? if so, why don't you admit you want that and instead talk about ego?

3) If it really is just your ego and you really just want to keep fvcking her, then my thoughts are there is your real problem and not the behaviour of this woman. I would also ask that considering she is willingly using you as a fvckboy, how big of a hit your ego can really take in this situation. A woman wanting sex with a man is like a man wanting commitment with a woman.

 

[pyros]

I swear if I read again in this forum something like "...I am dating an HB9" or "...this chick I've met is an HB9..." I AM GONNA KILL OP, figuratively.


There are no HB9's running around. No OP, you're not dating this:
http://puntog.ideal.es/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/leticiacasta.jpg


Cheers.

 

[samosa]

1) Why are you doing "girlfriend" things with a woman who openly tells you that she is just leeching those aspects from you while she waits to replace you with a man who she's already seeing? She's not even hiding that she's actively replacing you with the BBD, which leads me to...

Because they were things I wanted to do at the time and she is decent company. I got some food with her when I was hungry, for example. But I do think this should probably stop and she can get her girlfriend type needs taken care of by the other guy from now on. The cuddles/chats take place between fvcking in the bedroom, as it's quite weird to sit in silence waiting for your d1ck to recover.

2) Why does it bother you that you aren't her first choice if you're fvcking her and he isn't and you're just out for her pvssy, unless you want her to be your girlfriend? if so, why don't you admit you want that and instead talk about ego?

No I don't want her as a girlfriend, she is entirely unsuitable for a LTR for many reasons. However, I would like her to pursue this, however illogical that sounds, because I like to be the one making the choice. She has decided the other guy is a better choice for her long term, and this irritates me.

3) If it really is just your ego and you really just want to keep fvcking her, then my thoughts are there is your real problem and not the behaviour of this woman. I would also ask that considering she is willingly using you as a fvckboy, how big of a hit your ego can really take in this situation. A woman wanting sex with a man is like a man wanting commitment with a woman.

Yes I suppose you are right, the answer is simply to carry on fvcking her while I can.

Maybe I wasn't clear. Her seeing me as the potential LTR instead of someone else would enable me to keep fvcking her much longer, as opposed to keeping her pvssy satisfied until she is ready to let him take up the reins in that area. I also don't like the idea of her making the decision to withdraw the pvssy rather than me walking away. I guess I'm overthinking it though and should just enjoy

 

[Mike32ct]

You're her first choice because she's F-ing you. This "long term" guy is actually the one that is getting the short end of the stick. He's gonna get maintenance "pity sex" after she makes him wait.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I personally think that a man who consciously adopts the DJ mindset refuses to allow himself to be inmersed in jealousy or the false notion of "being number 1."

You don't need anybody's approval. You KNOW that you're a DJ and chasing your own dreams and living paasionately are enough.

Truth is: She ALWAYS has options. A beautiful woman is always being supported by a man. It could be financial support from her father; emotional support from a gay guy; or sexual indulgence with a badboy-DJ guy.

Pick your role and make the most of it.

I wouldn't change anything if I were you. No-strings-attached sex 2-3 times per week with an extremely hot woman is ideal for me.

I agree with all the points here.

You're her first choice because she's F-ing you. This "long term" guy is actually the one that is getting the short end of the stick. He's gonna get maintenance "pity sex" after she makes him wait.

And this one as well.

Given the choice I would be the fvck buddy which gets sex but not commitment rather then the one paying ful price only to have the goods delayed and spoiled...if we can talk about commitment from a woman.

 

[zonn]

You're her first choice because she's F-ing you. This "long term" guy is actually the one that is getting the short end of the stick. He's gonna get maintenance "pity sex" after she makes him wait.

Unless I read wrong it is the guy who is making her wait. He is refusing to do it with her and get more involved other then minimal time investment. Sounds a bit odd. By the sounds of it the poster is unhappy he is not calling the shots. That the other party decides whether it is a "green light" or "red light". More interested in having control and power. Sounds quite unhealthy.

 

[RangerMIke]

First NEVER trust what a woman is telling you... what she actually does in 10 times more important than anything she says.

The fact that she is fvcking you is more relevant than the statement that she 'might' dump you if a better option comes along. Well.... yea.... that's the way women are, they can not help the fact that they are always looking for better options. At least she is honest about it.

Truth is that eventually you are going to lose this women, if not to this dude, but to someone else, so just enjoy the ride. My only advice to you is to start seeing other women, if you are not already doing this, this will help you not get emotionally connected to this chick you are with now.

 

[FCB]

I doubt she's not ****ing him too. She just doesn't want to come off like a slut, and wants to make it clear to you that she's not seeking a relationship with you. So her motives are clear, she wants to **** you but doesn't want more, forget about the other guy and if you want sex keep doing it, if you don't or will get hurt then bounce. You should probably see other women though.

 

[Trump]

We started fvcking very quickly, the day after I approached her. At first it was just sex, but it has changed and now she wants to cuddle between rounds, and we sometimes hang out before or after, get some food or a coffee. She was also very secretive at first but has opened up a lot.

She has said however that she does not want either of us to catch "feelings" and if one of us does, it must end. Fine

Basically she is saying she can end it anytime, anywhere, in any which way she chooses whatsoever.

The thing that is bothering me however, is that I am her second choice option - she is seeing another guy who approached her just before me. But he sounds like a skilled DJ - his approach was very smooth, daytime cold approach, and he tell her he is too busy to see her, and gives her maybe one evening a week, where they meet for a coffee. She says he hasn't escalated, they haven't fvcked at all yet. She prioritites him, so if I was to suggest meeting up, and he was free that night, he would get her time.

On one hang this dude is playing a better game, she is more interested because he is less available, however at the end of the day it is me that is getting the pvssy while he buys her coffees.

She has made it clear that if/when they end up in bed, that will be it for us.

Bro RIGHT HERE I would say "OK see you later." She has put the decision in her hands and you still keep going back for sex? That's brutal. You can never allow a woman to give you an ultimatum for sex.

So my dilemma is this - would you just keep getting the pvssy until she is ready to swing across to him, or would you withdraw attention in the hope of replacing him as first choice in the long run? Or maybe withdraw the affection side, the cuddles, chats, drinks, and just bang and leave - and let the other dude take care of the non-sexual sh1t?

It's an unusual situation for me to be second option to a guy she hasn't even been naked with, and not sure the best strategy for maximum return.

Doesn't matter is she hasn't been naked with him or EVEN IF HE EXISTS, she is putting a condition on the sex with you. You should never allow a woman to put conditions on sexual relationship. It's her only Trump card, she's using it to her complete advantage, and you completely agree?

Terrible :nono:

 

[zinc4]

You guys are all crazy except Trump.

I would have told the girl to walk when she said he's her second choice.

She's setting the conditions being the dominant one....not good.

You tell her to walk, she either two one of two things...come running to you and apologize or walk. Either way, you font have to tolerate second hand treatment anymore.

I'd never let a girl tell me that without telling her to leave.

This is why women's egos are so out of control..
Guys tolerate wsy too much crap...I don't care if you really are completely just using her for sex and are emotionally unattached. I'd rather bang a prostitute....at least you aren't tolerating being treated like a girls *****.

If she told me whenever he sleeps with her or they get together we are finished, I would simply say, no lets just finish right now, good luck. Then she'd say something like oh really...in disbelief... Then you say yeah, really, don't forget to close the door on your way out.

 

[AttackFormation]

You guys are all crazy except Trump.

I would have told the girl to walk when she said he's her second choice.

She's setting the conditions being the dominant one....not good.

So he should stop having sex with her which is all he's with her for to begin with, because she would rather have someone else for the long-term that he doesn't want with her in the first place?

You sure you screwed your head on properly today?

Why would he give a sh!t what her "conditions" are? she is (hopefully one of) his plate(s) and they are fvcking, ie. things are proceeding as he wants them to. She can tell him, herself and mr. long-term whatever she likes, in the end her actions are the same - fvcking with our guy, and not fvcking with the other guy. She's even nice enough to let him know when it's time to stop cvmming in and on her instead of swallowing two d!cks at once without letting either know. What more can he ask out of a plate? He can just keep spinning, enjoy the sex she's giving him and move on without getting hung up on some imaginary slight. It may even turn out mr. long term is either a beta or a fiction meant to manipulate him, and after a while of him moving on she will come running for his d!ck again and he can fvck her again if he feels like it (or if the sex stops in the first place).

 

[zinc4]

So he should stop having sex with her which is all he's with her for to begin with, because she would rather have someone else for the long-term that he doesn't want with her in the first place?

You sure you screwed your head on properly today?

Why would he give a sh!t what her "conditions" are? she is (hopefully one of) his plate(s) and they are fvcking, ie. things are proceeding as he wants them to. She can tell him, herself and mr. long-term whatever she likes, in the end her actions are the same - fvcking with our guy, and not fvcking with the other guy. She's even nice enough to let him know when it's time to stop cvmming in and on her instead of swallowing two d!cks at once without letting either know. What more can he ask out of a plate? He can just keep spinning, enjoy the sex she's giving him and move on without getting hung up on some imaginary slight. It may even turn out mr. long term is either a beta or a fiction meant to manipulate him, and after a while of him moving on she will come running for his d!ck again and he can fvck her again if he feels like it (or if the sex stops in the first place).

Yes, never let a woman challenge your dominance even.if it is a plate. It's a general principle.

It's likely just a **** test to see how much crap he will tolerate and right now he's failing.

Also....no one describes a mere "plate" as a hb9.

It's pretty obvious he has the feels for her and wants more.

Guys, sex or being with a woman isn't as important as letting a woman tell you she will discard you for something better at any time she pleases.

And if she really is one of several plates, all the more reason to discard her or show her you could give two craps less about discarding her.

It's about having a code and sticking to it. Trust me, women won't just want sex or affection from you they will hopelessly fall for you in every way imaginable. You will always be top priority with this mindset.

Would you let a friend tell you to your face by the way, if I meet someone cooler than you then I am dropping you. He'll no, it's disrespectful.

Sex or companionship from any woman isn't worth.that crap even if you are just using her in the first place.

 

[Atom Smasher]

zinc4 is 100% correct.

Her game, her rules, never ends well and when a man places himself in a situation like that, the situation whispers to him below his consciousness. He can make all the rationalizations he wants in order to get laid, but that which the situation whispers is the truth.

A situation like this erodes a man from within, but the erosion is rarely felt and often not considered serious. Only the shock of dismissal is felt, and the lesson is learned in retrospect, hopefully.

 

[fixtures]

Thanks for the responses. The range of views illustrates the dilemma. The logical thing is to take the good no strings sex, but being openly second choice temporary option is unpleasant.

For example, the other day she had to leave early because this other guy got in touch and was free to meet, so of course she couldn't miss the chance to see him. She got up and left me to go meet someone else, of course it p1ssed me off.

I think I'm tending towards discarding. In the end, I'm not sure the sex is now worth being made to feel like a reserve option any longer.

 

[Skyline]

I have a plate at the moment, she is smoking hot, HB9, see her 2 or 3 times a week, and we fvck several times - it is always very good sex, all is good This has been going on about 2 months

We started fvcking very quickly, the day after I approached her. At first it was just sex, but it has changed and now she wants to cuddle between rounds, and we sometimes hang out before or after, get some food or a coffee. She was also very secretive at first but has opened up a lot.

She has said however that she does not want either of us to catch "feelings" and if one of us does, it must end. Fine

The thing that is bothering me however, is that I am her second choice option - she is seeing another guy who approached her just before me. But he sounds like a skilled DJ - his approach was very smooth, daytime cold approach, and he tell her he is too busy to see her, and gives her maybe one evening a week, where they meet for a coffee. She says he hasn't escalated, they haven't fvcked at all yet. She prioritites him, so if I was to suggest meeting up, and he was free that night, he would get her time.

On one hang this dude is playing a better game, she is more interested because he is less available, however at the end of the day it is me that is getting the pvssy while he buys her coffees.

She has made it clear that if/when they end up in bed, that will be it for us.

So my dilemma is this - would you just keep getting the pvssy until she is ready to swing across to him, or would you withdraw attention in the hope of replacing him as first choice in the long run? Or maybe withdraw the affection side, the cuddles, chats, drinks, and just bang and leave - and let the other dude take care of the non-sexual sh1t?

Ultimately, I'd just like to keep this plate spinning a little longer, and also my ego kind of wants to be her first choice, rather than second. I don't like the idea of being ditched for him when she's ready, and although I'm getting high quality pvssy, it does feel like I'm being used as a stop gap.

It's an unusual situation for me to be second option to a guy she hasn't even been naked with, and not sure the best strategy for maximum return.

Any thoughts?

Sounds like a power play on her part to be honest.

If SHE is wanting to cuddle more and be more open about you two being "together" and even bringing up how when ONE of you two catches feelings that it is over, that means she is more invested than you are. What's the common subtle message she is sending you in what you just said? Pay attention to her actions!

She wants to be with you more and more and even brought up being together despite it being a negative light.

That "skilled DJ" is getting beaten by you. How? Because you are banging her and he is not. She is getting good sex and is even getting the thrill of a potential "high quality" male.

Keep doing what you're doing, you're fine.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If it's just a plate and she has some one to keep her busy during the day and you get to bone, that's great.

If she's someone you want to be your woman, or want a more serious thing with, she's being disrespectful and wasting your time.

 

[samosa]

Sounds like a power play on her part to be honest.

If SHE is wanting to cuddle more and be more open about you two being "together" and even bringing up how when ONE of you two catches feelings that it is over, that means she is more invested than you are. What's the common subtle message she is sending you in what you just said? Pay attention to her actions!

She wants to be with you more and more and even brought up being together despite it being a negative light.

That "skilled DJ" is getting beaten by you. How? Because you are banging her and he is not. She is getting good sex and is even getting the thrill of a potential "high quality" male.

Keep doing what you're doing, you're fine.

I would agree, however I heard her on the phone to him, her tone was very different - talking about how much she misses him, wants to see him etc. When we arrange to meet it is very businesslike, and the affection is purely after sex.

She says she is confused that he doesn't try to bang her, and even joked he might be gay, but that she likes it because he is getting to know her, and not just her sexual skills.

So although I am getting the sex, I am being beaten - because he is the one she really wants to spend time with, and I am passing the time while she waits for him to make time.

I'm really not sure how to proceed. Of course, because this other guy makes little time for her, she wants him more. Maybe a period of NC and some distance is the answer, see if she reconsiders her priorities?

 

[fixtures]

Yes, I didn't have my login to hand on the computer I was using, and it auto-logged me in when I was on my main one again. No big deal.

Anyway, thinking I'll tell her to contact me when the she's ready to stop making me a reserve option then go NC. Maybe she'll come back, maybe not, but at least she'll respect me and I'll respect myself as a result.

 

[soulforge]

It seems to me, in order to get laid.. some guys on here are happy and willing to be treated like less than dogs..

Its pretty obvious op does not like the idea if bieng 2nd place, or getting tossed aside for some other chump..

Besides this girl is treating and using him like a piece of crap..

Where is your sense of self respect guys.. you value pusssy more than yourself respect