Dating Divorced Women (with no kids)

[MtnMan]

I recently started dating a women my age (30). This is the oldest girl I have dated since being on the market. My typical girls are broke 21-26 who work retail or other crap jobs. This girl has no debt, works as an ICU nurse, has a decent car etc. Seems to have her $hit together.

This is new territory for me, but so far I am liking how the game seems to be more straight forward with her, and how her life/hobbies/desires are more closely aligned to my own. The younger girls are fun, but it seems hard to find a 25 year old girl that matches my own maturity.

Things are just getting going with this girl, and I don't know how far they will go, but this is more a general question. Even though she is 30, she is in great shape, very active, eats great and looks great for her age. She is certainly healthier than most of the younger girls I have dated.

How do you guys feel about dating divorced women with no kids? I didn't give it much thought at first since she has no kinds and looks great, but maybe I am missing something. I believe she is the one that wanted a divorce, her husband sounded like a bit of a lazy bastard who was also suspected of cheating. (why women decide to spill those kind of details, I don't know). She really doesnt sound like she has much animosity, and seems generally happy with her life, so far my crazy radar has not gone off at all.

Should I just continue on with her, or is the divorced thing a big red flag? I have no experience with such women. What do you guys think?

I seem to attract a fair amount of women who are around my age and getting out of serious relationships. I am starting to consider dating more of these women since I seem to really be able to have a great time with them, and they enjoy more of the activities that I do compared to younger girls.

 

[MtnMan]

find out why she got divorced...pull the case file haha

she basically told me the whole story, why I do not know, but I find that women seem to like to do this kind of thing unprovoked.

Sounded like ex husband was a bit of a deadbeat, and spent a lot of time out drinking with his boys and hanging out with other women. Apparently she paid all the living expenses so he could pay off his student loans quicker, and he sat around drinking and playing video games. Also sounds like he did a whole bunch of AFC crap after they split.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Then it sounds to me like you're overthinking this. Continue on with normal game and let her see over time the true alpha male that you are. She knows how old she is and how much time she has left and will realize she has a hell of a great prize in you.

 

[MtnMan]

Then it sounds to me like you're overthinking this. Continue on with normal game and let her see over time the true alpha male that you are. She knows how old she is and how much time she has left and will realize she has a hell of a great prize in you.

I'm not too concerned about how to game this girl. She seems pretty interested, and thats good. I'm just wondering if I am headed for inevitable danger by dating a 30 year old divorcee.

 

[Vulpine]

she basically told me the whole story, why I do not know, but I find that women seem to like to do this kind of thing unprovoked.

Sounded like ex husband was a bit of a deadbeat, and spent a lot of time out drinking with his boys and hanging out with other women. Apparently she paid all the living expenses so he could pay off his student loans quicker, and he sat around drinking and playing video games. Also sounds like he did a whole bunch of AFC crap after they split.

This is what she has told you, not what the case file says.

I can't even begin to cite instances of the women who have told me "my ex was like this and that" only to end up seeing myself being painted the same way when it was nearing the end of the relationship. "OMG, you are so (this). Why do you (that)?" *DING!* The light bulb goes off in your head after you've wasted too much time. Oops.

Since this relation is a new one, do some preemptive qualifying. Look into her past. Pull that case file. And be warned: BPD's gravitate to "helping others" and "social" careers. Hairdressers, bartenders, teachers, social workers, nurses... and they also are quick to puke up the "he was this and that" stuff unsolicited and early on to put you off that trail of potentially disqualifying them. Do your homework on this one. Her age is already a strike against her, according to you.

Do you drink? Do you have "boys" that you hang out with? Perhaps her talk about her ex is merely shackling you with her leash of expectations and has nothing to do with her actual past. Trust your gut on the "offering up the past" thing. You mentioned it twice, so it surely struck you as out of place. Trust, but verify.

You'd be happy to cut it short now. You wouldn't be so happy when the doctor mask comes off five years from now and you wake up one day next to Ms. Hyde. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you don't catch her in a lie.

Or... Hey, congratulations on having a second plate! Weren't you fresh out except for that other one you weren't too tickled about?

 

[MtnMan]

thanks for the opinions guys. I suppose I'll just continue on and see what happens. I'm fighting a bit of an internal battle because I feel like I can date much younger women with less baggage, but I enjoy spending time with this girl so far quite a bit more than the younger girls I have dated.

Part of my brain says I am cheating myself since I have the ability to attract younger girls. I suppose the intelligent thing is to let it play out and see how I feel about it if things get more serious. Only way to find out what I like is to sample around, and this demographic is one I have not yet sampled.

One plus about this girl is that she has been in LTR's most of her life and hinted a few times at having a low partner count. She also told me she has never had a one night stand.

I wonder why women spill these things unprovoked? I am very stingy about details of my dating/sexual history.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Mountain Man,
Sounds like a good one to me,Nurses are great lovers...Keep everything in perspective,3-4 nights maximum and spin Plates...The perfect life style!

 

[Vulpine]

One plus about this girl is that she has been in LTR's most of her life and hinted a few times at having a low partner count. She also told me she has never had a one night stand.

I call double-bullsh¡t!

She went through med school without doing anatomy homework? No ONS!!!?
She just told you this out of the blue and you believe her?
:crackup:
:nervous:


*cranking on air-raid siren*

Pull the case file. If something seems too good to be true...

 

[MtnMan]

hey, its possible for a woman not to have a ONS (im not saying its likely). She was with her ex for 8 years or something like that.

I don't care either way. To be honest, my crazy alarms were not going off with this girl, and I feel like they have been pretty well calibrated in the past.

 

[Vulpine]

hey, its possible for a woman not to have a ONS (im not saying its likely). She was with her ex for 8 years or something like that.

I don't care either way. To be honest, my crazy alarms were not going off with this girl, and I feel like they have been pretty well calibrated in the past.

Fine. Being not involved, let's just say I'm being "devil's advocate" then. You ultimately know best.
:flowers:

 

[MtnMan]

Fine. Being not involved, let's just say I'm being "devil's advocate" then. You ultimately know best.
:flowers:

You certainly are, and I do appreciate that. Ultimately I suppose I have to rely on my own judgement since you guys have never met this women.

I like getting responses across the board of possibilities. It gives me things to watch out for that I may not have considered myself. Especially since I have never been involved with a woman in this situation.

 

[Colossus]

MtnMan,

I dated a divorced woman with no kids for about a year and a half. Worst relationship I ever had. However, that probably had more to do with her as a person, so I'll try to be objective:

-You need to be a detective. Don't take ANYTHING she says at face value. My ex told me her version of the divorce story early in our dating, and frankly I believed her. It sounded legit. But keep in mind you are only hearing one very biased side of the story. Do you think she is going to tell you all the things she did wrong? Much less be aware of the things she did wrong? Hellll no. Most women lack the ability to be introspective and take accountability for their failures. I dont think I have ever met a divorced female who said "I really f*cked it up. He was such a great guy". So keep that in mind.

-In one way or another, if you build a relationship with her, you will end up paying for his mistakes. Trust me on this. Say you wanna flip on the Xbox for a little bit after work....this is going to get logged in her mind in the same nasty feelings compartment she made for her ex husband. Or maybe he used to yell at her and she is super sensitive to you even raising your voice...just some examples.

-I personally would not place any stock in the loyalty of a woman who already said her forever vows once, and reneged on them because she was unhaaapppy. Infidelity or abuse are acceptable reasons, but it doesn't sound like that was the case.

-She was with this guy for 8 years?? That's a lot to undo. Think of her as a ski slope that's been used all day. Worn out, maybe icy, with tracks and mounds everywhere. You cant ski down that slope without coming across the damage done by others. Maybe you can have fun, sure, but wouldn't you rather ski something fresh and untainted?

-Divorced women are damaged goods. That's my firm opinion, with very few and rare exceptions. Don't be tempted to think NADWALT (not all divorced women are like that). That's not to say young unmarried girls are flawless; they have their own drawbacks. But personally, 'retread' women have no appeal to me.

 

[The Duke]

She only told you part of the divorce story. She didn't tell you the part how she was a constant power tripping biatch and homeboy got tired of it so he went drinking and played video games with his buddies. Meanwhile she shut the golden vag doors in retaliation so he found him some elsewhere.

My ex wife cheated on me...do you think she ever tells new guys that fact? Hell no she omits it 100% of the time.

The best thing you can do is just take your time. Ride the brake. Drag things out and don't hurry into anything. Eventually her true identity will surface. I wouldn't worry too much about her being divorced.

 

[MtnMan]

you guys are right, I'm way too premature here (i haven't even banged this girl yet!!!). I will just continue on and be vigilant. Will report back as the story develops.

 

[apprenticedj]

My boss used to always say "trust but verify".

I would say disregard everything she SAYS and simply judge her by her actions. That's a good course with any women, never married, divorced, with children etc. We can never know how things will work out, I just try to approach every situation the same and let things fall where they may.

 

[Desdinova]

If her ex fvcked around on her, there's probably a reason why. You'll eventually find out. That's what happened to me when I dated a divorced woman with no kids.

 

[Prime_Beef]

People mature. (Some)
Read your posts, seems you are doing a good job at growth. You've leared how to fish, C and in so doing, leanred you won't starve! Good to know, you now don't have the stench of desperation!

As you get further along, you start understanding how to draw women, then next level is to draw and sort only QUALIFIED women. You may be looking to a wife, you may be looking long term, either way, you want to sort out traits that work for you. You need to focus on this no different than what you would do for a project at work. This one has the potential to bring greater damage, and possibly greater rewards.

I started screening them seriously in my early thirties. I am 48 now. Once i got serious about it, the quality of the candidates went up. I too used to date air heads, women who didn't have it together but had great legs, fun to be with..etc. etc. Then I started to think about what I wanted if I married or to be a other of my child, someone who could be a valuable partner. Lot different than searching for just a lay.

First date purpose was to see if they deserved a second date. I qualified them, looking for women with steady jobs, at least a BA, BS, capable, living on their own, and truly single. Conversations during first dates steered towards things I wanted to know. Frequently I would ask them questions about what are they most proud of, what their goals are both professionally and as a person, where they see themselves in 5 years or so, etc. I was looking for thinkers, not just pleasure seekers.

At this point, if they didn't meet my qualifications, they were out. No sex. Why? In my past I had a few really, really great lovers with nothing going on in life. Cashier types as you describe. Addictingly great sex. ..tough to put down when it was time to grow up and move on. I didn't want to do that again. Also no chance of an accident with a loser. After a while, my pool of plates expanded, and the quality as well.That's what you want, quality to choose from.

You're in a different league with the nurse. It's a good thing. She may or may not be all or what she says, but you are fishing at the productive end of the pond. The people skills you learn here will help you a lot in the future.

 

[Lexington]

Some thoughts that come to mind:

-This woman broke her wedding vows, which is a major red flag that should be investigated thoroughly. You're only hearing one side of the story. It's possible that she dumped the ex-husband due to plain old hypergamy and she is giving you her rationalizations.

-Women don't really mature that much between the age of 25 and 30. Women tend to complete their emotional development earlier than men. Perhaps you are not going after the right 25 year olds?

-Tying into the last point, remember that this woman has hit the Wall. Sure, she's in great shape but 30 is a major psychological milestone for any woman. You can be certain that she hears the clock ticking. Women like her work extra hard to reel in a guy who has his sh*t together because they know that time is running out.

-It's no coincidence that women close to the wall who are fresh out of serious relationships are easier to get along with. The question you have to ask yourself is, how did they make it to that age without getting locked down by a quality guy? The sexual marketplace is a pretty efficient market.

-Having been in a serious relationship for 8 years, this woman has a lot of mileage on her. She married this guy, (presumably) wanted to have his children and certainly invested a lot emotionally. Colossus' ski slope analogy is excellent.

 

[Lexington]

Guys, in all fairness...if she was single for 8 years people would say 8 yrs of the **** carousel. If she has a relationship for 8..........she is worn out with alot of mileage?



MtnMan,

It would be interesting if you could somehow anonymously run into her ex in a bar, and fish for info, lol.

Relationship miles are like highway miles while c0ck carousel miles are like city miles. One might be better than the other, but high mileage is still not desirable. A woman who was in a long term relationship (8 years) invested a great deal emotionally in her man. She will never be the same again for subsequent lovers.

 

[Cejay]

She sounds like a good catch. I think you are way over thinking this. From what you describe, if it were me, I would definitely continue to date her, get to know her and see what happens.

Maybe she's the real deal and her former guy WAS a douche, maybe there is a lot more to it. Who knows. You'll have to play the game to find out. I am also in the trust but verify camp.

My ex-wife doesn't have kids. She's divorced, she had an affair with a (former) friend of mine, did all kinds of crappy things during our relationship, like withheld sex, spent lots of money on stupid stuff, made me do silly things, etc. I was miserable. Guess what. She was nothing like that in the beginning. They rarely are. I'm betting her current BF (who I know) thinks he's got a total nympho on his hands. After we got married, in discussing our issues, she actually admitted to not being herself during the years of dating. If he marries her boy is he going to find out different. ha ha.

On nurses. I had a nurse roommate for a couple years when I was in my 20s. She was older than I was and a solid 7. I did not bang her but I banged some of her friends. (Also nurses.) They were rowdy and fun. Great times. Not saying all nurses are sluts, but they had good jobs, a few bucks, their health, etc. and we partied. It was a really fun time in my life.
It wasn't about banging them, it was about hanging out and partying with a whole bunch of rowdy cool chicks. Nurses see a lot. The ones I've known appreciate life (because they see a lot of death) and have a pretty level headed outlook on life.

Have fun.

CJ.