Dealing with a stressed girlfriend.

[Renegade357]

Funny how you think you know a lot but these girls always come up with something new. The pickup stage is always a breeze and so are the first 3 months. Trying keeping them in love though. That's where you really start to sweat. Anyway I'm currently in the fog of war and could use some unemotional views. This is more of a venting/ranting post.

How do you guys handle a girl who gets stressed out all of a sudden about work and family? My girlfriend of 7 months will get in this stage and put up walls and shut me out. Her enthusiasm for the relationship drops and she sort of goes into zombie mode for a week or two until the immediate crisis ends. When she's not stressed out things are fine but the stressed out modes are starting to become more and more frequent. It's hard to tell if her actions are due to our relationship or if they really are because of work.

I'm just sort of backing off and not initiating too much contact. Trying to let her know i'm here and supportive but at the same time giving her space to work it out on her own. I'll tell you straight up it's starting to wear me out. It almost feels like I have no girlfriend when she's like this. Like I have to go into hiding until she gets over her fits.

I've been in this game long enough to know that time reveals everything. I'll surely know eventually if all of her stress is just a sign of lowering interest level. Until that happens I think I need to play it cool and not react.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[Boilermaker]

Being supportive and being "there for her" is good ...

for your sister, or your mom.

It is no good for a gf of 7 months ... It is an ominous sign of you losing the frame.

 

[Renegade357]

Yeah, a girl who was really after my heart wouldn't lose her sh****t in front of me. They don't do that when you first start dating them.

 

[( . )( . )]

Boilermaker nailed it, your her boyfriend not a therapist. Give her some dread game, tell her your gone if she doesn't knock it off. Obviously you have to back it up though. By pulling this she's clearly leaning toward indifference anyway.

No marriage, no kids. You should have at least been spinning something on the side and disappeared during her "fits" earlier on.

 

[Renegade357]

Not married , no kids? You should have at least been spinning something on the side and disappeared during her "fits" earlier on.

Haha, funny. She's been a good girlfriend but I don't think I can tolerate her fits much longer. When I see the writing on the wall I'll be sure to give her the pink slip before I get mine.

 

[( . )( . )]

Haha, funny. She's been a good girlfriend but I don't think I can tolerate her fits much longer.

Good for you, you shouldn't. I'm sure she was a good gf earlier on. Now you say you feel like you have no gf and worn out (your words)...well lets face it those feelings you can recreate through masturbation and going to work every day.

Give her the benefit of the doubt to pull her head in and start catering to your reality if not, NEXT !! There's a couple of billion more where that came from.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Renegade, put an age on your profile. Read the Mature forum rules.

 

[DJDamage]

You may be dealing with a chick with some personality disorder.

Either she goes to therapy & get her sh1t together or expect for those drama filled episodes to continue, in which case she does not make for a good girlfriend material.

 

[Renegade357]

You may be dealing with a chick with some personality disorder.

I think this is true in my case.

The one thing that sucks about playing it cool early on and only seeing them once a week for the first month or two is it makes it easier for women to conceal their problems. You put in 4-6 months with a girl and spending more time with them then BAM the dark side starts coming out. Then you're back to square one spinning the plates, dropping the bad ones, hoping you ultimately pick the good one as a g/f. The cycle begins again soon for me. I'll let you know how it ends up.

 

[saturnalia]

relationships are overrated

every single guy or girl that I know came to this conclusion

more sex, less emotional sh*t ... period

 

[origin138]

I'll tell you straight up it's starting to wear me out. It almost feels like I have no girlfriend when she's like this. Like I have to go into hiding until she gets over her fits.

A woman like this will test your level of neediness in a big way. I used to date a woman like this, and she was great...until she had work/friend stress, then she would shut out like your girl does. At the end of the day I walked, it was a bad fit and I preferred a more consistent woman who could manage her life like a grown up.

Healthy people/relationships need ongoing communication/affection. If someone in a LTR is perfectly fine falling off the face of the planet for a week at a time, it's a big red flag in my purview and reeks of personality disorder traits.

This is how she is and the chances are she'll never change. She's probably dumbfounded many a man prior to you. You have to decide if you can see yourself doing this for another few years. I'm guessing you can't because based on what you said above, you want a more consistent woman as your girlfriend.

Think about it like this. When she stresses out, she's cutting you out of her world. Why not cut out other things instead to alleviate stress? Why are you the target? Bottom line is she's disrespectful and doesn't have the capacity to manage her world/issues.

Either way, you can tell her how it affects you which won't change a thing. Or, you can walk and not look back, which is probably the better option.

 

[Renegade357]

Wow origin138. That was pretty deep and exactly what I needed to read. I can tell you've been in my spot before. Thank you.

 

[GotED?]

Sorry, it doesn't sound like she's all that hot into you. Not to put a hole in your ego but a woman who wants a man will always move mountains to be with him.

People like to jump to the conclusion of personality disorder too easily on this forum (BPD's, HPD's, etc). Unfortunately most of them have never had a woman who had a serious disorder and just get it from heresay.

If you have been with enough women, you can understand that most women are not tough enough like a man to be under pressure and under stress from events in life. Women are inferior in this arena - just accept it because in essence they are the weaker sex. This is why from the beginning of time, women had no rights until just in the past 50-60 years or so.

They are now in the modern work force, over stressed - because they just aren't meant for it. More becoming masculinized because of having to enter the workforce, you need to secure a woman who still has feminine traits and designs.

Stop wasting your time and life away with the wrong person. Best wishes.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[lostsoul4286]

What was the outcome of this relationship? I recently was in the same situation. Not even two months into the relationship she decides to move 1000 miles away for a job opportunity. It was all great until the 2nd week of November. Long story short, I broke up with her two weeks ago and told her if she wanted to give it a second chance she has to let me in and let me help her(She was having a hard time adjusting, homesick, stress at work, etc, but she wouldn't tell me until the end). I tried everything before this to get her to explain her hot and cold and random demeanor. Not one word until the day I broke it off, then she revealed everything. She flipped it on me and said she's closed everyone out etc, so I tried up until last week and decided after no feedback that it was time to move on.

 

[Casanova99]

Your girlfriend is depressed, some circumstance in her life is triggering negative thoughts that creates negative feelings and takes her over. This is the reality for most people.

You have several options:

1. Exit the relationship.

2. Recommend her to seek professional help.

3. Engage in this mystery with enthusiasm and use different methods to help her heal her self and gain great insights about the woman and yourself.

Option one is the fastest. Option two takes several months. Option three probably the longest.

Both you and your woman will most likely have depressions a few times in your life and when you learn how they work and how to heal yourself from them, you grow in awareness and intelligence. There are great opportunities in suffering, suffering is the best Guru in town and the only one for most people. Use it to grow.

Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your life with us.

 

[speed dawg]

First thoughts that jump out at me:

1. To keep women in love with you, you have to have internalized 'Game'. I'm talking real confidence here, not just faked enough to attract women. This is your biggest problem. Work on your confidence.

2. If she's being cold towards you, then there's a problem. It might be stress or whatever, but she'd take that out on somebody else. Again, check your confidence and IL. Your post tone sounds like you really are tip-toeing around with her....and that's bad. Get out and do your own things for a while. Quit worrying about her. Make her approach you.

3. You say you feel like you have no girlfriend. That reeks of desperation, pal. And that's at the root of your problem here.

 

[XFORCE]

It's hard to tell if her actions are due to our relationship or if they really are because of work.

This is where I am now. She's a notorious stress internalizer and has never known how to process it. I know this thread is a few years old but insight on how OP's situation resolved would be great.

 

[Serenity]

Trying keeping them in love though. That's where you really start to sweat.

If you have to struggle with this you've clearly not found the right girl. You shouldn't need to put in extra effort beyond being your natural self.

It's been effortless to keep a great relationship with my girlfriend for over 2 years. There never was that sudden contrast in our relationship after a couple of months which happens to many couples. None of us played that "let's be unusually nice" game in the beginning, we never pretended to be better than we actually are to avoid falling in love with an illusion.

Maybe you put in some extra effort in the beginning and now she sees you're not the guy she thought you were. Maybe she put in the extra effort and what you see now is how she really is. Could be one of those or both, I don't know but you probably do.

 

[CMNILS87]

Haha, funny. She's been a good girlfriend but I don't think I can tolerate her fits much longer. When I see the writing on the wall I'll be sure to give her the pink slip before I get mine.

I mean what is she all stressed about? I've got school, work, moonlinghting construction, and applying for internships. When I'm stressed the **** out from all this, I'll just tell my girl that I need a few days to myself and just need to be alone.

What is it that has her imploding? She should be talking to you about it, thrn internalizing a strategy to beat it, unless she's just a constant complainer

 

[Billtx49]

She's a notorious stress internalizer and has never known how to process it.

That’s not mentally healthy for her. She Will release it at some point if she doesnt have a stress relieving activity in place. If there’s a build up, she will release through anger or in another way. Be ready.