Girlfriend is friends with another guy. Shlts me.

[lordson]

Hey fellas, been having an issue lately. my girlfriend (3.5 years), pretty much future wife (mutual feeling) is hanging out with a workmate of hers alot. She sees him roughly once a week for about half a day, dinner, movie, dessert etc. Just a friend and I dont doubt it, been going on for about a year, but its giving me the shlts lately. She would schedule to go out with him and leave me alone on a Friday night sometimes, and she goes and meets his friends and goes to birthday parties with them and makes new friends. But she never wants to go out and hang with my friends with me.

Now i've been saying nothing but more and more its getting me frustrated. Theres 0% chance she'll cheat, but it gets me angry that she rather spend time with another guy than me. I could give two shlts if it was another girl, but the fact that its a guy. And I know a friend is a friend and there shouldn't be a distinction based on gender.

Just last week she is planning to go to a birthday party of some guy who she met through her workmate. And she automatically excluded me, didn't even bother to ask the friend of a friend, who she claims is now her friend, whether or not if i can go.

Now i'm just debating whether or not to express my annoyance. Because she thinks that its clear they are just friends, and I'll look like i'm acting like the jealous bf and if I say she can't' go or anything itll be like the forbidden fruit and she'll want to go more.

Anybody else in this kinda situation? I have a feeling its usually the gf being annoyed at a guy having a female friend.

she's not the cheating type and i'm sure you guys have heard of 'the friend zone' and he's well and truly in there. its just i don't understand why she needs to seem him and his damn friends so regularly.

And one of my fears is that she might see something in this guy that she likes instead of me too. But thats unlikely, because i am charming and funny and good looking, and he's and ugly bugger. It doesn't seem that she is bored with me, I dunno.

I already 'discussed' the party issue with her. I said that i was leaving the city for work (come back on weekends) the day afterwards, and you won't see me. And I said why couldn't I go, and she said that the club the birthday boy (he's got a gf) was going to was guestlist only and it was too late. I did get obviously annoyed and hufy (long annoyed sigh through nose). She then said she probably wasn't going to go to the club after dinner anyway.

Anyway, i've already brought up the issue, in an annoyed tone again a few weeks ago, and she just explained that we can't always spend every waking second together and she needs time to herself. thats fair enough, i'd like time to myself to, to play games. But that should not include going out with another guy.


I know hardly anybody reads post this long but, thanks for reading. Gist is: Can men and women be friends? Hell f'ing NO.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Alright I'll do my best at my answer before everyone else tells you to next her, or she's cheating or something.

If you're sure that these guys are really just friends and only friends, you may need to just use some communication and figure out a resolve to your problem as a couple.

You're not happy right? Well you can't just keep holding what's bugging you inside, and let it eat away at you. Communication with your girl is key. You need to bring the issue up in a calm matter, explain yourself. Explain it in a way that you just told us. Just get it out there and get her to understand how you feel.

Other than that, just go out and enjoy yourself since she is doing the same. If you don't have any yet, find some girl friends. Not for revenge, but honestly, sometimes it's nice just to go out with somebody of the opposite sex, not to cheat, just to occupy your mind from only one girl all the time.

 

[GuanYu]

Have you ever met the guy or any of the people she hangs out with regularly?

Cause if you haven't, you could be in trouble.

Just so you know, it's possible for men and women to be friends, but rest assured the guy's ultimate goal is to fvck unless he's gay. Otherwise he wouldn't be hanging out with another woman for the sake of it. We don't operate like that.

If she's your "future wife" as you put it, then you need to set some kind of boundaries. If she digs you like you say she wouldn't constantly be hanging out with other people without incorporating you. Yes, it's healthy for you two to have space and be able to hang out with other people but if it's bothering you and she knows but does it anyway, that's also a problem. It means she doesn't mind jeopardizing what you two share in order to get her attention fix.

Hope that helps

 

[Juan_Man]

Do not say anything about it UNLESS she is canceling dates with you to spend time with this guy. Don't change your regular routine with your girlfriend just to get more of her attention. Think about how you and your girlfriend usually spent your time together before this guy started showing up. If your usual routine is getting disrupted because of this guy friend, then that is when you speak up.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I would say get rid of her... I know you consider her your future wife and you been together for a long time. But, this is complete disrespect.

Does she get dressed up looking sexy when she goes out?

How often do you guys have sex? Is it still good and often? Or has it died down?

Has she ever spent the night over with him?

Ask your self this... Why is this co-worker so great she spends half a day with him?

If you don't like whats going on. Stand up for yourself and say something. Tell her you don't like it. If she does not respect your feelings and thoughts. Get rid of her fast before you find out something bad. I don't know what to say man... It could be just a simple friend.

Try this out... Next time she hangs out with him. Tell her you want to go with her and meet this guy. If she says no ask for another time to be with her and meet him. If she continues to not let you meet him. That is not good.

 

[Bronxtal112]

Very, Very good advice here for ya lordson. If the love is strong between you two guys, this should pass.

My GF currently has a guy friend I never met until recently. I'll tell ya once you meet him face to face and look him in the eyes and shake his hand, all your speculation about her cheating will go out the window.

 

[Duffdog]

but rest assured the guy's ultimate goal is to fvck unless he's gay.

Sometimes its the females ultimate goal. I was friends with a girl for 3 yrs...I didn't know until recently that she was just waiting for me to fvck her. We finally did. You never know what's going on with the females unless you ask. Have you asked her straight out: "Why are you hanging around with this guy?" She will probably tell you, then you will have your answer and you won't have to ask a bunch of guys on a website.

 

[Nutz]

See about tagging along sometime or creating a situation where he can come over and you'll meet him (and see how they interact). Even better would be to set him up with one of her girlfriends (or woman you know). Get him "occupied" so there's little chance of him wanting to frak her or is too busy frakking some other girl. Gods willing you may even work out a double date. That will be a great way to see where they stand, especially if your gf gets jealous of the other girl he's with.

 

[silenthill]

Yea I would definitely be worried dude. I'm hanging out with this girl who has a boyfriend and he's probably acting the same way you are while she's telling him were just friends. She calls and texts me all the time. The only reason I'm hanging out with her is so I can get in her pants and little by little I'm making progress. Just be cautious of her. This girl is the complete shy innocent girl type that has never cheated and looks like she wouldn't but she's been doing some pretty shady stuff with me so anythings possible.

 

[everywomanshero]

This is a specific situation and calls for a situationally appropriate response.

If this was a FWBs, the obvious answer is to do nothing and shouldn't need to care what she's doing. She's either with you or she's not, anything else is not needed unless she is telling you something interesting or conversation relevant.

That is not the case. IMO you're nuts if you are thinking about marrying this woman. I would've put a stop to this a year ago. If I am going to bother marrying someone, they aren't going to be hanging out with some dude haha but that's just me. I couldn't tell you if anything is going on or not, I'm not psychic, but I can tell you that this policy of letting your old lady hang out with other dudes will land you either in divorce court or being cuckolded into raising someone else's child sooner or later man. It wou;d've been better to have done this a long time ago than now, but better late than never. I would put my foot down and tell her she's not hanging out with some dude unless I am there anymore and then I'd just make sure it never worked out where we could all hang out haha what do you need the other dude hanging around for anyway? Let her bring girls around you instead, that sounds a lot more fun to me At the very least I would find some other chicks to bang while this dude is trying to court the old lady

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

Marriage is only when you feel absolutely comfortable with the lady far be it from me to find wisdom from a fast food chain but it has to be your way!

- See how she responds to all three of you hanging out (if "no" watch out)

- Watch out for her dressing up from what she normally dresses as

- Watch out for a reduced sex drive

- Watch out for her smelling weird when she comes home or any odd stains on clothes

if any 2 of these are occurring lay the law down. If all are occurring GTFO!

 

[sodbuster]

Why is he so special that she woluld pass you over to hang out with him? Somebody is in trouble if they think there is a marriage with any future here. Friday night-prime time for dating and she's with him? you are home alone? WRONG! Time to put your foot down. If she doens't want to be with you and your friends,she doesn't have to be[ever again]. She wants him or a friend of his,she can have them. Don't need to be mad or needy,just say it calm and cool---BUT MEAN IT!

 

[WC2]

She spends Friday nights with another guy friend while you're home alone?

Do you really think any woman in her right mind would leave the love of her life alone on a Friday night to hang out with a 'guy friend'?

I don't dispute the fact that these guys may just be 'friends', but situations like these always come to a head one way or another. Maybe soon, maybe a few months down the road, maybe ten years down the road.

It's strange in itself that your girl goes out to dinner with other dudes on the constant, but it's even stranger that she doesn't include you.

And for the record, any dude who says 'she's not the cheating type' obviously lacks experience in that department and has never really been cheated on. Once you've been cheated on once, twice, three times, you realize that there are really no 'cheating types'.

Instead there are blind men who can't see when things are going wrong. I've seen miraculous women cheat on their husbands in the blink of an eye. Nurses, doctors, WOMEN WHO VOLUNTEER THEIR LIVES TO CHARITY.

While cheating may have something to do with a woman's habits, it more so has to do with her attitude towards their relationship and significant other. If she's not feeling it,she will cheat.

Even if you take the cheating out of the picture, it's still not a good situation. You're not getting your needs fulfilled and you're being left alone when you'd rather be spending time with her.

I know you're playing the 'i don't give a sh!t' card, which I've played many times myself, but it only works for so long. She's taking your carelessness to her advantage and making new social circles without you. Something is bound to happen, and you don't need to deal with that sh!t.

Find a woman who will follow you and mesh with YOUR social circles.

If I were you I would have started going out with other 'girl friends' long ago to see how she felt about it. I'm sure as hell she wouldn't play the i don't give a sh!t card.

But now it's too late. She's already got her routine down and breaking her friends off is obviously not something she's willing to do for you.

You next her. No explanation, because you don't need one. You're unhappy. That's all. You don't need to tell her you're sick of her hanging out with other dudes, because that's not even the half of it. You're breaking up with her because she's not fulfilling your needs and you're not happy.

 

[Igetit!]

Hey fellas, been having an issue lately. my girlfriend (3.5 years), pretty much future wife (mutual feeling) is hanging out with a workmate of hers alot. She sees him roughly once a week for about half a day, dinner, movie, dessert etc. Just a friend and I dont doubt it, been going on for about a year, but its giving me the shlts lately. She would schedule to go out with him and leave me alone on a Friday night sometimes, and she goes and meets his friends and goes to birthday parties with them and makes new friends. But she never wants to go out and hang with my friends with me.

So she'd rather go hang out with some other guy on Friday nights than spend time with her own boyfriend. Hmmm. And you say this is "pretty much" your future wife,right? O...k. So the way you feel when you're home alone while she's out with some other guy,you want to feel that way for life by marrying her. Alright. Cool. Don't let us stop you.

Now i've been saying nothing but more and more its getting me frustrated.

You probably should have put a stop to this from the beginning,but you "just talking" to her wouldn't solve this problem. It would let her know how you feel,but she'd more than likely just continue doing what she's doing.

Theres 0% chance she'll cheat,

This is just plain foolishness,pure and simple. If you're young,if this is the first girl you've ever dated,then fine. I'll let you off the hook with this statement,but other than that,if you've had experience dating before and you're at least in your early 20s or older and especially being a member here for any length of time,this comment is just plain ridiculous.

Just last week she is planning to go to a birthday party of some guy who she met through her workmate. And she automatically excluded me, didn't even bother to ask the friend of a friend, who she claims is now her friend, whether or not if i can go.

Question:All of this exclusion your girlfriend is doing to you right now,did she start off doing this from the beginning? From the get-go when you two first started dating,was she doing this? Or did this behavior just "show up" after you two had been dating for a while? My guess is that her behavior changed as you two have been dating. If that's the case,then guess what that means about you and your behavior from the beginning of the relationship.

Anybody else in this kinda situation? I have a feeling its usually the gf being annoyed at a guy having a female friend.

Yes,I've been in this situation before,and NO more than likely it has ZERO to do with a guy having a female friend. It has to do with your girlfriend having an emotional need that you aren't meeting.

she's not the cheating type and i'm sure you guys have heard of 'the friend zone' and he's well and truly in there. its just i don't understand why she needs to seem him and his damn friends so regularly.

This may be true. He may be in the friendzone,but there is something she's getting from being in his presense that she should be getting from you.

Anyway, i've already brought up the issue, in an annoyed tone again a few weeks ago, and she just explained that we can't always spend every waking second together and she needs time to herself. thats fair enough, i'd like time to myself to, to play games. But that should not include going out with another guy.

So you brought this thing up to her,then she went "logical" on you. My spider sense in tingling. I can't exactly put my finger on it,but when a woman goes logical when a guy brings up an emotional issue.....I don't know. Something just feels "funny" about this.

Just go back to the basics. In a sense,"approach" her all over again. Do the things you did that made her want to go out with you in the first place.

 

[Tenzen]

WC2 i completely agree with the cheating type you explained there is no such thing haha. But hey, this can still work out, look this is what you need to do. Tell ur gf that the guy and you are going to go out on a friday night, say you want to get to know him better, shes been hanging out with him for a year and what do you really know about him prolly jack sh*t, make her ass sit at home. Invite some friends whatever get to know this guy a lil more, befriend him!, go to a bar preferably. You'll know right away if this guy is a threat or not to your relationship, hell he might even spill some beans on the whole ordeal if you get him drunk. If he refuses to go on this guys night out to the bar then you know for sure something is up. Its a crazy strategy but it will change things completely without the need to act jealous or confront her about it at all, next thing you know your the one going out on the friday nights more and more while she sits at home. She'll be the jealous one then. And on this whole situation i wish you good luck and i hope that when you go out to the bar with this guy you find out the truth whether it be hes a complete afc or something really is going on if hes hella nervous around you.

 

[user43770]

If I were you, I'd be trying to meet some girl friends to hang out with while your girl does her thing. See how that b1tch feels about that.

 

[slaog]

But she never wants to go out and hang with my friends with me.

Does she like your friends?

Anyway, i've already brought up the issue, in an annoyed tone again a few weeks ago, and she just explained that we can't always spend every waking second together and she needs time to herself. thats fair enough, i'd like time to myself to, to play games. But that should not include going out with another guy.

She can't spend every waking second with you but she can with her workmate. It sounds like a poor excuse to be honest.


No point marrying somebody who isn't that interested in you. You're going to have to tell her - calmly and firmly - that things are not going to continue on the way they are. Her reaction will say alot about what she thinks of you. Don't marry somebody who is causing you so much frustration because it won't get any better.


Did you meet the workmate much? What sort of personality does he have? You said he doesn't compare with you but obviously (as others have pointed out) he's giving her something emotionally that she isn't getting from you.

If I were you, I'd be trying to meet some girl friends to hang out with while your girl does her thing. See how that b1tch feels about that.

She certainly couldn't complain anyway. Sometimes giving them a taste of their own medicine is the best way of making them learn but overall it's best he doesn't play those sort of games.

 

[Nutz]

WC2 i completely agree with the cheating type you explained there is no such thing haha. But hey, this can still work out, look this is what you need to do. Tell ur gf that the guy and you are going to go out on a friday night, say you want to get to know him better, shes been hanging out with him for a year and what do you really know about him prolly jack sh*t, make her ass sit at home. Invite some friends whatever get to know this guy a lil more, befriend him!, go to a bar preferably. You'll know right away if this guy is a threat or not to your relationship, hell he might even spill some beans on the whole ordeal if you get him drunk. If he refuses to go on this guys night out to the bar then you know for sure something is up. Its a crazy strategy but it will change things completely without the need to act jealous or confront her about it at all, next thing you know your the one going out on the friday nights more and more while she sits at home. She'll be the jealous one then. And on this whole situation i wish you good luck and i hope that when you go out to the bar with this guy you find out the truth whether it be hes a complete afc or something really is going on if hes hella nervous around you.

Agreed. This is in line with what I was talking about before. Get him out, see what's up, and use your intuition. The OP is getting a funny feeling for a reason. His instincts are responding to environmental cues his gf is subconsiously giving off. My gut instinct is that there's more to it than the OP thinks.

 

[sodbuster]

So, whats up? Is she still training you to be the husband that stays home on Friday nights watching the kids[who may not be yours],while she's out partying with the boys? Or did you have a talk with her?

 

[Splendidostring]

I'm actually friend with a girl which has a boyfriend. (I've known her for a long time, I've kissed her while she had a boyfriend but didn't have sex with here). My intention is to do something toward her, if the possibility happens. It might sound harsh, but it's the truth. If I see an opening, it will definitely take it.