I'm so embarassed to be writing this. I feel like I'm going to have to erase my hard drive so no-one I know in real life will ever stumble across this. I'm paranoid that someone I know will, somehow, stumble across this.
Alright...breathe, breathe. OK, I'm 20. I'm a virgin. Only one close friend of mine knows this. My own cousin, my best friends, as well as anyone who asks, thinks I've slept with two girls. This is because I've had the chance to sleep with two girls in the past, one a virgin I met 1st year university and the other an older woman I met on a cruise last summer.
In fact, if any of you were to search the old forums you may find posts in which I pretend I've had sex before, that's how big of a lie I'm living. I feel like I'm the last 20-year-old male virgin there is. Hell I probably am the last one.
I have an explaination for all this. In high school I was nearsighted (didn't know what a slob I looked like, wore tapered thrift store jeans and never combed my hair!) and had, as I found out last December, Attention Deficit Disorder (couldn't focus, could barely have a normal conversation). My father also never gave me any advice on girls, only my mom. She of course told me to just be myself, be a nice guy, etc. Even though I'm tall, reasonably handsome and have a healthy sense of humour, my total sloppiness and frantic-mindedness kept me from even having a girlfriend.
I didn't sleep with either of the two girls I could have slept with because I got this weird feeling just before I was going to go through with it. Like "oh my god, this is easy, and I could probably lose it to someone a lot better."
In the past school year I've gotten contact lenses -- I can see 20/15 now and my physical appearance is markedly better. In fact, the first thing I did after putting my contacts in for the first time at the optometrist's office was walk to the drugstore and buy hair gel
My doctor also put me on Ritalin for my ADD, so now I can focus a lot better on my two passions - writing and filmmaking - that girls seem to love. And the Ritalin gives me the focus to go to the gym dilligently, which means I'm in much better shape mentally and physically. I've found I'm a much more passionate and expressive person now.
And this website, of course, has taught me how to act around girls. Remind me to show this place to my little brother before my mom gets to him.
I had a sort of "I have arrived" moment in January at work, when I saw a girl I was friends with in high school and she said "oh my god! You look so much better now!" She came back the next day with another old friend just to see my transformation, and they both just stood there in shock.
Basically, I know I'm gonna get the chance to lose my V before I turn 21. But losing it this late in the game is giving me all kinds of worries.
How do I act all DJ-ish, confident and suave, and then turn around and tell a girl I'm a virgin? Daymares of girls laughing at me and telling all their friends, of my friends somehow finding out, of me being exposed as a fraud, race through my mind. Stories of awkward first times make me sweat. Fears of backing out yet again, turning 21 and still being a virgin, also taunt me.
Can anyone else who lost their virginity late in the game share their experiences? Can anyone give me some advice?
Now excuse me while I smash my laptop into little pieces with a sledgehammer, so there's no way my roommate or my friends will ever read this.
Alright...breathe, breathe. OK, I'm 20. I'm a virgin. Only one close friend of mine knows this. My own cousin, my best friends, as well as anyone who asks, thinks I've slept with two girls. This is because I've had the chance to sleep with two girls in the past, one a virgin I met 1st year university and the other an older woman I met on a cruise last summer.
In fact, if any of you were to search the old forums you may find posts in which I pretend I've had sex before, that's how big of a lie I'm living. I feel like I'm the last 20-year-old male virgin there is. Hell I probably am the last one.
I have an explaination for all this. In high school I was nearsighted (didn't know what a slob I looked like, wore tapered thrift store jeans and never combed my hair!) and had, as I found out last December, Attention Deficit Disorder (couldn't focus, could barely have a normal conversation). My father also never gave me any advice on girls, only my mom. She of course told me to just be myself, be a nice guy, etc. Even though I'm tall, reasonably handsome and have a healthy sense of humour, my total sloppiness and frantic-mindedness kept me from even having a girlfriend.
I didn't sleep with either of the two girls I could have slept with because I got this weird feeling just before I was going to go through with it. Like "oh my god, this is easy, and I could probably lose it to someone a lot better."
In the past school year I've gotten contact lenses -- I can see 20/15 now and my physical appearance is markedly better. In fact, the first thing I did after putting my contacts in for the first time at the optometrist's office was walk to the drugstore and buy hair gel
My doctor also put me on Ritalin for my ADD, so now I can focus a lot better on my two passions - writing and filmmaking - that girls seem to love. And the Ritalin gives me the focus to go to the gym dilligently, which means I'm in much better shape mentally and physically. I've found I'm a much more passionate and expressive person now.
And this website, of course, has taught me how to act around girls. Remind me to show this place to my little brother before my mom gets to him.
I had a sort of "I have arrived" moment in January at work, when I saw a girl I was friends with in high school and she said "oh my god! You look so much better now!" She came back the next day with another old friend just to see my transformation, and they both just stood there in shock.
Basically, I know I'm gonna get the chance to lose my V before I turn 21. But losing it this late in the game is giving me all kinds of worries.
How do I act all DJ-ish, confident and suave, and then turn around and tell a girl I'm a virgin? Daymares of girls laughing at me and telling all their friends, of my friends somehow finding out, of me being exposed as a fraud, race through my mind. Stories of awkward first times make me sweat. Fears of backing out yet again, turning 21 and still being a virgin, also taunt me.
Can anyone else who lost their virginity late in the game share their experiences? Can anyone give me some advice?
Now excuse me while I smash my laptop into little pieces with a sledgehammer, so there's no way my roommate or my friends will ever read this.
