Question

[DJ Novice]

Just keen to hear some thoughts on my situation.

I’ve been spinning plates and have recently connected with a Vietnamese girl 9 years my junior (I’m 56, she’s 47).

She was divorced in 2017 after a 22 year marriage (she met her husband while only 18) and has only had one other relationship since lasting a few months. A notch count of only 2 is pretty rare these days. She has a 10 year old son whom she is devoted to.

She is very good looking, slim (only 55 kilograms), takes good care of herself and is stylish in terms of fashion. Heads turn when she walks into any room. She was wearing jeans the other day and they looked painted on. Her legs are so slim, I’m used to dating girls with legs like tree trunks. Chest in perfect proportion to her body (we both agree on that).

She was raised in a very traditional and conservative family and has strong personal values. She has told me that if she was just after money she would not be dating me as she has had many dating offers from guys earning much more than me, owning expensive houses and cars etc. She actually deleted her dating profile after our first date (I can tell from the app).

She is very romantic and talks about wanting love, lots of physical affection and looking good for her partner. This includes rubbing body oil and skin lotion on herself every night so she smells good in bed. She also mentioned she likes to look good in lingerie and underwear and her favourite colour for these (black). And that wearing a tshirt to bed is not very feminine.

I know this only on the third date just through talking to her when we haven’t even connected physically yet. The bedroom activities aspect is still to be understood as it’s important for me to have someone who is enthusiastic, willing to please and be open to trying different things to keep things interesting.

I know she is looking for a long term serious relationship and someone to love her and her son (our second date was like a job interview) so I know what I’m potentially getting myself into.

Should I proceed with caution? She seems very genuine and quite unlike the other broken, carousel ridden and delusional Western women I have encountered to date. While spinning plates is fun it is expensive and time and energy consuming plus a high failure rate and I’m not averse to seeing how things go with just one woman.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to do much better than her in the looks department. She is head and shoulders above any of the other plates in terms of looks and slimness. The 9 year age gap is very noticeable compared to all the older women I’ve dated. It’s like comparing a fresh Halloween pumpkin to one that’s been sitting in the hot sun for a few days.

Looks aren’t everything but they certainly help and her attitude towards what she wants in a partner and how she would treat them is also quite refreshing.

Thoughts welcome.

 

[pipeman84]

She was raised in a very traditional and conservative family and has strong personal values.

Sounds as if you're reading from her OLD bio or something. On one hand you have her saying ''strong personal values'', on the other hand you have the reality of a divorced single mom. Which one do you trust? Words or facts?

She was divorced in 2017 after a 22 year marriage (she met her husband while only 18) and has only had one other relationship since lasting a few months.

She has told me that if she was just after money she would not be dating me as she has had many dating offers from guys earning much more than me, owning expensive houses and cars etc. She actually deleted her dating profile after our first date (I can tell from the app).

So for the past 7 years, save a few months, she has rejected all advances, including those made by rich guys. In other words, she has been waiting for YOU for all this time. Does this really pass the BS test?

I know she is looking for a long term serious relationship and someone to love her and her son (our second date was like a job interview) so I know what I’m potentially getting myself into.

Why are you putting yourself in the position to be interviewed by her? She was a 40yrs old woman with a 3yrs old kid when she decided to divorce her husband. You can't take anything she says seriously.

She is very romantic and talks about wanting love, lots of physical affection and looking good for her partner. This includes rubbing body oil and skin lotion on herself every night so she smells good in bed. She also mentioned she likes to look good in lingerie and underwear and her favourite colour for these (black). And that wearing a tshirt to bed is not very feminine.

Yeah right, how'd that work for her ex husband?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Just keen to hear some thoughts on my situation.

I’ve been spinning plates and have recently connected with a Vietnamese girl 9 years my junior (I’m 56, she’s 47).

She was divorced in 2017 after a 22 year marriage (she met her husband while only 18) and has only had one other relationship since lasting a few months. A notch count of only 2 is pretty rare these days. She has a 10 year old son whom she is devoted to.

Don't you find these stats a little...odd? Married at 18, had a 22 year marriage. That means she was 40 when she got divorced. She's 47 now and has a 10 year old child. That means she got pregnant at 37.

Now ask yourself this. When was the last time you've heard of a woman marrying a man, living with him for 19 years without bearing a child and then suddenly getting pregnant at the tail ends of both, her fertility lifecycle and her marriage? This is extremely unusual. I think there is a good chance that her ex-husband is not the father of the child and that there are certain aspects of her life that she's not letting you in on.

Should I proceed with caution? She seems very genuine and quite unlike the other broken, carousel ridden and delusional Western women I have encountered to date. While spinning plates is fun it is expensive and time and energy consuming plus a high failure rate and I’m not averse to seeing how things go with just one woman..

Asian women are often just as broken as "carousel ridden western women" but better at hiding it. Yes, be careful.

 

[The Duke]

Time will lead you to the answers. Make it about the journey, not the destination. Right now she is on her best behavior. They usually show you 80% of who they are by the 4-6month mark. Actions Over Words, always.

 

[SW15]

Actions Over Words, always.

Yes. There are some suspicious actions here.

When was the last time you've heard of a woman marrying a man, living with him for 19 years without bearing a child and then suddenly getting pregnant at the tail ends of both, her fertility lifecycle and her marriage? This is extremely usual. I think there is a good chance that her ex-husband is not the father of the child and that there are certain aspects of her life that she's not letting you in on.

That is extremely suspicious and not indicative of a traditional woman.

So for the past 7 years, save a few months, she has rejected all advances, including those made by rich guys. In other words, she has been waiting for YOU for all this time. Does this really pass the BS test?

It would not for me.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

The fact he's never hit it, him putting her up on a pedestal, and the amount of rationalization in the OP, is a dangerous combination.

Rather than evaluating her, he should taking a good look at himself, and his approach with women.

The only advice I could give him is what others mention, judge her by her actions and not what she tells you.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I know this only on the third date just through talking to her when we haven’t even connected physically yet. The bedroom activities aspect is still to be understood as it’s important for me to have someone who is enthusiastic, willing to please and be open to trying different things to keep things interesting.

I know she is looking for a long term serious relationship and someone to love her and her son (our second date was like a job interview) so I know what I’m potentially getting myself into.

No, you don't.
You're already way too over-invested in a woman you haven't had sex with. Learn to read the signs, step outside yourself and look at the situation without your rose-coloured glasses and you'll see you're being taken for a ride.

 

[DJ Novice]

Thanks for your replies.

It’s early days so time will tell.

She does have a body to die for which is probably distracting me admittedly. However I think the price of ongoing admission will be quite high on my part as she has not much finances although earning a decent wage. Her ex blew their all their savings on a restaurant business which failed spectacularly.

She previously had a miscarriage and had trouble conceiving; hence the reason for having a child late in her marriage.

I will be having a very open discussion with her about the importance of s*xual compatibility in particular to gauge her views as this is really the main thing she can offer. Of course this will also need to be demonstrated in the bedroom.

At 56 being with a hot 47 year old who genuinely wants to please me in bed over the long haul and is traditional in terms of being submissive, pleasing her guy, being affectionate and caring etc. holds a lot of appeal. Not many women my age who look great or have similar views. They are all broken, jaded, demanding etc.

There’s always a price to pay though (less financial security for me) and her actions need to match her words over the following months and longer.

I’m still spinning plates as well but just cutting it back a bit.

I’ll keep you all posted.