sexysuave
Senior Don Juan
Hey guys,
I haven't posted on here in a while. I use to give advice more than ask for it, but now I actually have some serious questions. I was in a 6 year relationship that ended about 2 and a 1/2 years ago and I had a GREAT run for about a year and a half where I was really having awesome success picking up chicks for very short term flings, one night stands, and f**k buddy relationships where all we do is meet up and do our thing. I also did party a lot which of course always led to meeting more chicks. I mean, the run I had was pretty epic and I even thought about writting a book about it under an alias name. I did already write chapters about certain pick-ups at gas station, grocery stores, malls, pretty much everywhere and anywhere. I would approach girls like a man on a mission and had just damn great success and some stories that people probably wouldn't even believe 'cause they would think I was exagarating.
Life was pretty damn good and care free. Well, over time, I started to miss the feeling of having that "special someone" in your life, and every now and then I would actually start considering maybe starting to "date" some of the girls in my social circle that I knew had interest in me.
Then I ran into my current girlfriend, who at the time (I didnt' know), was only 2 weeks out of her 9 month relationship with her ex. We hit it off immediately and she seemed to be everything I could ever ask for. She was absolutely beautiful with a body that just turned me on big time. She seemed to be VERY into me VERY early and even started saying things like "I think we're soulmates" after only a few weeks because she found some things we had in common or what not. Needless to say, I ATE IT ALL UP. She treated me absolutely great and the sex was mind boggling and awesome. I honestly thought I struck gold and considered my self pretty damn lucky to be able to find someone like this. I seriously started thinking that maybe she IS my soulmate after all.
Well, as the time went on, I started noticing things that would raise red flags, but I either didn't wanna make a big deal about it or didn't wanna see it for what it truly might have been. For example, she ended up telling me that she is "difficult to put up with" and that she has been in at least 3 or 4 semi-serious relationships and I guess has been screwed over and cheated on, so now she is really paranoid about being lied to/ cheated on/ screwed over. I figured ok, I dont' plan on doing any of that so eventually she will relax and learn to trust me. But I guess her scars were so deep that she still cannot fully trust and believe everything. She has told me that evertime I say somethign like "oh, I've got somethign to tell you" or one of her friends tells her, "call me, I have somethign to tell you" that a million scenarios (worst case scenarios about me cheating and what not) run through her head and she freaks her self out big time. Then when she hears a story that is just a normal stupid story, she tells her self "oh ok, it's nothign bad" but she still sort of remembers how freaked out she got.
I have been with her for 9 months so far, and in the last half a year she has had 2 big tantrums where she just lost it and wanted to just "leave, move away, go away, disapear, not be alive,, whatever".. The thing about it is, the day before, or the very same day of this, she told me things such as "I love you to death, I love you forever, I never wanna be away from you, I wanna marry you, I wanna have your kids, you're so awesome, as long as you treat me good and be fair I'll never be away from you" and then later on that day or the next day is when she had those breakdowns because of 1) She heard somethign on the radio about how many husbands cheat on their wifes and lie about it and she just lost it. She called me tellign me what they said and I said "oh ok, that's a sucky statistic" and then she went into if I would do that to her and I said "huh? of course not" and then she started going on all about it and I was like "are you serious now, you're getting THIS upset over somethign you heard on the radio talk show?" And she just started freaking her self out more and more, even talked about my ex and said "if she called you you would go running back to her (not true, my ex wanted to get back plenty of times in the first year or so, I never even once saw her), so I got mad naturally and told her to knock it off and she was blowing everything out of proportion.
She was freaked out that night and wanted to get in her car and leave, and it took her like 2 days to completely calm down and she appologized big time and said that she loves me more than anything and it was just a breakdown. She blamed it on being hurt in the past and feeling like she is never good enough for anybody and this and that. Well that was about 4 months ago.
She also constantly asks me if I really do love her, wanna be with her, and to promise that I won't leave her and this and that (she has huge abandonment issues obviously) and has told me that sometimes she is worried about being left so rather than be hurt eventually that's why she though about just leaving and running away from it all.
Oh, almost forgot, we can never say "good bye" because she is afraid of those words, she hates good byes! Even a bye is bad sometimes in her eyes, (not just with me, even her friends). She would rather say "talk to you later, kisses" or somethign silly like that, because she "hates good byes". Well, at first I thoght it was kinda cute. I just assumed ok she loves me so much she can't stand to hear a good bye from me. It was only much later when I started to actually think that this might be a phsychological problem that goes back to scars in the past and fear of abandonment of any sort.
Just last week, things were going absolutely awesome, she has been pretty great since, and once again filled my head with so many "I love yous, soulmate, together forever, family, kids bla bla" that I believed it all and felt pretty damn comfortable about us ending up together. She talked about moving in with me once I end up proposing to her (we thought within a year or so would be a good time to propose), and started looking at some furniture together and other things and everything felt really good.
Well that same morning on her way to work she called me and told me how she loves me unbelievably much, how all she ever wants is to make me happy, how she can't wait to marry me and all this. Well, that night she got into an argument with her family, her family pretty much had a "talk with her" and told her some things that were aparently very unpleasant. It left her feeling like she was unworthy, not good enough for them, never can do anything right, all this stuff. As soon as she called I knew something was wrong and she told me about the talk with parents (the initial issue her parents had a problem with was total bulls**t, I dont' know what else was said or other things, but the concern that started the talk was total BS since her parents have always been very old school, but it was such BS that no one else would ever say somethign about it). So I told her to relax (she was breathing hard, and saying how she doesn't feel good enough for anyone). She said that at the moment she wishes God would just take her away, and that she didnt' exist. I told her to calm the hell down and that she was overreacting to the situation. I told her that I dont' know what else is said, and while I like her parents, they are clearly wrong in this situation.
She said that they obviously don't think she is good enough or ever did anything right in her life and that she just feels like a piece of crap and like she shouldn't even exist and should just move away. I said "move away without me" and she said "yes". I asked her how come just this very morning she told me how she cant' be without me and wants to marry me and be with me so bad, and in course of one day, where I didn't even do anything wrong, she wants to move away "without me" and just be "left alone". She coudlnt' really explain this nor did she try, just pretty much said that she is "not good enough for me" and that I would be "happier without her". She says taht she just wishes she was DEAD right now. At this point I raised my voice and told her to "calm the f**k down" and that she is blowing the situation outta proportion and way overreacting. I told her that she is a grown up (she is 23 by the way) and a college graduate, she should be able to know when her parents are wrong. She says that she thinks "I dont' love her" and I'm like "huh, hwere is this coming from" and she is like I dunno, I just don't think you love me. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy, and did tell her that "if you really don't wanna be with me, than don't be with me", and she went on to say that it's not that, that I dont' understand, that I will never understand, that I'm better off without her. after we said good night and got off the phone, she sent me a text message "I dont' wanna be with you".
END OF PART 1, PLEASE READ PART 2
Ok, sorry this is long, but I have to write the second part right below this one, as this one is starting to exceed the limits, so I will reply right below here for the second part. Thanks for reading!!
I haven't posted on here in a while. I use to give advice more than ask for it, but now I actually have some serious questions. I was in a 6 year relationship that ended about 2 and a 1/2 years ago and I had a GREAT run for about a year and a half where I was really having awesome success picking up chicks for very short term flings, one night stands, and f**k buddy relationships where all we do is meet up and do our thing. I also did party a lot which of course always led to meeting more chicks. I mean, the run I had was pretty epic and I even thought about writting a book about it under an alias name. I did already write chapters about certain pick-ups at gas station, grocery stores, malls, pretty much everywhere and anywhere. I would approach girls like a man on a mission and had just damn great success and some stories that people probably wouldn't even believe 'cause they would think I was exagarating.
Life was pretty damn good and care free. Well, over time, I started to miss the feeling of having that "special someone" in your life, and every now and then I would actually start considering maybe starting to "date" some of the girls in my social circle that I knew had interest in me.
Then I ran into my current girlfriend, who at the time (I didnt' know), was only 2 weeks out of her 9 month relationship with her ex. We hit it off immediately and she seemed to be everything I could ever ask for. She was absolutely beautiful with a body that just turned me on big time. She seemed to be VERY into me VERY early and even started saying things like "I think we're soulmates" after only a few weeks because she found some things we had in common or what not. Needless to say, I ATE IT ALL UP. She treated me absolutely great and the sex was mind boggling and awesome. I honestly thought I struck gold and considered my self pretty damn lucky to be able to find someone like this. I seriously started thinking that maybe she IS my soulmate after all.
Well, as the time went on, I started noticing things that would raise red flags, but I either didn't wanna make a big deal about it or didn't wanna see it for what it truly might have been. For example, she ended up telling me that she is "difficult to put up with" and that she has been in at least 3 or 4 semi-serious relationships and I guess has been screwed over and cheated on, so now she is really paranoid about being lied to/ cheated on/ screwed over. I figured ok, I dont' plan on doing any of that so eventually she will relax and learn to trust me. But I guess her scars were so deep that she still cannot fully trust and believe everything. She has told me that evertime I say somethign like "oh, I've got somethign to tell you" or one of her friends tells her, "call me, I have somethign to tell you" that a million scenarios (worst case scenarios about me cheating and what not) run through her head and she freaks her self out big time. Then when she hears a story that is just a normal stupid story, she tells her self "oh ok, it's nothign bad" but she still sort of remembers how freaked out she got.
I have been with her for 9 months so far, and in the last half a year she has had 2 big tantrums where she just lost it and wanted to just "leave, move away, go away, disapear, not be alive,, whatever".. The thing about it is, the day before, or the very same day of this, she told me things such as "I love you to death, I love you forever, I never wanna be away from you, I wanna marry you, I wanna have your kids, you're so awesome, as long as you treat me good and be fair I'll never be away from you" and then later on that day or the next day is when she had those breakdowns because of 1) She heard somethign on the radio about how many husbands cheat on their wifes and lie about it and she just lost it. She called me tellign me what they said and I said "oh ok, that's a sucky statistic" and then she went into if I would do that to her and I said "huh? of course not" and then she started going on all about it and I was like "are you serious now, you're getting THIS upset over somethign you heard on the radio talk show?" And she just started freaking her self out more and more, even talked about my ex and said "if she called you you would go running back to her (not true, my ex wanted to get back plenty of times in the first year or so, I never even once saw her), so I got mad naturally and told her to knock it off and she was blowing everything out of proportion.
She was freaked out that night and wanted to get in her car and leave, and it took her like 2 days to completely calm down and she appologized big time and said that she loves me more than anything and it was just a breakdown. She blamed it on being hurt in the past and feeling like she is never good enough for anybody and this and that. Well that was about 4 months ago.
She also constantly asks me if I really do love her, wanna be with her, and to promise that I won't leave her and this and that (she has huge abandonment issues obviously) and has told me that sometimes she is worried about being left so rather than be hurt eventually that's why she though about just leaving and running away from it all.
Oh, almost forgot, we can never say "good bye" because she is afraid of those words, she hates good byes! Even a bye is bad sometimes in her eyes, (not just with me, even her friends). She would rather say "talk to you later, kisses" or somethign silly like that, because she "hates good byes". Well, at first I thoght it was kinda cute. I just assumed ok she loves me so much she can't stand to hear a good bye from me. It was only much later when I started to actually think that this might be a phsychological problem that goes back to scars in the past and fear of abandonment of any sort.
Just last week, things were going absolutely awesome, she has been pretty great since, and once again filled my head with so many "I love yous, soulmate, together forever, family, kids bla bla" that I believed it all and felt pretty damn comfortable about us ending up together. She talked about moving in with me once I end up proposing to her (we thought within a year or so would be a good time to propose), and started looking at some furniture together and other things and everything felt really good.
Well that same morning on her way to work she called me and told me how she loves me unbelievably much, how all she ever wants is to make me happy, how she can't wait to marry me and all this. Well, that night she got into an argument with her family, her family pretty much had a "talk with her" and told her some things that were aparently very unpleasant. It left her feeling like she was unworthy, not good enough for them, never can do anything right, all this stuff. As soon as she called I knew something was wrong and she told me about the talk with parents (the initial issue her parents had a problem with was total bulls**t, I dont' know what else was said or other things, but the concern that started the talk was total BS since her parents have always been very old school, but it was such BS that no one else would ever say somethign about it). So I told her to relax (she was breathing hard, and saying how she doesn't feel good enough for anyone). She said that at the moment she wishes God would just take her away, and that she didnt' exist. I told her to calm the hell down and that she was overreacting to the situation. I told her that I dont' know what else is said, and while I like her parents, they are clearly wrong in this situation.
She said that they obviously don't think she is good enough or ever did anything right in her life and that she just feels like a piece of crap and like she shouldn't even exist and should just move away. I said "move away without me" and she said "yes". I asked her how come just this very morning she told me how she cant' be without me and wants to marry me and be with me so bad, and in course of one day, where I didn't even do anything wrong, she wants to move away "without me" and just be "left alone". She coudlnt' really explain this nor did she try, just pretty much said that she is "not good enough for me" and that I would be "happier without her". She says taht she just wishes she was DEAD right now. At this point I raised my voice and told her to "calm the f**k down" and that she is blowing the situation outta proportion and way overreacting. I told her that she is a grown up (she is 23 by the way) and a college graduate, she should be able to know when her parents are wrong. She says that she thinks "I dont' love her" and I'm like "huh, hwere is this coming from" and she is like I dunno, I just don't think you love me. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy, and did tell her that "if you really don't wanna be with me, than don't be with me", and she went on to say that it's not that, that I dont' understand, that I will never understand, that I'm better off without her. after we said good night and got off the phone, she sent me a text message "I dont' wanna be with you".
END OF PART 1, PLEASE READ PART 2
Ok, sorry this is long, but I have to write the second part right below this one, as this one is starting to exceed the limits, so I will reply right below here for the second part. Thanks for reading!!
Last edited:
I hope you can see my dilema here. I love this girl, our time together for the most part is great, sex is just down right unbelievable and I just always feel like I wanna screw her. (my ex of 6 years was BLAH, she would just lay there, and it just wasn't anything comapred to this). She has made me feel VERY close to her with everything she has said, HOWEVER, after reading so much on this disorder, it's making me question how much of it is actually true and how much of it is her just needing to always have someone and be loved and not be abandoned. I'm also worried because I read that BPD people are also more likely to cheat, which would be a deal breaker for me. She SAYS that she HAS NEVER cheated on a boyfriend and WILL NEVER EVER cheat, BUT, right now those just words for me.
