I saw the IoI, but what now?

[Diaforetikos]

The Chick I Wanna Date (HB9)
I met this girl through my friend's gf. My friends name is D-row (not real name of course. His gf's name is Sal. Sal is a manager at a shoe store. Her Co-Manager is the girl I'm into. I'll call HD. One day I get a call from Sal asking if I could give one of her coworkers home. Since I'm super generous when it comes to giving people rides, I say yes with no hesitation. I didn't know it was her. It was the first time we met. Cute as hell! This was before I came to this site. In the car, we talked. We clicked instantly. She like my genre of music. (Its hard to like my genre. Its not popular). That was a plus. I dropped her off. I didn't think much of it cuz I didn't plan on seeing her after that. I would occasionally walk by HD's store and wave at her goof-ily. But other than that, we didn't talk for a while. Then I found this site.

I wanted to take more risks with women, so I went to the mall, where both of our stores are located, and talked to everyone I came in contact with. This is the day after Christams too. I walked into HD's store and saw her looking upset. I went in and the convo went like this...

Me: You looked pissed.
HD: No, I'm just tired.
Me: Do you drink coffee or energy drinks?
HD: Yea, but I didn't have time to get anything before I came.
Me: What do you want?
HD: You don't have to get me anything.
Me: I would want you to do the same for me. Its not a problem.
HD: Hmm, ok. Coffee would be fine.

I left. I didn't go straight there though. I didn't want to seem like I was her little errand boy who was wrapped around her finger. I chilled at my store for about 10-15 mins before I got coffee for her. I went back and gave it to her. The convo continued...

HD: Thank you soooo much.
Me: Like I said, I would want you to do the same for me.
HD: How was your Christmas?
Me: Chill. Slept in. Played video games all morning, then did some art study stuff.
HD: Nice. Mine was ok. Until my sister showed up at my house being a b!tch.
Me: How so??

I know convo's like this are frowned upon, but it worked great. We talked and found out we had sooo much in common. You know how girls just want to be heard, but not helped. Thats what I did. But I played it off. I usually would give people advice when they would talk like that to me, but I held my tongue. It was so hard. I teased her when necessary, then busted her too. And I tried to find differences so that I wasn't so easy to get. Here is a part of a convo...

Me: Yea, my shoes are crap, but I like my K-SWISS.
HD: You know, to be honest, I don't like K-SWISS much.
Me: Well then we would never work, unless you could convince me why I shouldn't like those shoes.
HD: I just never liked. I don't know why exactly.
Me: Well then I guess we won't work out. You better think of something else.
HD: *laughs*

I then walk around the store so I didn't give her all my attention. I wanted her to work for me. I talked to some of her customers in there. I went back up there and we continued talking. We were clicking like a PC gamers computer mouse. I didn't want to push her away too much, so I stuck with teasing. Then outta no where we got on the subject of family and life. I didn't want her to continue, but she liked talking, so I let her do her thing. It actually turned out to be a very good conversation about out beliefs about family and all this other stuff. I teased her more, to remind her that I was interested. She brought up something about her sister saying the HD was on drugs cuz of relationship problems. I asked if she was single. She said she had a boyfriend. I made an awkward pause. I was about to change the subject, then she said, "Well, we're just talking. He doesn't get to see me as ofter as HE would like." She mentioned she wasn't anywhere close to being a social person. Which I didn't mind. I use to be one. A few customers came up. After they left, I told her I was gonna leave cuz it was getting busy. She asked me to stay. Kudos for me.

We continued talking, then Sal walked in. I teased them both for a minute. We were all acting goofy. I told them I had to go in a sec. Then HD mentioned something about her goofy voicemail message. I gave her my fone and told her to call herself with it so I could hear it. BAM! Easy number. She locked my number in and I took that as time to go. Left on a high point.

Next day, I was on my lunch. Walked past HD's store. She was working. I waved. This wave was different. It was sexy smirk wave. I wasn't gonna miss out on that. Went back in and she gave me one of those, "nice to see you" hi's. She was into me. We joked around, and I teased her some more. Then I started talking to her coworker. Very cool guy. Talked for a minute. Then went back to flirting. This is where I got stupid.... She mentioned going to my store to buy Assassin's Creed 2. Assuming she was all talk, I jumped in and said I would get it for her. I shoulda just let her come to my store and visit me. But nope. I was stupid. On top of that, I'm running an errand for her. I get her her game and save her $10 with my discount. Once again, me being dumb decide that I could be myself. Mistake!! She said, "Your acting a lot blacker today." She laugh when she said it, but still. I went back to being chill mode. Following the black comment, she told a story about a horrible drug deal she saw. While she was telling the story, she was getting ready to close her store. But I had a relate-able story. She told me she had to close and she would get in trouble if I was there. I told the story anyways like a dumbass. She laughed at it and made a comment about it, but I felt stupid about it.

Overall, a nice 2 days with her. I don't know how the second day affected her. I wanna see her again though. What do I do next guys?

I forgot to mention, I texted her about seeing her twin. It was just a girl that looked like her, but I used it to my advantage. She texted back... 3 hours later. And the conversation didn't go anywhere. I knew she was anti-social, but man. I texted her again about an inside joke but tried to get some info outta her. No response. I didn't worry about them either times, but its gonna be hard with her not texting or calling.

WHAT DO I DO NEXT?

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to give you guys all the details so you guys had something to work with.

 

[AAAgent]

not enough description to see if she really is into you but if she is, you gave yourself really little to capitalize off of so your time frame is short. Girls typically give guys ALOT of chances even if the guys don't make moves or show alot of interest. It doesn't seem like she's head over heels for u but if you do have a chance you should do something soon instead of busting a nut everytime you see her.

Actions are alot stronger than words. Instead of asking her straight out if she was feeling bad which doesn't do much he could of verified her interest in you by seeing how easy it is to make her laugh. If she's upset and she's still smiling or laughing at what you say or do then chances are she's interested.

If she is interested you're probably going to get friendzoned soon. You aren't making any moves and your not even being bold and making her feel like a woman. If anything, it seems like you're following her around and making weird remarks.

 

[Prodigy746]

Wow dood have you read the DJ bible???

I dont think you are doing a good job picking this girl up. You are putting her up on a pedestal. First you give her a free ride, than get her coffee than get her a game with employee discount without her even asking for it.

Also from the conversation you posted, it doesnt seem she is very interested in you. She doesnt even text back after all the stuff you did for her ( i am not suprised by the way).

She plays games and you work in a game store....why didnt you ask her if she wants to get together and play some game together. Some coop game i guess.. i dont know.

 

[Igetit!]

I walked into HD's store and saw her looking upset. I went in and the convo went like this...

Me: You looked pissed.
HD: No, I'm just tired.
Me: Do you drink coffee or energy drinks?
HD: Yea, but I didn't have time to get anything before I came.
Me: What do you want?
HD: You don't have to get me anything.
Me: I would want you to do the same for me. Its not a problem.
HD: Hmm, ok. Coffee would be fine.

Well,you started off ok,but man,this is HORRIBLE.

I don't think I could imagine an approach scenario worse than this.

The best part of it is you simply walking up to her to try. Other than that...not too good.


You said that you took your time getting her an energy drink because you didn't want to come off as being her "errand boy".


Well you came off as her errand boy when you offered to go get her the drink. She said you didn't have to get her one,then you INSISTED on it.



Wrong turn man. That was just awful.

The convo continued...

HD: Thank you soooo much.
Me: Like I said, I would want you to do the same for me.
HD: How was your Christmas?
Me: Chill. Slept in. Played video games all morning, then did some art study stuff.
HD: Nice. Mine was ok. Until my sister showed up at my house being a b!tch.
Me: How so??

You know earlier when I said that I couldn't imagine a scenario worse than you offering to go get her a drink during the approach?


Correction. I was wrong.


She asked you how your Christmas was,and you told her you slept in and played videos games?


Those two things are associated with laziness and a lack of ambition.



Don't get me wrong-I sleep in sometimes on my days off,and I play video games from time to time,but as far as trying to generate interest in a woman,you might want to come up with something else to say.

I know convo's like this are frowned upon, but it worked great.

No,it didn't work great. Maybe for her since she has someone to run and fetch her drinks,but if you meant things were great as far as you and her dating,you're SERIOUSLY mistaken.


A guy could approach her and piss her off after knowing her for only 10 seconds,and he'd still have a better chance with her than you do right now.


That's not a joke either,I'm serious.

We talked and found out we had sooo much in common.

Well that's nice that you two have things in common,but is SHE ATTRACTED TO YOU? That's the real question.


If she's not attracted to you,then it won't matter how much you two have in common.


You're too focused on comfort.


Too much comfort + little to no attraction = "Let's just be friends".

You know how girls just want to be heard, but not helped. Thats what I did.

Dude,you seem to have all the pieces to the puzzle,but you're putting them in the WRONG PLACES.



That thing about girls wanting to be heard and not helped IS TRUE,but it's OUT OF PLACE.




You shouldn't be having ANY CONVERSATIONS where you're holding yourself back from trying to help her.



If you're holding your tongue trying not to help her,that means the conversation is one where she has some type of problem or issue she talking to you about.


And that shouldn't be.

Here is a part of a convo...

Me: Yea, my shoes are crap, but I like my K-SWISS.
HD: You know, to be honest, I don't like K-SWISS much.
Me: Well then we would never work, unless you could convince me why I shouldn't like those shoes.
HD: I just never liked. I don't know why exactly.
Me: Well then I guess we won't work out. You better think of something else.
HD: *laughs*

Ok,umm...you're talking about shoes?

Why?

I didn't want to push her away too much, so I stuck with teasing. Then outta no where we got on the subject of family and life. I didn't want her to continue, but she liked talking, so I let her do her thing. It actually turned out to be a very good conversation about out beliefs about family and all this other stuff.

She had the stronger frame here.

She determined the suject for you two to talk about,and instead of controlling the dynamics,you "let her do her thing".



You two talked about "your beliefs and families".


Beliefs and families. What about the subject of you two dating?

Would that be something you'd like to discuss with her,or are you content talking about shoes,video games,and drug deals?

This is where I got stupid.... She mentioned going to my store to buy Assassin's Creed 2. Assuming she was all talk, I jumped in and said I would get it for her. I shoulda just let her come to my store and visit me. But nope. I was stupid. On top of that, I'm running an errand for her. I get her her game and save her $10 with my discount. Once again, me being dumb decide that I could be myself. Mistake!!

Well at least you realize you made a mistake here.

The problem is that this is the SECOND TIME you did this.

YOU are getting her used to you being her butler/errand boy.


That's a position beneath her,so emotionally she'll FEEL like you're lower than her,that she's higher than you.



So if she started to act like she has her nose stuck up in the air when you're around her,it's NOT HER FAULT.


YOU created that "better than you" attitude in her.


WHAT DO I DO NEXT?


Man,you've made so many mistakes,so many errors,so many blunders,it might be best just to scrap this whole thing and move on.



All those errors and you said you left her after the first day on a HIGH NOTE???


Wow dude. You're not only new to the forum,you must be new to the whole dating scene.

I rarely suggest for people to read the DJ Bible,but you so don't get it,you so don't understand,you NEED TO READ IT.




Normally,I'd suggest some type of change in a guy's behavior towards a girl,but man,that won't cut it here.


As far as dating is concerned,you need a whole MIND OVERHAUL.

 

[Diaforetikos]

I'm listening to all your guys' advice and just dropping the whole thing. She didn't respond to my text. I then told her that I understand if she's tired, busy or her phone died, but it's disrespectful. I said I value her time, but I also value mine. That's it. I'm dropping her, seeing as how I'm new to this whole thing, and learning as much as possible before I do somethin stupid again.

 

[AAAgent]

Basically what we all said combined in a nutshell was you fvcked up beyond repair and you should learn from your mistakes. But no, you had to go and make it worse and now you're saying you're giving up because it's her fault....???

She's disrespectful?

No she's probably just acting normal for a creeped out girl.

There's nothing wrong with the girl, you're the problem. Read the dj bible and learn to control your emotions/actions before you act next time.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Will do. I want to learn. So dog me. Point out all my mistakes. Whatever it takes. Im tired of fudgin up. I started reading the DJ bible today. I see what you guys mean by creeping her out. But I'm gonna change. Being all soft and sh!t.

 

[Igetit!]

Will do. I want to learn. So dog me.

Dog you,huh? Ok,you asked for it...


Well in the beginning,your approach was good.

As you already know,offering to get her a drink was bad,VERY BAD.


You have to understand that attraction is different for men than women.

Women are attracted to high value.

You have to be higher than her,super/superior.

You don't ACTUALLY have to be it,you just have to act and carry yourself like you are.




Think of yourself as a KING. Would a king behave as you did with her?


Would a king get off his throne,run to her and offer to run and get her something to drink?


A king is powerful,in control,in command.



You would have been better off TELLING HER to go get you something to drink.



A "technical" definition of attraction for women is...


"Women are attracted to men who radiate superior power".


Super...higher...above.


The second you offered to go get her that energy drink,your goose was cooked.


KINGS command. They don't run around doing errands for women.


WHATEVER YOU DO,HOWEVER YOU APPROACH,keep that in mind.


And being "nice"? DROP IT.


Being nice has ZERO to do with sexual attraction.


"Niceness" or "being nice" is for SOCIETY.



When you go out into the business world/society,that's where being "nice" is appropiate.



When you walk into a convience store,a retail store,or some other commercial establishment,niceness or courtesy is used to make people feel welcome.



THAT'S THE PURPOSE of being "nice"


"Niceness" is really being fake.



Think about it....when you walk into a store and the person behind the counter asks you how you're doing,you do think she really cares?



She's not being real. But she's being nice because that's society and she's in a place of business.



Don't believe me? Trust me....



The same woman who asked you how you were doing at her place of business during the day,would turn her nose up at you and give you the cold shoulder if you approached her at a bar later on that night.



So drop being "nice" to girls. I'M NOT SAYING to be mean or rude to them,only to stop trying to use "niceness" to generate attraction.


You're ok man.


Just rememeber you're a KING and not some servant to girls.




Oh yeah,and one more thing. Although you say you're done with this girl,if you start to move on and not talk to her anymore,there's a good chance SHE WILL seek you out,but DON'T BE FOOLED.



It's NOT because she likes you. It's because you've gotten her used to you doing thing for her. So she'll come at you trying to get you to do things for her.



So don't get all excited thinking she wants you all of the sudden,she's probably just thirsty and came to you to go get her a drink.


Sorry man,you created this mess,so you'll have to deal with it until it's over.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Best advice ever. The niceness thing helps a lot. Being raised Christian all my life meant being nice and giving to everyone is all natural. I go up to strangers now and then and ask them if they need help with anything. I calmed that bull down though. So telling me not to be nice to women I'm attracted to helps a lot. And you also made the king thing clearer. I'm gonna need a lot of experience. But that's not a problem.

I will say this though. I work in retail. I not only ask them how they're doing, but I also mean it. I don't bullsh!t in conversations. People are real. They deserve respect. Someone needs to care about them. I've met people who had no one and it meant a lot to them that I cared about their day. That changed my thought process. But I am willing to change. Thanks for all the advice and being real with me.

 

[Johnny_Kage]

Hey man. Here's my take on this.

The Chick I Wanna Date (HB9)
I met this girl through my friend's gf. My friends name is D-row (not real name of course. His gf's name is Sal. Sal is a manager at a shoe store. Her Co-Manager is the girl I'm into. I'll call HD. One day I get a call from Sal asking if I could give one of her coworkers home. Since I'm super generous when it comes to giving people rides, I say yes with no hesitation. I didn't know it was her. It was the first time we met. Cute as hell! This was before I came to this site. In the car, we talked. We clicked instantly. She like my genre of music. (Its hard to like my genre. Its not popular). That was a plus. I dropped her off. I didn't think much of it cuz I didn't plan on seeing her after that. I would occasionally walk by HD's store and wave at her goof-ily. But other than that, we didn't talk for a while. Then I found this site.

I know you didn't know anything about pickup so there's no reason to beat yourself up over your mistake here (actually, don't ever beat yourself up over a mistake). Next time, when you have a girl in this position, make a "time bridge" (which basically just means find some way to invite her out again....ie: talk about a coffee shop. Then invite her to that coffee shop). Remember, it's not rocket science, just girls

Me: You looked pissed.
HD: No, I'm just tired.
Me: Do you drink coffee or energy drinks?
HD: Yea, but I didn't have time to get anything before I came.
Me: What do you want?
HD: You don't have to get me anything.
Me: I would want you to do the same for me. Its not a problem.
HD: Hmm, ok. Coffee would be fine.

To me, the supplication here isn't the problem (although it is A problem, just not THE problem). The problem here is that the entire conversation you had with her served no purpose. What do you want from her? A date, right? Will getting her a coffee at that moment get you a date with her? No. But what will? Flirting with her and asking her out (time bridging like I talked about before). And like one of the other posters said, teasing her and raising the sexual tension (not too much though since she is working ).

Stop visiting her work so much. One day is fine. Two days in a row? Not cool. Creepy.

In conclusion, this is what I would have done if I were you: flirted with her either at her car or work, time bridged in person (with solid plans), got her number, and texted her. If she flaked, I wouldn't try again. If you make solid plans with a girl and she flakes, she's not interested. Move on. If she doesn't flake, hang out with her and make a move. That's it. It's that simple.

If this girl contacts you, I say hang out with her (what do you have to lose?). Just make sure you make a move (so she definitively knows what you want and you're not prancing around wasting your time).

JK

 

[Diaforetikos]

Thanks JK. Saved in my brain. There are no excuses for the way I act. I'm learning and that's all that matters. Ima man. If I make a mistake, I'm gonna make sure I know it's a problem. Learn from it.