Abundance: You Probably Still Care Too Much

[fastlife]

Neediness has many forms: The obvious ones, like being overly available, constantly texting a girl you're interested in, giving up doing things and seeing people you enjoy to 'not rock the boat.' Most of us here are aware of those issues and have (hopefully) mostly corrected them.

But there's another side to that coin, equally needy. And that's faking non-neediness--overtly communicating things like "I don't care," making sure you wait X amount of time before texting her back, not texting her even though you feel like it. Calling girls out on bad behavior, not tolerating 'disrespect.' Overanalyzing your behavior and her responses to that behavior.

Why do we do those things? You can rationalize it however you want but it's because you still care. You care about what impression you're making on her. You care about being someone she'll never get over lol. Why do you care? Because you aren't fully capable of quickly realizing other, possibly better options or aren't able to tolerate the pain you may go through to find and capitalize on those options.

Needing abundance to act abundantly is still needy.

I'm not saying not to have boundaries or to tolerate disrespect--but obsessing over either is just you being needy & uncomfortable with the full range of female behavior and how that behavior manifests itself in real life. And, ironically, that very neediness manifests itself in the very behavior you're trying to avoid.

For instance:

• Hot, young girls are flaky. There is nothing you can 'do' to keep that from happening. The best way to prevent flakiness is not to care if she flakes. Have a contingency plan that's equally attractive to you--hope she flakes.
• Most girls are seeing other guys in some way, shape, or form. That's life. The best way to be the more attractive option is not to care. What, are you trying to marry some girl you just met the past couple months? Are you not seeing other girls--if not why.
• Being able to lead girls is essential. But how do you communicate that you're someone worth following? By not caring if any one person in particular follows you where you're going. If you were throwing the best party ever and you invited someone to join that party, would you care if they didn't want to come? Fvck no, you'd just be like, "Their loss," if you even noticed at all.

That's not to say not to have boundaries. Have rock solid boundaries. Your happiness depends on them. But boil them down to what's essential to your happiness. If you can't count your boundaries on five fingers chances are they aren't essential, enforceable, or they'll result in needy behavior. For instance, pretty much anyone can be a part of my life as long as they:

• Are fun to be around. If I'm not having fun, who cares?
• They don't disrupt me from pursuing my goals. Ideally they'd help me toward those goals, and those people take higher priority, but I can manage that on my own. As long as they stay out of my way, then no biggie.
• They don't pose a threat to my physical or financial well being or the well being of anyone I love or care about.
• They don't bring negativity into my life. They can be the most down, depressed person ever but they damn sure aren't bringing that into their interaction with me.
• I give my time to the people who bring me the most happiness & positivity. At this point, I have a pretty clear idea of who & what my priorities are. The only way for new people to climb that ladder are to bring more value than currently existing options. I don't need a girl to adhere to some script I have in my head of 'an ideal female partner'--but if she wants to be a priority in my life she better up the ante

Everything that falls outside of those boundaries literally doesn't exist in my reality. Pretty damn simple--and you'll be amazed at how people will fall in line to adhere to a strong reality they want to exist within.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/i-don’t-care.244530/

 

[Chev.Chelios]

rewriting the social conditioning is the real challenge..

Since birth guys and girls have been fed the disney fairytales..
Realizing this finaly, disney, marriage, love stories and ltrs
are fvcking satan.

Nothing will cause a man more pain and suffering then falling in
love with a chick with main stream, beta male values.

Getting to the point where you can hang out with las vegas porn stars.. be totaly at ease
and genuinly not wanting to be there boyfriend is ultimately what you should aim at

A man who loves woman is loved by woman.

Trying to lock girls down into LTRs is the beta faggits own demise.
99% of guys are going to great lengths to achieve LTR status with
a high smv woman.

 

[playa99]

Great post!

Women seek a certain type of personality.

There is a big difference between acting and being!

 

[QuadDeuces]

Learn how to have better sex.
The first girls I was with I was too much in my head, watched too much porn, and thinking too much that it is necessary to achieve certain goals, like she coming or me coming or certain positions that had to be better than the guy before did, whatever, I was too much proving myself, too much trying to be the best guy who fvcked her.

Now when I bang a new girl I don't care about any of that stuff, I give her my full precense, I don't care if she comes or I come, I don't care the guy before me fvcked her better, I don't care if I achieve something, I give her passion in the present moment. Thats ironically when women do orgasm and get super comfortable and get those oxytocins (love bonding hormones) flowing.
Mix great sex (being in the present moment) with, non neediness, and a little push and pull, and you have a girl addicted to you.

 

[fastlife]

Learn how to have better sex.
The first girls I was with I was too much in my head, watched too much porn, and thinking too much that it is necessary to achieve certain goals, like she coming or me coming or certain positions that had to be better than the guy before did, whatever, I was too much proving myself, too much trying to be the best guy who fvcked her.

Now when I bang a new girl I don't care about any of that stuff, I give her my full precense, I don't care if she comes or I come, I don't care the guy before me fvcked her better, I don't care if I achieve something, I give her passion in the present moment. Thats ironically when women do orgasm and get super comfortable and get those oxytocins (love bonding hormones) flowing.
Mix great sex (being in the present moment) with, non neediness, and a little push and pull, and you have a girl addicted to you.

Agreed. Everything with women is about subcommunication.

Trying to impress a girl sexually subcommunicates a lack of sexual confidence. The best sex (for you & her) comes from a place of, I know what I'm doing, I've done this before enough time that it's not big deal, other girls have liked what I've done in the past, so I'm just gonna enjoy this moment as much as possible.

But that same attitude carries over into all your interactions with women. It's not a big deal (and really it never is--almost all the pain we experience as a result of women really has nothing to do with them at all). All of the fear we experience has nothing to do with women. Even a lot of the excitement has nothing to do with women. We just attribute emotions or need for validation from other areas of our life onto them (which we are all constantly socially conditioned to do, so it's pretty understandable).

There's a neat little sh1t test that looks a helluva lot like a comfort test (and it was one that stumped me for a long time with several different girls). "You don't care." Of course, our instinct--the logical thing to do--is to try to convince her you do care lol, but the way you know it's a sh1t test is that it's never something a girl would ever, ever, ever say if you really didn't care.

And by 'not caring,' I don't mean to be unempathetic, or inconsiderate, or not to be interested or even invested in someone else's well being. I mean that you aren't attached to a particular outcome with a particular person at a particular time; you can still want the best for someone without having your emotional state dependent on the outcome.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is great content and is based in self development through facing and overcoming the irrational fear that people tend to hold onto and nourish rather than face & overcome.

That irrational fear is the enemy, it is what holds people back...and it is entirely self contained. As noted above it has nothing to do with women or anyone you interact with. It has to do with you. Period.

I'm at a place personally where the fear is gone, but I recall what it was like when it was crippling years ago. I remember feeling like people were snickering about me if I walked across a venue alone for example. The self dialogue went something like this:

Ego: You can't go over here by yourself. People are staring. You look ridiculous.

Self: Nobody is staring. Nobody cares what I am doing.

Ego: Your too (insert self insult of the moment) and you look stupid. Why did you wear this outfit anyway?

Self: I am doing it anyway and I'm going to hold my head up and smile too (while proceeding with action).

Now while the above exchange risks sounding nuts (thank you ego for that little barb - now shut up) it's the sort of conversation going on inside most people constantly. Ego is the enemy and ego manipulates & controls through fear. Action and self belief in the face of ego defeat the ego in time. You see the ego is a nasty bast ard. It doesn't fight fair. It will tear you down at every opportunity and use any and all inputs against you.

If you look at @fastlife 's OP you'll see in his first set of bullet points exactly things that the ego WILL try to use against you in set. Here's what your ego will say....

Regarding the FACT that most hot young women are flaky: Ego: She didn't like you anyway...you are too (insert personal insecurity here)...you aren't good enough...this was a stupid idea...

Regarding the FACT that most hot women have other men in the picture in some way shape or form: Ego: See how disrespectful she is? You should next her before she makes you look stupid...The other guy is bigger/better/cooler than you. Quit now...Who the hell do you think you are?...You aren't good enough...

Regarding the leadership role of the male in relationship: Ego: This girl is SO pretty/sexy/etc. Don't fvck up! Don't fvck up!...She disagreed, if you don't go along with her she'll leave. If she leaves...see you weren't good enough anyway...

And on and on the ego runs amuck using your fear against you to deny you the outcome you desire.

Kill the ego & banish the fear.

 

[BeExcellent]

Abundance emanates from a place without lack.

That means the individual is complete as is, lacks nothing, and is self content, and self contained. People with such a mindset are magnetic, drawing others toward them without conscious effort. The reason such people are so magnetic is because these people have gone through the internal process to reach a state of internal completeness. Other people sense that and want it for themselves, failing to realize it is within themselves...

OR

Other self actualized people recognize the complete individual. Two complete individuals genuinely appreciate one another.

 

[Urbanyst]

I think a lot guys engage their emotions too early and too often with women these days. The crappy market makes a lot of guys so desperate they get emotionally attached to any woman who shows even a sliver of interest lol. Guys are just too damn desperate and its not good for anyone.

The right approach I think is to aim for an abundance of SEX.

Don't engage women emotionally until they give you a good reason to. Test drive a lot of cars. Rent some of them. Only buy if you are really impressed. Don't be so desperate to own you're own car that you're willing to buy the first thing in your price range lol.

 

[Trump]

Learn how to have better sex.

Nope. You shouldn’t have to learn how to please her, she should learn how to please you. Sex is for the man, not the woman.

Mix great sex (being in the present moment) with, non neediness, and a little push and pull, and you have a girl addicted to you.

Sex is what she does to keep around because she has use for you. Not to say girls don’t like sex, but not the way men do. What girl is going to keep going back to a guy who cant help her and can’t do anything for her? He’s a bartender but he blows my mind in the sack!

Wake up men.

 

[Reykhel]

Nope. You shouldn’t have to learn how to please her, she should learn how to please you. Sex is for the man, not the woman.



Sex is what she does to keep around because she has use for you. Not to say girls don’t like sex, but not the way men do. What girl is going to keep going back to a guy who cant help her and can’t do anything for her? He’s a bartender but he blows my mind in the sack!

Wake up men.

Lol @ the ghost of Christmas poon king

This is a comment that is based too much on black and white theory.

 

[ubercat]

Good sex won't keep her round on its own.

 

[Reykhel]

Good sex won't keep her round on its own.

Nobody said that

But to believe that your woman receives no joy from you sexing her, no joy from intimacy and is simply spreading her legs to keep you around and to extract resources is overly cynical and immature

 

[BeExcellent]

Nobody said that

But to believe that your woman receives no joy from you sexing her, no joy from intimacy and is simply spreading her legs to keep you around and to extract resources is overly cynical and immature

I agree with you 100% @Reykhel. Its a travesty men don't comprehend how important great sex can be to a woman.

There are plenty of women, myself included, that will dump a man for being terrible in the sack. And dump him unceremoniously too. Life is too short to put up with shjtty sex. Seriously. Ironically these are women to whom sex is important and a high priority. Meaning these type women are the ones sexually that men would like to have around.

The idea that floats about on here sometimes from men who think women don't care about sex/sex is for the man (WTF????) etc., have never learned to be great lovers. Great lovers are great lovers precisely because they care greatly about the quality of the experience their partner receives. It's a shame how some here seem unable to understand this concept. Men who don't realize the value women place on a great lover are those destined for mercy sex, scheduled sex and declining sex/no sex/boring sex.

No thanks. I'll hold out for a passionate and attentive lover. And I'll be sure he is pleased in every way...as he will do for me. That gentlemen is a win-win.

Merry fvcking Christmas

 

[Urbanyst]

I agree with you 100% @Reykhel. Its a travesty men don't comprehend how important great sex can be to a woman.

There are plenty of women, myself included, that will dump a man for being terrible in the sack. And dump him unceremoniously too. Life is too short to put up with shjtty sex. Seriously. Ironically these are women to whom sex is important and a high priority. Meaning these type women are the ones sexually that men would like to have around.

The idea that floats about on here sometimes from men who think women don't care about sex/sex is for the man (WTF????) etc., have never learned to be great lovers. Great lovers are great lovers precisely because they care greatly about the quality of the experience their partner receives. It's a shame how some here seem unable to understand this concept. Men who don't realize the value women place on a great lover are those destined for mercy sex, scheduled sex and declining sex/no sex/boring sex.

No thanks. I'll hold out for a passionate and attentive lover. And I'll be sure he is pleased in every way...as he will do for me. That gentlemen is a win-win.

Merry fvcking Christmas

Women don't care about sex the way men do. When you consider all the factors that make a LTR good, sex is not usually in the top 5 for most women.

Only women with LOTS of sexual experience would even know what good sex is. In that case, do I really want a used up woman with a stretched out vagina who has taken in more d*cks than a porn star? Not really.

You expose your slutty past (and present) with your posts BeExcellent lol.

Speak for yourself. You are only one woman of BILLIONS and your opinion doesn't carry as much weight as you like to pretend.

 

[Pandora]

Sex is what she does to keep around because she has use for you. Not to say girls don’t like sex, but not the way men do. What girl is going to keep going back to a guy who cant help her and can’t do anything for her? He’s a bartender but he blows my mind in the sack!

Wake up men.

I agree. Great sex doesn't keep a women anymore if she doesn't have a use for you. I asked a girl about that the other day. She said the reason great sex doesn't keep them anymore is because their vibrators are really good at giving orgasms too. She also told me that women don't usually sleep with a guy for an orgasm per se. Its more for validation and intimacy. I have text messages proving your point. In college it seemed like good sex would keep a girl....but that was college lol

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Only women with LOTS of sexual experience would even know what good sex is.

Not necessarily true. There are slutty virgins and prude chicks who have just so happened to deal with the great players one right after the other. It’s rare but it does happen. Some dudes without much experience at all can still be great and there are some with plenty who still suck. It’s all about receptiveness to social cues, and sometimes your ability to communicate with each other. Women (and thus sex) are just another form of social dynamics. If you work on your social skills, EVERYTHING will go up. Sex is just another social situation if you really think about it.

 

[ubercat]

Sorry guys that was 1/2 a post. Busy with Xmas rellie trail. Yes you should be a good lover as you are accomplished and take pride in everything you do. And it's certainly not going to hurt. It's also an arena you can dominate and she ll be happy. I m simply saying that women value sex less than men.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I m simply saying that women value sex less than men.

No, they value it differently. Women are hornier than men are. It’s just that they’re also a lot more shy than us as well. That’s why it absolutely shocks blue pill men when they learn of the sexual endeavors their little snowflake has done with others (including other women...).

 

[Urbanyst]

Not necessarily true. There are slutty virgins and prude chicks who have just so happened to deal with the great players one right after the other. It’s rare but it does happen. Some dudes without much experience at all can still be great and there are some with plenty who still suck. It’s all about receptiveness to social cues, and sometimes your ability to communicate with each other. Women (and thus sex) are just another form of social dynamics. If you work on your social skills, EVERYTHING will go up. Sex is just another social situation if you really think about it.

You can't be a slutty virgin. That makes absolutely no sense.

Good sex is subjective anyway. For instance, if I consider good sex to be with someone under 30, that would make it impossible for @BeExcellent to be good in bed lol. But that is only by my criteria.

Likewise, her criteria might make me bad in bed for her, but amazing for someone under 30 who is much hotter than her.