Key to success in LTR

Common interest is a term that can mean many things: for some is “common goals” or “comparability” for others is “common hobbies”.

The most important thing in a relationship is respect. Once you command (and if necessary demand) that respect, then it is a matter of having some comparability in the areas that truly matters. Some of these are (in not particular order):

1- sexual comparability (high or low libidos)
2- same goals toward having (or not having) children
3-comparability in religion (or lack of)
4-comparability in economics (expending vs. saving)
5-comparability in values and morals
6- Agreement on involving (or not) the in-laws in the relationship
7-Support of her realistic goals (education, etc.)
8- SIMILAR goals in other areas that can affect both life styles (e.g. health and fitness)

Let’s say you have a similar goal that is going to impact your lifestyle as a couple (see #8 above) and that goal is for both to stay healthy. That’s important because that also touches on the issue of “values” (e.g. self respect) and also because that is going to impact your lifestyle (eating habits) and consequently, hers. What is not important is if you lack the same common hobbies in your way to reaching that particular goal. Perhaps, your way is going to the gym and lifting weights and her way is swimming and running. See? You don’t share common hobbies, but those dissimilar interests are designed to reach similar goals.

I personally believe that men can contribute to the success of a long term relationship. The key of his success in a LTR is based on his ability to satisfy his woman in the following areas

1-physically
2-mentally
3-intellectually
4-psychologically
5-spiritually

And once again, his ability to command (and if necessary) demand respect.

Lack of common hobbies? Perhaps she loves music. And you love theater. Once again, you are not sharing common “hobbies”. But the important thing is that this should not be viewed as a problem, but more as an opportunity. Having dissimilar hobbies opens the gate of opportunity for her to learn from you. To learn new things. It takes away boredom and stimulates her “intellectual” and “mental” desires (see #2 and #3). Furthermore, it allows her to do thing with her female friends (and you with your male friends), which is also healthy in a relationship.

I am never concerned about the lack of common hobbies. But I show respect for her hobbies as long as they are not disruptive to the two lists of areas I provided above.

Well, one thing i've learned is that being best friend with all the common interests/hobbies is a very quick way to desexualize the relationship.

So yeah...

Good post! However, I'd emphasize that this stuff is essential for a potential marriage mate.

I'd like to expand on the following:

2- same goals toward having (or not having) children
8- SIMILAR goals in other areas that can affect both life styles (e.g. health and fitness)

Click to expand...

It's VERY important to have identical goals for future plans such as living location, house/apartment, having children, ideas about raising children, etc. If these aren't taken into consideration when finding a marriage mate, then you're going to encounter major conflict with her in the future.

Don't forget about kids; whether or not you're going to have them and how you will choose to raise them.

Good point francisco! I refuse to hook up with any "spare the rod/spoil the child" types.

If her mind has similar thinking patterns like your mind, the more the two of you will be compatible. Hobbies/Upbringing/SPirituality/etc are entwined with your personality in the first place. I look at how I converse with a girl to determine my attraction. I never go with feeling or listen to my heart. I listen to myself.