when disaster strikes

here is my situation. i am an idiot and i don't know how to deal with women one bit. i think i set some kind of record of doing all the wrong things in the shortest amount of time. feel free to ***** slap me. this shzt will not happen again. ever.

met a girl on a dating site. i put her on my favorites, she messaged me. we emailed a couple of times. i got the phone number and a tentative coffee date for the weekend. we talked for hours on the phone for the days before the date. on the day of the date she calls and says she would like to meet later. i figure she is blowing me off so i go hang out with my buddies. she calls later, but i'm already out. i come home that night and call her again, and we talk a long time. we talk again a long time a couple days later, at which point i ask her out again, she says yes. i don't call her for a few days until the date. but i email her to remind her.

the girl has various issues with men (people in general actually) due to some traumatic things that happened in her teenage years, which i won't go into. she is not your normal girl, suffice to say. the day before the date she calls me to hang out, i call her back but get her answering machine, we play phone tag a little but i never reach her. on the day of the date i go to the place - she never shows and i go home later to find she had emailed me to tell me that she wants to reschedule for later in the day. i call her later and we talk for a long time again.

the next day i call her, leave a voice mail, she calls back. i say let's hang out. i go over to her house and proceed to have the best date i've had so far in my life. i feel relaxed, convo is great. we drink and listen to music, go for a walk. she made me a mix tape, and suggests we go on a road trip together. we hang out in her bedroom. she tells me, while stretching out on the couch 'i need to get laid'. i don't try to sex her, thinking there's a chance it may lead to not getting a second date. i wind up kissing her a couple of times, then leave. one thing that happened on the date - the phone rang, it was a guy - she throws the phone at me and says 'you talk to him'. she goes to the washroom, i make smalltalk with the guy - he is obviously really bummed out - and hang up. when she comes back i ask why did she make me talk to him. she says 'why are you scared to talk to him?'

i wasn't going to call til a few days had passed, but she calls the next day. i suggest we hang out that night - she tells me a 'friend' is coming over to pick her up to go get ice cream and then she hangs up right away. the next day she emails saying 'we should get together again'. a couple of days pass. on friday i see that she had called several times but not left a message. i go out to the bar with my friends. the bar is loud, i see she has called a few times while i was at the bar, i check my voice mail - she has left 2 angry/annoyed sounding messages. i call her - she is having a party for her sister at her house, there are a lot of people over, a lot of guys. she tells me 'your loss, my gain' then tries to get some dude at the party to come to the phone and talk to me. i tell her to have a good time and i'll talk to her later.

the next day i call - she asks me how was the bar, i ask her to hang out that day, she says she'll call me later that day but never does. the next day i call - she tells me about how that guy at the party tried to hit on her but she didn't like him, i ask her out again, i tell her i'll call her later. i call her but she's not home. i wind up calling her place like 10 times that night. i leave 3 really stupid voice mail messages: one telling her i'm going to leave her alone since it's obvioius she's not answering my calls, one making a really goofy joke, and one saying 'what about that kiss last week, that meant nothing to you?'

probably my worst move of all - i ask what i should do to my ex girlfriend of all people - she tells me to buy her flowers and write her a note. as if it could not get any worse - i call her the next day, she finally answers - she calls me 'crazy' but she is laughing so i think she is still ok with the stupid voice mails. she tells me she was gone all day yesterday, and then asks me 'how many girls are you dating' i tell her 'noone'. i tell her to forget the voicemails, she laughs. then i say 'also forget the flowers i just sent' she goes 'awww'. somehow i manage to screw up even more by telling her that was my first date in five years (after breaking up with my ex).

so now i have decided to send the flowers, like the stupid chump that i am. i send them, along with a stupid note. it has been 3 days she has not so much as emailed me to say 'thanks, i got them'. i left a voice mail on her phone but she has not returned my call.

and that's it. time elapsed: approximately 1 month, fairly average length of time for me. thanks for listening be sure to tip your bartender!

a quick glance but:

1. you called her too much

2. gave her too much information

3. she is a game player and is not able to break up with men herself

4. you talked way too long on the phone. she knows all now, you saved nothing for the dates.

5. too quick. you might as well have got sex the first chance you had.

6. she is playing a game trying to make you jealous to see if you do something for her? not sure but its a game and you lost.

7. Where was the challenge in getting you? when she was annoyed or asked how many women your dating say " a few " and dont console her. she will have to live with the fact your loved by so many women.

you had her and lost her. read the bible and start over.

I doubt this post is for real. Mr. Non-Juan couldn't top this ~~~~

it's real, unfortunately.

Well, then, you have come to the right place.

First, the positive: you got her attracted enough to get over to her place, and have her want to have sex with you. Women are rarely so forward as to say "I need to get laid" when they have a guy over. And no, it will not lower the chances of a 2nd date if you go for it. But it certainly will if you reject an invitation...

Her attraction quickly went to contempt for wussing out. That's why she handed you the phone to talk to the other guy, who she probably also saw as a contemptible wuss. She's probably had wusses up to her eyebrows. I'd love to hook up with her, and show her the time of her life ... after going to Ace hardware and getting some industrial-strength condoms.

You've obviously got enough going for you to have a good situation if you don't psyche yourself out of it. It appears you're aware of what went wrong, which is step #1 to doing things differently from now on. Most of us have "dropped the ball" at one time or another. To sum up, cut out the overthinking, and just enjoy yourself.

there is a continuation to this story, which i guess is cool, but it is still not going very well. in fact, it's probably done and i'm in the friendzone now.

she calls me back this morning, we talk casually for a few minutes. i should have just kept talking casually but i just feel like i need to tell her 'i was disappointed. it took a lot for me to extend myself like that to another person and you didn't even so much as write me a quick email to say 'thanks i got the flowers'. she tells me 'i loved the flowers, but i'm not going to call just because you want me to'. this escalates, she tells me her friends told her not to call me but she did anyway because she thought i was interesting. she tells me that i'm crazy, that i piss her off, that i called her seven times in one day and that i have way too many expectations of something developing between us. she tells me that i'm probably not right for her and to stop calling her.

i figure, ok, i should just be upfront with her. i tell her i'm not good at dating, that i was in a relationship for six years and that was my first date in six years and i'm just getting used to dating again. i tell her i liked her and did the best that i could at the time, and that i wish i met her a few months later and that she wasn't the first date i had in that long of a time. then we talk some more, and by the end of the call she changes her mind from 'don't contact me' to 'we can be friends, you can call me, but don't be crazy about it'.

after banging my head on the wall for a few minutes, i drive to work and here i sit at my desk, contemplating all the bull**** mistakes i made. set me straight, i absolutely do not want to repeat this again. i want to date women and have fun - why is it that somehow i lose all my strength and wind up getting pushed around by controlling women?

i've been listening to dyd audio books, reading websites. i've met a few women online, none were very interesting. i have a lot of stuff going for me - but my game is basically nonexistent. this is what always happens - i find someone i like and basically throw myself at them. it worked with my last gf, but it generally winds up like this. if someone else comes along that i like just as much, i want to be ready. give me suggestions about stuff i should do or read.

Read the DJ Bible and put yourself through the bootcamp.

It's standard advice, but probably all you need.

Just make sure you do the bootcamp though. You won't realize the benefit completely while you do it, but once it's done you'll look back and not even recognize your old self.

Your confidence level and inner game suck, and need to be worked on more than anything else. The week in the bootcamp where you go out to collect rejections should help a lot with that.

Don't get discouraged though, we've all been there to some degree, but nothing will change unless you put in the hard work to change it.

Good luck.

One other note. Online dating will actually hurt your progression early on. Get out and, for lack of a better work, pick-up women in real life. Once you make progress there you can mix in the online dating and it will then help advance your post pick-up skills rather than further stunt them.

The link at the bottom of the page "DJ Bible", click that, download and study EVERYTHING.

Somehow you managaged to scavenge something out of a crash and burn. She closed the door and cracked it back open for you. Kick that shiz down and have at it! You've got some reading to do - get at it.

a'right pimp.

You've obviously got something going for you - since you managed to get her interested.

now, after reading the DJ bible, I suggest you think about why she acted the way she did - and in particular - what would YOU do if a girl acted the way you did to her - to you.

Think about it, you give so much of yourself in a short period of time, that everything is on the table before she's even meet you.

there's 2 ways to get out of that situation - 1) have great self control and inner 'game' or 2) be a busy boy, with lots to do and lots going on in your life, so much so, that you don't have 2 hours to spend on the phone with her.


1 is hard, 2 is easy.

you want to be spinning some plates (someone wrote an article on it, look it up) - so your just friends with 1 chick, fvckign another, got 2 warming up in the bull pen and are associating with another 3. basically, you've got pvssy everywhere around you - so your not fixated on one particular chick.

So go read the bible, think about it, learn from it - and go out and get some women.

Here's the link to Rollo's Plate Spinning Theory thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90482&highlight=plate+spin+theory

On a personal note, I read Plate Spinning to my brother who introduced me to SoSuave. He broke up with his 1.5 year LTR a week ago because they fought over dominance all the time. He was broken up for a week, but then she begged him back after a "mutual" breakup. It's sad when people are blind-sided. There's no reasoning with an emotionally attached person. Millions of fish in the sea waiting to be caught means nothing to him.

i will start reading, thanks guys.

i think if it was a girl who was not such a hard core player i might still be ok. tough to encounter that as the first girl after being out of practice for so long, and to have it be someone you really like too.

i'm halfway through the bible. i might start a boot camp next mon. if i can finish reading all the materials.

she's calling me again. i haven't picked up. she didn't leave a message.

the correct way to deal with this girl is to leave her alone for a while, call back only once in a while, then make my move again later right?